Major Chip Hazard, REPORTING FOR DUTY, to eliminate the Gorgonite scum

**Roma_Victrix** · October 15, 2022, 01:06 AM

ATTENTION, COMMANDO ELITE! FALL IN!

This is your platoon leader Major Chip Hazard speaking. I will have order in this sub-forum, you will obey direct orders, or you can go ahead and take a stroll of shame down washout lane if you think you ain't good enough for the Corps!

DO... YOU... GET... ME? [puffs on cigar with an angry wince]

[You: SIR, YES, SIR!]

Good, because soldiers we have recently located the approximate coordinates of a major asset who knows the whereabouts of the hideouts of the Gorgonites. We shall hunt the Gorgonite scum down one by one if necessary, to eradicate them with precision and neutralize them without mercy, taking no prisoners. However, this agent of theirs can lead us directly to their hive. He goes by many aliases, such as his dudeness, and hides his identity behind a Silvio Berlusconi mask, but is known primarily by his agent codename "Flinn". Our finest coders in intelligence have deciphered and cracked his code F.L.I.N.N. (Fugitive Lying Italian of Noncombatant Navigators). This dangerous fugitive must be apprehended and brought to justice at the hands of the Commando Elite. We will track him down day and night, he will know no rest until he is detained and forced to divulge the location of the Gorgonites.

The F.L.I.N.N. was last seen in the vicinity of the TWC Discord, causing a disturbance with wild hand gestures, and thanks to intel ops a photo of his last appearance shall be distributed to each of you. Study it well. This is the enemy! I want him taken alive, men, but you don't have to apprehend him gingerly.

* Turkafinwë! You will lead the team of snipers to flank and flush F.L.I.N.N. out of his nest.

* AKAR! You will lure F.L.I.N.N out of hiding with a pineapple pizza placed in plain view by your side that he will undoubtedly confront you over and chide you for it, for having no class or taste. Disregard his "Mamma Mia" devilry and keep him distracted while we execute the operation.

* Septentrionalis! Using bear traps and fishing nets, you will detain the moving target as he attempts to flee in the opposite direction of live sniper fire aimed near his position. He will resist in desperation, as all lackeys of the Gorgonites do, but you will squash his resistance with an iron fist and resolve of the COMMANDO ELITE!

* Sir Adrian! Son I place a great deal of trust in you, you are to take the detained prisoner back to headquarters by leading the convoy, preparing for any ambushes along the way by his Gorgonite allies coming to his defense.

* Morticia Iunia Bruti! You will administer the proper sedatives to the prisoner and injection of the truth serum upon his arrival to HQ, so that he may be called a Fugitive Loose-lipped Italian Noncombatant Navigator instead of a lying one! We need proper intel, not garbled misinformation implanted in his mind by the wretched Gorgonites.

DO... YOU... GET... ME?

[You: SIR, YES, SIR!]

GROUP DISMISSED!

**Akar** · October 15, 2022, 01:48 AM

I'll stage a coup and institute a Pineapple Republic to acquire the necessary resources for my appointed task.

o7

**Roma_Victrix** · October 15, 2022, 02:31 AM

Originally Posted by Akar

I'll stage a coup and institute a Pineapple Republic to acquire the necessary resources for my appointed task.

o7

I like your thinking, soldier, a true quality of a COMMANDO ELITE. Thinking outside the box is what allowed Eisenhower and the United Fruit Company to take over Latin America for the red, white, and blue, and thinking outside the box of convention is exactly how we will outfox the fox himself, the F.L.I.N.N. When the dust settles, I'm sure the Banana Republics will look like amateur hour in comparison to your Pineapple ones. Hoorah!

**Turkafinwë** · October 15, 2022, 08:17 AM

It will be done Commander! I'm already working on my strategy.

We'll soon have the bastard in our hands.

**Roma_Victrix** · October 15, 2022, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Turkafinwë

It will be done Commander! I'm already working on my strategy.

We'll soon have the bastard in our hands.

Excellent work, private. Keep that up and you'll bust your way up to sergeant in no time.
On that note, Officer Doofy is truly an inspiration to us all, reporting for duty like a true soldier.

**Morticia Iunia Bruti** · October 15, 2022, 11:23 AM

I prepare the injections. I promise, it will not not hurt...

**Roma_Victrix** · October 15, 2022, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by Morticia Iunia Bruti

I prepare the injections. I promise, it will not not hurt...

Excellent work, Second Lieutenant. There's no need to make him too comfortable when under interrogation and medical review. Do your worst if needs be. He will reveal the location of the Gorgonites, and he WILL learn to fear the nurse's office thereafter. Semper fi!

**Sir Adrian** · October 15, 2022, 02:35 PM

PRIVATE PUBLIC, BILL PUBLIC, REPORTING FOR DUTY SIR!!!

**Roma_Victrix** · October 15, 2022, 04:38 PM

Originally Posted by Sir Adrian

PRIVATE PUBLIC, BILL PUBLIC, REPORTING FOR DUTY SIR!!!

