Let us play devil's advocate

[removeduser_487563287433]

I want everybody for the purposes of this thread to believe that Biblical mythology is true.

So, when the final war comes, who's with Satan? I most certainly am. The Bible clearly states that in order to get into heaven you must meet the following criteria:

1) Be a man.

2) Be a virgin.

3) Have an intact penis.

4) Be descended from jews.

5) Obey six of the ten commandments.

6) Never insult god.

7) Be descended from 1024 married people in the past 10 generations.

I only fit two of these criteria. So **** it man, what have I got to lose when the rapture comes? I'm joining Satan, who I have to say, sounds like a decent bloke.

If anybody is wondering, the Fae are the angels that sided with neither Satan or God, and were forced to live on Earth.

[Irishman]

1) Be a man.

2) Be a virgin.

3) Have an intact penis.

4) Be descended from jews.

5) Obey six of the ten commandments.

6) Never insult god.

7) Be descended from 1024 married people in the past 10 generations.

BZZZZZZZ! Wrong answer.

None of these are true, oh well.

[removeduser_487563287433]

BZZZZZZZ! Wrong answer.

None of these are true, oh well.

Oh?

Revelation 7:3-8 "Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God. Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel. From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000, from the tribe of Gad 12,000, from the tribe of Asher 12,000, from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000, from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
7from the tribe of Simeon 12,000, from the tribe of Levi 12,000, from the tribe of Issachar 12,000, from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000, from the tribe of Joseph 12,000, from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000".

Revelation 14:4 "These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure".

Deuteronomy 23:2 "No one of illegitimate birth nor any of his descendants may enter into the assembly of the lord, even down to the tenth generation".

Deuteronomy 23:1 "No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the lord".

Matthew 12:32 "Anyone who speaks against the holy spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come".

Matthew 19:16-19 "Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments". "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honour your father and mother,'[4] and 'love your neighbour as yourself".

Oh?

[Savage_Swede]

I'm going straight to hell. All the metal bands are down there, so i'm going there as well! Not much of a harmonica type of guy...

[Garbarsardar]

Anyone who posts in this thread is going straight to hell.


I don't have the exact reference but I'm sure I've read it some place...

[Erax]

I'd be with God.

"Crusaders...!"

[Commander_Vimes]

If everyone has to be avirgin then how are you going to be descended from anyone it would mean that your parents would always be going to hell :hmmm:

[removeduser_487563287433]

If everyone has to be avirgin then how are you going to be descended from anyone it would mean that your parents would always be going to hell :hmmm:

Correct. Hey, I didn't make the rules.

[rez]

Oh?

Revelation 7:3-8 "Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God. Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel. From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000, from the tribe of Gad 12,000, from the tribe of Asher 12,000, from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000, from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
7from the tribe of Simeon 12,000, from the tribe of Levi 12,000, from the tribe of Issachar 12,000, from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000, from the tribe of Joseph 12,000, from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000".

Revelation 14:4 "These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure".

Deuteronomy 23:2 "No one of illegitimate birth nor any of his descendants may enter into the assembly of the lord, even down to the tenth generation".

Deuteronomy 23:1 "No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the lord".

Matthew 12:32 "Anyone who speaks against the holy spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come".

Matthew 19:16-19 "Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments". "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honour your father and mother,'[4] and 'love your neighbour as yourself".

Oh?

You don't have to be perfect to get into heaven...

All it takes is faith and repentance. Which is great for all the serial rapists who get an attack of conscience.

Im with Lucifer, the original freedom fighter. He made the noblest sacrifice for self determination and he tried to save humanity in Eden. (being on the flames again).

Satan the accuser is a different guy and just a tool.

[Kythras]

Im with Lucifer, the original freedom fighter. He made the noblest sacrifice for self determination and he tried to save humanity in Eden. (being on the flames again).

Satan the accuser is a different guy and just a tool.

Hear, hear - anyone who read my post in "The Devil" thread will know how I stand on this point

aka, I voted "Satan"

[Dunecat]

Way to take Jehovah's Witnesses and give it way more attention than it deserves.

That is, none.

And way to take quotes waaay out of context and intention.

