The thread for insufferable condescending Instagram-style life advice, goals, sayings, and memes

[Roma_Victrix]

Does your mom have cancer and got fired from her job for being a lazy chemotherapy sleepyhead who couldn't make it to work on time, so now she doesn't have health insurance anymore from her employer (situation applicable only to USA)?

Well then just be a warrior, not a worrier, you guys! It's like, very simple. You're just like...dumb or something if you don't get it, K? Thanks.



In this thread you're the student and I'm the teacher, so why don't you go ahead and take all the seats. You're gonna learn how to get fit, get motivated, diet and exercise, make investments, buy supplements, use marketplace Crypto, how to jazzercize, how to live your best life like Kim Kardashian, and learn about the importance of reconnecting with your roots, so that you can tell us the ancestory of your ancestry. Your ancestors from that side of the family that makes you 1/50th Cherokee Native American would be proud if they could see you now!

Haters and incels can go right ahead and leave this thread if they aren't fresh enough to catch these vibes but instead are trash enough to catch these hands.



The only people who are allowed in this thread are the ones who are my spirit animals that relate to this on a spiritual level with me:



Have you found your wave yet?

And like, OMG, if like one more of you calls me smug or glib I'm totally going to bust a tit and get aggro on you worse than when that Starbucks got my order wrong and made we wait an extra two minutes to fix my frappe.

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

[Turkafinwë]

And like, OMG, if like one more of you calls me smug or glib I'm totally going to bust a tit and get aggro on you worse than when that Starbucks got my order wrong and made we wait an extra two minutes to fix my frappe.

Hate it when that happens. God dang it Susan. I've been coming to this Starbucks for 10 years now. 10 YEARS! I thought we had something special.

Have you found your wave yet?

I am a wave. A wave of disappointment and disgust. Teach me master how to love myself like thy loves thyself.

[Roma_Victrix]

OMG, yes! You like totally get it!

Morticia is well on her way to becoming one of my new spirit animals. She has unlocked a new rating on the Roma_Victrix special scale: 1 (of 10). When life hands you lemons, make some lemonade! Time to level up and reach the power level 10, which makes you mega hyper super special. Unlike Cookiegod, who is forever negative 50 on the same scale.

Hate it when that happens. God dang it Susan. I've been coming to this Starbucks for 10 years now. 10 YEARS! I thought we had something special.

You are too good for Susan, she's a hater, she doesn't deserve you! A better barista can always be found if you follow this advice: don't chase the butterfly. Mend your garden, so that the butterfly comes to you!

I am a wave. A wave of disappointment and disgust. Teach me master how to love myself like thy loves thyself.

No problemo, my unique and special Belgian waffle friend! Here's a place where you can get started on that wonderful journey of vibes, and it starts with a simple smile:

[Turkafinwë]

You are too good for Susan, she's a hater, she doesn't deserve you! A better barista can always be found if you follow this advice: don't chase the butterfly. Mend your garden, so that the butterfly comes to you!

OMG so true bestie.

No problemo, my unique and special Belgian waffle friend! Here's a place where you can get started on that wonderful journey of vibes, and it starts with a simple smile:

The vibes. They're overwhelming me. AAAAAAAAAAAH.

Yes sir, I can boogie. If you stay you can't go wrong. I can boogie, boogie woogie all night LOOOOOOOOONG!

[Turkafinwë]

Slay you kings and queens

[Roma_Victrix]

OMG so true bestie.



The vibes. They're overwhelming me. AAAAAAAAAAAH.

Yes sir, I can boogie. If you stay you can't go wrong. I can boogie, boogie woogie all night LOOOOOOOOONG!

The sending of good vibes will continue until morale improves, my uber bro-chachski!

Slay you kings and queens

That shipwrecked abandoned ship is chef's kiss perfection.

You're doing it! You're creating new vibes of your own!

Turkafinwë has now unlocked power level 1 of 10 on the special scale, a novice, but that makes him quite special. Certainly more special than Cookiegod, who exists far outside the solar system of being special, and far from the warmth of its sun and central star from where all vibes radiate into the universe.

Keep at it and you'll soon unlock level 2. Now that's special! One day you may even reach the seemingly unattainable heights of power level 10, where the veteran spirit animals reside, including the absolute legendary greats such as Paris Hilton and Fabio Lanzoni.

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

Morticia is well on her way to becoming one of my new spirit animals.

No, not one, THE spirit animal, the Dragon in your chinese horoskope.

Yeah always stay positive...



The Queens advice:

[Turkafinwë]

Wow sooooooooo true dude #SooooInspirational #KeepMoving

I once sat down in the middle of a racetrack and a car almost ran me over. He was soooo mad, like "get off the track you loony!" It was then I realised I'm more of a forest track dude.

You can follow me on my OnlyFans, www.onlyfans/Turk'sBigBrain.com for more inspirational stories xoxo

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

Be different

[Turkafinwë]

Be different

Never conform
Always break the norm
Be unique
Die a beautiful freak

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

[Sir Adrian]

[Roma_Victrix]

Never conform
Always break the norm
Be unique
Die a beautiful freak

The spirit animals are emerging, the die is cast, Instagram life advice is unstoppable and the era of good vibes is inevitable. Don't swim against the current, make your own current and create your own waves.
#BeCreative #BeResilient #BeUngovernable #OneOfUs #JoinUs #DrinkTheWine #AltarOfSacrifice #BuyMyHerbalTeas #YOLO #WhatWouldJohnStamosDo

No, not one, THE spirit animal, the Dragon in your chinese horoskope.

Morticia Iunia Bruti has officially reached level 10.5, a level thought unimaginable just hours ago! You guys have to catch up, she's on FIRE!

[Turkafinwë]

This is one for all the haters out there. #WubTheHaters #HatersEatMyWub #GoodVibesOnly

[Akar]

[Morticia Iunia Bruti]

Be free, be mental healthy.

[skh1]

In terms of condescending, it's the "baby" part. Otherwise, yeah sure, persevere, I suppose.

[Roma_Victrix]

This is one for all the haters out there. #WubTheHaters #HatersEatMyWub #GoodVibesOnly

Loving the vibes here! Too bad the mods won't like it.

The Bible is a hugely important document in the history of the premodern mass production of good vibes and cheap sexual thrills before the hot and steamy age of the Internet. Verily, this is a super duper important example of why the Bible is still a better romance than the Twilight films.

Be free, be mental healthy.

Oozing with good vibes! Bravo! Now that's a quote for the ages, including the future age in which mankind regresses back into the caveman days by way of nuclear winter. It's important when you're dying of radiation exposure and starving to death from the global crop failure that you maintain a healthy figure but also remain body positive and not body negative once you lose 90% of your muscle mass (before taking your last desperate gasp choked with clouds of dust). It's important to always remind yourself to keep looking good and sexy with a bit of scratched blood to redden the lips if lipstick can no longer be found in the dump heaps left behind by the fallen civilization. Your husband/partner/significant other/radiation-afflicted lover will appreciate that after he comes home from a hard day's work of scrounging up more beetles for dinner.

In terms of condescending, it's the "baby" part. Otherwise, yeah sure, persevere, I suppose.

A worthy addition indeed! That earns you your first point on the 10 point scale of being super awesomely special and vibe worthy.

[Akar]

I am unable to see a "hang in there" poster without thinking of this Key and Peele Sketch.