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Thread: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

  1. #1
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Guys,
    I'm going to make more txt infos as requested. I'm not a native speaker so I'd grateful for assistance. I'll post texts in this thread and I'd be happy for corrected versions.
    Joc
    For those who want to play a historical mod in a medieval setting:
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    or the Broken Crescent + Buff and Shine (if you'd like to play in Levant).
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  2. #2
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    I've recently coded traits Handsome and WellGroomed (actually fused Handsome, Ugly, Arse). The text for correction is as follows:

    Handsome generals

    Being handsome helps a general in his career – he will have more popularity among people and more authority amoung peers. Caring to much for his body will lower his authority, though.
    Psychical attractiveness of a general is defined when he enters the game. It is random but with a significant impact of the possibly handsome father and charming mother. It also helps if his father cares for his body.
    While teenager, the general may become more handsome just because he is maturing. During this time, he may also learn the custom of caring for the body - if he gets eductated in a city with educational facilities. Later he may get this custom if he stays in cities with the baths.
    During the life of a general his psychical attractiveness changes due to events in his life (eg. disease, scarrs) or experience gained in the cities with a theatre or artist studios. However, he needs to know that he should care of his body to become more handsome.


    FYI, the relevant code is as follows:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    ;========================================================;-------- Handsome & WellGroomed ------------------------
    ;========================================================
    ;--- Handsome: levels(points): 1(1)...5(5)...9(9)
    ;--- WellGroomed: levels(points): 1(1),2(4),3(6)
    ;- defined at the beginning but changes during life of a general
    ;- triggers for Education are outside this section - concerns only WellGroomed
    ;- special trigger for Muslims
    ;- doesn't degrade in the old age


    ;-- How many points is collected in 10 years (20 turns):
    ; teenager: 1.0 Handsome
    ; Intelligent general studying in city: 1.0 WellGroomed (Huge City: 2.0, Muslims: +0.5)
    ; general without WellGroomed: 0
    ; WellGroomed general in city with theater, artist studio: each 1.0 Handsome (but maxed)
    ; a general in city with batsh: 1.0 WellGroomed
    ; buildings finished (eg. baths): 0.5 WellGroomed each
    ; more WellGroomed for TourneyKnight, ExpensiveTastes, Cultured.




    ;----------------------------------------------------- teenager
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Teenager
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement


    Condition Trait Wantschool > 0 ; lasts 12 turns
    and Trait Handsome > 4 ; if he's ugly, more care for himself won't help much
    and Trait Handsome < 8 ; the use of cosmetics has it's limits

    Affects Handsome 1 Chance 10

    ;----------------------------------------------------- staying with builidings
    Trigger Body_Handsome_artist_studio
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement


    Condition Trait Handsome > 3
    and Trait Handsome < 8
    and Trait WellGroomed > 0
    and SettlementBuildingExists >= artist_studio

    Affects Handsome 1 Chance 5

    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_theatre
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement


    Condition Trait Handsome > 3
    and Trait Handsome < 8
    and Trait WellGroomed > 0
    and SettlementBuildingExists >= theatre

    Affects Handsome 1 Chance 5


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_WellGroomed_bath_house
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement


    Condition Trait Handsome > 3
    and SettlementBuildingExists >= bath_house

    Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5


    ;---------------------------------------------------- events in life
    Trigger Body_Handsome_SeverelyWounded
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEnd


    Condition Trait SeverelyWounded > 0
    and Trait Handsome > 1

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 10


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Diseased
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEnd


    Condition Trait Diseased > 0
    and Trait Handsome > 1

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 10


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Plague
    WhenToTest SettlementHasPlague


    Condition Trait Handsome > 1

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 10

    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_WellGroomed_Impacts_Handsome
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait WellGroomed > 1 ; not simply caring for himself, but more
    and Trait Handsome > 3 ; not possible to improve a tragic situation
    and Trait Handsome < 6 ; there're limits for improvement
    and Trait FitForOffice > 1 ; must be rational and healthy to do it

    Affects Handsome 1 Chance 5


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_TourneyKnight_Impacts_WellGroomed
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait WellGroomed < 2
    and Trait TourneyKnight > 2
    and Trait FitForOffice > 1

    Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5


    ;---------------------------------------------------- clearing houses
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Not_WellGroomed_Max
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait WellGroomed < 1
    and Trait Handsome > 7

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 100

    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Scars_Some_ClearingHouse
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait BattleScarred > 1
    and Trait Handsome > 5

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 100


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Scars_Many_ClearingHouse
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait BattleScarred > 2
    and Trait Handsome > 3

    Affects Handsome -1 Chance 100


    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger Body_Handsome_Zero_ClearingHouse
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnStart


    Condition Trait Handsome < 1

    Affects Handsome 1 Chance 100

  3. #3
    Lusitanio's Avatar Content Staff
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Being handsome helps a general on his path to success. He will be more popular among people and have more authority among his peers. Caring too much for his body and looks will lower his authority, though.
    Psychical attractiveness of a general is defined when he enters the game. It is random but is impacted by the possibility of having an handsome father and a charming mother. It also helps if his father cares for his body.
    While a teenager, the general may get more handsome just because he is maturing. During this time, he may also learn the custom of caring for the body, especially if he gets educated in a city with educational facilities. Later he may get that custom if he stays in cities with baths.
    During the general's life, his psychical attractiveness will change due to events on his life (eg. disease, scars) or even due to experience gained while staying inside cities with a theatre or artist studios. However, he still needs to know that he should care about his body in order to get more handsome.
    Last edited by Lusitanio; February 27, 2020 at 07:12 AM.

  4. #4
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Thanks, Lusitanio! I actually didn't know you're a native speaker of this language :-)
    ----------

    Guys, two other texts for proof-reading:

    How to increase income from the mines
    Mines are expensive and take a long time to build but they may provide a healthy income. It may be further increased if you appoint a right governor. He should be intelligent, administratively minded, with possibly best education (this is the major factor to become a GoodMiner). Some other traits, like opennes to the foreign knowledge either through personal experience (Jihad/Crusade history) or through talking to them directly (high Xenophilia trait). After some time of managing the mines, he will get the GoodMiner trait that may provide up to 50% more mining income. If there’s a university, an alchemist lab, an explorer or mason guild in the city, it’s likely to develop faster. Building new mines may dramatically increases his abilities. You may also give him a Provincial Title or a Ministerial Office providing the mining benefits. Certain ancillaries also give such benefits. Keep in mind that some traits, like heavy drinking or low intelligence, might be detrimental to getting the higher levels of the GoodMiner trait.

    How to increase income from the landowners duties
    Farms are essential facitilities that provide both growth in the number of citizensm and also income from landowners duties. These may be increased if your governor develops the trait GoodFarmer. He should be intelligent with possibly standard administrative education, and should work in a small settlement (a town or a castle). After some time in the management position, he can provide up to 280 fl. more income, and also lowers the squalor significantly. If there’s a monastery, a stables, or a horsebreeders’ guild, it’s likely to develop faster. Building new farms may dramatically increase his abilities. You may also give him a Provincial Title or a Ministerial Office providing the landowners’ duties benefits. Certain ancillaries also give similar benefits. Keep in mind that some traits, like cultured or expensive tastes, might be detrimental to getting the GoodFarmer trait, and some other may prevent getting the highest levels (love for city life: knightly tourneys, expensive parties, culture in general).

  5. #5

    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    How to increase income from mines
    Mines are expensive and take a long time to build, but they can provide a healthy income, which may be further boosted if you appoint the right governor. He should be Intelligent, Administratively Minded, and have the best possible education (these are major factors in becoming a GoodMiner). Some other traits, like openness to foreign knowledge either through personal experience (Jihad/Crusade history) or through talking to foreigners directly (high Xenophilia) also increase chances of developing the trait. After some time managing a settlement with mines, the governor will get the GoodMiner trait, which can provide up to 50% more mining income at its highest level. If there's a University, an Alchemist's Lab, an Explorer's or Mason's Guild in the city, the trait is likely to develop faster. Building new mines can dramatically increase the governor's abilities. You may also give him a Provincial Title or a Ministerial Office that provide benefits to mining. Certain ancillaries also provide similar benefits. Keep in mind that some traits, like Heavy Drinker or Ignorant will make getting higher levels of the GoodMiner trait more difficult.

