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Thread: The thread for horrendous suggestions

  1. #1

    Default The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Hi everyone!

    I'm gonna "borrow" Roma_Victrix's idea for a thread from EBII's forum
    Similarly, to pass some time before the next SSHIP update comes (my playthrough is still on standby - it awaits the glorious changes!) and of course to have some fun
    Let me roll a few ideas out:

    1. First, let's set this historically correct reconstructed piece as main menu music:


    2. Next, rename all "Heavy cavalry" class to "Heavy tanks"
    and all Spearmen to "Anti-tank"


    3. And finally - and I insist of making this happen!
    Change every Pope portrait to God Emperor of Mankind and make him call Exterminatus instead of Excommunications



    So, what are your perfectly historically accurate ideas on how to improve SSHIP?
    Last edited by Just let me post; June 18, 2020 at 01:54 AM.

  2. #2

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Give the pope a Minas Tirith Citadel on Corsica or Sardinia so he will stop being a pain

    Rename The Moors to The CavSpammerFaction.

    When destroying a city hall building with a governor inside the settlement , 50% chances of your governor dying crushed by rubble (very realistic)

    Replace arrow death sound with roblox ,,oof''

  3. #3

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemesis2345 View Post
    Give the pope a Minas Tirith Citadel on Corsica or Sardinia so he will stop being a pain
    This isn't horrendous, this is genius!


    I've had another bright idea when I was fixing Scottish voices - as you know, they shout "freeedom" a lot, Braveheart style. And in that movie, they seem to go somewhat berserk sometimes. So the idea is to:
    1. give all Scottish infantry berserk ability (it causes CTD)
    2. change CTD message to "They may cause us CTD, but they'll never take our freedom!"
    3. ??
    4. don't mess with Scots

  4. #4

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Replace Greek Fire voices with quotes of Muhammad Avdol from Jojo Bizarre Adventures

  5. #5

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions



    Rename Constantinople to Istanbul

    Use "byzantine" term

  6. #6

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    I found a perfect formula to calculate unit prices:

    Recruitment cost = num. soldiers x 1
    This signifies all people being equal in eyes of the Lord

    Upkeep cost = recruitment cost x 100
    This helps to reflect hardships endured under the firmaments



    As you can see, it's so simple, it's perfect!

  7. #7

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Searching for the perfect font:

  8. #8

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Give the french extra bakeries for baguettes and croissant trade bonus

  9. #9
    Lifthrasir's Avatar ...
    Patrician Moderator Emeritus Content Emeritus

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    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Give them a dairy as well to get the camembert for their baguettes
    Under the patronage of Flinn, proud patron of Jadli, of the Imperial House of Hader




  10. #10

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Every French general worth his salt needs a pastry chef ancillary or he shall grow despondent in the field.
    I wish I were an intelligent man.

  11. #11

    Icon10 Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Unrelated but these lyrics are pure gold:


  12. #12

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TPBzatOvhA

    In case some of you didnt see this . Historically Accurate btw

  13. #13

    Icon12 Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    It's amazing how this video is little over half year old, yet feels like it came out in like 2009

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemesis2345 View Post
    This is absolutely glorious, we could use it as one of the loading_screens

    edit.

    I actually made it, I hope you don't mind @Nemesis:
    loading_screen_87.tga.zip

    Installation: put it into SS6.3 folder xd
    Last edited by Just let me post; August 10, 2020 at 10:12 AM.

  14. #14

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    hahaha you madlad !

  15. #15

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Replace the Varangian Guard models with Chad models and with banners of Chad's head.

  16. #16

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by lequintal69 View Post
    3 - Knight hospitaliers have blank banner
    [Spoiler]
    must. not. make. a. joke. out. of. that.

  17. #17

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions



    Heard they are historical btw , they live in transylvanian forests.

  18. #18

    Icon6 Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    Current release status:

    Last edited by Just let me post; September 26, 2020 at 11:11 AM.

  19. #19

    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    The middle ages shouldn't have been so violent and bloody, so we should rewrite history to make it seem that way! /s Current weapon models should be replaced with the following
    1) all thrown weapons with water balloons
    2) firearms with super-soakers
    3) bows and crossbows with nerf-guns
    4) pikes and halberds with pool noodles
    5) two-handed swords, axes, and clubs with pillows
    6) spears, lances, and javelins (melee) with wrapping paper tubes
    7) one-handed swords, axes, and maces, and daggers with wet towels
    8) artillery of all kinds become t-shirt launchers
    AND blood and casualties will be removed entirely, and soldiers will fight until one side runs away.

  20. #20
    Antonius's Avatar Decanus
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    Default Re: The thread for horrendous suggestions

    The obvious weakness of this mod is the lack of inclusion, the obvious toxic masculinity it spreads and the lack of strong female characters. Here are some - of course completely serious - suggestions to tackle this:
    - Battles need to include trigger warnings.
    - All units need to be reskinned to be more inclusive: Especcially more women, people with disabilities and POCs
    - You are not allowed to chose who your princess marries anymore. She is a strong woman and can decide for herself. Also, marriages should be also possible between princesses
    - Include building type "safe space"
    - Also, all building need to have ramps for disabled people
    - Include more non-binary Characters

    Please implement all these suggestions immediately or I will report this Mod on twitter...
    It is always easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.
    ~Alfred Adler

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