A Cat Is Fine Too

[LillyanaKabal]

A stupid bit of stupidity that will be updated infrequently and will not take itself seriously at all. Readers be warned.




"Come, little angels I'll take you away, into a world of enchantment~"
The singing of the small, demure Felinid was entirely at odds with the situation at hand. The Church had been corrupted by the forces of Khorne, sigils of the God smeared on the walls in the blood of the guardsmen who had tried to protect the flock. Though the warriors of Khorne cared nothing for the unarmed, so said flock managed to escape while the guards fought and died. Though this campaign to overtake the Hive World had dragged out too long, and this Hive was almost lost to them. The Ritual that was going on was the last desperate grasp to bring reinforcements to stem the tide.
The tide, then blew open the doors, sending shards of wooden splinters through the air, quickly followed by precise las rounds that ripped people in half. Thirty Stormtroopers entered the church with highly disciplined movements, sweeping from target to target with - from Elou’s point of view - delightful skill.
"Fall, Heretic!" The shout of the far more heavily armed and armoured Storm Trooper rumbled through the church, and the crack of Lasgun, the explosion of flashboiling and the death-screams of the Khornites made a cacophany of madness that was enough to screw with a normal person even before the actual dangers.
"Sargent, they have a hostage still alive!" one of the Storm Troopers exclaimed, pointing towards the red-clad maid. Blasting their way through the cultists, they moved towards her, arriving as the last of these cursed creatures was put to the sword, metaphorically at least.
“Mmm, delightful to meet you. What is your name?” Elou asked, her tail swishing behind her and a smile showing off her feline fangs. It was somewhat unnerving to see a hostage act like this, but the Storm Troopers were far beyond such things. One man stepped forward, clearly the leader from his appearance.
“Tempestor Sargent Argile, Senior Agent under Inquisitor Blackfox. We were told there was a Chaos Ritual being enacted here, but we seem to have arrived in time to stop it. Come miss, we’ll get you to the fallback point” he spoke with a grizzled voice that was born into war.
“Ohh, you are delightful, Saargent Argile. I am Elouviana Zashira, and I am sorry to tell you, but you weren’t in time” her eyes flashed a deep red as the veil dropped. Blazing like the fires of ever forge ever lit, and a red so deep it seemed to drown the man in a tide of blood. And then, the man did indeed start drowning, clawing at his throat and blood spilled out of it. Vomiting more blood than a human had any right to possess, he fully asphyxiated, and passed away.

Readorning the veil that covered her nature, she gave a small smile at the Storm Troopers around her. Incredibly on edge, they had no idea what had just happened, and the Felinid had not done anything they could see…
“It’s boring to kill things so simple as you. You can flee, if you wish” Elou told them, crouching down and taking out the Sargent’s knife. It was such a bother, being summoned by plebeians. She was never brought here with her beautiful rose. The Strom Troopers didn’t take her good natured offer, and instead decided it was true reason to open fire. So Elou grabbed the gun that the Sargent had dropped and kicked off the ground, soaring into the air and firing off three shots that penetrated the Trooper’s helmets and dropped them like stones. Landing on the ground, the air trembled for a moment, and she moved with impossible speed to the nearest Trooper, slitting their throat and then shifting the body behind her so the heavy carapace took the shot from the man next to her. He suffered the same fate as his friend, and then the knife was thrown across the church to punch through the skull of a third.

Moving with the swiftness and confidence that could only be found in a perfect warrior, every shot seemed to miss her, where as her every shot found their skull with intimidating accuracy. Though, even a woman as skilled as she could not avoid so many shots indefinitely. She was no Slaaneshi, after all. So she got a las shot to the back. Snapping the neck of the guy in front of her, she looked around at the Trooper, who was standing stunned at the fact Elou was showing as much reaction as if he had just thrown a rock at her.
“Hey! I like this dress! Who gave you the permission to damage it like that?!” She exclaimed, striding over and kicking the man’s head off. With that, it seemed everything was over. A few of the Troopers had slipped on the blood and broken their necks, though that was not a big surprise. Her presence did screw with causality, triply so in the presence of blood.
“Now, I don’t doubt they have some reason for calling me here. Best get out and see what that was, huh?” Elou asked nobody, before nodding. “Indeed, other me. Hmm...Other me seems a bit derivative. Meh, you had a good run, Other Elou” She’d shrug and head out of the door, clutching the lasgun that was slowly cracking and becoming bloodcaked in her grasp.

