Chapter Three
Mount Koya, Kii Province
May 13, 1614
Yukimura was drunk again as he stumbled back into the house. His cloud watching had given way to stargazing some hours previous, but in truth he had been neither watching nor gazing at anything in particular. He had just simply existed, taking up some form and shape upon the earth, but doing little more than intermittently raising a cup to his lips. Eventually the bottle had emptied and then he existed there for a while longer, before picking himself up and turning to his bed.
Oume was already asleep, as were the servants, so Yukimura mechanically began to douse the lamps inside their abode, practiced hands moving without direction or order, working entirely on muscle memory and reflex. This was his routine, as it had been for years now. And tomorrow would be the same.
He closed the latticed shoji door to his chambers shut behind him and his feet shuffled towards the sleeping mat in the corner. But as he moved across the room, his eyes lazily fell upon the small wooden desk in the corner. It was a small table, only a foot off the ground, upon which one could compose letters or practice calligraphy. Yukimura had never used it for these things; he had not used it at all in fact. It just existed there, as he did, taking up space in the world.
The reason why his gaze caught upon it was that someone else had been using it, for an errant scroll had been left out on the surface top. Whilst the servants would come into his chamber to clean the room and wash his bedding, they were diligent in their work - leaving everything back in its rightful place, as if they had never even entered at all. With Nisuke away, that only left one other culprit.
Groggily, Yukimura turned away from the bed and went to kneel at the table, taking the scroll in his hands and turning it over. He sighed, as he realised his daughter hadn’t been writing anything at all. She had been reading. There were no books here, no family heirlooms or inherited tomes - destitute as they were. No, the scrolls in their possession now came only from one place. Ordinarily he would have just wrapped it back in its bindings and shelved it away, but something kept him at the desk - perhaps the alcohol, perhaps some flicker of misplaced curiosity. And even though he had read it before - one year past now -, he undid the clasp and laid it out across the desk.
My dearest Yukimura,
I hope this letter finds you well. I fear it will be winter by the time this letter reaches you, so I have given Nisuke some extra coats for you and Oume. It will be cold in the mountains, so I hope you look after yourself. Perhaps you are used to those higher climes by now, but a sister cannot help but worry. I have also procured some of that foreign wine for you; the merchants in Edo say that it will warm even the coldest belly. Please drink it generously, if it will help.
I know that you must have your reasons for no longer returning my letters, but you know me too well to think that I will take your silence as any reason to desist. Whatever they are, I hope you can put them behind you, for we would love to hear from you again. You and Oume. Nisuke is always so tight lipped when she is here, we can hardly pry any information out of her. But she would not keep coming every year if anything serious had happened to you, nor would she neglect to tell me of it; you know she and I have never seen eye to eye, but when it comes to you I know that we are of one mind.
However, it is of my own problems that I would speak with you, if you will indulge my selfishness. I regret to tell you that Nobuyuki is still ill, and his condition has not improved since last I wrote you. Every day I attend his bedside, but he grows weaker and weaker in my arms. I fear he is not long for this world. It would mean the world to him - to us - if you could visit one of these days; I am not sure he will be at peace until the pair of you are reunited.
And I need you too. To tell you the truth brother, I cannot cope with this anymore. I am alone, trying to manage the Sanada clan whilst my husband lies weak and infirm, as well as trying to do my duties as a daughter of the Honda after the passing of my father. And the boys - oh, how much they have grown! - they take up so much of my time. Yukimura, I fear I cannot manage two families in this way for much longer.
I am riding for Edo in the spring. I have spoken to Lord Ieyasu these past years and he has been amenable to the idea of releasing you from your exile. However, stubborn as he is, he struggles to forgive you for what happened at Ueda. But I am making progress. It is my hope that you will be able to return soon. And if Nobuyuki’s health… I will say no more, but the people of Shinano still love you, and they would happily welcome you back as their daimyo, should anything happen to your brother. As for the boys, I can adopt them into the Honda clan; they would not hesitate should they know that it was in service of their cherished uncle. We all just want you home, Yukimura, whatever it takes.
I will inform you of any developments in my next letter to you. Just please look after yourself until then. And send my love to Oume.
Your loving sister,
Ina
Yukimura’s face was expressionless as he finished reading the letter. With the same mechanical movements, he absently wound the scroll up and re-sealed the clasp, before placing it neatly on the rack mounted to the back of the table. He felt nothing as he rose from the desk and began to disrobe. How could he? It had been fourteen years; he couldn’t even remember what his purported sister-in-law looked like - how could he feel anything for her? It was like interacting with a ghost; a distant memory of someone he had once known, whose words dissipated into smoke before they could even be processed, like some silent whisper from beyond the grave. It meant nothing to him, and the letter was already out of his mind when his head hit the pillow and he slipped into a dreamless slumber.