Anyways, God it is. If we're going along the Jehovah's Witnesses' route, do I really have a choice?

[enoch]

I want everybody for the purposes of this thread to believe that Biblical mythology is true.

So, when the final war comes, who's with Satan? I most certainly am. The Bible clearly states that in order to get into heaven you must meet the following criteria:

1) Be a man.

2) Be a virgin.

3) Have an intact penis.

4) Be descended from jews.

5) Obey six of the ten commandments.

6) Never insult god.

7) Be descended from 1024 married people in the past 10 generations.

I only fit two of these criteria. So **** it man, what have I got to lose when the rapture comes? I'm joining Satan, who I have to say, sounds like a decent bloke.

If anybody is wondering, the Fae are the angels that sided with neither Satan or God, and were forced to live on Earth.

frakking beautiful

[Ummon]

He possibly means nephilim with Fae.

[removeduser_487563287433]

He possibly means nephilim with Fae. Good old ferret.

No. Nephilim are giants, supposedly decended from mortal women and 'the sons of God.' Fae are what I said, angels that took neither side, and were forced to live on Earth. In northern Europe especially they were used to explain pagan mythological creatures such as fairies and elves. Fae and Faerie are not coincidentally similiar.

[Captain Arrrgh!]

No. Nephilim are giants, supposedly decended from mortal women and 'the sons of God.' Fae are what I said, angels that took neither side, and were forced to live on Earth. In northern Europe especially they were used to explain pagan mythological creatures such as fairies and elves. Fae and Faerie are not coincidentally similiar.

I'll double check, Ferrets, but I think the giants were 'giants' and the nephilim were actually different. Nephilim means "they from heaven to earth came" if I recall correctly.

[removeduser_487563287433]

I'll double check, Ferrets, but I think the giants were 'giants' and the nephilim were actually different. Nephilim means "they from heaven to earth came" if I recall correctly.

In the Old Testament it is quite vague. In genesis they are merely called giants. Elsewhere they are called Anakim and Nephilim. Whether these are all the same mythological figures or all different isn't certain. Nephilim is loosely translated to giants in some forms of the Bible, or as titans. They also appear in other Jewish and Christian texts. Lots of the stuff about them comes from the Book of Enoch. It's not certain what they are at all.

Can say with some certainty that the Fae are utterly seperate in every way though, and are mostly found in Northern European sources where people never gave up folk law beliefs and reworked Christianity to explain their existance.

Actually, it is not that you can't possibly know what I know. It's just that you don't, I fear. Don't get me wrong though, offending you is not my purpose. Merely stating facts.

Do try not to be boringly arrogant in future.

[Ummon]

Actually, this concept is based on incorrect interpretation/reading and/or mystical babble. There is no mention to that concept in the Bible or apocrypha (the myths you refer to). All angels took sides.

Besides, Nephilim are angel+woman offspring. They have been trapped under mountains (Enoch) and they survive as malignant spirits until the end of time. Very akin to faeries.

[removeduser_487563287433]

Actually, this concept is based on incorrect interpretation/reading and/or mystical babble. There is no mention to that concept in the Bible or apocrypha (the myths you refer to). All angels took sides.

I know, but this is angelic philosophy going back to the middle ages. Lot's of stuff we now consider Christian canon has little on no base in what survives of the Bible.

Bible literally says 'sons of God' are the ancestors of the nephilim.

[Ummon]

Angels are in that acception, Sons of God. Ever wondered why every Angel has the -El suffix in his name?

Besides, whty don't you quote a few sources? You see, I smell blunders.

[removeduser_487563287433]

How convenient. Guess having other sons of God would **** on the Jesus concept a bit. Doesn't matter. I actually don't give a shiny **** where fictional characters were first recorded. Old Testament, Medieval philosophy, Lord of the Rings, I don't.

Genesis 6:1-2
When people began being numerous on earth, and daughters had been born to them, the sons of God, looking at the women, saw how beautiful they were and married as many of them as they chose. In those days, and even afterward, giants lived on the earth, for whenever the sons of God had intercourse with human women, they gave birth to children who became the heroes mentioned in legends of old.