[LillyanaKabal]

"I used to have a pair of guns, you know? Really cool set they were, I could go awesome boom boom bang shing woosh kaboom with them. I also had a cool rifle as well though I think that was later after the guns went somewhere. Rifle was a messy piece of , somehow managing to eat a pair of bullets every single bullet I fired, and vent smoke out the bullet...slidey back thing. Like, why was there so much smoke to cover me in a cloud in the gun in the first place? And why did it only cover me in the cloud and not spread out? Weird thing that it was"
Elou strode through the streets, a guardsmen clutched by his armour, slowly bleeding from his missing arm. She had run into a patrol while wandering and they shot at her and it was so rude.
"This was before my Rose, of course. And I left the rifle for the Mechanicus. Broken though it was, it was still really cool for them and they loved looking over it. Then of course I got my Rose and it was beautiful. Though, did you know-" she'd get cut off by the guy dying on her. "Tsk, nobody here has any kind of respect for a monologue" she grumbled, discarding the corpse and wandering around some more. The sounds of war were all around her, and it was lovely, made her feel all tingly to feel so much blood being spilled.
A bit more wandering, and she came across a mass of bodies, which was lovely. Stepping out of the alleyway, she saw there were hundreds of Heretics dead on the floor.
"Hold your fire!" an exclaimation to her left came, and she saw a redoubt where a group of guardsmen had constructed a hasty barricade. Ergo, this was the right way to go! So she would turn to it and walk towards them as they called. "Who are you, and what are you doing here?!" The sargent shouted.
"I am Elouviana Zashira, and you know. When your Master tells you he wants a specififc meal today and you say 'but sir, I can't get there, there is a war going on right now' and then he slaps you and pins you to the wall by your throat and tells you that if you don't follow his orders he'll strip you naked and throw you in the pit to breed someone that will" Elou replied, shrugging softly and hopping into the Redoubt. Her confidence and the tale she was telling was weird, and they couldn't muster the mentality to stop her. "You are running out of bullets, by the way" Elou commented, stepping over an empty box of bullets.
"Govenor says Lasguns are too expensive" the man replied with a sneer. Elou paused and turned back to him with a shocked expression.
"Too expensive? It's more expensive to have Autoguns in the long run. But....I guess he doesn't really think about the long run because he expects you all to die horribly so he can keep being a fat cat" Elou scowled at the idea and looked upwards to the celling. "I should go tell him off for being so greedy"
Though it was throwaway commentary from Elou, her presence was enough to stoke long held grudges and ignite them into an inferno.
"The Cat Girl's right! We are paid hardly enough to survive, not even given proper gear, and that sits around on his ass! We should storm the upper hive and throw him off it!" the Sargent exclaimed, met with roars of appreciation from his men. Painting their armour with blood, they got out of the redoubt and charged off into the distance, screaming at the top of their lungs and radioing their comrades to do the same.