    How to increase income from landowners' duties
    Farms are essential facilities that provide both population growth as well as income from landowners' duties. These may be increased if your governor develops the trait GoodFarmer. He should be intelligent and preferably have standard administrative education, and should govern a small settlement (town or castle). After some time time governing, he can provide up to 280 fl. of extra income and lower settlement squalor significantly. If the settlement has a Monastery, Stables, or a Horse Breeders' Guild, the traits is likely to develop faster. Building new farms can dramatically increase the governor's abilities. You may also give him a Provincial Title or Ministerial Office providing benefits to landowners' duties. Certain ancillaries also provide similar benefits. Keep in mind that some traits, like Cultured or Expensive Tastes may prove detrimental in getting the GoodFarmer trait, and other factors may prevent you from reaching the highest levels (love for city life: knightly tourney, expensive parties, culture in general).
    Last edited by Tripledot; March 01, 2020 at 03:55 PM.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Lusitanio View Post
    Being handsome helps a general on his path to success. He will be more popular among people and have more authority among his peers. Caring too much for his body and looks will lower his authority, though.
    Psychical attractiveness of a general is defined when he enters the game. It is random but is impacted by the possibility of having an handsome father and a charming mother. It also helps if his father cares for his body.
    While a teenager, the general may get more handsome just because he is maturing. During this time, he may also learn the custom of caring for the body, especially if he gets educated in a city with educational facilities. Later he may get that custom if he stays in cities with baths.
    During the general's life, his psychical attractiveness will change due to events on his life (eg. disease, scars) or even due to experience gained while staying inside cities with a theatre or artist studios. However, he still needs to know that he should care about his body in order to get more handsome.
    Being handsome helps a general on his path to success. A handsome general will be more popular with the people and have more authority among his peers. Caring too much about personal grooming will lower his authority, however.
    The physical attractiveness of a general is defined when he enters the game. It is random, but having an handsome father and charming mother will impact his chances of getting the trait. It also helps if his father is well groomed.
    While a teenager, a general may get more handsome as he matures. During this time, he may also learn basic hygiene, especially if he gets educated in a city with educational facilities. Later on he may become accustomed to grooming himself if he stays in cities with baths.
    During a general's life, his physical attractiveness will change due to life events (e.g. disease, scars) or even due to experience gained while staying inside cities with a Theatre or Artists' Studios. However, to get more handsome, he still needs to understand basic hygiene.
    (Cleaned up the phrasing to make things flow better, corrected psychical --> physical. Also, the code you provided doesn't seem to give any chance to gain levels in the trait when coming of age- or is that code stored elsewhere?)
    Last edited by Tripledot; March 01, 2020 at 03:51 PM.

  7. #7
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Thanks, Tripledot!
    Quote Originally Posted by Tripledot View Post
    (Cleaned up the phrasing to make things flow better, corrected psychical --> physical. Also, the code you provided doesn't seem to give any chance to gain levels in the trait when coming of age- or is that code stored elsewhere?)
    yes, it's in another part of the file:
    Code:
    ;======================================================== CHECK AT THE END: INBRED SHOULD BE BEFORE THESE TRIGGERS;--------- CoA: Handsome & WellGroomed ------------------
    ;--- levels(points): 1(1)...5(5)...9(9)
    ;--- starter gives 5 pts.
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------ RANDOM
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_Random
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Affects Handsome 2 Chance 50
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     Affects Handsome -2 Chance 50
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
     
    ;------------------------------------------ FATHER HANDSOME
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_Father_VeryUgly
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait Handsome < 3
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_Father_Ugly
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait Handsome < 5
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
     
     ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_Father_Handsome
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait Handsome > 5
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_Father_VeryHandsome
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait Handsome > 7
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Father_WellGroomed
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WellGroomed > 1
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
     
    ;------------------------------------------ MOTHER
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsHorrid1
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsHorrid > 0
           and Trait Handsome > 1
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsHorrid2
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsHorrid > 1
           and Trait Handsome > 1
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsHorrid3
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsHorrid > 2
           and Trait Handsome > 1
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsCharming1
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsCharming > 0
    	   
