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Thread: Parody Units

  1. #41
    Grimmy's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    A logistics unit that can be added to an army.

    You're deep in enemy territory, out of supplies but have all those prisoners you've captured?

    So, Mystery Meat Makers! to the rescue.

    Your troops get fed and you have fewer prisoners to feed and guard.

    Win win.

  2. #42
    Grimmy's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    So, battles getting boring and predictable for yeh?

    Ok then...

    Just after you click to accept battle, and are getting ready to advance toward the enemy, strange lights and "ships of the air" are seen overhead.

    And suddenly, The Lost Army of Cambyses II appears, all 50k of them, on the flank of both your and your enemy's army!!!

    So, now you have to make a choice, fight both your original enemy *and* The Lost Army simultaneously, or join with your former foe and fight for survival against the Persian Hoard Returned From Outer Space!

  3. #43
    Grimmy's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    A bolt thrower, magazine fed and fast cocked by an Archimedes steam pump mechanism.

  4. #44
    Grimmy's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    New Unit:

    Great Bells of Fire

    Here's how it works. Bronze bells, one meter across and two meters deep. The bells are on a carriage or wagon. One bell per wagon or carriage. The bell mount holds the bell inverted, the open side of the bell pointing up.

    The bell is loaded with a mix of naptha and Gallic soap to a jelly consistency. Cap with thin plywood cap with felt lining to make snug but easily removed.

    The bottom (closed end) of the bell has two small holes through which copper wires have been inserted and the holes plugged up, closed. Inside the bell, the wires meet at a heating element. Outside the bell, the wires go to a Babylon Battery setup.

    To fire the weapon, tilt toward enemy, keeping the open end at least 45 degrees "up". Throw the connection switch from the Babylon Battery to the heating element and then FOOM!

    Great gobs of flaming, sticky, fire jelly rain down on the advancing enemy.

    It don't have to be Greek Fire to burn your shiznit up.

    Available to whomever owns the ... trans alpine gaul? (area north of latin Rome but south of the Alps) *and* has metal producing mines *and* has foundries/metal working infrastructure already developed.

  5. #45
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar I am your sovereign now
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    This game doesn't shame you enough for playing it. What it needs is an entire troop of middle-aged British nannies who wag their fingers and nag enemy soldiers to death, then wag their fingers at the screen towards you, the player, upbraiding you for spending time playing video games instead of studying or practicing the violin.

  6. #46

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    This game doesn't shame you enough for playing it. What it needs is an entire troop of middle-aged British nannies who wag their fingers and nag enemy soldiers to death, then wag their fingers at the screen towards you, the player, upbraiding you for spending time playing video games instead of studying or practicing the violin.
    That could be arranged. Replace the two-hour notification scroll with a cinematic of what you just described

  7. #47
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar I am your sovereign now
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Shoebopp View Post
    That could be arranged. Replace the two-hour notification scroll with a cinematic of what you just described
    You've got yourself a deal!

    There should be a unit in the game of Castilian Spanish aristocratic elites modeled on the Brigantinoi, except they're all wearing fancy Habsburg-era 17th century hats and armed with Early Modern period rapiers, and instead of saying their unit name normally, they say it with absolute pomposity, insufferable self-satisfied smugness, and a hugely thick Spanish accent, really rolling that "R" on the tongue for a while and egotistically chuckling after saying their unit name. Also, they pause mid-battle to engage randomly in bullfighting, using up valuable time and slowing down your army's advance (a move that's kind of the opposite of units who charge without orders).

  8. #48
    Grimmy's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    That reminds me, shouldn't all armies from the British Isles pause mid battle for tea?

  9. #49
    Lusitanio's Avatar Content Staff
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Grimmy View Post
    That reminds me, shouldn't all armies from the British Isles pause mid battle for tea?
    Should be before the battle, during the pre-battle video.

  10. #50
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    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Lusitanio View Post
    Should be before the battle, during the pre-battle video.
    But they already do that for Second Breakfast!

  11. #51

    Default Re: Parody Units

    ANOTHER regional variation for British Units, Norf Lad and Souf Bloke.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



  12. #52

    Default Re: Parody Units

    I appreciate the effort you put into these EBII Wojaks. I might replace the starting Pritanoi faction leader portrait with one of these

  13. #53

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Shoebopp View Post
    I appreciate the effort you put into these EBII Wojaks. I might replace the starting Pritanoi faction leader portrait with one of these
    Sadly I wish I had the talent to draw like that. These are already-made memes for the history board of a certain infamous website based on the "Norf FC" meme to make fun of Northern English, originating from the international/UK foccused board of the same infamous website. If you want more examples, just google Norf FC.

    A good deal can also be found from Unbiased History of Rome youtube series, which I can actually talk about without getting risk of being notified by the mods, because unlike said infamous website, this one's dark humor is much tamer.

    https://youtu.be/9EOzr15h8S8?list=PL...azzTTu1WSh8MHg

    First of many videos of the already finished series. What's the author going to do after, nobody yet knows.

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