Your Guide to Visiting America

[Pontifex Maximus]

So you wouldn't mind if we posted "No Americans Allowed" signs in front of our saunas?

I doubt you'd see an appreciable decline in patrons. After all, your women don't shave and you all consume a lot of garlic. Your saunas are viewed more like greenhouses for anti-biotic resistant bacterial infections than anything else.

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

So you wouldn't mind if we posted "No Americans Allowed" signs in front of our saunas?

If we would build the entrances to our saunas smaller the american problem would also be finally solved...

[Pontifex Maximus]

If we would build the entrances to our saunas smaller the american problem would also be finally solved...

Just keep a supply of vaseline on hand to lube them up when they get stuck so they can be pushed back out again, trust me nobody wants an American stuck in their doorway

[Septentrionalis]

It has come to my attention that many European tourists have found some of our customs to be very hard to navigate, so I thought I'd give a short helpful list about etiquette and local customs, and things of that nature.

Haha, one of the funniest and well-crafted things in a long while

It happened while we were changing into our pajamas for nap time. It's weird that I so distinctly remember this, also the time I almost choked to death on a bay leaf.

WTF??!? (is a bay leaf)

[Diamat]

Bay leaves are a common spice in the West, especially when we pickle things. As a Finländer (i.e., Asian), you understandably don't know of these things.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bay_leaf

[Septentrionalis]

But you err! It is that thing, laurel. I have read about them in cookbooks smuggled in from western countries. I just did not connect it with the name.

[King Athelstan]

What happens if I order a single-patty but include bacon and cheese?

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

Bayleaf is essential for goulash. I Love Kidney goulash.^^

[Pontifex Maximus]

What happens if I order a single-patty but include bacon and cheese?

Hard to say, it would be safe to also order a hotdog.

[Akar]

I think a "no fatties allowed" sign would cover all the bases.

[Aexodus]

That's racist against Americans

[Akar]

I'm only American when it benefits me anyway

[King Athelstan]

Hard to say, it would be safe to also order a hotdog.

You mean one of these?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Akar]

I am impressed and disgusted.

[Pontifex Maximus]

I'm only American when it benefits me anyway

I feel the same way about being white

You mean one of these?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I sentence you to death

[Akar]

So it has been decreed.

[Aexodus]

What is your preferred method of execution?

[Akar]

Lynching. Let's make this as ironic as possible.

[Sir Adrian]

8. Sales tax is not included in the price on the shelf, expect to pay approximately 5% more in sales tax then the posted price.

This is so ing stupid. I am surprised stores don't get sued every other day for misleading customers.

[Akar]

It's not misleading because no one expects that to be the actual price. Not to mention they aren't implying that tax is included at all.