     Affects Handsome 2 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
     
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsCharming2
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsCharming > 1
    	   
     Affects Handsome 2 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
     
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeIsCharming3
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeIsCharming > 2
    	   
     Affects Handsome 2 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 5
     
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeHasConverted_Handsome
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeHasConverted > 0
           and Trait Handsome > 5
    	   
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     Affects Handsome 1 Chance 50
     Affects WellGroomed 1 Chance 10
     
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_WifeHasConverted_Ugly
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait WifeHasConverted > 0
           and Trait Handsome < 5
           and Trait Handsome > 1
    	   
     Affects Handsome -1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------ FATHER INBRED
    Trigger CoA_Body_Handsome_FatherInbred
     WhenToTest CharacterComesOfAge
    
    
     Condition FatherTrait Inbred > 0
           and Trait BiologicalSon > 0
           and Trait Handsome > 2
    	   
     Affects Handsome -2 Chance 50
     Affects Handsome -2 Chance 50

  8. #8
    Lifthrasir's Avatar A Clockwork Orange
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    The part about bath and hygiene sounds strange to me tbh, considering that peope during the Middle Ages had a better hygiene than those from the following centuries. That's actually the plagues during the 14th century that made "scientists" think it was dangerous to take bath because dilating the pores of the skin and as such, helping the disease to enter in your body.
    I think the part with bath and hygiene in the description should be reviewed
    Under the patronage of Flinn, proud patron of Jadli, of the Imperial House of Hader


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    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Lifthrasir View Post
    The part about bath and hygiene sounds strange to me tbh, considering that peope during the Middle Ages had a better hygiene than those from the following centuries. That's actually the plagues during the 14th century that made "scientists" think it was dangerous to take bath because dilating the pores of the skin and as such, helping the disease to enter in your body.
    I think the part with bath and hygiene in the description should be reviewed
    This is a description of gameplay. It means that for the increase of Handsome trait, a minimum level of WellGroomed is needed. It features also in the description of the trait:

    {Tidy_desc} Cares a lot of his face, palms and body, cleaning them with water and soap. He's even brushing his teeth!
    {Tidy_effects_desc} \n Less likely to fall ill. Aging will take him a bit later. During his life he may even become perceived more handsome by his peers.
    {Tidy} Tidy and Clean

  10. #10
    Lifthrasir's Avatar A Clockwork Orange
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    It still doesn't appear accurate to me to base that trait on hygiene
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  11. #11
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Hi Native Speakers (of English): please read and correct the following texts:


    {INFO_CROWNS_BODY} In the Middle Ages a major reason for rulers failing to create big empires were their disloyal nobles. When the rich and powerful found themselves far away from the eye of their souverain, they would very often try to establish their own rule in the provinces. Proximity to their liege lord would generally prove sufficient to suppress these ambitions. In turn, the rulers needed legitimacy, preferably with some God's blessing. One method of acquiring this legitimacy was a formal coronation.\n This phenomenon is reflected in the SSHIP gameplay. A faction leader may acquire a crown and enjoy increased Authority. This crown gives both direct benefits for the king and boosts generals’ loyalty in an indirect way, as the distance to capital penalties are reduced for generals serving a crowned faction leader. Plotters and usurpers also less likely to appear in the kingdom with the crowned king. As a result, a good mid-game goal for the player may be to attain the crown of his faction.\n The map with the required provinces is shown in faction’s panel, while the other requirements are described in the Ruler's relevant trait (you’ll get notifications). There's also an easier way to get the crown for the ruler: having Strong Legacy from his father. In this case to get a crown the son doesn't need to have personal qualities or rule over all provinces. He just gets it after his after – provides he’s enough money for ceremonies costs and to cover the running costs of the court and his kingdom.
    {INFO_CROWNS_TITLE}The crowns

