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Thread: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

  1. #1
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    We're all getting older, it is true, but that does not mean we have to give in and accept the insidious, horrific customs that comprise modern dad culture. Let's work together to compile a list of things that should never be said or done, because they are cringe-inducing, eye-rolling material that our teenage selves would abhor. Slowly but surely, it has happened. Even I've laughed at or told a few dad jokes lately. The poison is slow, but without seeking medical attention the problem can spread to the whole brain! By that point, you're already dead, at least figuratively speaking.

    So, let's begin! Here's a thing that my own father has often said, one of many phrases that I have vowed to never use:

    "You don't have the sense that God promised a soda cracker!" - Just an awful, terrible, no good, very bad outdated phrase that should be metaphorically incinerated.

  2. #2
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "I'll put you right through that wall"

    Not really feasible most of the time in a properly constructed home.

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  3. #3
    Morticia Iunia Bruti's Avatar Praeses
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    If you can drink, then you can work!

    I think self explaining. ^^
    Cause tomorrow is a brand-new day
    And tomorrow you'll be on your way
    Don't give a damn about what other people say
    Because tomorrow is a brand-new day


  4. #4
    Diamat's Avatar VELUTI SI DEUS DARETUR
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "There is no such thing as a former KGB man."

  5. #5
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    These are good so far! And by that I mean they are wretchedly horrible, but good examples of what should be avoided. Keep them coming!

  6. #6
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "These are good so far! And by that I mean they are wretchedly horrible, but good examples of what should be avoided. Keep them coming! "

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  7. #7
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "Akar"

    "Content Artist"

    "Wartime Consigliere"

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    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    I dream of the day a woman would want me and make babies for me. Then I'd be a dad rather than just an idiot with bad humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

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    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "I dream of the day a woman would want me and make babies for me. Then I'd be a dad rather than just an idiot with bad humour "

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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    Chuck Norris' kids laugh about his jokes

  11. #11
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    God dammit Akar stop derailing my efforts at derailing this thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

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    Ukiah's Avatar Decanus
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "You lack the social skills to do business."

    -Then he gets conned twice.

  13. #13
    King Athelstan's Avatar The Wheel Weaves
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    I'm still a teenager, but I'm dad enough to make jokes I flinch at. No wait, I make jokes now I'm going to flinch at? I make bad jokes on purpose? Something like that - I'm a 50 year dad with alzheimers trapped in the body of a 19 year old end-of-his-era as a teenager teenager. Yee haw.
    Proudly under the patronage of General Brewster of the Imperial House of Hader
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  14. #14
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "I'm still a teenager, but I'm dad enough to make jokes I flinch at. No wait, I make jokes now I'm going to flinch at? I make bad jokes on purpose? Something like that - I'm a 50 year dad with alzheimers trapped in the body of a 19 year old end-of-his-era as a teenager teenager. Yee haw. "

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  15. #15
    King Athelstan's Avatar The Wheel Weaves
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    Cha cha real smooth
    Proudly under the patronage of General Brewster of the Imperial House of Hader
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  16. #16
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Call me Ishmael
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    "You have a bright future in the food service industry!"

  17. #17
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    Ohhhh that one hit close to home

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  18. #18
    Sir Adrian's Avatar the Imperishable
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    Has anyone tried eating a clock? I hear it's time consuming.
    Last edited by Sir Adrian; July 23, 2020 at 05:18 PM.
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  19. #19
    Akar's Avatar I am not a clever man
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    Boooooo! Get off the stage!

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  20. #20
    Flinn's Avatar His Dudeness of TWC
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    Default Re: The thread for unbearable dad wisdom, dad jokes, and torturous things that dads say

    I always wondered what Settra took to get stoned like that

    I mean

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