Favorite stories from history

[Odovacar]

Almost every history lover has favorite, sometimes humurous anecdotes, which he tells to every new people he met sooner or later, or which he uses to popularise history. I have some, hope you have some too...


I remember when were on source-reading in the uni, we had to analyse a text of a sinode in Buda, 1280.
The text was the funnies ecclesiastical law I've ever read. A real medieval law.
Here are some commands from it:

1, priests heretoforward are forbidden to have two or three mistresses, now they can have just one to live with (remember: colibate)
Their sons and daughters may not enter into the service of the church.
2, priests should take off their hats when entering into the temple, to pray to Saint Mary, and they should kneel down
3, priests and monks should not gamble or use bad language, (unlike at the present time)
4, priests should take off their swordbelt, when go to sleep or into the church, for a catholic priest should not be armed
5, priests should not run brothels or pubs, nor shall they enter into them, especially not to gamble with whores
6, at least they should have a book, called manuale, which contains the necessary gospels
7, priests should have a tonsure, and not a long hair
8, they may not take part in battles, attacks, robberies, duels, except it is to defend the homeland
9, they should not carry excrement into the graveyard, nor allow dancing in it

And many more....

[Bokks]

That's horrible!
I thought, though, that priests couldn't ever have held a bladed weapon of any kind. Which was why they had to use fire or break bones to get confessions in the Inquisition. Sorry, I forgot the quotes... "confessions".
Anyway, I always liked when Caligula "invaded" Britain, but couldn't get his army across the English Channel, (apparently he forgot about the invention of boats however many thoudand years before) so he ordered his men to hit the water with their swords. When they did so he declared Neptune was "defeated" and spent the rest of the day gathering seashells to bring back as "spoils of war". I can't remember if that was before or after he assigned his horse, Incatatus, to the senate. (Incatatus is Latin for "Speed Demon", more or less)
That crazy Caligula! Always getting his little boots into so much trouble!

[Farnan]

These urgent problems distressed Alexander. His friends stood around him and begged him to remember that his intrepid spirit was all that could restore the fortunes of his languishing army. At this point he was met by two of the men who had gone ahead to select a camp-site. They were carrying skins of water to bring relief to their sons who, they knew, were suffering from severe thirst in Alexander's column. On meeting the king one of them opened a skin, filled a cup he was carrying, and offered it to him. Alexander took it. Then he asked for whom they were carrying the water and learned it was for their sons. He returned the cup, as full as when it was offered to him, saying: 'I cannot bear to drink alone and it is not possible for me to share so little with everybody. Go quickly and give your sons what you have brought on their account.'

This is one example of how Alexander would not allow himself to recieve anything his men could not.

[Markas]

In 260AD, the Roman Emperor Valerian was campaigning against the Sassinid King Shapur I. He had a victory of sorts outside Edessa, but then an outbreak of plague forced his army to withdraw to the city, which shapur then put under siege. In April or May Valerian wanted to offer terms, and Shapur could hardly believe his luck when Valerian wanted to negotiate in person!

The sense of Persian honour was as strong as the romans', but it did not apply to sworn enemies. The negotiators and Valerian were taken prisoner.

While the fate of Velerian is uncertain, a reocurring theme is that he was used as a personal mounting block for his horse. Valerian lived for another two years, in a prison decorated with a relief of the victory that shapur had won.

On his death, Valerian's skin was filled with straw and displayed in a Persian Temple. This macabre feature was displayed to Roman envoys centuries after Valerians' death. Zosimus called it- 'The disgrace to the name of Rome for all future time'.

Few can claim to have stuffed a Roman Emperor!

[Anachronist]

In 260AD, the Roman Emperor Valerian was campaigning against the Sassinid King Shapur I. He had a victory of sorts outside Edessa, but then an outbreak of plague forced his army to withdraw to the city, which shapur then put under siege. In April or May Valerian wanted to offer terms, and Shapur could hardly believe his luck when Valerian wanted to negotiate in person!

The sense of Persian honour was as strong as the romans', but it did not apply to sworn enemies. The negotiators and Valerian were taken prisoner.

While the fate of Velerian is uncertain, a reocurring theme is that he was used as a personal mounting block for his horse. Valerian lived for another two years, in a prison decorated with a relief of the victory that shapur had won.

