TWC Member Awards Winners!
Greetings. The voting for the TWC member awards is now complete. The polls have closed, and a vast army of slave-noobs has been pressed into service to tally the votes.
Now it is time to bestow the silverware and the glory of victory upon your winners.
All in all, we had very few surprises this time round. Pre-voting analysis based on the nominations was generally fairly accurate, although there were one or two shock upsets as we will soon see...
Without further ado then, let us proceed.
Best Debater Award - Ozymandias
This one goes to the indomitable, persistent and post-count-tastic Ozymandias. It's hard to argue with a man who has more posts than Paris Hilton has one-night stands. It's like getting into a punch up with some guy you meet in the pub who is covered in battle scars from head to foot and has no teeth - you just look at him and think - what can I do to this guy that hasn't been done already? That's Ozy. He's seen it all before. He lives in the mudpit and the ethos, taking on all comers, eschewing sleep and daylight as decadent indulgences for cissies. This is his world, and we are just visitors. Most would-be adversaries just take one look at his post count and run without a fight. Would you argue with this man?
Old debaters never die - they just keep posting until you do.
For his trophy, Ozymandias wins one of those wind-up chattering teeth things. You know the ones I mean.
Best Political Poster - Garbarsardar
Garb is something of an all-rounder, so one doesn't necessarily think of him first and foremost as a political poster any more than as a history, philosophy or arts guy (as demonstrated by his wide range of nominations). He does politics as well as anybody, however, and the voters have noticed. The prize of King of the Mudpit is no easy thing to win, and who can dispute this formidable poster's entitlement? If you dare, I'm sure he will accept your challenge...
Not only that, but Garb looks impressive in the mud-wrestler's bikini which is the traditional ceremonial garb (get it?) of the mudpit gladiator.
The prize is a brand new gilded mud-wrestling bikini. Wear it with pride, Garbie.
Best Historical Poster - ThiudareiksGunthigg
The title of Best Historical Poster conveys an indisputable gravitas and honour to its winner. When the VV is good, it is one of our best forums. There was a pretty good fight here, but the Tasmanian Devil himself eventually emerged from the fray to claim the title.
A suitably impressive looking ancient scroll bearing the time-worn and barely-legible name of its winner is the prize.
Best Ethical Poster - Ozymandias
A worthy winner indeed, Ozy was the final victor by a hair's breadth over his closest competitor, Oldgamer, for the title of best poster of Ethical and philosphical type stuff. This can only mean that after much battling and philosophical toing-and-froing that God is now definitively dead.
I am proud to present to my dear friend Ozwald his well-earned trophy, which is an unconditional treaty of surrender from God himself.
Most Technical Member - Simetrical
This was never going to be much of a fight. As Sim himself would probably say:"Of course I won. Anything less would be illogical. Bleep."
Sim wins a can of natural oil, which will delight fans of Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex, and hopefully Sim too.
Most Popular Member - imb39
It may set some totalitarianism-detectors ringing for the owner of the site to win this award. What's next - lavish military parades for our great leader's birthday? Spurious elections where we are allowed to vote for only the incumbents and there is no actual opposition?
What do you mean we already have those? Really? Are you sure?
Oh.
Erm, in that case, I have no choice but to offer my sincerest and humblest congratualtions to our glorious leader in this, his most deserved triumph over the imperialistic enemies of the people, and the reactionary forces of decadence which threaten our security from within and without. Long live imb! Long live TWCeania!
Imb's prize is a huge statue of himself on every corner, endless parades in his honour, and the occasional purge of his political enemies.
Most Controversial Member - Professor420
Hurray for controversy! It keeps the place interesting. Our resident rabble-rouser Professor420 always does his utmost to make things lively, and has won a place in all your hearts.
The prize is a voucher entitling the bearer to one free pardon for his next infraction. Use it wisely, Prof.
Funniest member - Captain Arrrgh!
Something amazing happened this year in the funniest member award. From out of nowhere emerged a new and fresh (well, malodorous) individual who changed the way we think of humour forever. This swashbuckling, codpiece-clad buccaneer slashed through the field like a cutlass through a Spaniard, leaving his rivals choking on his dust (and farts). Armed with nothing more than a brace of flintlocks, a roguish charm, and seemingly inexhaustible flatulence, this unwashed desperado swept the ladies and also Livia off their feet, and stole the prize for funniest member while he was at it.
In the non-farting category, the traditional humourists of TWC reached an interesting three-way deadlock (Cluny, Evariste, and Ferrets). But the real story here was the Captain and his triumphant fanfare of farting.
The Prize for the funniest Member is the appreciative rep-clicks of the amused masses, and a treasure map leading to Livia's pants.
Best Strategist - General Sun
Even I remember General Sun's strategy articles from back in my TW playing days. His very name is synonymous with strategy...