    {INFO_CROWNS_BENEFITS_BODY}\n Having a crown brings five kinds of benefits for the ruler:\n\n(1) The direct effects are: +2 Authority, +1 Law, +1 popularity and +2 sight range\n(2) The increased Authority translates into higher Loyalty of his generals and provides other advantes.\n(3) The drop of generals’ Loyalty due to the distance from capital is reduced, enabling them to fight wars far away from the center of power without risk of rebelling.\n(4) The Authority of his sons increases (+3) due to the Strong Leagacy they get from their father. This makes them more likely to become legitimate heirs.\n(5) As a result, the Usurpers are less likely to appear, so the civil wars are rarer.\n(6) Many other advantages, eg. possibility of gaining an Inspiring Teacher for his sons or more changes to heal from the wounds.\n However, bear in mind that there’re significant costs of having splendid court, financing ceremonies and wages of special officials, and also of the management the whole empire: communication, people checking loyalty of the governors, people checking loyalty of the people checking loyalty of the governors etc. For the most of the factions it’s 5000 fl. per turn (for the Northern factions and the pagans it’s 2000 fl.)\n Anyway, a good mid-game goal for the player is to acquire the crown of his faction. To achieve this goal he must embark on conquest of other territories not forgetting the build-up of the economy.
    {INFO_CROWNS_BENEFITS_TITLE}Why it's good to be a crowned king

    {INFO_CROWNS_CORONATION_TITLE}Hail the King!
    {INFO_CROWNS_CORONATION_ BODY }The faction leader has been coronated in a splendid ceremony and he rules now with higher legitimacy. The ceremony was a splendind one, with nobility, ambassadors, priests and the simple folk coming from every corner of your kingdom. They were impressed with the exquisite feasts and the gifts they’d received. After all, the treasury spent 20,000 florins on organizing the even!\n\n From now on, the generals will better keep their Loyalty when they’re on far away expeditions and the King will get also other advantes. However, the having splendid court, ceremonies, special officials, and also of the management the whole empire: clerks, spies, communication systems, upkeep of the royal residences come at the cost. For the most of the factions it’s 5,000 fl. per turn while for those less-acquainted with the high culture (the pagan factions) it’s 2,000 fl.

    {Crowned_king_desc} Coronated with all the splendour of a true monarch, this ruler can rest easy knowing that their rule is an unquestioned matter of fact.
    {Crowned_king_effects_desc} \nThe realm's generals lose Loyalty when away from the capital much slower. Plotters and usurpers appear less frequently. This comes at a price for the treasury (5,000/2,000 fl. every turn) though.
    {Crowned_king_gain_desc} Having been coronated in the eyes of their God and their people, this character's rule is all but assured.
    {Crowned_king} Crowned

    {Without_Crown_desc}\n This man's rule is far from a sure thing. To become the true king he must get crowned. To achieve it, he needs to conquer all the lands his ancestors claimed to rule over (see the map). He should have Authority and Piety at least 6, he shouldn't be either a regent or viewed as a usurper, he should be physically and mentally fit.
    {Without_Crown_effects_desc}\nCurrently, the stability of the realm is in danger: generals lose loyalty quickly when they are further away from the capital, and usurpers are likely to appear.
    {Without_Crown_gain_desc} This leader's rule is not fully legitimate in the eyes of his subjects because he doesn't own all lands that his ancestors possesed.
    {Without_Crown} Uncrowned

    {Fit_for_Crown_desc}\n This man is fit to be crowned as a true King - if he'd rule over all the lands his ancestors claimed to rule (see the map in the faction panel for list of provinces).
    {Fit_for_Crown_effects_desc}\n If he rules over all the lands, he needs to go to his faction's traditional capital where a great temple (cathedral or similar) is built. He cannot have more than 7 ancillaries at the moment of crowning, he needs to gather 20.000 florins to cover the costs of the ceremony. Until then the realm's generals lose loyalty quickly when they are away from the capital, and usurpers may appear at times of upheaval.
    {Fit_for_Crown_gain_desc} This leader is not fully legitimate in the eyes of his subjects, and the stability of the realm is in danger. He needs to get crowned.
    {Fit_for_Crown} Fit for the Crown