At ease, soldier. We need fine young men like you to get the job done, and the convoy is yours so long as you can handle it against the Gorgonites. The F.L.I.N.N. won't even know what hit him, and will be en route in transport by the time he figures out the COMMANDO ELITE have got em. You will roll out at approximately 0900 hours to the extraction site and wait for my command. SEMPER FI!

**Septentrionalis** · October 16, 2022, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix

* Septentrionalis! Using bear traps and fishing nets, you will detain the moving target as he attempts to flee in the opposite direction of live sniper fire aimed near his position. He will resist in desperation, as all lackeys of the Gorgonites do, but you will squash his resistance with an iron fist and resolve of the COMMANDO ELITE!

Sir! I have the fishnets needed to lure Flinn ready for deployment. Let's see him resist these, sir!

Also, I have procured the bears needed for the traps. Awaiting clearance to proceed!

**Roma_Victrix** · October 16, 2022, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by Septentrionalis

Sir! I have the fishnets needed to lure Flinn ready for deployment. Let's see him resist these, sir!

Also, I have procured the bears needed for the traps. Awaiting clearance to proceed!

Sergeant Septentrionalis, these are not the exact items I had in mind for the operation, but I like your style. These will work handily in luring and trapping the ally of the Gorgonites. Excellent work! He will be unable to resist such feminine charms, let alone the overpowering muscular mass of the bears in hiding. Just put a muzzle on those bears, Sergeant, we need them quiet until they are ready to engage the target full force to bring him down. OORAH!

**Flinn** · October 17, 2022, 03:41 AM

A sound of heels, approaching

Spoiler for Can we have a word, Major?:

"I heard you are looking for someone know as F.L.I.N.N., are you sure you want to chase this specific ... individual?"

Huge boobs are being shaken in front of Major's face

"He's dangerous, and he's a master of disguise. You are being watched, even now"

Spoiler for from the streets:

Spoiler for from the underground:

Spoiler for and even from the space:

More boobs shaking

"He's dangerous, I said.. you'd better give up, Major, for your own good"

She continues, as she walks away

"Please, give up.. or there will be consequences"

Spoiler for one way:

Spoiler for or another:

**Roma_Victrix** · October 17, 2022, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by Flinn

A sound of heels, approaching

Spoiler for Can we have a word, Major?:

"I heard you are looking for someone know as F.L.I.N.N., are you sure you want to chase this specific ... individual?"

Huge boobs are being shaken in front of Major's face

"He's dangerous, and he's a master of disguise. You are being watched, even now"

Spoiler for from the streets:

Spoiler for from the underground:

Spoiler for and even from the space:

More boobs shaking

"He's dangerous, I said.. you'd better give up, Major, for your own good"

She continues, as she walks away

"Please, give up.. or there will be consequences"

Spoiler for one way:

Spoiler for or another:

Well, it's not every day an exceedingly pretty lady visits the major's quarters.

What did you say your name was again, sweetheart...was it Sylvia?

Lights candles with cigar, plays light jazz music on stereo.

How about some wine for a lovely lady? It's against Commando Elite regulation, but I keep a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc in my desk in the cabinet below my drawer of custom gilded and engraved Desert Eagles. Would the lady care for a glass, or two?

Walks around desk, opens cabinet door, but then suddenly opens drawer above to grab Desert Eagle pistol, pointing it at assailant.

FREEZE, Gorgonite scum! You are now a prisoner of war under the COMMANDO ELITE.

**Septentrionalis** · October 17, 2022, 04:04 PM

Sir, what is the status of the operation? Have you become compromised? We haven't heard of you in a while.

We are getting overwhelmed at Bravo 2. And not with the ladies in fishnets, I regret to report. They are happy playing cards and swearing like sailors with no discernible sense of operational urgency.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The issue is more with our ursine troops that are getting restless with inaction. We are doing our best, but we are not sure for how long we can keep them busy and distracted with watermelons and abstract painting workshops.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

**Roma_Victrix** · October 18, 2022, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by Septentrionalis

Sir, what is the status of the operation? Have you become compromised? We haven't heard of you in a while.

We are getting overwhelmed at Bravo 2. And not with the ladies in fishnets, I regret to report. They are happy playing cards and swearing like sailors with no discernible sense of operational urgency.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The issue is more with our ursine troops that are getting restless with inaction. We are doing our best, but we are not sure for how long we can keep them busy and distracted with watermelons and abstract painting workshops.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Stand ready soldier, and prepare for full mobilization! The suspect has attempted to infiltrate my major's quarters but was able to escape under a hail of gunfire and blasts from the nearby outdoor water cannons. We must rendezvous ten clicks north of HQ. Muster all your firepower, fishnet ladies, and bears. Suspect is en route, heavily armed and dangerous, and capable of disguising himself as a clown, a homeless man, famous actors, and porn star Ron Jeremy.