There are several different conversations here bubbling along, and conflating them is making the conversation confusing and unproductive, and creating a forced binary for the lot of them.
1. Are titillating stage shows appropriate for all audiences?
2. What is the scientific definition of gender?
3. Can/should we be able to modify the outward appearance of our gender to match the inward choice of what we feel it should be?
4. If we modify our gender's outward appearance, should we expect society to treat us with dignity and respect?
5. What defines that dignity and respect, and how might we expect society as a whole to apply/enforce it?
These are different questions and the answers shouldn't be conflated.