    {Fit_for_Crown_FatherLegacy_desc}\n His father's magnificent legacy make him fit be crowned as a King!
    {Fit_for_Crown_FatherLegacy_effects_desc}\n Now he needs to go to his faction's traditional capital where a great temple (cathedral or similar) is built. He cannot have more than 7 ancillaries at the moment of crowning, he needs to gather 20.000 florins to cover the costs of the ceremony. Until this happens the realm's generals lose loyalty quickly when they are away from the capital. Plotters and usurpers are likely to appear.
    {Fit_for_Crown_FatherLegacy_gain_desc} This leader can be crowned now so that his subjects consider him a legitimate king.
    {Fit_for_Crown_FatherLegacy} Ready for the Crowning Ceremony

  12. #12
    Navajo Joe's Avatar SS Forum Moderator
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    JOC,

    Para 1 Souverain should be sovereign

    Para 3 Even should be event

    Para 3 Advantes should be advantages

    Cheers
    NJ





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  13. #13
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Thanks, Navajo.

    Two other texts to check:

    Army morale system
    [note that this system works only at the Very Hard campaign difficulty]
    Each general has a trait describing current state of morale of troops under his command. If they have been in the homelands for some time, they’re likely to be Ready for Action. If the general is a Good Commander, they may even be Eager To Fight. In both cases they will have good morale in battles.
    Once the army moves, it will lose morale after a few turns of marching and the troops will became Weary. It happens faster if they’re in enemy lands or at the sea, or they conduct a siege, or they lead by a Bad Commander. If they do campaign for very long time, they will became Despondent, Undisciplined and even Mutinous. It will result in lower morale in battles and slower movement on the campaign map. The general will also (temporarily) lose Loyalty and Command.
    Anyway, for the troops to recover their morale, the army has to come back to the homelands and rest a bit, preferably in a settlement. Alternatively, it may fight ferociously stronger enemies – the victories will buoy up the spirit of every soldier!

    Preparing a military attack
    [note that this system works only at the Very Hard campaign difficulty]\n
    The sinews of war is money, and money is something you should gather before conducting any offensive expedition. The amount depends on the length of the operation you’re going to conduct and the skills of the general. Be careful to look through the traits of that general and assess the costs beforehand!
    First, you’ll have to pay for your army traveling through enemy lands. If the general has basic Logistical Skill or Advanced Military Education or is accompanied by a Military Engineer you’ll pay 500 florins a turn. If he is a Logistical Expert, you will pay only 250. If he does not have any of those skills, it will cost you 1000.
    Your army may also travel by sea during such an expedition. If your general has Logistical Skills or your Faction Leader has Maritime Interests, you’ll pay 500 florins for staying on board a boat at the end of the turn. Otherwise you will pay 1000.
    Once you lay a siege to an enemy settlement, you’ll have to cover higher expenses. If the generals is a GoodEngineer or is accompanied by a Siege Engineer (ancillary), you’ll pay 1500 florins. If he does not, you will pay 2000 (this is instead of the above mentioned costs of traveling).
    You don’t pay anything if you’re on a crusade of jihad, but you’ll start paying once you the crusade/jihad ends. Bear in mind that there is one-time upfront payment for any general joining crusade.
    The exception to the above described costs are the pagan factions: Lithuania and the Cumans. They always pay 250 florins per general on the move and 1500 per general besieging, and the full price by boat.
    Remember that you don’t pay anything if you’re in home territories. This also means that once you successfully conclude the siege, you won’t pay anymore. If you are just on be border, it is always better to stay on the own side.
    Finally, take note that these costs will not be shown in the financial panel – neither ex-ante, nor ex-post. They will be automatically deducted from your treasury: money will just disappear. However, it will be communicated to you in the traits of the characters and in the messages popping out at the start of your turn.
    Last edited by Jurand of Cracow; March 06, 2020 at 04:00 PM.

  14. #14
    Navajo Joe's Avatar SS Forum Moderator
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    JOC,

    This sentence :

    It happens faster if they’re in enemy lands or at the sea, or they conduct a siege, or they lead by a Bad Commander.

    to

    It happens faster if they’re in enemy lands or at sea, or they conduct a siege, or they are lead by a Bad Commander.

    and this one

    You don’t pay anything if you’re on a crusade of jihad, but you’ll start paying once you the crusade/jihad ends

    to


    You don’t pay anything if you’re on a crusade of jihad, but you’ll start paying once the crusade/jihad ends





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  15. #15

    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Navajo Joe View Post
    It happens faster if they’re in enemy lands or at sea, or they conduct a siege, or they are lead by a Bad Commander.
    *or they are led by a Bad Commander

  16. #16
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Swarbs View Post
    *or they are led by a Bad Commander
    Indeed.

