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Thread: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Imperator Augustus)

  1. #61
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Jupiter Give Me Victory
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    One motivation of this AAR is that I want to train my English skills a little bit. So please feel free to notify me whenever I make some mistakes. I'm grateful for it.
    Well, since I had no idea you weren't a native English speaker, I'd say you're doing a great job. Especially since doing comedy in another language is so difficult.

  2. #62

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    I also would not ever have guessed you were a non-native speaker, so props on that! To be entirely honest, given your style and past posts, a small part of me thought the missing apostrophe might have been intentional, just to mess with me It seems like something you'd do, Derc (which, to be entirely clear, is a compliment ).
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  3. #63

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)


    Rome - Alexander
    Alexander's Campaign

    #4




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    The once oh so mighty Persian Empire is drained. Asia Minor is incredibly weakly defended. We can swoop in and take Halicarnassus without any risk.

    The Mausoleum is pretty much useless in this Campaign.


    The Persians are in dire trouble after all those defeats and need to protect their own homeland now.
    Alexander's Campaign is far from over but he has already written history.


    They just sit there doing nothing.


    A small Persian army desperately tries to defend Petra but it is of no use. They are trampled into the sand.


    The map becomes a lot more purple. With the fall of Petra all of Arabia is conquered. If only Alexander had known it was that easy!

    Lampsacus is also taken. Finally some advancement.


    Issus is the next target. This one we will fight out manually.


    Kills 1153, losses 177.
    Macedonia is one of my most favourite factions. Love their units.


    Money problems are a thing of the past. I can finally build something.


    The last remaining Persian fleet in the Mediterranean suddenly gets into motion. This is a little surprise. The loss of Issus may have triggered them.


    Good that I built some ships. Ha. Mediterranean freed from Persians!


    As far as I can see this fleet can not be destroyed. There are no harbors in the Red Sea, and also no mercenary ships. Bummer.


    Next stop: Mesopotamia

    📕 History & Culture
    I could write so much about the conquest of Asia Minor and everything surrounding it. But why should I? This and the Battle of Issus happened in reality too, but altered, of course. Asia Minor was better defended and it was here where Alexander would meet King Darius on the battlefield for the first time.

    Pretty cool material exists about these events. This video summarizes it better than I ever could.


    Creds to BazBattles. Should be used as learning material in school.


    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Well, since I had no idea you weren't a native English speaker, I'd say you're doing a great job. Especially since doing comedy in another language is so difficult.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I also would not ever have guessed you were a non-native speaker, so props on that!
    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    To be entirely honest, given your style and past posts, a small part of me thought the missing apostrophe might have been intentional, just to mess with me It seems like something you'd do, Derc (which, to be entirely clear, is a compliment ).
    I think you confuse me with Cookiegod.

    I'm very strict when it comes to errors. I may around but I would never built them in on purpose.
    Last edited by Derc; February 05, 2019 at 12:34 PM. Reason: add contentbox

  4. #64
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Great update, it looks like Macedonia's useful units and Alexander's strategic and tactical genius are a potent combination! I wonder what challenges Alexander's armies will face in Mesopotamia. (I like the way that you're continuing to provide information on the actual history, this time through the video by Baz Battles.)

  5. #65

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Persians aren't the only ones triggered.
    No comment, no thank you to me for nominating your AAR? Sad.
    Let me repay you by kindly providing you the corrections you requested in the most irritating, obnoxious and passive aggressive tone possible:
    Alexander's Campaign is far from over, but he has already written history.
    [...]A small Persian army desperately tries to defend Petra but it is of no use. They are trampled into the sand.
    The map becomes a lot more purple. With the fall of Petra all of Arabia is conquered.
    I think the Persians should just see the writing in the sand and surrender.
    Asia Minor is incredible weak defended.
    Asia Minor is incredibly weakly defended.
    The Mausoleum is pretty useless in this Campaign.
    Another realistic feature in the game, since it was pretty and useless in RL too (I think you went for "pretty much useless" though)!
    I can finally build something.
    Ships maybe? Oh wait - Nope:
    It's good that I recruited some ships.
    Ships: Normal people build them, mighty Alexander recruits them. But how?!
    If Alexander only knew
    Do you wish that only Alexander knew or that Alexander knew? -> If only Alexander knew
    There are no harbours in the Red Sea, and also no mercenary ships.
    Please. You and your armies are Hellenes, so be civilised: Harbour, colour, etc. etc. Even a German's humourous tale of genocidal conquest needs to have some standards!
    Quote Originally Posted by Vince Gilligan
    I can't think of a movie where I like it that the bad guy gets dumb, because it's like I want the bad guy to be smart smart smart, so the good guy has to be even smarter!
    Please stop using politics as an excuse for bad writing.
    That being said: A deep philosophical take about god, Nietzsche, Marx & faith.
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    So deep!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    A polished masterpiece!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Hey! I never said any of those things!

