Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Some very interesting points you have brought up again Alwyn, great to have your insight on this. The early disaster movie thing is certainly not what I was aiming for, but it was a very different take on my chapters, I love it!
Alwyn has also made a poll here to discuss which writing software you use - feel free to head over and simply vote if you don't feel like giving a lengthy explanation (I myself am guilty of such laziness).
Primicerius
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
And we're getting to some conflict - nice. The need to leave one's comfort zone as a requirement for growth is a good theme.
Again, the way your society works suggests impressive prosperity and freedom. Like Alwyn, I wonder if there is some trouble in paradise.
to rede I me delyte
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Isn't there always trouble in paradise, at least in fiction? I think it's some kind of rule.
I was intrigued by the idea that the boy thinks he can achieve perfection. So, in a similar line of thought to those pursued by Alwyn and the Admiral, I can't help wondering how he will come to the realisation that this is impossible. (Or, of course, maybe perfection is possible in his universe. We'll all have to wait and see!)
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Hello Admiral! Ahh, it does seem like paradise doesn't it? Good, good *evil grin* let the trouble begin...Originally Posted by Admiral Van Tromp
And we're getting to some conflict - nice. The need to leave one's comfort zone as a requirement for growth is a good theme.
Again, the way your society works suggests impressive prosperity and freedom. Like Alwyn, I wonder if there is some trouble in paradise.
Hey Caillagh! It certainly does seem like some kind of rule, every piece of fiction I've read almost always has a stumbling block for our main character somewhere. I do hope mine isn't too ordinary.Isn't there always trouble in paradise, at least in fiction? I think it's some kind of rule.
I was intrigued by the idea that the boy thinks he can achieve perfection. So, in a similar line of thought to those pursued by Alwyn and the Admiral, I can't help wondering how he will come to the realisation that this is impossible. (Or, of course, maybe perfection is possible in his universe. We'll all have to wait and see!)Perfection is possible? Why, that thought is almost as blasphemous as it is ambitious!
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Chapter 4
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back.” – Terry Prachett
Oh, how the boy wailed when he realized that his paintings were no longer the talk of the town! A few choice public tantrums could be seen, but for the most part the boy let the sadness overwhelm him in private. Not even his parents knew of his suffering.
It was not that the boy had given up on painting. Far from it. He had simply grown too accustomed to his own style of doing so and refused to take pointers from anyone else. This is my work of art after all, he thought, why should I let someone else dictate how gently I float my brush strokes, or how heavy a touch this part of the painting requires?
Time, as most men would agree, can convince even the most stone-headed of fools to change their minds. And this boy, fool perhaps he was not, certainly had a knack of being stubborn and very resistant to change. His peers still gathered to speak of and appraise his work, and he likewise for theirs, but gone were the boy’s auras of intrepidity and fearless inspiration. They had been replaced by cautious stagnation and jaded repetition.
And this showed in the people’s comments and feedback. No longer did the boy win most of the awards up for grabs for aspiring young painters. No longer could he command the respect and admiration of the senior painters, indeed, some had even branded him ‘hopeless’ and ‘doomed to fail’, all behind his back of course.
The combined effect of all this was to make the boy sit up (or down) and take notice. The gears and cogs in his mind took a few weeks to turn, but he finally stumbled upon the idea that change was not a luxury he could continue to imagine doing, it was a necessity.
And with this drastic, important change in mindset, the boy decided to do something even more momentous.
He would leave the comfortable walls of Colat Tartenwer and venture out into the unknown.
He would scour the world in a search for true mastery over his painting skills, but other than that, he also longed to explore what the rest of the world had to offer – paintings as well as other things. He needed to go beyond his comfort zone, nestled safely in Colat Tartenwer, and experience things from another perspective.
He needed change, not just in his mindset, but also in the scenery, the atmosphere, and the way he looked at the world.
The boy was taken by surprise and truly stunned when his parents acceded to his request, but he was certainly not going to pass up the opportunity or second guess his father and mother. “To be honest, son, we were wondering when you were going to ask us for permission to leave. That is the only way to learn. To truly learn.”
“I will return, I promise.”
“I know you will, son.” His father smiled proudly. “We love you very much.” His mother added, clapping him on the shoulder.
