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Thread: The DnD jokes thread

  1. #1
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default The DnD jokes thread

    Almost 25% of the memes I stumble upon are about DnD or other famous RPG games, so let's have a thread dedicated to them.

    I'll start, this one is gonna hurt

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  2. #2

    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    What a disappointment! I just saw the title of the thread and immediately began to muse something in the order of "Morty, Sumskilz, Basics, and PovG walk into a bar. Morty says to the bartender...".

    Well, not really disappointed. That's a good one!

  3. #3
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Now you're making me want to play DnD again

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  4. #4
    Morticia Iunia Bruti's Avatar Praeses
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Whats DnD?

    Discussion and Debate?
    Yeah you wanna go out
    'cause it's raining and blowing.
    You can't go out
    'cause your roots are showing.
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  5. #5

    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Morticia Iunia Bruti View Post
    Whats DnD?

    Discussion and Debate?
    That's how interpreted it at first . It's Dungeons and Dragons in this case.

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    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    In all cases

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  7. #7
    Morticia Iunia Bruti's Avatar Praeses
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Isn't Discussion and Debate like Dungeons and Dragons?

    We have Trolls, Dark Elves, Orcs, Hobbits, a Giant...

    Last edited by Morticia Iunia Bruti; September 27, 2021 at 10:27 AM.
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  8. #8
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Akar View Post
    Now you're making me want to play DnD again
    I suppose that's a joke, no???

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Last edited by Flinn; September 27, 2021 at 10:37 AM.
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  9. #9
    Morticia Iunia Bruti's Avatar Praeses
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Yeah, in every rpg you have people with more care of the background story than actual care of their character values. ^^
    Yeah you wanna go out
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    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Noooo not a joke!

    If any of you want to play click the link in my signature.

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  11. #11
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Morticia Iunia Bruti View Post
    Yeah, in every rpg you have people with more care of the background story than actual care of their character values. ^^
    At a certain point I used to just randomize completely my characters (both on tabletop or online gaming); I decided everything by throwing dices, put everything together, think of a few lines of background and go play the character

    it was a lot of fun, but I used to become bored of every new character pretty soon
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  12. #12
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    There's some fine D&D jokes over on Memebase and KYM, they do stir the nostalgia, but who has the time?

    Decades ago I was DM for a few long running campaigns (D&D, AD&D, Runequest and a Call of Cthulhu), through high school and Uni. I dabbled at playing in my late 30's as a bored bachelor, but now I have a family. Ehen Cyclops Jnr is old enough I might trot him around a dungeon for a bit of fun.

    There was a ton of humour, mostly stupid "Hah he stuck you in the butt with his spear" type boy humour, but there were a few classics of unintentional comedy.

    There was a crazed player more intent on killing his party members but managed to die twice without ever succeeding. Once he opened with a lightning bolt on his 6th level party, with complete surprise, and managed to get himself gibbed. Against my better judgement he was given another shot, he left the party in a swamp and stole all the treasure, and tried on the "eyes of petrification" without using "identify" (he had an intelligent magic sword with that exact power, which tried to warn him but would he listen?). His petrified body was then dragged away by shambling mounds who used him to build a nest, and the party never went back for him. He was not invited back to play after that.

    Another time I let too many players join (9, waay to many)-people kept rolling in with a mate or an old player wanting back in. All great boys and girls but it was too many to manage and they drifted into intra party conflict (the second time it ever happened my campaigns, two times too many though). I was about 16, hadn't seen this before. There were two factions of 4 and an honest broker cleric.

    I thought make them unify or die, so they went into the Forbidden City. I placed a chained mutilated red dragon trapped under a temple (a prisoner of, and potential threat to the Yaun Ti-they were doing something with its blood IIRC), and the players had to decide what to do to/with it. The cleric decided to use the dragon to wipe the Yuan Ti: a bold plan and was trying to unify the team.

    I played the dragon as an honest brute "you help me, I help you, have you got any serious healing magic?" 'Why yes, a [homebrew item of] regeneration with two or three charges" "Hmm you heal me, then I will burn the Yuan Ti- I swear a dRaGoN oAtH i WiLl NoT bEtRaY YoU" "OK" . Of course the dragon trashed the entire party, took down 5 players on the first breath (its HP had jumped to 88 after all the heals were used on it). The Ranger and the Paladin then took the dragon down in an epic fight, while one of the thieves and the fighter split...and decided to offer themselves as allies to the Yuan Ti. They were executed immediately, and the Ranger dragged the wounded Paladin out of the city and set off for civilisation with only a fraction of the treasure they'd already accumulated. No hard feelings and I took a months break fromplaying, and set some ground rules after that.