"Well that happened" Elou commented with a flick of her eyebrows, before turning. As a Daemon Princess, she was well honed to emotions, and could feel some that shouldn't be felt in a warzone. Following the scent, she would come across an alleyway with three cultists surrounding a guardswoman on her knees. Rather than fighting, they were using the woman for carnal purposes, and from the noise and tears she could see, the woman was certainly not interested in recipocating. Probably the reason for the handcuffs.
"Oi" Elou shouted, glaring down the alleyway at them. It turned all three heads, and staring at a cat girl in a maid uniform was certainly not something they expected to do when they got up this morning. Though one of them recovered quickly and grinned while pushing the woman's head forward so she started choking.
"Hey look! Another girl's come to join. Ya gonna strip off for us, or we gonna have ta make ya?" he shouted back. It was enough to boil Elou's blood. Or, the Daemonic equivilent of it anyway.
"Hahaha, no" she then shot warp fire from her eyes down the alleyway and exploded the man's head. Such an action freaked the absolute out of the other two and they sprinted off screaming into the night. With unnatural swiftness, Elou appeared by the side of the woman as she coughed and spluttered to get a breath now the obstruction was gone.
"Hey, it's ok now. You are alright" Elou spoke, breaking her cuffs and taking her hand. "Can you tell me your name?" She asked, a gentle, soft and soothing voice. Elou had never really been all that opposed to Slaanesh, and so was close in aspect to her. As a result, he didn't begrudge a subtle boon now and then, which Elou was putting to good use.
"I....wow, you are so pretty" the woman said, her eyes glazed over. Elou internally cursed and diled back the power a little, so it was just calming, not enarmouring. "I...I mean...sorry...I.....I'm Katerina. Most, people call me Kat" she replied, blinking some more and wiping her mouth.
"Kat? How perfect~ The Cat has a Kat! Come dear, let's get out of here, yea?" she'd ask, standing and offering her hand.

[LillyanaKabal]

“Reeepent!” was not quite the exclamation that Kat was used to hearing while fighting, but then again she wasn’t used to fighting with a cat girl maid who somehow used a spine and skull as a terribly effective weapon.
“R..epent what, exactly?” Kat asked. Her leg was better now, it had stopped bleeding a few moments after Elou had appeared, and she was determined to ignore that, as she was everything else about the woman.
“Uhh...being alive, I guess” Elou replied, looking over and giving a shrug, and then getting stabbed in the shoulder. Or rather, jabbed in the shoulder with no actual penetration and the knife just grinding along the skin till Elou turned the man’s face concave with a punch.
“How, do you repent being alive?” Kat asked as the last guy had his spine shattered as his head was stuffed up his ass. This Elou had a very…..inventive way of killing people.
“By dying, I guess...hey! Stop! You are making me think of things, you are meant to just stand there and look pretty and then went we get to the Upper Hive you are meant to look even more pretty because we’ll get a dress” Elou glared, pouting cutely at Kat who just laughed softly.

But, their laughter was overshadowed by the roaring thunderous power of a Thunderhawk screaming overhead, shaking the ground as it flew low altitude and high speed.
“Hold that thought” Elou commented, unheard over the sound of the jet. She’d pick up the knife that the guy had tried to kill her with, flip it over and toss it at the jet. Against all odds and blatantly in the face of sanity, the knife not only caught up with the jet but smashed one of it’s engines off, causing it to spiral into the ground and explode. “Come along, Pond” Elou exclaimed, grinning and flickering off with unnatural speed. Though she returned a few seconds later and picked Kat up.

“Sorry, sorry. Forgot you can’t do the whole, kicking reality in the nutsack thing” Elou would then skip off at a much slower rate, arriving at the crashed Thunderhawk a few minutes later. A quick glance over the area found the dead crew, but no passengers.
“Hmm, no tracks or signs of passage, not any sign that there were people to begin with. They must have already been dropped off” Elou muttered to herself, looking up and from where the Hawk had been coming from. Up in the big spire...What was a Thunderhawk dropping off up there?

“So I may have accidentally’d a massive revolt among the PDF forces, leading to a resurgence in the heretic assault” Elou told Kat, a guilty look on her face.
“How do you accidentally a revolt of any kind?” Kat asked, incredulously.
“Well you know, you humans are all so very emotionally malleable. Your own kind can easily make you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do, so imagine what I can do in the right moment” Elou replied, putting Kat down and cracking a grin.

“But, it does seem that your governor has friends~ Let’s go say hello, shall we?”