The Weights and Measures Act (2019)

**Akar** · October 28, 2019, 03:11 AM

As you all know the Weights and Measures Act is set to expire in a few weeks, and as such it's fallen upon us to determine the new regulations regarding weights and measurements throughout the forum. The units expiring this year (therefor those needing to be redefined) are: the Shekel, the Cubit, the British Pound Sterling, the British Pound (non-sterling), the League, and the nautical mile.

Please submit your proposals and they will all be given due consideration. The winner will receive a no expenses paid trip to the local roller rink provided courtesy of Flinn.

**Commissar Caligula_** · October 28, 2019, 03:46 AM

The Shekel: It will cost the equivalent of a single red kidney bean.
The Cubit: This will be measured by reference to Yao Ming's arm from elbow to the tip of the middle finger. Yao Ming must be physically present.
The British Pound Sterling: It will be replaced by portable Stirling Engines as legal currency.
The British Pound: It will weigh the same as 3/27ths of a portable Stirling Engine.
The League: This will instead be a measure of time, similar to a parsec, and will be measured by the distance an average man can walk in 1 hour and 50 minutes (this being the run-time of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Nautical Mile: The length will be judged by how far a ship can travel before its sailors get up to some naughty stuff.

**Flinn** · October 28, 2019, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by Akar

Please submit your proposals and they will all be given due consideration. The winner will receive a no expenses paid trip to the local roller rink provided courtesy of Flinn.

We have no local roller rinks here, that's stuff for uncivilized people

that's what we play here

I'll gladly organize a free trial of it for all of you lads, in particular for you Akar, I'm sure it will only do you good

**Adamat** · October 28, 2019, 10:02 AM

The Shekel: Needs no reevaluation, a shekel will still be worth a goy
The Cubit: Will be renamed to qubit and accordingly be redefined as 0 to 1 times the Planck length
The British Pound Sterling: Brits won't have any money after Brexit so this currency is obsolete
The British Pound: Whatever happens in Geordie Shore
The League: One (1)

game
The Nautical Mile: The distance from which a ship's crew can smell the red light district

**Cookiegod** · October 28, 2019, 10:05 AM

I'd like a system that panders to my nostalgia.

The Shekel: Shall once again become a weight unit, in addition to remaining a useless currency.

Shekel (Currency): Shall henceforth be tied to the British Pound Sterling AND Bitcoin by making it equal to a British Pound Sterling multiplied with a randomly generated number.
Shekel (Weight): 1/30th of the weight of silver equaling the fiscal value of friendship with Jesus.

The League: The length of Theodore Roosevelt's big stick. ~~League of~~ United Nations must be present and passive for measurement.
The Cubit: The length of Queen Elizabeth's big stick. House of Commons must be present for the measurement and agree on the results.
The British Pound Sterling: The value of one British Pound of Sterling Silver. Duh!
The British Pound: The weight of one British Pound Sterling worth of fish and chips.
The Nautical Mile: The distance the average British male can swim right after eating a British Pound Sterlings worth of Fish and Chips, before drowning.

**Akar** · October 28, 2019, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by Flinn

We have no local roller rinks here, that's stuff for uncivilized people

that's what we play here

I'll gladly organize a free trial of it for all of you lads, in particular for you Akar, I'm sure it will only do you good

What in the name of vaguely homoerotic renaissance fair wrestling is this

**Cookiegod** · October 28, 2019, 04:21 PM

It is vaguely homoerotic renaissance fair wrestling

**Flinn** · October 29, 2019, 04:20 AM

It's called Calcio Fiorentino and it's something you can't find in your puny countries

If you play a match and survive, then you can call yourself a man

**Roma_Victrix** · October 29, 2019, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by Commissar Caligula_

The Shekel: It will cost the equivalent of a single red kidney bean.
The Cubit: This will be measured by reference to Yao Ming's arm from elbow to the tip of the middle finger. Yao Ming must be physically present.
The British Pound Sterling: It will be replaced by portable Stirling Engines as legal currency.
The British Pound: It will weigh the same as 3/27ths of a portable Stirling Engine.
The League: This will instead be a measure of time, similar to a parsec, and will be measured by the distance an average man can walk in 1 hour and 50 minutes (this being the run-time of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Nautical Mile: The length will be judged by how far a ship can travel before its sailors get up to some naughty stuff.

Alternatively, the shekel could be worth one dreidel, five shekels could be worth one menorah, and 2,000 shekels could be worth 1 hour with Netanyahu in his private bedchambers.

We could also bend time, space, and reality itself in order to make the nautical mile the equivalent of the cubit. Also, the British pound sterling should actually weigh an entire British pound (453 grams). One league should ideally be the equivalent length of the circumference of the Earth.