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Thread: Universal Healthcare

  1. #1
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Universal Healthcare

    I'm a firm believer in universal healthcare after having lived in the UK for years as an American and experiencing the egalitarian benefits of living in a country with a system like the British NHS that makes sure everyone is covered and doesn't go bankrupt from medical bills, no matter where they exist on the socio-economic scale. I believe that Medicare for the elderly doesn't go far enough, especially during a pandemic when millions of people are losing their employer-based private health insurance after getting laid off.

    However, there should be one major exception: namely Akar, who should be blacklisted and never allowed healthcare of any kind.

    Healthcare should be applied universally to everyone, except for Akar, his immediate family, and his extended family, all of whom should be listed in a constitutional amendment as being enemies of the state who shall be denied healthcare by all service providers.

    We need a constitutional convention in this country, to make sure Akar - even if he pays his taxes - cannot benefit from publicly funded healthcare and cannot even access private option healthcare or even underground black market back alley doctors using rusty surgical tools like in that one scene in Tim Burton's Batman (1989) where the Joker played by Jack Nicholson is getting his acid-scarred nerve-severed face worked on by a mafia-friendly doctor.

    Akar and his progeny should be made to suffer. If they suffer any sort of ailment, even if it's cancer or diabetes, all they should be given is some Tylenol. All in favor say I?

  2. #2
    Diamat's Avatar VELUTI SI DEUS DARETUR
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Cancer isn't real anyway. It's just cells going on a party.

  3. #3
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    If it's real cancer the body has ways of shutting that whole thing down anyway.

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  4. #4
    Diamat's Avatar VELUTI SI DEUS DARETUR
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Radiation therapy is essentially a reeducation program for hard-to-raise cells.

  5. #5
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Whatever gets you closer to that elephants foot.

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  6. #6
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Finally! A Thema Devia thread filled with expert medical advice and knowledge!

    Quote Originally Posted by Diamat View Post
    Radiation therapy is essentially a reeducation program for hard-to-raise cells.
    It's basically sending them to the gulag and that's racist because it's a holocaust of cancer cells. Therefore oncologists should be dragged and cancelled on Twitter for being war criminals who failed at being woke.
    Last edited by Abdülmecid I; July 17, 2020 at 09:41 AM. Reason: Unnecessary.

  7. #7
    King Athelstan's Avatar The Wheel Weaves
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Wait! I'm Akars daddy per TWC custom, which in some arbitrary sense dictates that I probably am part of his extended family. Now, this can go very wrong for two reasons - first off, I live in Norway. I have healthcare. I got that covered. I don't pay my taxes and get my surgery done free. However, this new law of yours will implicate me as Akars family, and thus remove me from my already covered healthcare? Or will the new universal healthcare be removed, and the old Norwegian one still cover me? Or will I lose both?

    Either way, this shows signs of a grim future for the House of Hader. I don't mind whether Akar gets healthcare or not, I just care about myself, as any proper lad on the internet would.
    Proudly under the patronage of General Brewster of the Imperial House of Hader
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  8. #8
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    To be clear it would only affect Akar and his family within the United States, so if he or any of his family living stateside moved abroad and received healthcare in another country that would be basically beyond the jurisdiction of the US government. You're fine so long as you remain in Norway! Also, Akar and his family should be mandated to wear funny hats at all times of the day when out in public, especially a nurse's cap, just to remind him that he's not getting healthcare, whether he wants it or not.

  9. #9
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Nurses caps are VERY sexual, I've always said so.

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  10. #10
    Aexodus's Avatar Persuasion>Coercion
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Carry on Nurse would make great propaganda media for Universal Healthcare.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Himster View Post
    The trick is to never be honest. That's what this social phenomenon is engineering: publicly conform, or else.

  11. #11
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Akar doesn't need publicly funded healthcare, when he has the Content Staff health plan! We even offer options, including the the Writers' Study plan (where someone writes a short story in which the patient recovers from a nasty health condition) and the Helios plan (where we summon a doctor from a randomly selected historical period, anywhere from the Stone Age up to the early 19th century). Our practitioners are fully up to date on exciting new theories such as balancing the four humors and the miasma theory of disease.

  12. #12
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Those humors sure sound interesting I'd love to hear more about that. Do you guys know anything about leeches and blood letting? Oh, and what about trepanation I've been wanting to try that out.

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  13. #13
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Yeah, the Eagle Standard health plan offers unlimited treatment with leeches, blood-letting and Trepanadol™. The only condition is that the patient needs to write a review of the treatment afterwards, rating it for historical realism and immersion. Disappointingly, we've had very few reviews so far, but don't worry, we're going to continue with the treatments until we have enough reviews to know whether they work.
    Last edited by Alwyn; July 19, 2020 at 05:16 AM.

  14. #14
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    I'll write a first hand accounting of scaphism if you're interested.

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  15. #15
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    Cool! Now I want to become a doctor just so I can put leeches all over Akar's face and drain the blood out of him and then use that same blood at crime scenes to frame him.

  16. #16
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    There's no healthcare to save Akar from his Thetans anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  17. #17
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    It feels good that some people still remember my struggle with relapsing remitting thetan disorder.

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  18. #18
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    This thread just got real, homie. Damn. Cookiegod jumps off the top rope and body slams Akar in the ring. Too bad he won't have healthcare for that!

  19. #19
    Diamat's Avatar VELUTI SI DEUS DARETUR
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    When birds get sick, we ask humans to twist our necks. There is nothing more degrading than a damaged Avian.

  20. #20
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: Universal Healthcare

    My cat actually killed a bird yesterday. Was dope.

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