We must stop Ben Stiller at all costs

**Roma_Victrix** · March 13, 2020, 07:41 PM

I know that the Coronavirus is a big deal, but there's something much bigger brewing now that a shady criminal organization is attempting to use Ben Stiller as a brainwashed assassin to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia and roll back childhood labor laws that have been the cornerstone of social justice in the past century. Ben Stiller cannot be located at present but he must be contained and quarantined as soon as he his spotted by authorities. Proceed with extreme caution given his volatility and knowledge of martial arts. I thought the news of Tom Hanks getting the Coronavirus was going to hit me hard, but nothing hit me harder when I found out that one of my favorite comedians Will Farrell is wrapped up in all of this as one of the criminal ringleaders of this nefarious outfit leading our beloved Ben Stiller astray:

**Akar** · March 14, 2020, 12:55 AM

I, for one, welcome our new overlord; Ben Stiller.

**Cookiegod** · March 14, 2020, 05:44 AM

Stiller?! More like Ben Shiller. Playing hardball for the lingerie-industrial complex.

**Akar** · March 14, 2020, 10:40 AM

I'm sick and tired of us getting drawn into wars just so that Big Lingerie can benefit from it.

**Roma_Victrix** · March 14, 2020, 10:50 AM

It's a little known fact that Big Lingerie is pushing us into foreign interventionism and international wars we don't want.

This conspiracy is called Victoria's Secret, because it's very clandestine and Victoria doesn't want you to know about it.

**Cookiegod** · March 14, 2020, 11:29 AM

Wait I meant Dodgeball. Hardball was Keanu Reeves.

**Akar** · March 14, 2020, 11:33 AM

Victoria's Top Secret

Victoria's Chamber of Secrets

**Roma_Victrix** · March 14, 2020, 02:38 PM

I think Ben Stiller might be trapped somewhere in Victoria's wet hot pink Chamber of Secrets. We have to dig in there and find him! Before it's too late.

**Cookiegod** · March 14, 2020, 03:09 PM

I think I made the chamber of secrets joke already about Cahoma's sister. So I'm gonna assume Victoria's her name.
You wouldn't simply steal copyrighted jokes from me, would you Akar?! Hm?! HMMMMMM?!

**Akar** · March 14, 2020, 03:22 PM

Is this part of the new Harry Potter movie?

**Cookiegod** · March 14, 2020, 04:30 PM

People can't shut up about it but I can't see the magic. I hate Hairy Butter. I don't get the hype

**Akar** · March 14, 2020, 11:14 PM

I can't believe it's not Hairy Butter.

**Cookiegod** · March 15, 2020, 01:59 AM

yeah every time I hear people talk about it I'm like: Why the hair and what kind of hair and who wants to eat that. Ugh

**Akar** · March 15, 2020, 10:31 AM

It adds texture. It's like a nice nutty crunch.

**Cookiegod** · March 15, 2020, 11:07 AM

If you want texture and nutty flavour, why not try my magic wand?

**Akar** · March 15, 2020, 11:12 AM

With the Phoenix Feather core?

**Roma_Victrix** · March 15, 2020, 01:37 PM

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bone: the Fat Meaty Pink Magic Wand Staff.

Don't give Ben Stiller or Will Farrell any bright ideas, though. While the Coronavirus is distracting most of the world, Will Farrell, aka Mugatu, can simply film an entire Harry Potter movie in an underground bunker, with Ben Stiller in the starring role. It can be made entirely for online distribution while people are unable to visit the movie theater. It could be potentially laced with subliminal messages affecting America's subconscious and driving them into becoming assassins of prime ministers just like Ben Stiller, a super hot ninja killing machine. It'll be a propaganda triumph and a disaster for child labor laws as it induces mass hypnosis for its viewing audience. We must stop them at all costs. We must protect the Prime Minister of Malaysia.