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Thread: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul [End])

  1. #421

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    I like that "Funny hat guy" is also looking directly into the camera. I think that might be the first recorded instance of photo-bombing!

    I also love that you dug through the smileys for that creep one to use about the queen's forced marriage. You are a rogue and a scoundrel Dercarix...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    ...but that's why we love you!


    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    No, no, advertising is right.
    INCREDIBLE! See how this Gallic tribe quadrupled its size in just a few simple steps!
    And if you strike now, you'll get a Gallic queen for free!

    I freakin' love you Derc!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Oh so the Osis plunder the wealthier tribes? Surprisingly little has changed.
    Boo. This ain't the D&D forum. Keep your political commentary out of this. Or at least make it funnier
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  2. #422
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby of TWC
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    Bet you played the Nervii. Must've been a Nervii-wrecking time.
    Of course! Everyone knows the Belgae are the best of all Gauls. A shame you can't play as the Menapii (they're not even included in the game) cause they used to live in the area where I have lived my entire life thusfar. So the Nervii will have to do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    At least some of them survived in Britannia. It's good that, although much has been lost, many things could also be restored.
    Just wandered around last weekend and found a little restructured Celtic site completely by coincidence. Was quite a nice experience, especially when you consider that we just started this campaign.
    It's peculiar how these things coincide eh. It's as if nature is following this story and like an ad sprouted a Celtic site near you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    Which means that whole Gaul would mourn it, as it's a land of bums (sorry, Turk. Better a Gallic bum than a French snob, right? )
    That's fine, I'm of the Belgae. Fury of the Germanic tribes, cultured like the Celts and a great nuiscance to everyone around them! Germano-Celts ftw! #RememberSabis

    Chapter XXIX: Aldburg
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  3. #423

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)


    Rome II
    Caesar in Gaul

    #3




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    Whatever the vultures will try, Gaul will leave them nothing.


    There have been clashes with the Massilians before. They call themselves independent, but they are just a dog of Rome. This is the proof.


    Massilians should know that Gallic forests are full of danger.


    The beast has been waked. Let there be blood!


    Hm, it seems the Massilians have another army. And there are the Romans. Lots of them. The situation quickly turned around.


    A short and intense war, only lasting a few months. Gauls and Massilians decide on a ceasefire.


    The focus now lies on the Romans. But there already other vultures gathering around. British tribes invaded Gaul? Don't even try to go further!


    This is bad. Despite all preparation, the Romans are far more powerful than the Arverni could ever be. Offensive moves will help nothing here. Now it is time to defend.


    Which fails often.


    Very often. Especially in the south. Romans invaded from Narbo Martius. Is was clear that this region would be a problem.


    There's no defence in the south, and many settlements fall. Romans make it a sport to hunt down Gauls. Even their lowest castes participate, withering many riches that can be taken.
    The worst Roman however? That's the man that is still advertising advising annoying the Gauls. Why is he even doing that? Get this man at once!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Picture not by me. Found it in the steam community content corner. Can't find it again. Sorry I can't credit it. :/

    📝 Authors Note Such fails my goal to not lose a settlement against the Romans. Did really not expect some Attila-like pressure, and especially not being flanked from the sea like that, but was totally happy with it.


    The Nervii decide to step in. This might change a lot.


    Vercingetorix amasses the armies, and calls for a concentrated counterattack.


    There's another brave warrior next to Vercingetorix, the second best of Gaul, and that's the guy with funny hat. Romans laugh and shiver at the same time when they see him.


    The Arverni are stretched to the edge. Some regions can be reconquered, but there is no room to administer them. The freed tribes over there need to look after themselves.
    📝 Authors Note
    Rome managed something I would not have deemed possible. It forced me to use the liberation option for once. Bravo!


    The Romans are people without ethics. There are always some who are willing to betray their own kind, bringing useful information and abilities with them.


    Caesar's location is revealed. He currently resides in Vesontio, out of reach of Gallic hordes, but not out of reach of Gallic agents. Assassinating messengers, sabotaging supplies ... every risk is taken to hamper Caesar's actions wherever possible.
    The battle for Gaul is in full swing.



    Weekly dose of Asterix & Obelix beating Romans




    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynrix View Post
    A discussion over a cold pint sounds good! It looks like the Arverni are in a strong position, having secured your northern border with a diplomatic marriage - and having repaid the Aedui for betraying Gaul. Now that Rome has subjugated the German confederation, it sounds like they'll come after the Arverni soon - a chance for Funny Hat Guy to show his quality.
    Um, yeah. 'Secured'. Had constant bad relations with that tribe after stealing their queen.
    I thought this would work similar to the hostage mechanic in Shogun 2, but it didn't. Nonetheless, experiments like these are that bring the fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    Oh so the Osis plunder the wealthier tribes? Surprisingly little has changed.
    They plundered their own region after having lost control over it. Little has changed, indeed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    I like that "Funny hat guy" is also looking directly into the camera. I think that might be the first recorded instance of photo-bombing!
    Does he? It seems more like he looks sideways, thinking: "How could that beer from yesterday let me end up here again? *Sigh* I'm not learnin' anythin'."

