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Thread: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

  1. #1
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar I am your sovereign now
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    Default The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    Blah, blah, blah, I'm Jorge Ringwraith Razalgul Tolkien (pronounced JRR Tolkeeeeeeeen) and I'm a nutty absentminded professor who gets annoying ass phone calls all day from hippies asking about Frodo, my equally moronic fantasy character who only has nine fingers, but reflects me in real life with his little Hobbit phallic member!

    Like a unicorn or a Mordor mountain troll, I'm a rare breed, an English Catholic who still has all my teeth! I'm the writer of The Hobbit and the The Lord of the Rings, works that are compared to those of Shakespeare's yet are clearly influenced by all sorts of drugs that shriveled my already disheveled brain.

    Mined from the depths of my insane brain, I've created all sorts of fantastical fanged creatures that still delight little children to this day, including giant spiders like Shelob, flying Fellbeasts ridden by the terrifying Nazgul, and wargs and werewolves that tear your face off. If I hadn't died prematurely, I would have unveiled my most terrifying literary invention of all: the Flying Werewolf Spider Shark! These winged seaborne creatures allied with Haradrim of Umbar attack the naval fleets of Pelargir at sea and along the mouth of the Anduin River between Harondor and Gondor.

    Unfortunately, however, I died too young by stepping on a rake in my backyard and having it crush my skull in comedic fashion, but my spirit lives on! I was welcomed by the Valar to reside in my spiritual abode of Aman, where I communicate with you now. Time to update my fiction for the recent era, then! By that I mean reshaping established LOTR canon by informing all of you that Sauron was in fact a physically disabled bisexual Jamaican woman who was merely checking the privilege of the imperialist Dunedain.

  2. #2
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    JRR sounds like an STD not a name.

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  3. #3
    Ukiah's Avatar Tiro
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    You're not fooling us. You're Vladimir Putin... Nice to know that you're a Tolkien fan. Who's John Magoun, and what are your thoughts on his claim about Tolkien's moral geography of Middle-Earth?

  4. #4
    Emperor Commodus's Avatar citizen, allegedly
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    By my utterly unqualified reckoning, I severely doubt you, or your air exists, or ever existed. Especially your air.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Citizen, dreamer, one-time Praefect and one-time Consul
    sucked in by Jadli & patronized by King Athelstan
    'of the Imperial House of Hader
    also, I like pineapple
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
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    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    You clearly did something illegal to read this. Shame on you.


  5. #5
    Sir Adrian's Avatar the Imperishable
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    AHA! I have finally found you Simon Cowell! You're the king of the beavers, you cannot deceive us, you can't fool owls.
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  6. #6
    Derc's Avatar Campidoctor
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    Tolkien is overrated, lol

  7. #7
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The ridiculing and lampooning of J. R. R. Tolkien thread

    jerrr tolkien killed my dad

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