What does YOUR daddy even do? [Chuckles smugly]

[Roma_Victrix]

[Pretentiously blows on polished fingernails in between sips of mocha Frappuccino].

Oh, I'm sorry, who did you say your daddy was again? A doctor? How quaint.

Well, my daddy happens to be the prestigious owner of the largest baseball bat in his crack den. A loving father, lifelong gambler and committed crackhead, he uses that bat to rightfully defend his crack whores, even though he can't quite remember which one of them gave birth to me!

Sigh! I'll never forget how proud I was to see my daddy featured prominently on the back page of the DC Examiner after he broke into a 7/11 convenience store one night and passed out drunk on the floor without any pants on, just how the officers found him! I still have his mugshot from the news clippings, placed prominently onto my mantlepiece...the shards of glass still in his hair from the broken door...the small saliva-soaked chunks of Slim Jim and distinctly orange flakes of Cheetos still clinging to his unkempt beard. The glazed lackadaisical look in his eyes. What women his age could resist such a handsome gent?

Anyways, look sharp! My father is a busy man but he just left a text from his 2001 Nokia mobile phone he found in a dumpster and will be arriving here any moment to pick me up in his two-seater bicycle, so please do try to make a good first impression. Don't you dare embarrass me with talk about your daddy being a, what was that again, a doctor? Hmm.

[alhoon]

My daddy would beat the crap out of your daddy and steal all his crack whores and break your daddy's baseball bat with HIS TEETH.

Disclaimer: This poster does not in any way condone illegal actions and violence and would not be proud when (not if) his daddy beat the living lights out of the previous poster's daddy. He also doesn't condone the use of drugs or pimping of prostitues. This poster is merely stating the fact that, despite not condoning it, his daddy would send the previous poster's daddy crying to a corner.

[Cookiegod]

[Pretentiously blows on polished fingernails in between sips of mocha Frappuccino].

Oh, I'm sorry, who did you say your daddy was again? A doctor? How quaint.

Well, my daddy happens to be the prestigious owner of the largest baseball bat in his crack den. A loving father, lifelong gambler and committed crackhead, he uses that bat to rightfully defend his crack whores, even though he can't quite remember which one of them gave birth to me!

Sigh! I'll never forget how proud I was to see my daddy featured prominently on the back page of the DC Examiner after he broke into a 7/11 convenience store one night and passed out drunk on the floor without any pants on, just how the officers found him! I still have his mugshot from the news clippings, placed prominently onto my mantlepiece...the shards of glass still in his hair from the broken door...the small saliva-soaked chunks of Slim Jim and distinctly orange flakes of Cheetos still clinging to his unkempt beard. The glazed lackadaisical look in his eyes. What women his age could resist such a handsome gent?

Anyways, look sharp! My father is a busy man but he just left a text from his 2001 Nokia mobile phone he found in a dumpster and will be arriving here any moment to pick me up in his two-seater bicycle, so please do try to make a good first impression. Don't you dare embarrass me with talk about your daddy being a, what was that again, a doctor? Hmm.

I didn't ask you what your father does. I asked if you wanted me to be your daddy. And also for some crack.

[Akar]

mine is dead

[Dick Cheney.]

mine is dead

No Akar. I am your father.

[Akar]

Have you been camping this thread just waiting for someone to say that?

[Roma_Victrix]

My daddy would beat the crap out of your daddy and steal all his crack whores and break your daddy's baseball bat with HIS TEETH.

Disclaimer: This poster does not in any way condone illegal actions and violence and would not be proud when (not if) his daddy beat the living lights out of the previous poster's daddy. He also doesn't condone the use of drugs or pimping of prostitues. This poster is merely stating the fact that, despite not condoning it, his daddy would send the previous poster's daddy crying to a corner.

Oh yeah? Well my daddy could spit smelly chewing tobacco juice from his rotting gums that would temporarily blind your daddy before he even got near the bat! And it would make him smell really bad afterwards too! That's because my father thinks of everything first well in advance, always two steps ahead of the competition and other street dealers.

I didn't ask you what your father does. I asked if you wanted me to be your daddy. And also for some crack.

I don't need two daddies! My father does a fine job of taking care of his son and potential but forgotten mother among his crack whores, thank you very much! If you're looking to score stuff, he's not available at the moment. He's busy sleeping in his own urine, but I will leave a text for his Nokia mobile phone that you are interested in business.

Also, don't even speak about methamphetamines in his presence, that lowly, rustic, plebeian drug fit only for toothless hillbillies living in country shacks! Meth addicts are the lowest! My daddy is a proud, dazzling, sophisticated, urbane man-about-town who prefers only the finest crack cocaine on the market.

mine is dead

See, my daddy would never do that, even though he's had twelve different heart attacks from smoking crack rocks since he was 10. That's because he cares about his son and his loyal crack whores. Can't say the same for your father!

Have you been camping this thread just waiting for someone to say that?

You should be thankful that your dead father, a former Vice President, has risen and become the new Darth Vader. You're still not as lucky as me given how wonderful my father is, the leader of his crack den, but you should take what you can get!

[Flinn]

Portraying the consume of crack as normal breaks the promoting illegal activity part of the ToS

Encouraging or advocating an illegal activity, or portraying it as normal or acceptable

Closed