  6. #66

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Great update, it looks like Macedonia's useful units and Alexander's strategic and tactical genius are a potent combination! I wonder what challenges Alexander's armies will face in Mesopotamia. (I like the way that you're continuing to provide information on the actual history, this time through the video by Baz Battles.)
    I can only recommend those videos. They are awesome.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Persians aren't the only ones triggered.
    No comment, no thank you to me for nominating your AAR? Sad.
    I shall never forgive you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Let me repay you by kindly providing you the corrections you requested in the most irritating, obnoxious and passive aggressive tone possible:
    That's the way I like it!
    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    I think the Persians should just see the writing in the sand and surrender.
    When Alexander is finished with them, their legacy will not even be written in sand.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Asia Minor is incredibly weakly defended.
    Ships: Normal people build them, mighty Alexander recruits them. But how?!
    Do you wish that only Alexander knew or that Alexander knew? -> If only Alexander knew
    I do not know what you are talking about. I have found no such entries in my text.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Please. You and your armies are Hellenes, so be civilised: Harbour, colour, etc. etc. Even a German's humourous tale of genocidal conquest needs to have some standards!
    I'm already civilized, that's why u are 'u' is in it.

  7. #67

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod
    Please. You and your armies are Hellenes, so be civilised: Harbour, colour, etc. etc. Even a German's humourous tale of genocidal conquest needs to have some standards!
    Derc, don't you listen to him! "U"s in those words are for sissy imperials who couldn't hold on to overseas holdings if they were handcuffed to them! Drop those excess letters like bad habits and streamline your spelling today, the Merican way
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  8. #68
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Jupiter Give Me Victory
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Derc, don't you listen to him! "U"s in those words are for sissy imperials who couldn't hold on to overseas holdings if they were handcuffed to them! Drop those excess letters like bad habits and streamline your spelling today, the Merican way
    Hear hear! Let us all give thanks for Noah Webster and his great spelling reform of 1828! As Eddie Izzard said, when our esteemed cousins across the pond spell like that, they're just trying to win at scrabble. ;-)

  9. #69

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)


    Rome - Alexander
    Alexander's Campaign

    #5




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    We still have 80 turns but yeah ok, I'll hurry!


    Paphlagonia is taken and Alexander stands in front of the Ishtar Gate. No Persian resistance anymore. Are they all dead?


    One of the mightiest and most ancient cities of its time. Babylon is a little torn down but still in good shape - unlike the Persian Empire.
    That this important city fell without any significant resistance should say more than enough.


    Sounds like a nice religion. But the Persians have shown that this isn't the case.
    Zoroastra's huge temple is torn down. A Pantheon of the Greek gods will rise in its place.
    🎭 Funfact I randomly googled around. This was on the first site.
    Google search for 'why are the greek gods ...'


    With all the war going on it is a welcome distraction to build up my cities for once.
    What is a main part in other TWs is only a small component here.


    Suza is taken next. Another major Persian city that fell without much resistance, just as before.

    The impossible has happened. With the loss of Mesopotamia Persia is truly in a dire situation.
    Alexander has ultimately proven his genious and gains the title 'Megas' - "The Great".


    Some reinforcement from the homeland is on the way to Alexander. They pick up the remaining western parts of Persia on the fly.


    Macedonia is now larger than Persia. Or anything else for that matter.


    Yet not everything is working out perfectly. Sickness and unrest stalks the land.


    Finally some Persian resistance. I started to worry.
    Can someone spell out that name?

    Persepolis is placed way too much south. It was easy to take that way. It should be shielded by the Zagros Mountains.

    📕 History & Culture
    And just like that the centre of the Ancient World falls to Alexander.

    Babylon, Susa, Persepolis ... all gone in one chapter.
    In reality the conquest of Mesopotamia was not so easy for Alexander. But it was as decisive as it was here.


    The Battle of Gaugamela basically decided it all.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Derc, don't you listen to him! "U"s in those words are for sissy imperials who couldn't hold on to overseas holdings if they were handcuffed to them! Drop those excess letters like bad habits and streamline your spelling today, the Merican way
    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Hear hear! Let us all give thanks for Noah Webster and his great spelling reform of 1828! As Eddie Izzard said, when our esteemed cousins across the pond spell like that, they're just trying to win at scrabble. ;-)
    Murica, yeah. 🦅
    Forget Macedons and Persians, this is the true battle of the ages.
    Last edited by Derc; June 20, 2019 at 08:34 AM. Reason: teared -> torn | add contentbox

  10. #70

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Great, as always. And since you said you wanted any small language critique, I noticed one thing. When you talk about tearing down the temple in Babylon you say
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc
    Zoroastra's huge temple is teared down. A Pantheon of the Greek gods will rise in its place.
    It should be "Zoroastra's huge temple is torn down."

    Other than that, everything is bang on! Keep 'em coming'!
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  11. #71
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Soulforged
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    It's always nice having Athena come down from Olympus to tell you are behind schedule and need to step up your game. Thanks for the memo Athena! *sarcastic thumbs up*

  12. #72

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    First screen: "The god of war hates those who hesitate."
    Next screen: "YOU'RE LATE GODSDAMMIT!!!"
    Teared my eyes.
    I think it's not too late to conquer the world with kindness though!
    Quote Originally Posted by Vince Gilligan
    I can't think of a movie where I like it that the bad guy gets dumb, because it's like I want the bad guy to be smart smart smart, so the good guy has to be even smarter!
    Please stop using politics as an excuse for bad writing.
    That being said: A deep philosophical take about god, Nietzsche, Marx & faith.
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    So deep!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    A polished masterpiece!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Hey! I never said any of those things!