And with that, the boy had a good night’s sleep, gathered what supplies he could, and departed when daybreak started to appear on the horizon.
He would not see Colat Tartenwer for another four years.
Author's Notes
Last edited by Swaeft; April 21, 2019 at 07:13 AM. Reason: TWC has outdone itself. No formatting errors this time :)
Philosopher
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
It's nice to see that this will progress outside of the environs of where it began. To be totally honest, the setting/main plot is not my usual cup of tea, as I like a bit more of an "honest" adventure, without all this frilling painting nonsensebut I can imagine some of that will crop up more now. I mean, a young kid, with little experience of the world, out on his own... It is almost certainly going to go awry! At any rate, you're doing this sort of thing well (even if it's not my taste), and I think your story is developing in a strong fashion, with the right elements in the right place. 'Nuff said!
And of course I loved the quote! I can almost remember which book that's from too... certainly one of the which ones... I'm thinking the one where Tiffany Aching goes up the Ramtops to learn with Granny Weatherwax.
| Community Creative Writing
| My Library
| My Mapping Resources
| My Nabataean AAR for EBII
| My Ongoing Creative Writing
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Hello Kilo11! I agree with you, this plot and setting wasn't my main cup of tea either, but I decided to try my hand at it for the experience. And I don't think you could have described the frilling painting nonsense any better XD Thank you for the feedback!
Hmm, let it not be said that I simply ripped the quote off google by typing "Change Quotes"...
Primicerius
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Four chapters. Could this be the beginning worthy of a contest submission?
I also liked that this will now be about going out into the world. This has real potential. A good start!
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Thank you NorseThing! Four chapters are up, but how many more to go? This will be a short story
Primicerius
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
You need not finish to enter. Follow the rules and... never mind. You know this better than I. Go for it!
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Whoops sorry I didn't see this earlier! I am unable to enter this iteration of the MCWC because, well, I'm running it
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Chapter 5
“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw
The boy wandered for years.
Colat Tartenwer had been a safe haven for him throughout his youth. But there was something about the unbridled wilderness that called to the young lad. Nature’s ferocity was both dangerous and inspiring. Giant trees towered on both sides of the earth – their roots extended deep beneath the surface, and their immense height cast long shadows on the ground. Endless, winding rivers contained all the water the boy could ever hope to drink, and hills and rises gave the boy stunning views of the surrounding countryside.
Occasionally the boy would halt in his journey and attempt to paint a picture of the immediate area. Stunning vistas often evoked the best form of creative inspiration within him, and it was at these moments when the boy painted his best work. Still, he had much to learn, and his paintings were rough and crude. Nevertheless, it was considered an improvement over his previous, stagnant drawings, and the boy was pleased with himself.
Of course, lapping up the beautiful sights and sounds was not the sole reason the boy had ventured beyond Colat Tartenwer’s walls – after all, that could be done without taking an extended sojourn beyond his home. The boy frequented the many other towns and cities, always prioritizing those that had the best artists in town, or those with carnivals and events that provided the boy with learning experiences with regards to his painting skills.
Sometimes, the boy would even partake in the festivities and try his hand at new styles of painting. This did not come by easily, for after being accustomed to an accepted style for a long period of time, change was, as one girl told him, harder than it sounded. Nonetheless, the boy decided to commit himself to learning various other styles, even if he could not master or remember them all.
It is necessary to say that the boy did not learn more about just painting. As a child interacts with others and becomes more aware of his duties and responsibilities in the world, he too grows and evolves. The boy often wondered how his parents were doing, and wrote many letters home, though due to his nomadic lifestyle and constant travels, he never did stay in one place long enough to get a reply, for horse-drawn carriages delivered letters slowly, and only on appointed days, such that it could take months before one could expect a reply.
As the days went by, the boy grew more matured, as did his style of painting. He learned many important life lessons, especially that one should take a break from painting every now and then and experience the many other facets of life. Talking to people, engaging in deep conversations, and making lasting friendships were all valuable experiences for the boy, and he soon came to appreciate that there was more to life than just living and painting.
Years passed, and the boy continued to evolve, adapt, as well as learn and explore the various marvels and intricacies of the world. One thing remained constant, however, a desire to see his home again.
