The thread for horrendous suggestions

[Just let me post]

Hi everyone!

I'm gonna "borrow" Roma_Victrix's idea for a thread from EBII's forum
Similarly, to pass some time before the next SSHIP update comes (my playthrough is still on standby - it awaits the glorious changes!) and of course to have some fun
Let me roll a few ideas out:

1. First, let's set this historically correct reconstructed piece as main menu music:


2. Next, rename all "Heavy cavalry" class to "Heavy tanks"
and all Spearmen to "Anti-tank"


3. And finally - and I insist of making this happen!
Change every Pope portrait to God Emperor of Mankind and make him call Exterminatus instead of Excommunications



So, what are your perfectly historically accurate ideas on how to improve SSHIP?

[Nemesis2345]

Give the pope a Minas Tirith Citadel on Corsica or Sardinia so he will stop being a pain

Rename The Moors to The CavSpammerFaction.

When destroying a city hall building with a governor inside the settlement , 50% chances of your governor dying crushed by rubble (very realistic)

Replace arrow death sound with roblox ,,oof''

[Just let me post]

Give the pope a Minas Tirith Citadel on Corsica or Sardinia so he will stop being a pain

This isn't horrendous, this is genius!


I've had another bright idea when I was fixing Scottish voices - as you know, they shout "freeedom" a lot, Braveheart style. And in that movie, they seem to go somewhat berserk sometimes. So the idea is to:
1. give all Scottish infantry berserk ability (it causes CTD)
2. change CTD message to "They may cause us CTD, but they'll never take our freedom!"
3. ??
4. don't mess with Scots

[Tomek2000s]

Replace Greek Fire voices with quotes of Muhammad Avdol from Jojo Bizarre Adventures

[Just let me post]

Rename Constantinople to Istanbul

Use "byzantine" term

[Just let me post]

I found a perfect formula to calculate unit prices:

Recruitment cost = num. soldiers x 1
This signifies all people being equal in eyes of the Lord

Upkeep cost = recruitment cost x 100
This helps to reflect hardships endured under the firmaments



As you can see, it's so simple, it's perfect!

[Just let me post]

Searching for the perfect font:

[Nemesis2345]

Give the french extra bakeries for baguettes and croissant trade bonus

[Lifthrasir]

Give them a dairy as well to get the camembert for their baguettes

[Slaytaninc]

Every French general worth his salt needs a pastry chef ancillary or he shall grow despondent in the field.

[Just let me post]

Unrelated but these lyrics are pure gold:

[Nemesis2345]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TPBzatOvhA

In case some of you didnt see this . Historically Accurate btw

[Just let me post]

It's amazing how this video is little over half year old, yet feels like it came out in like 2009

This is absolutely glorious, we could use it as one of the loading_screens

edit.

I actually made it, I hope you don't mind @Nemesis:
loading_screen_87.tga.zip

Installation: put it into SS6.3 folder xd

[Nemesis2345]

hahaha you madlad !

[Cephalophore]

Replace the Varangian Guard models with Chad models and with banners of Chad's head.

[Just let me post]

3 - Knight hospitaliers have blank banner
[Spoiler]

must. not. make. a. joke. out. of. that.

[Nemesis2345]

Heard they are historical btw , they live in transylvanian forests.

[Just let me post]

Current release status:

[Sir_Cirdan]

The middle ages shouldn't have been so violent and bloody, so we should rewrite history to make it seem that way! /s Current weapon models should be replaced with the following
1) all thrown weapons with water balloons
2) firearms with super-soakers
3) bows and crossbows with nerf-guns
4) pikes and halberds with pool noodles
5) two-handed swords, axes, and clubs with pillows
6) spears, lances, and javelins (melee) with wrapping paper tubes
7) one-handed swords, axes, and maces, and daggers with wet towels
8) artillery of all kinds become t-shirt launchers
AND blood and casualties will be removed entirely, and soldiers will fight until one side runs away.

[Antonius]

The obvious weakness of this mod is the lack of inclusion, the obvious toxic masculinity it spreads and the lack of strong female characters. Here are some - of course completely serious - suggestions to tackle this:
- Battles need to include trigger warnings.
- All units need to be reskinned to be more inclusive: Especcially more women, people with disabilities and POCs
- You are not allowed to chose who your princess marries anymore. She is a strong woman and can decide for herself. Also, marriages should be also possible between princesses
- Include building type "safe space"
- Also, all building need to have ramps for disabled people
- Include more non-binary Characters

Please implement all these suggestions immediately or I will report this Mod on twitter...