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Thread: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: 20/03/18]

  1. #1
    McScottish's Avatar The Scribbling Scotsman
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    Default [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: 20/03/18]





    A Coming Storm - Prologue



    Hello?

    Ah, salvē! Please, come in, the weather is rising outside and I assure you that there will soon be a storm of quite some size. How do I know? Well surely that is why you are here, is it not? You must know that I am considered the foremost diviner in this paltry slice of Etruria...or no...perhaps not.

    Please, if I may ask, who is it that sent you to me? Was it that debaucher Spurius? That vapid wife of old Vibius? No? Hhhmm, then it appears you have sought me out on your own merit, and I applaud you for that, may I sit? I thank you.

    So, if you are not here to request a reading or ritual, then why have you come all this way to seek out an old blind man like myself? Hah! You had not noticed? In that case then, may I trouble you for a cup of water?

    Information you say? Yet not of the type which is given by any deus, but knowledge of my own...yes, yes, please take a place opposite me and ask what you will.

    You must be mistaken amicus, my name is Aulus Larcius Priscus, and I have never heard of this apparent man you are seeking. You disbelieve me! I am not this...this...'Rasce Aneina' sounds entirely a fiction to my ears; I hail from Caere anyway and have never even been to Arretium in my life.

    You say you did not mention Arretium?

    Well, I was simply assuming because of the name...

    Ach, by Nortia, very well then I am the man you seek, and you fancy yourself to be the next Hómēros or Thoukydídēs do you? What do you want from me?

    Knowledge, poems, speak up now so my old ears can hear you!

    My life story, is that all by Tins? Just decades of life for you to record, and work into a narrative that suits you no doubt. I am calm, you puerilis boy.

    Very well then, swear to me and all the Gods that you will write down everything I say, exactly as I say it. You may ask questions when they are relevant, otherwise keep your mouth shut. On Tinia, Uni and Menrva, you swear it?

    Very well then, let us begin in a place not too far from here, in a time very different from the one in which we now live.
    Last edited by McScottish; March 20, 2019 at 12:11 PM.

  2. #2
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    It goes without saying that I'm subbing to this, right?

  3. #3
    McScottish's Avatar The Scribbling Scotsman
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    It goes without saying that I'm subbing to this, right?

    Oh, thanks Skotos, as if I wasn't worried enough! Now I've got to worry about what the Etruscan thinks. Mehercule!

  4. #4
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    Eye-catching title. I don't know if I'll have the time to read it, but in any case here's to a good run for this AAR

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  5. #5
    NorseThing's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    An eye catching 'place holder'.

  6. #6

    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    I've got my glass of Uiscé Beatha and am ready for adventure! Take us away my Pictish friend!
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  7. #7
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: -/-/-]

    I'm looking forward to the tale of this Etruscan family.

  8. #8
    McScottish's Avatar The Scribbling Scotsman
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: 20/03/18]

    'Updated' - it's really just a taster/setting the scene, but it's honest work; hopefully I can get my head back into writing and you'll be seeing a lot more from me.

  9. #9

    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: 20/03/18]

    Quote Originally Posted by McScottish View Post
    'Updated' - it's really just a taster/setting the scene, but it's honest work; hopefully I can get my head back into writing and you'll be seeing a lot more from me.
    You devious man! I saw the notification on my account page and hopped over here all excited.

    But then I saw there wasn't actually a new installment.

    Don't keep me hanging my Scottish friend!


    EDIT: Ah, withdrawn. I see now that you have updated the OP with some content. Sly devil, you! I like the beginning you have set up here. One small suggestion would be to use some quotation marks and third person markers for who says what where, as I must admit I was a bit lost here and there as to who was talking. To my shame, I read it quickly, and that might have been part of the problem, but I feel like the added simplicity would be nice anyway. Just a thought though. If you want some misdirection here at the outset (which I see could have some value), then ignore my thoughts entirely. We are in your hands macstre!
    Last edited by Kilo11; March 20, 2019 at 02:45 PM.
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  10. #10
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: [EBII Roma AAR] Etruscan Twilight (Roman Dawn) [Updated: 20/03/18]

    I like the prologue, too. If I'm not mistaken, we're hearing only one person's speech (there is another person speaking, we're not seeing their side of the conversation). This works well for me, for it gets me speculating about what the other person is saying, drawing me into the story. This got me interested in small details, such as the diviner asking for permission to sit - a surprising question coming from the host (as opposed to the guest). Perhaps this means that the guest has a very high status?

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