This is a companion piece to my previous thread regarding tips for European travelers to the US, these are my guidelines and thoughts for Americans visiting Europe. I know that for many of us, going to new places is as scary as it can be exciting. Exploring new cultures can be fun, but it is important to remember that not everywhere is America, even though they are all secretly jealous of us. Just follow these simple guidelines and you will be ok!
1. Apply for a passport. This is not as simple as it seems, and you should allow for 12 weeks from your appointments at the post office in order to receive your passport. Your passport also serves as an ID and often a get out of jail free card. Brandishing your passport to foreign police often intimidates them, and can be a handy way to avoid run-ins with foreign law enforcement. In non-English speaking countries, it also helps to scream "GEORGE BUSH, GEORGE BUSH" at the top of your lungs.
2. Foreign currency. Yes, all foreign currency looks like monopoly money, but did you know it actually has value? In order to keep things simple, merely thrust a fistful of the foreign bills into the faces of merchants and let them sort out the counting. Smile as widely as possible. After all, they were lucky enough to live in a capitalist society where American tourists go.
3. Not everyone speaks English, however, if you repeat yourself in English loudly and slowly enough, many foreigners will actually understand what you mean. Be as slow and loud as you need to be until you get what you want by process of elimination.
4. Most Europeans, especially the British, are too shy to initiate conversations, especially in public places. In the case of the British, this is due to their crushing shame at losing two wars against the US and then almost Germany twice until we saved them. Do not panic. Smile widely and be as loud as possible, to include the whole train car, and ask everyone questions like what their favorite color is, or where the nearest McDonalds is. Constantly compliment their accents by saying how cute it sounds. They love that!
5. Always be mindful of your dress. Europe is a land of many different and confusing climates. Sandals are comfy and breathable, but what if a freak gale moves in? Always keep white knee socks in your back pocket to put on in the middle of the day. Knee socks will allow you to wear shorts no matter what because if you get cold, you can just roll up your socks.
6. To Europeans, ice is basically unknown. They serve almost all beverages lukewarm, which is of course disgusting. Plan accordingly and try not to act too disgusted when they serve you a coke at room temperature without ice. For some the shock is too great. Try not to break down sobbing until you reach the restroom. Remember, you are representing the greatest nation on earth - DO NOT CRY IN FRONT OF THEM. Next thing we know they'll try to burn the whitehouse down again or something.
7. Speaking of beverages, there are no free refills. I don't know what to tell you. I have no explanation for this. Just be aware.
8. Portion sizes. Most Europeans subsist on half the daily caloric intake as the average American, hence their emaciated appearance. Fortunately, American cultural imperialism has been so successful we have McDonalds in basically every country now. These American embassies are able to serve you most of the traditional fare you are accustomed to, just make sure to double your normal order to make it an average meal.
8A. Coupons issued in America are not valid in Europe, apparently, no matter how loudly and slowly you explain why they should be.
8B. Some managers named "Taylor Hayte" will call the police on you if you don't leave his McDonalds even though you've done nothing wrong and have an American passport to show why you outrank him in a Mcdonalds.
8C. Most police in Britain don't have guns, and will try to just talk you out of doing what you want to do. They will either be, somehow, too fat to pursue you or too weak to withstand the moves you learned watching hundreds of hours of WWE.
I hope this has been helpful and please remember, while international travel can be scary, it is also a lot of fun.