The “Who Wants to be My Dad” Challenge

[Akar]

The NFL should decimate a team whenever it loses. I would be much more interested in football then.

[Pontifex Maximus]

You’re right.

to all future dad applicants: I will listen to you about how this great sport of gridiron football has been ruined by the recent rule changes, and I will not challenge your views as long as you take me to the games

Recent? It was ruined when they made helmets compulsory

Hello all. This thread is going to be about an ongoing competition for who can be my next father after the old one broke and we threw the old one in the garbage . See, in my 21 years I’ve lived a sad life of poverty and the lack of a strong older male influence. Now at my age I finally realize my life has been missing one key attribute to make it complete, a dad. So how better to find one than the TD, the bastion of chivalry on TWC?

Living out your daddy kink online like the rest of us? nice

I have a lot of money, but it is tied up right now in several African nations. I am promised by General Kidane exclusive access to Zaire's tungsten reserves once he "wins the presidency." I am also running several ponzi schemes.

I like sports, but the only team sport I like is polo. I hope you like competitive bowling.

I am a cheese monger by trade but I currently spend my time selling subscriptions to hobbyist magazines door to door.

My rep is a grower, not a shower.

But everyone is a cheese monger polo enthusiast, and you're probably asking what makes me special? I was born with several deformities that make me quite the center of attention whenever I take my shirt off or sneeze too violently. Ever need a talking point at a party? How about "my dad has a vestigial tail?"

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Right now I have to say Berlusconi is far ahead. Man has the money, the rep, and the willingness to dick over a sitting President’s wife to make the other kids at school say “hey you have the coolest dad!”. I’m sure I’ll make up for many years of lost experience with this man. The only downside is that he participates in that Euro filth fake “football”. It’s only one downside but a significant one. My American-centric world view cannot cope with someone actually being European rather than claiming to be such a nationality because their great grandparent was born there.

As for Ponti I’ve chosen to immediately outright reject your application from further consideration with a veto simply based on this line alone:

Living out your daddy kink online like the rest of us? nice

[Pontifex Maximus]

Trust me don't internalize a kink like that, it will come back to bite you and manifest as something far more horrifying in your middle age.

[Akar]

That certainly explains a lot.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Akar has been trying very hard to be my dad on here for quite some time but he’s providing a poor showing here

[Akar]

I just want the appearance of fatherhood, with none of the duties.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Ahhh so just like my first dad rip

Akar the Swindler

[Akar]

Where do you think Daddy-1 learned it?

[ggggtotalwarrior]

From his Daddy-1?

[Akar]

Is it dads all the way up?

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Until you reach the big man upstairs

[Akar]

The big dad upstairs, you mean?

[ggggtotalwarrior]

He identifies sexually as Zeus

[Akar]

It's not just a phase, Mom.

[Roma_Victrix]

Zeus is problematic, though, because his wife is his own sister Hera, so that means your mom and dad would also be your aunt and uncle.

Sounds like Alabama! Doesn't it?

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Don’t yer dun-dee-diddly tawk no dirt ‘bout my ancestral lands.

Are you gonna apply for fatherhood Roma or not?

[Akar]

Roll tide!

[Roma_Victrix]

Here is my formal application for fatherhood:

I can play guitar to amuse your friends and keep them distracted while you make out with their girlfriends behind the shed. I can cook food to keep you alive and season it to make it taste good too. Yum! I can clean the toilet so you don't have to clean up after your ole dad. Also, I do not judge! My son can do whatever he wants because that's my boy! If that means lighting a cop car on fire then so be it, given the stuff going on right now in the streets of the good ole US of A.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Honesty that was by far the best application so far. Me and my new dad are gonna burn down my neighborhood to own the libs