The “Who Wants to be My Dad” Challenge

[Septentrionalis]

Me and my new dad are gonna burn down my neighborhood to own the libs

Just be very careful, both of you. I have noticed a pattern that people who are eager to use any excuse to burn down their neighborhoods also often end up on the driveway with a police officer's knee against their neck. I am not saying it's fair, but there is clearly a trend of sorts.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Ahhh another contender steps to the challenge! Septentrionalis what do you bring to the table?

[Roma_Victrix]

Honesty that was by far the best application so far. Me and my new dad are gonna burn down my neighborhood to own the libs

I'll get the lighter fluid! See? Your dad is both hip and cool with the youth of today. Who else can say that about their dad?

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Brad Pitt’s kids. Man is definitely baked everyday and has the body of a Greek God, literally. If he were my dad we’d def get high as and talk about how psycho Angelina was, because that woman definitely made out with her brother.

[Akar]

Aren't all his kids adopted though? So you don't get the benefit of his good genes. Just the good jeans.

[Septentrionalis]

Ahhh another contender steps to the challenge! Septentrionalis what do you bring to the table?

I am afraid I will have to withdraw my application. I hurt the feelings of many at a time of great national and international grief with a very thoughtless comment that falsely suggests that innocent victims of violence would somehow be partially responsible for the mistreatment they suffer. I am not father material.

[Akar]

That's exactly why you're perfect father material.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

It’s still better than OG dad, so step up to the plate and prove your worth

[Akar]

I've already lost interest in you.

[Roma_Victrix]

That's exactly why you're perfect father material.

[Akar]

Anyway, my son is about to hug me to death in the next scene.

[Roma_Victrix]

Anyway, my son is about to hug me to death in the next scene.

That just means he loves you very much and can't wait to take up your mantle and fill your shoes. Seriously, though, he's not waiting any longer.

[Akar]

I wonder if it's even possible to suffocate someone like that. Anyone down to try it out?

[Septentrionalis]

That's exactly why you're perfect father material.

(A youtube link)

Happy to see such philosophically mature reasoning. Positions of authority and responsibility should be reserved to those that practice self-criticism and make an attempt at understanding their own weaknesses.

I wonder if it's even possible to suffocate someone like that. Anyone down to try it out?

I would like to try that with film and documentary makers that distort history. With the regular stupid kind, I would go all in and try to finish my business as quickly as possible. With the ones who have received consultation from serious historians and archaeologists, but still decide to ignore their pleas for veracity and make a mockery of historical truth because of their precious artistic freedom, I would go slow and make them understand the error of their ways in the process.

If the show had any redeeming qualities such as Ana de Armas being spanked on the butt, I might show clemency and release my grip in due time and send them off with a warning.

[Akar]

If the show had any redeeming qualities such as Ana de Armas being spanked on the butt,

I've found myself no longer able to watch shows that lack that aspect.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

What about Lord of the Rings? It was really good but I heard it fudged the history a bit. Also didn’t have Ana de Armas butt

[Akar]

it did have some Treebeard ass though

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Surprised that movie didn’t get rated R for all the lewd, nude treebeard scenes

[Akar]

Treebeard: Lewd and Nude.

[Septentrionalis]

I've found myself no longer able to watch shows that lack that aspect.

I've found myself a kindred spirit.

What about Lord of the Rings? It was really good but I heard it fudged the history a bit. Also didn’t have Ana de Armas butt

That was a travesty. So carefully and beautifully concocted, but displayed Frodo as someone young, Aragorn as handsome, Faramir as a weakling, and elves as some kind of baby-faced do-goody-good- ******s. And replacing all the slowly-building tension of the historically accurate accounts with Hollywoodesque action scenes. One of the worst cases of distorting actual, attested history.