    I think we tried a Runequest campaign next with 5 players (6 would be a sensible limit), that was a great game. More of the same silly humour, mostly about fear of Chaos monsters. The "Slop and Slime Gang" in Pavis were a long time adversary, whose regen powers meant they made repeated comebacks when beaten, and their chaos curses (horrific diseases that sapped players ability scores, that seemed to be most players worst nightmare, worse than death) meant they were best avoided if possible. The players were usually too scared to engage in melee, and let the Sloppies retreat even if they did knock some down.
    Jatte lambastes Calico Rat

  13. #13
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    I played the dragon as an honest brute "you help me, I help you, have you got any serious healing magic?" 'Why yes, a [homebrew item of] regeneration with two or three charges" "Hmm you heal me, then I will burn the Yuan Ti- I swear a dRaGoN oAtH i WiLl NoT bEtRaY YoU" "OK" . Of course the dragon trashed the entire party, took down 5 players on the first breath (its HP had jumped to 88 after all the heals were used on it). The Ranger and the Paladin then took the dragon down in an epic fight, while one of the thieves and the fighter split...and decided to offer themselves as allies to the Yuan Ti. They were executed immediately, and the Ranger dragged the wounded Paladin out of the city and set off for civilisation with only a fraction of the treasure they'd already accumulated. No hard feelings and I took a months break fromplaying, and set some ground rules after that.

    That's both the funniest and saddest story I ever heard about Dming

    also, about Dming



    We all have been there at the least once, come on
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  14. #14
    Morticia Iunia Bruti's Avatar Praeses
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread



    We know that too. ^^
    Yeah you wanna go out
    'cause it's raining and blowing.
    You can't go out
    'cause your roots are showing.
    Dye 'em black.
    Dye 'em black.



  15. #15
    Sir Adrian's Avatar the Imperishable
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Some funny stories / things.

    1. Peasant railgun
    2. 50 Copper and Luda'drizzt
    3. Sir Bearington
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Decades ago I was DM for a few long running campaigns (D&D, AD&D, Runequest and a Call of Cthulhu)
    Haha , really nice stories, bro! I also have to tell you that your games are basically the same as mine, absent Cyberpunk. I am particularly impressed that you have played RuneQuest, that was the main game we played in addition to AD&D. It seems like no one even recognizes the name when I talk to people online. I really liked how it would work in a low-fantasy setting and how characters just could not become overpowered. There was always a sense of dread involved as any confrontation would be potentially dangerous, and having a good healer in the party was of essence. But alas, I was mostly the DM (or GM). If my memory serves me right, I would sometimes play the role of the healer while DMing so that there could be one without any of the "human" players having to assume that role.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flinn View Post
    also, about Dming
    Oh, good Lord! I know that feeling. Although I never murdered the party. Quite the opposite, I perfected an art of subtle hinting so that the bunch of cowboys would not get themselves killed all the time .

  17. #17
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Septentrionalis View Post
    ... I am particularly impressed that you have played RuneQuest...
    Fine system, the special and critical hit rules were deadly, and players could be one-shotted by anything. Also the writer (Greg Stafford) presented a reasonably fleshed out game world, but the system was hugely adaptable: I grafted the attack of opportunity rule from D&D 3.5 and it worked ok for a one shot for my step son ten years ago.

    So true what you say about "no OP", with death much more real, and no classes, players became really attached to their highly customised characters. Instead of seeking out endless battles to grind xp, they'd avoid pointless battles so they could reach objectives unbattered. Tactics like not getting flanked were hugely important too, and everybody had to have a shield (except that one guy whose characters were always Humakti Greatsword wielders).

    The one janky bit was the "you gain points in skills you use" so with weaker opponents players would enter combat with their primary weapon, hit once, drop it, draw a secondary, hit once, drop that, draw a dagger, hit once, start kicking and punching etc. We had to have a mature conversation about the poor RP experience.
    Jatte lambastes Calico Rat

  18. #18
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Adrian View Post
    Some funny stories / things.

    1. Peasant railgun
    2. 50 Copper and Luda'drizzt
    3. Sir Bearington


    I'd love to have a peasants railgun

    Adding layers of absurdities usually works well in making DnD games funnier, but need to be done careful, it's very easy to slip into the grotesque
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  19. #19
    Narf's Avatar Reach for the Stars.
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Akar View Post
    Now you're making me want to play DnD again
    You should always want that! You got a whole campaign waiting!

  20. #20
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The DnD jokes thread

    It's always somewhere in the back of the mind

    Just need more players!

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