    If you think a more thorough (stylistic) improvements would be good, don't hesitate to re-make the whole text :-)


    Here is another piece for proof-reading:

    {INFO_TOURNEY_KNIGHT_TITLE}Who will become a Tourney Knight?
    {INFO_TOURNEY_KNIGHT_BODY}\n A Tourney Knight takes part in the tournaments so a Jousting List or a Tourney Field must be present in the settlement for a general to take path of chivalrous deeds. He is preoccupied with the tourneys so he has to spend much time (i.e. whole turns) in the settlement. He is interested in fighting, so a Military Inclination is better than an Administrative one. He is interested in horses and cavalry, so he builds Stables, Castles and Local Recruitment buildings. A really great knight is famous for his deeds at the battlefields – a Great Victor with three crushing victories or a Renown Victor, or at least at good commander with minimum Authority will master tourneying.\n Dreaded generals will not lose their Dread in the castles, but if they’re staying in the cities they are likely to enjoy the life more and more, so they may lose their Dread.\n Tourneys are part of the western culture and besides the catholic factions only Serbia can build Jousting Lists and Tourney Fields.



    Code:
    ;======================================================== TOURNEY KNIGHT;-- levels(points) 1(1),2(3),3(6),4(12),5(18)
    ; this trait is for the Catholic factions (only they and Serbia can build Jousting Lists)
    ; but Pagan or Orthodox may get it if they conquer settlements with the building
    ; however, the Muslims are exluded as this sort of hobby is alien the them
    ; gameplay-wise: this is the way to get Chivalry that is badly needed to upgrading the cities
    
    
    ;------------------------------------------
    Trait TourneyKnight
     Characters family
     ExcludeCultures middle_eastern
     
     Level Tourney_Entrant
       Description Tourney_Entrant_desc
       EffectsDescription Tourney_Entrant_effects_desc
       GainMessage Tourney_Entrant_gain_desc
       Threshold 1 
    
    
       Effect LocalPopularity 1 
    
    
     Level Fair_Jouster
       Description Fair_Jouster_desc
       EffectsDescription Fair_Jouster_effects_desc
       GainMessage Fair_Jouster_gain_desc
       Threshold 3 
    
    
       Effect Chivalry 1 
    
    
     Level Good_Jouster
       Description Good_Jouster_desc
       EffectsDescription Good_Jouster_effects_desc
       GainMessage Good_Jouster_gain_desc
       Threshold 6 
    
    
       Effect Chivalry 2
    
    
     Level Knight_of_Renown
       Description Knight_of_Renown_desc
       EffectsDescription Knight_of_Renown_effects_desc
       GainMessage Knight_of_Renown_gain_desc
       Threshold 12 
    
    
       Effect Chivalry 2 
       Effect Authority 1 
       Effect CavalryCommand 1
    
    
     Level Tourney_Champion
       Description Tourney_Champion_desc
       EffectsDescription Tourney_Champion_effects_desc
       GainMessage Tourney_Champion_gain_desc
       Threshold 18 
    
    
       Effect Chivalry 3 
       Effect Authority 2
       Effect CavalryCommand 1
    Code:
    ;========================================================================================= Tourney Knight
    ;--------- Tourney Knight -------------------------------
    ;
    ;-- TK: levels(points) 1(1),2(3),3(6),4(12),5(18)
    ; marginal possibility to get at CoA from a very TK father
    
    
    ;======================================================== TK sitting in and visiting settlements
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Jousting_Lists_Everybody
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
     Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= jousting_lists
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    	   and CharacterReligion catholic
    	   
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 5
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Jousting_Lists_Military_Minded
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
     Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= jousting_lists
           and Trait MilitaryInclination > 0
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    	   and CharacterReligion catholic
    	   