On his death, Valerian's skin was filled with straw and displayed in a Persian Temple. This macabre feature was displayed to Roman envoys centuries after Valerians' death. Zosimus called it- 'The disgrace to the name of Rome for all future time'.

Few can claim to have stuffed a Roman Emperor!

Shapur.

[Odovacar]

Hehe, Markas, as always provides us a disaster-story
My story for today is what I've just read, while downloading the pictures of Manesse-handschrift from the site of Heidelberg University.

One minnesanger (german trubadour) was called Otto von Brandenburg, aka.
Otto mit dem Pfeil. (Otto with the Arrow) I knew about this person before. I thought he got his name because he loved to shoot with a bow. Nope...
He was besieging a city when someone shot an arrow in his head. He recovered, but let the doctors not to take out the arrow. So, for one year he was living with an arrow in his head

I think he just changed his mind later, so the arrow finally left his head, and looks like he survived, although I generally avoid to think about such medical problems, I dont like horror...

[Markas]

What?!? that can't be true... an arrow? Was it the arrow-head or was some of the shaft still in it? walking around like a giant toffee-apple can't have been much fun.

He was a Trubadour? Thats showbusiness!

note- I'd rep you but it won't let me!

[Mig el Pig]

"Germany, however, did have designs on Morocco, which by 1911 was one of the last remaining un-colonized territories in Africa. In an incident remembered as the ``Agadir Crisis," the Germans hoped to beat the French to the colonial draw by sending the gunboat ``Panther" to the sleepy Moroccan port of Agadir. The incident nearly triggered World War I three years early.

The German excuse for ``the Panther's leap," as the press called it, was to protect German citizens from unruly tribesmen. The only problem was that there were no German citizens in Agadir to protect. So one was sent for.

A man named Wilburg was found in Mogador, 75 miles to the North, and dispatched to be the endangered German. He arrived in Agadir three days after the Panther had dropped anchor. He ran up and down the beach waving his arms, but the Panther's crew at first mistook him for an excited rug merchant."

lovely sample of early 20th century diplomacy.

[Odovacar]

Oh but thanks for the intention. Maybe I am exiled, or impeached or something....so I cannot have even greater reputation

Well..since the starts are taken away and these little bags are instead of them...now we are merchants or what??

About the man with the arrow. Read yourself....(in German)

'Markgraf Otto IV. von Brandenburg (1266-1309) trägt den Beinamen "mit dem pfile". Er wurde bei der Belagerung von Staß an der Bode am Kopf von einem Pfeil getroffen und ließ diese Pfeilspitze - aus Mißtrauen gegenüber den Ärzten - ein Jahr lang in der Wunde.'

You can see it here:
http://digi.ub.uni-heidelberg.de/sam...ageid=PAGE0021

[Markas]

Yep just looked it up... no wonder he's wearing a hat!

It reminds me of adverts on British TV for personal injury claims:

'I was besieging a castle when an arrow stuck in my head without any signs being up. I was awarded £2000'

-Otto, 33

[jarnomiedema]

The one story I have told quite a few times while I was still teaching history is a story by Roald Dahl which completely blew me away when I first read. It's not necessarily a historically accurate story, but it involves a historical character in a fictional story. I can't remember the title of it, but it goes something along these lines:

The scene is set in a hospital. It deals with a woman who is about to give birth. She confesses to the doctor and the nurses how badly she wants this child. Her husband is an abusive drunk, she hasn't seen her family in ages because they refuse to talk to her, in short; she is just utterly miserable. The baby seems to be the only thing she has to look forward to and now even that seems like it might fail, because there appear to be complications..

Naturally, you, as the reader, feel sympathetic for her and hope that she'll have her child and at least have some happiness for a change. So they struggle and fight and eventually they manage to save the child from death. The story then takes an unexpected (and horrifying) turn. The doctor asks the woman: "What do you want to name your child, Mrs. Hitler?" and she replies: "Adolf"..

You gotta love Roald Dahl for making up these amazing stories.. When I told it in class, the kids were always sitting there, anxious and then when it ended the way it did, they were silent for a very, very long time.. Very powerful story..

If I can remember some other anekdotes I used to tell (real historical ones) I'll share those as well! Great thread!