This burning desire started a day after he had departed Colat Tartenwer, and for a moment the boy nearly turned back to run back into his parents’ arms and pretend this had never happened. But as he saw more and more of the world he managed to slake this thirst significantly as he scurried about the region, however, it was never completely extinguished. After a year and several months had passed, this fire returned, stronger than ever, and it was then the boy knew it would only be a matter of time before his will would cave and he would have to give in to his wish to return home.
But he managed to hang on. And when he finally, ultimately decided that it was truly time to return to his roots, the boy was remarkably satisfied with himself.
For he was a boy no longer, and had matured and learned enough to be able to proudly call himself, a man.
Author's Notes
Last edited by Swaeft; May 02, 2019 at 03:46 AM. Reason: Life has many lessons to teach us, including not uploading the wrong wall of text!
Frothy Goodness
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Ah, the call of the wild is strong and travel can be rich with experiences. But what will the man find, when he returns home? If something is wrong there, I wonder if the friends he's made and the lessons he's learned will help him.
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
What makes you think something is wrong? Is it the "there's always trouble in paradise" rule?
...you may be right
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Chapter 6
“Change comes when you least expect it.” – Swaeft
As the young man made his way back to Colat Tartenwer, he delighted himself in imagining all sorts of scenarios. Oh, the stories he had to tell all of his peers, his parents, and the new styles with which he could show to his senior painters! He would be the talk of the town for days, if not weeks, he was sure, which brought a big, bright smile to his face. He would change the artistic scene in Colat Tartenwer, and there was nothing else the boy – sorry, man (I’m still getting used to this change) – could think of the entire journey back.
It took him another six months to arrive at his destination. The young man nearly fell off his horse in joy when he saw the unmistakable walls of Colat Tartenwer on the horizon, and with them, a familiar comfort in returning home. He had dreamed of this moment ever since the day he left on this adventure almost five years ago.
Five years. The young man thought. Remarkable. And then his next thought: So much can change in five years. I wonder what has happened to Colat Tartenwer since I was away.
The young man entered the city brimming with excitement, and made straight for the atelier, where he discovered that many wonderful new pieces of art were on display. After spending numerous enjoyable hours simply perusing the works in the atelier, the young man started to realize that though the art pieces were of good quality, he did not recognize most of the artists, and that most of the works were dated. Indeed, only a few artists were currently at work, a far cry from the packed desks and crowded environment the young man used to remember and revel in.
Slightly mystified, the young man went to the various chambers of the atelier, looking for some familiar faces to share his many tales of travels with, and to finally reconnect with his old friends. But where the young man sought companionship and familiarity, he found only strangers and emptiness. The atelier, once having housed hundreds of pieces of work, with new ones being hung up every other day, seemed to be a shell its former self.
An empty husk. Where has everybody gone?
The young man wandered the streets, and it was only now he realized that Colat Tartenwer looked different. Though the city itself stood tall and proud as it always had, some of the districts had been closed and the houses abandoned.
The young man grew more alarmed. Visiting the majority of the city’s major thoroughfares in quick succession, the young man soon realized his treasured paradise, his childhood home, was no longer the prized jewel of the region. The market square still functioned, and the quality of the wares did not seem to have diminished, but the quantity certainly did. The taverns were not operating at full capacity any longer, and the general hubbub and bustle of Colat Tartenwer seemed to have dimmed a little.
The young man was deeply saddened but the state of affairs, and deciding that he had seen enough for a day, hastened to his old home. Just then, a terrible thought struck him.
My parents, are they, too –?
With trepidation gnawing at his stomach with every passing second, the young man’s fear that his parents too had relocated quickly proved to be false. He collapsed into their welcoming arms, hugging them zealously. “Alas, what has happened?” The young man remarked, both a question and an exclamation. “Why has everyone disappeared? My friends – my community, they’re all gone!”
The young man’s parents gently eased him into their humble abode and prepared a basic but sumptuous meal for their son. Over dinner, they calmly explained that over time, the appeal and demand for painters had gone down, and that the city, being famous for its artistic trade, had suffered a decline in visitor traffic as a result.