Sun's Prize is a Marshall's Baton, and some moustache whiskers to stroke whilst gravely pondering.
Best Bug Reporter - Player 1
He makes finding bugs look easy. If you're a bug, you don't want to see this guy coming.
The trophy is an exterminator's bugspray.
Best AAR Writer- Hex Khan
Master of the After Action Report, Hex Khan takes the award by a huge margin. His chronicles make for riveting reading.
Hex Khan wins a dictaphone to mutter observations into for posterity whilst on campaign.
Best Screenshot - Crypel
Crypel can certainly compose a compelling shot. His gallery is well worth a look, and he's a deserving winner.
It give me great pleasure to bestow the prize for this award upon Crypel, which is an artist's beret.
Best Reporter - Evariste
We have many fine journalistic chaps, but podcaster supreme, Evariste, has triumphed to claim the title. His charm, wit and porn-movie inspired background music have proven too powerful a combination for his challengers to overcome.
Therefore Evariste wins the grand prize of a voucher for free representation by a talented libel lawyer of his choice. What true journalist wouldn't kill for such a prize?
Favourite Staff Member - imb39
imb really crushed the opposition in this one, and rightly so. He's always been unique amongst TWC staffers for his ability to wield his authority wisely and humbly while still managing to be a nice guy. This might explain why he also won the next award too.
imb wins: a permaban on the problematic member of his choice, effective immediately, no questions asked.
Most Helpful Staff Member - imb39
Not everybody voted for imb, which was surprising, but he won anyway. Hell, he's so helpful that not only has be always been the kind of dude who will go out of his way to assist people, but he also pays for the site! It doesn't get much more helpful than that.
The prize for being most helpful - everybody will always plague you with PMs all the time over the most trivial of things.
Best Looking Male Member - Yorkshireman
Amidst the mostly yawnsome, predictable awards races this year, there was one massive unforseen shock - Yorkshireman's astonishing victory for most memorable manhood. Now, I'm not really in a position to judge, but the voters have spoken and they are in no doubt as to who they like best. Congratulations, Yorkshireman, your member will live in legend.
As his trophy, Yorkshireman receives a beautifully rendered cast of his mighty member to place upon his mantle and impress visitors to his Yorkshire homestead.
Best Looking Female - Katrina
Katrina's fine attributes are manifold, but let's not kid ourselves here - it's the yummy visual assets we are interested in for the purposes of this category. Here too, Katrina does not disappoint. Her voluptuous Venusian charms have smitten the voters, causing widespread drooling and angry looks from the other female contestents.
The prize: World peace, naturally.
The tBP Award - tBP
tBP may not have a complete monopoly on gayness, but this was never going to be a real contest. He walked this one, although respect goes to a very brave Giga who did his best but could only achieve a respectable second place. Better luck next year!
The Prize - a date with Orlando Bloom.
Most Helpful Member- Lusted
Lusted is a fellow who you can turn to in times of need. Fending off even the ubiquitous imb, he takes the title in a blaze of helpful, considerate, self-effacing glory.
To commemorate this triumph, Lusted wins a course of self-assertiveness lessons. He needs to learn to say no once in a while and not to let people take advantage of his generosity!
Friendliest Member - Katrina
If you need a friend, Katrina and her prize-winning bosom will be there for you. I'm proud to say that I sure as hell voted for her. You couldn't hope to meet a nicer forum buddy.
Katrina's spoils include a teaddy bear and warm affectionate cuddles.
Fastest Rising Newb - Manstein16
Although the star of Captain Arrrgh! may burn brightly indeed, there is another meteoric figure whose ruthless stampede to greatness puts even the old sea dog to shame. You better get out of his way, or better still, try to jump aboard his bandwagon while there's still some room, because Manstein is going places fast, baby. If you ever crossed him in the past then now is the time to change your name, or at least your avatar.
Manstein's coveted prize is an entourage of hangers-on and yes-men, attracted by the sweet smell of success that is wafting around him.
Best Mentor - imb39
Also known as the "Vote for your patron" award, it is not surprising that the most prolific patron of all, the great imb, has cleaned up in this category too. Not only has he sired countless screaming brats, but he is also a father to us all, figuratively speaking.
imb wins a long white grandfatherly beard and pipe and the undying veneration of all, to add to his other booty. What a successful awards he has had!
Best Avatar or Sig - imb39 / Manji
In a shocking result, this category has been tied! How to resolve this dilemma?
On the one hand, Manji is, without question, the king of the sig, having created countless masterpieces for everybody.On the other hand, imb wins all the awards. It's the unspoken rule.
Therefore, both contestants are disqualified. I think you will find that this judgement embodies a kind of Solomon-like wisdom that satisfies everybody.
Well, that's it. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. I've been Nihil. Goodnight.