[Markas]

One story, which is printed on the wall of my local pub, gives a good insight into the mental abilities of my fellow townsfolk-

In the late 1700's, a traveller appeared in the town centre with a cloth sack. He set up a stall and placed the writhing bag on the bench. People quickly surrounded the stall wondering what the traveller was selling. When a crowd of sufficient size gathered, he addressed the people.

'Ladies and gentlemen, for a small fee you can witness a wonder of nature; a cherry-coloured cat!'

The people looked at each other and many handed over money to see a cherry-coloured cat. Eventually, the curious and sceptical alike handed over money to see the cat the traveller promised.

Building up the tension, the traveller then placed his hand into the sack and pulled out.... a black cat. The people were confused. Where was the cherry-coloured cat?

The traveller placed the cat back in the sack, shrugged his shoulders and said 'You get black cherries' and walked away with the crowd's money.

He was never seen again...

[Odovacar]

Man....that was a brave man!
I wonder how could he survive such exploits.

In our pub the only inscription is a poem by Sandor Petofi:

'The man, who has no lover
should drink some bottle wine
and he will surely belive
every girl for him will whine'
(my crappy translation)


And verily, many people really do overzealously as the poem suggest, even though they have a wife (or just they don't consider a wife to be a lover?)
Soon another story comes!

[jarnomiedema]

There's an inscription on a building here in Amsterdam that reads the following:

"Homo Sapiens Non Urinat Ad Ventum"

Which translates to the following:

"The thinking man does not urinate against the wind"

Only in Amsterdam.. Gotta love this city..

[Odovacar]

This story is very cruel, but very typical for civil war circumstances in Middle Ages.


In 1455, after the Lancasters lost the battle of St. Albans, one of their members initiated talks with the Yorks. His sworn enemy the yorkist Sir Thomas Courtenay decided to frighten him a little bit in order to enlighten his mind. He needed Lord Bonville on the other side, so that later he could kill him and take away his belongings.

So, he visited the jurist of Bonville, Nicholas Radford. Courtenay sworn by his knightly honour to not hurt Radford, so he allowed him into his courtyard with his men.
-Why so many people here, noble Sir?-asked Radford.
-You will see no harm, Radford!-said Courtenay.
Radford showed the place to Courtenay where he keeps his food and drink, and Courtenay drak and ate while talking to Radford. Meanwhile his men robbed everything from the house, even things from the nearby chapel, books, jewels, lot of pounds, etc, and they took these things into a sheet, which they took from Redford's wife, who was laying sick in her bed since a year. They packed the things on Radford's own horse.
When Courtenay 'invited' Radford to go with him, the jurist had to walk, as his horse carried the robbed valuables.
-Now, may God be with you, Radford, -said Courtenay, and left the place, after some time. Radford was beheaded, pierced in his heart, and left lying in his blood.

But this was not over...Courtenay assembled the feudal court, to investigate this crime (committed by whom?) and to make a sentence in this case.
He gathered together his men, the very men who robbed Redford, and they became the jury.
Some other of his men came as witnesses to his death,(the people who killed him) wearing very unusal names, which didnt even exist in England. (I often wonder what could be their fake name? Super Mario? Mr. Guy Stranger? Pete the Saracen? )
These witnesses made testament about Redford's death by saying
'He killed himself'

Thus, having decided that Radford killed himself, and needs punishment, they rode to a chapel in which Radford's body was lying.
They stripped the body and thrown him into a well, and throw upon him the stones that were made to be placed on his tomb.
'Thus-wrote the jurist who later started a legal action against Courtenay-
they behaved with greater cruelty than a jew or a saracen could do'

Their crualty was unsurpassable indeed, although a jew or a honest saracen would really protest against such comparisons....

[Markas]

Never trust a Yorkist! We'll steal your valuables as soon as look at ya!

BTW Odovacar I finally managed to rep you. I think its because I tend not to rep very much outside of V.V!

[Odovacar]

Thanks Markas. I am very happy that people are interested.
I like interesting stories from history and I think they are innumerable.
By the way: you can read the above posted story in:
John Gillingham: The war of Roses

(The only book about war of roses published in Hungary. But a very well written book. Otherwise we were spammed by BBC so I spent my childhood watching Robin Hood, and Shakespeares fabrications
I am rightly to be considered to be the 'last foreign yorkist' (or even maybe the first foreign yorkist as well...)