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 5
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Visiting_Castle_with_Tourney_Field
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
     Condition IsGeneral
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= castle
           and Trait MilitaryInclination = 1
           and Attribute Authority > 0
           and Attribute Chivalry > 0
           and CharacterAge < 40
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    	   and CharacterReligion catholic
    	   
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 5
    
    
    ;======================================================== TK for great commanders
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
     Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Tourney_Fields_Good_Commander
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and Attribute Command > 2
           and Attribute Authority > 0
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
           and CharacterAge < 40
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 10
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
     Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Tourney_Fields_Good_CavCommander
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and Trait GoodCavalryGeneral > 1
           and Attribute Authority > 0
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
           and CharacterAge < 40
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 10
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Tourney_Fields_RenownVictor
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and Trait VictorVirtue > 0
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 10
    
    
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Tourney_Fields_GreatVictor3
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition IsGeneral
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and Trait MajorCount > 2
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 10
     
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Sitting_Around_with_Tourney_Fields_King
     WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition IsFactionLeader
           and EndedInSettlement
           and RemainingMPPercentage > 95
           and SettlementBuildingExists > jousting_lists
           and Trait Crownholder > 3
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
           and Trait FitForOffice > 1 
           and Trait Coward < 1
           and Trait HaleAndHearty > 4
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 10
     
    ;======================================================== TK from completed buildings
    ;----------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Building_City_Local_Recruitment
     WhenToTest GovernorBuildingCompleted
    
    
     Condition SettlementBuildingFinished >= p_large_town
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= jousting_lists
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 50
      
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Building_Fortress
     WhenToTest GovernorBuildingCompleted
    
    
     Condition SettlementBuildingFinished > castle
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= jousting_lists
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 50
      
    ;--------------------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_Building_Castle_Stables
     WhenToTest GovernorBuildingCompleted
    
    
     Condition SettlementBuildingFinished >= stables
           and SettlementBuildingExists >= jousting_lists
           and not Attribute Chivalry < 0
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 50
    
    
    ;======================================================== TK for AI
    ;-------------------------------------------
    Trigger TK_AI_SelfPerpetuation
    WhenToTest CharacterTurnEndInSettlement
    
    
    Condition Trait TourneyKnight > 0
           and Attribute Chivalry > 0
           and not FactionIsLocal
    
    
     Affects TourneyKnight 1 Chance 5

  17. #17
    Navajo Joe's Avatar SS Forum Moderator
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Quote Originally Posted by Swarbs View Post
    *or they are led by a Bad Commander
    OMG, English is meant to be my 1st language, LOL





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  18. #18
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Hi Native Speakers,
    could you have a linguistic / stylistic check?:
    Quote Originally Posted by Jurand of Cracow View Post
    {INFO_TOURNEY_KNIGHT_TITLE}Who will become a Tourney Knight?
    {INFO_TOURNEY_KNIGHT_BODY}\n A Tourney Knight takes part in the tournaments so a Jousting List or a Tourney Field must be present in the settlement for a general to take path of chivalrous deeds. He is preoccupied with the tourneys so he has to spend much time (i.e. whole turns) in the settlement. He is interested in fighting, so a Military Inclination is better than an Administrative one. He is interested in horses and cavalry, so he builds Stables, Castles and Local Recruitment buildings. A really great knight is famous for his deeds at the battlefields – a Vanquisher with three crushing victories or a Renown Victor, or at least at Good Commander with minimum Authority will master tourneying.\n Dreaded generals will not lose their Dread tourneying in a castle, but if they’re staying in a city, they are likely to enjoy the life more and more, so they may lose their Dread.\n Keep in mind that a general may get Wounded and Scarred while tourneying. To much tourneying may also distract them from other duties that means that they're less likely to be GoodMinders or GoodBuilders (but not GoodFarmers - carring for horses make the more interested in the animal husbandry in general).\n Tourneys are part of the western culture and besides the catholic factions only the one that historically westernised the most: Serbia can build Jousting Lists and Tourney Fields.

  19. #19
    Navajo Joe's Avatar SS Forum Moderator
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    Default Re: Requests to native speakers for proof-reading

    Hi JOC,

    This should read:

    carring for horses make the more interested

    to
    caring for horses makes them more interested

    NJ





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