The young man digested both the hearty stew and the words his parents had spoken. Nodding in understanding, the young man, disheartened, reluctantly headed off to bed without another word.
**
Weeks later, the young man, after having busied himself with his daily chores and completed them for the umpteenth time, wandered the city streets. He still felt unaccustomed with the dwindling population, and deeply yearned to experience the joy and bliss of his childhood again. His friends had all moved on, and though he had heard that some still visited the city from time to time, that alone was not enough to please the young man. Lost in his thoughts and ambling about aimlessly, the young man soon found himself walking unbidden towards the atelier.
As the young man walked in, he realized what had drawn him here - the atelier was the source of some of his most treasured memories. Running a hand over a blank canvas, the young man sat down, exhaled deeply, and reminisced about past times.
The young man didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, or how he had dozed off long enough to fall asleep and dream of a perfect paradise, but when he woke, a flash of inspiration lodged itself firmly in his head. The dream had been most evocative and inspiring, and the young man quickly put brush to canvas and began painting whatever was in his head.
Though the atelier was a quiet place of reflection and study, it wasn’t long before someone noticed the young man sitting at his stool, painting away.
“Welcome back.”
A voice startled the young man, who looked up in surprise. He saw a kindly man garbed in regal, flowing blue robes and donning what the young man remembered to be the atelier director’s academic hat.
“It’s good to see you back in action. What have you got there?”
The young man was stunned. Did someone remember him after all? Standing quickly and inclining his head, the young man somewhat hesitantly showed off his half-finished painting.
“Not bad.” The director studied the painting in close detail. “Could use a little improvement here and there, but it’s a good start.” The director nodded to himself and a look of approval appeared on his face. “I’m enjoying this. What are you going to call it?”
At this, the young man perked up and thought for a few moments. Then, a smile crept across his face, and he replied:
“God’s Justice.”
Author's Notes
Last edited by Swaeft; May 25, 2019 at 08:44 AM. Reason: Dramatized one part
Frothy Goodness
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Yes, it was the way that everything seemed so ideal in the town before, which led to me speculating about something being wrong (but currently hidden) or something going wrong (but hasn't happened yet). Our hero was away for a long time, which seemed to support the second theory.What makes you think something is wrong? Is it the "there's always trouble in paradise" rule?
...you may be right
I like the way that the changes to the town are relatively subtle and that our hero has to find out what's happened.
Warning, potential spoilers!
Philosopher
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Well, if Alwyn's spoiler is correct, then I would be sorely insulted if Swaeft's tale didn't end well, as I feel like the addition of myself, Skotos, Cookiegod, Derc, Turk, and all the others has made the changing of the guard at worst a bittersweet event, but surely not negative overall. But that is an interesting take Alwyn. I had some similar inklings, but couldn't be sure given that I am a new addition around here.
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Thanks again for the feedback Alwyn! As for the spoiler, well...if you re-arrange the letters in Colat Tartenwer...you'd get something very familiar, it really isn't a fictional Eastern European town
Have no fear in this regard, Kilo11, I have definitely not regretting coming back, it's been a blast, and whilst I wasn't expecting much, you guys were more than what I could ask for
The Sick Baby Jester
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
I'm a bit late to the party but I will still be able to join at the ending. It's been a very interesting tale with intruiging concepts and messages. It has a melancholic feeling, something I always love. The boy really made a great journey and I wonder how it will end. I also wonder if Alwyn is correct and I believe he at least partially is, still we'll have to wait until the great unveiling of the epilogue.
PS:(
Re: Change (Short story, a few chapters)
Don't worry, I'm late to the party too, this was supposed to be my write when I'm out of ideas for my AARs piece. The feedback is great to hear! Well since I'm working on the epilogue now I won't say too much, but if you want to know more about Colat Tartenwer you can scroll to the top of this page and look at the banner with the wingsI'm a bit late to the party but I will still be able to join at the ending. It's been a very interesting tale with intruiging concepts and messages. It has a melancholic feeling, something I always love. The boy really made a great journey and I wonder how it will end. I also wonder if Alwyn is correct and I believe he at least partially is, still we'll have to wait until the great unveiling of the epilogue.
PS:
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