[Odovacar]

A new story: The only englishman of history who became a tartar

When the mongol ruler, Batu Khan decided to send emissaries into Hungary, he first sent mongols.
The first one not even made it into the royal court. He was lost somewhere, presumably killed. The second one was allowed to enter into the court, but after declaring that King Béla IV. had to bow before the mongol khan and kiss his whip, he lived yet some seconds. He continued his career as a body, being cut into tiny pieces as the noblemen were rather hotspot in the king's court.

Finally the mongols changed their 'diplomatical strategy'. An english man was sent into court, who could write in ujgurian letters, in arabic, in latin and spoke many language, including hungarian, which he learned from the eastern pagan hungarians.
He said to the king that he should really yield to the khan before Hungary get crushed, and warned the king with many dangers that should arise in case King Béla doesnt return the escaped cumans to the khan. He was twice in Hungary bringing messages from Batu.

Later, after the mongols destroyed the kingdom, and were about to leave Hungary entirely, the lord of Dalmatia, presumably Denes from the Türje genus
attacked the last groups of mongol army. Those, who were left alive were sent to various places for interrogation. Many of them were hungarians and germans who served the mongols and became traitors. Soon, the were hanging on the trees.

However, the austrian prince recognised one man: the english emissary.
He then told his story: He was banished from England having comitted a henious crime, and left to Acre, to be a mercenary for the crusaders.
He loved playing dice and he lost everything bcause of the game.
The man was then wandering further into Asia without anything, having lost most of his hair, being hungry, and in apathy. He was living as a beggar. Some people felt pity for him, and they gave him some food and little works.
Soon, he relaised that he can slowly understand the language, by learning new word every day, and exposing the grammar structure. He was making execises in writing, learning it from local islam priests. He even learned uigur language or hungarian. He became famous of his language skills, and as the mongols heard of him, he was taken to the khan, and became a translator and emissary, living very well.
His fate is unknown after being captured in Hungary. He was most likely executed as a traitor to christianity.

This is the most exciting and strange story I 've ever read in historical sources.
(told by Ivo de Narbonne, french bishop, who experienced good adventures himself as well...)

[Odovacar]

Looks like interest is declining here, as no one posts stories except me.
Well, every novelty expires in three days -as the saying goes.
But I post some great stories yet, as I like these stories, and I believe I should share them.

The life of Friedrich von Kreuspeck

He was a knight, who was born in West-Hungary in german family. Kreuspeck is Fertőrákos today. He was born in 1290.
Around 1320 he arrived in Austria to fight for the Hasburgs, in the armies of Albrecht and Friedrich. In 1322 he took part in the battle of Mühldorf, where Louis the Bavarian did beat the Habsburgs. Kreuspeck was wounded and became a prisoner of war. He was freed, and he came to Italy where he fought near Bologna, Modena and Padova for italian lords. In 1328 he was in France looking for 'work'. In 1331 he was fighting for the Habsburgs again.
He visited Italy, Spain, then Jerusalem, and Cairo. He was taken prisoner in the Holy Land, and armenian merchants paid for his ransom.

He visited then Ciprus, Byzant, Tataria in the Crimea, and in Poland, where he fought against pagan prussians. In 1347 he fought for Sweden against Litvania. Then he sailed to England, Scottland and Ireland, where he fought in tournaments and on english ships against the spanish
In 1351 he was in the army of King Louis the Great who attacked the litvanians. After then, he just did a trip into Scandianavia and back to Spain.
As a prisoner he was escorted into Tunis, from where he returned to Europe through Byzant.
He died in 1360, and is buried near Vienna.

Sort of a busy life, don't you agree?

[Real]

My favourite part of History is the Battle of Aljubarrota (Portugal vs Spain). It is said and conventioned (although there aren't enough proves) that 7 000 Portuguese militias and knights routed an army of 36 000 armoured Spanish armed with gunpowder, swords, maces, halberds, etc.

There are no proves, it may have been 35 000 Portuguese, and only 7000 returned, perhaps. But our Square Tactic kicked ass.