  13. #73

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    First screen: "The god of war hates those who hesitate."
    Next screen: "YOU'RE LATE GODSDAMMIT!!!"
    Oh, I didn't even see that. Nice catch Cook, and I really hope that was intentional on Derc's part, as that is a classy move!
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  14. #74

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Did you catch that one?
    TEARED my eyes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vince Gilligan
    I can't think of a movie where I like it that the bad guy gets dumb, because it's like I want the bad guy to be smart smart smart, so the good guy has to be even smarter!
    Please stop using politics as an excuse for bad writing.
    That being said: A deep philosophical take about god, Nietzsche, Marx & faith.
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    So deep!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    A polished masterpiece!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Hey! I never said any of those things!

  15. #75

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    I was letting it slide, knowing how you have difficulties with English and all
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  16. #76
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Jupiter Give Me Victory
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Derc, you earn another rep for reminding us of the eternal question: Why are all Greek gods a-holes? (My guess: Probably from locking up the Titans, who could have provided some adult supervision. )

  17. #77

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Great, as always. And since you said you wanted any small language critique, I noticed one thing. When you talk about tearing down the temple in Babylon you say

    It should be "Zoroastra's huge temple is torn down."
    Fixed. Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    It's always nice having Athena come down from Olympus to tell you are behind schedule and need to step up your game. Thanks for the memo Athena! *sarcastic thumbs up*
    I wonder what makes this text pop up. I could rush as hard as I could, I never managed a Alexander Campaign without it appearing.

    There is even an error in the text. The second exclamation mark should be a question mark, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    First screen: "The god of war hates those who hesitate."
    Next screen: "YOU'RE LATE GODSDAMMIT!!!"
    Teared my eyes.
    Happy someone noticed it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    I think it's not too late to conquer the world with kindness though!
    This is "Rome: Total War - Alexander" not "Rome: Total War - Merkel"

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Oh, I didn't even see that. Nice catch Cook, and I really hope that was intentional on Derc's part, as that is a classy move!
    Yes, I try to fit the loading screens to the respective events of the chapter.
    Nothing much to do in Medieval1 but in Alexander it worked out pretty fine. This one for chapter 5 was just ... perfect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Derc, you earn another rep for reminding us of the eternal question: Why are all Greek gods a-holes? (My guess: Probably from locking up the Titans, who could have provided some adult supervision. )
    Hehe, thanks.
    I love the Greek Mythology. It's complete madness. I wonder what the Greeks smoked back then? But that's a question for another campaign.

  18. #78
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    It's always nice having Athena come down from Olympus to tell you are behind schedule and need to step up your game. Thanks for the memo Athena! *sarcastic thumbs up*
    I had the same reaction.

    Good update! It looks like the the Hanging Gardens and your new temple complex will be useful.

  19. #79

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)


    Rome - Alexander
    Alexander's Campaign

    #6




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    Help! The Barbarians come!
    Luckily a fresh Macedonian army happened to be around and dealt with them quickly.


    The Persians try to retake their capital.


    They won't get it back.


    And now they are crushed. Good, good. Alex hadn't crushed a Persian army in a long time.

    The Persians are in such a bad shape that they don't even have proper names anymore. What kind of name is 'Bagabuxsha'?


    Stop bothering me! I just conquered Carmana!


    Aw ...


    First some pain and now some gain.
    The doors are open!


    What?!
    Well ... that's unexpected.
    But now it is reality! Alexander did the impossible! The Achaemenid Empire fades into history!
    Yet Alexander's journey is far from over. He swore to conquer the whole Persian Empire - and this includes the eastern provinces.


    Anarchy in the East. Laughable defenses.
    Looks like that won't be a problem.


    Ecbatana is taken and more stinky Barbarians are spotted. The Persians might be gone but their lackeys still exist.
    Alexander will crush them. He won't allow anyone to contest his reign of the East.


    With Persia dead I can finally unleash my fury on the Barbarians. They harassed me long enough.
    First ones to go are the Thracians!


    The Persian homeland is secured and Alexander sets his eyes further east.



    Persia finally gone. Isn't this a nice present to this time of the year?
    Certainly.

    In this sense ...
    MerryAleX-Massmurder

    Last edited by Derc; February 05, 2019 at 12:36 PM. Reason: add contentbox

  20. #80

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome - Alexander)

    All exander's gains were the fruit of constant nagging.
    - Athena
    Quote Originally Posted by Vince Gilligan
    I can't think of a movie where I like it that the bad guy gets dumb, because it's like I want the bad guy to be smart smart smart, so the good guy has to be even smarter!
    Please stop using politics as an excuse for bad writing.
    That being said: A deep philosophical take about god, Nietzsche, Marx & faith.
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    So deep!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    A polished masterpiece!
    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Hey! I never said any of those things!

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