The Breadwinner

**Roma_Victrix** · April 18, 2020, 12:48 PM

Hey guys! Just letting you know that I am the breadwinner. That means you don't get any bread, none of it, it all belongs to me now, because I'm the one who won it. There's no bread for those who come in second or third place. Sorry, but those are the rules.

I'm also the one who brings home the bacon, so if you're lucky you'll get some of that at least. Only the jobholder, the worker, the income provider can decide who lives and who dies by starvation in his/her family. What am I to you, exactly? Your meal ticket? Get a job, you bum! I don't care if you just came out of the womb, I don't care if you're just an infant and I'm the parent whose supposedly responsible for your basic needs. Put some work boots on and head straight out that door and enter the workforce if you want to win bread like me, the breadwinner.

**Diamat** · April 18, 2020, 02:13 PM

I just ate bread. And it wasn't yours. I make my own bread. I'm the bread maker.

**Akar** · April 18, 2020, 06:49 PM

i like diamat's bread (no homo)

**Aexodus** · April 18, 2020, 08:04 PM

What if I make my own bread. Mwahahhaha I’m a genius

**Akar** · April 18, 2020, 08:15 PM

wait you cant do that

**Roma_Victrix** · April 19, 2020, 12:51 AM

Making your own bread is a bold, alpha move that by default means you are a breadwinner, because you obtained the material ingredients for making bread before others could, leading you to victory. Gotta get that yeast, yo (no, not the infection type of yeast, just to be clear).

Question: should breadwinners bother to break bread with non-breadwinners, those who are beneath them? Or should the latter be forced to eat raw flour instead, as a symbol of their crushing defeat and humiliation at failing to win the bread? This is a 'bread and butter' issue, so to speak, because the breadwinner is the one with the economic power to distribute the bread or withhold it in his granary from the peasant masses yearning for it. At what point does it become dangerous not to hand out some of the bread, like the Romans knew how to do with bread and circuses to appease the masses? Roman entertainment, the greatest thing since sliced bread!

**Aexodus** · April 19, 2020, 01:26 AM

Is there a hierarchy of bread? Are sweetbreads a step below brown bread, which is naturally inferior to pure white bread? What about buns, pastries, cake, and pie pastry? Perhaps these are questions of too much gravity to be answered publicly.

**Diamat** · April 19, 2020, 02:48 AM

Rye-based sourdough is the king of breads. But even among this kind, there are many different species. A bread completely changes its flavor based on the tiniest of variables, such as time of rising, bacterial growth in the sourdough, wheat-rye ratio, salt, climate, and so on.

**Akar** · April 19, 2020, 03:05 AM

Sure rye is the king but everyone knows Jewish pumpernickel is the one pulling the strings.

**Diamat** · April 19, 2020, 03:43 AM

Pumpernickel is an abomination.

**Roma_Victrix** · April 19, 2020, 09:53 AM

White bread was all the rage among the upper classes back in the day, but it doesn't lead to a very healthy diet and ironically poor people who ate other types of bread had a more nutritious intake on average. In either case, the rise and fall of certain breads are clearly dictated by the Illuminati (the Brotherhood of the Yeast). Their shadowy organization would rather have us fighting with each other as competitive breadwinners viciously haggling and tugging on loaves of bread than asking the real hard questions about who controls the bread supply and the fortunes of certain breads over others. Meanwhile, the makers of pumpernickel sit quietly in a corner, counting their shekels!

**Akar** · April 19, 2020, 11:32 AM

WOE BE THE BAKERS OF THE PUMPERNICKEL LOAF

**King Athelstan** · April 22, 2020, 01:53 PM

I'm happy to be a housewife and let you do all the work - Gives more time for videogaming

**Akar** · April 22, 2020, 03:33 PM

You are interrupting our lamentations, young man.

**King Athelstan** · April 22, 2020, 03:49 PM

I like scones

**Diamat** · April 23, 2020, 12:50 AM

I didn't even know what scones are until recently. I've never tried one.

**Frunk** · April 23, 2020, 07:55 AM

With strawberry jam and fresh cream, they're the best.

**Diamat** · April 23, 2020, 11:58 AM

Just like Asian women.

**Akar** · April 23, 2020, 12:18 PM

Asian whats?

**Roma_Victrix** · April 23, 2020, 05:52 PM

I didn't know that I wanted it beforehand, but now I want an Asian woman covered in strawberry jam and fresh cream. As a breadwinner, I can afford that kind of thing, with either cold hard cash, credit, or a barter system whereby I pay for any number of Oriental courtesans with metric tons of bread loaves contained in my storage unit as an item of exchange.