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    I also love that you dug through the smileys for that creep one to use about the queen's forced marriage. You are a rogue and a scoundrel Dercarix...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    ...but that's why we love you!
    Appreciate that you appreciate it. Was indeed quite some hassle to look for something fitting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    I freakin' love you Derc!
    Ew. You grow gayer with every step.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    Boo. This ain't the D&D forum. Keep your political commentary out of this. Or at least make it funnier
    He admits of having been in a rush that day. So you can say this was a hit and run pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Of course! Everyone knows the Belgae are the best of all Gauls. A shame you can't play as the Menapii (they're not even included in the game) cause they used to live in the area where I have lived my entire life thusfar. So the Nervii will have to do.
    It's peculiar how these things coincide eh. It's as if nature is following this story and like an ad sprouted a Celtic site near you.
    Ah, you're from that long region in the upper right corner of the map? More funny coincidences. Always thought: "Man, that region is shaped weird. They should've split it". And of course this region will have a very special role later in this campaign.

  4. #424

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Hot damn, they are putting you on the ropes here. You peak into Massalia, and what do you find, a closet full of blades! Freakin' half-Greek pansies were hiding Romans the whole dang time! I really hope you are able to swing back south and show those dandies what for :slapping someone with a glove smiley:

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Ew. You grow gayer with every step.
    That's why you love me more with every step. You can try to hide it, but your gradually pitching tent can't

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    He admits of having been in a rush that day. So you can say this was a hit and run pun.
    Psshh. The half-Dane will be given neither understanding nor forgiveness. I expect quality, and being short on time is no excuse for poor comedy. However, he is also German, and that might be an excuse for poor comedy; it's not in his blood
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    I know you are supposed to be German Derc, but your comedy gives you away... you are really Austrian, aren't you?
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  5. #425
    Cookiegod's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Vercringetorix

    Quote Originally Posted by Ossix View Post
    Psshh. The half-Dane will be given neither understanding nor forgiveness. I expect quality, and being short on time is no excuse for poor comedy. However, he is also German, and that might be an excuse for poor comedy; it's not in his blood
    Oh so the Ossi didn't like my Ossi joke. Big surprise. But wait, there's more. Nemo being latin for nobody I have a great many more puns to entertain you with, and I can't choose which one's the worst so I'll just post them all:
    1. Well I'm glad you found Caesar Dercix, but you ended on a cliffhanger. Did the sabotage succeed or was Nimo found (out)?
    2. Caesar: "Wtf who burned my supplies?" Random dude: "Nimo" Caesar: "What do you mean nobody?!"
    3. "Who are you?!" "I'm nobody!" "Mmmkay?!"
    4. "The cyclops wants his eye back, scout, and Ulysses his pun."
    5. I had more but I fear that no one is listening.


    I know you are supposed to be German Derc, but your comedy gives you away... you are really Austrian, aren't you?
    Pretty sure his troops uniform aren't brown, Kilo. ...Oh lord this has to be the worst one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  6. #426
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    It's good to see that Rome is providing a challenge - as you said, it looks like Attila-like pressure with attacks by multiple Roman armies. The ceasefire with Massalia and the liberation look like smart moves, I wonder how long the liberated nation will last (and whether the Arverni can spare coin or warriors to help it survive). I hope we'll see more of Funny Hat Guy!

  7. #427
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby of TWC
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Yeah CiG as the Arverni is no joke.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    The worst Roman however? That's the man that is still advertising advising annoying the Gauls. Why is he even doing that? Get this man at once!
    I really never understood why they didn't make faction or at least culture specific advisors. There is nothing more annoying having a Roman telling you you are losing against other Romans. Argh Romans! (It's a great poster though).

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    Rome managed something I would not have deemed possible. It forced me to use the liberation option for once. Bravo!
    It really is a very useful tool. Liberated clans all benefit from the AI exploits. Even with only one settlement they useally can at least 1 full-stack of troops. The only downside is you can't control them but as a meatshield they are perfect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    Ah, you're from that long region in the upper right corner of the map? More funny coincidences. Always thought: "Man, that region is shaped weird. They should've split it". And of course this region will have a very special role later in this campaign.
    I live basically on the border between the long region and Germania Inferior (near where the Schelde meets the sea; I live near Antwerpen). A bunch of weird people live near the sea tbh so the shape is warranted. I can't wait to find out it's special nature.

    Chapter XXIX: Aldburg
    #JusticeForAkar #JusticeForCal #JusticeForCookie #JusticeForAthelchan



  8. #428

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)


    Rome II
    Caesar in Gaul

    #4




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    No idea what's more dreadful - these legions or the constant Roman agent spam.
    Agents can really make a difference. Good that they can be countered with traits and other agents.


    Further relations with the Nervii are established. With combined forces Rome could be defeated.
    Their reputation of being no big fan of merchant trade seems to be a hoax.


    Caesar's forces meet the Gauls. No direct contact is made during the day. When night fell and darkness came, so came the men out of the woods.


    Caesar is confident first. He commands disciplined and experienced soldiers. No matter how many Barbarians would come, his men would take them on.


    He was wrong. The wave of wild men approaching from the darkness would not end. Fighting for hours and hours and hours, in the cold of a savage land against ferocious beasts, it breaks even the bravest man one time.
    Caesar was forced to retreat, having lost his best men and some of his confidence. Yet he would stand to fight another day.


    The Senate was outraged, and Caesar would have to explain how he lost against naked wildlings. Awkward situation.


    Still, he did so with success, his lips being just as sharp as his sword.
    Roman reinforcements would arrive a few weeks later, vowing for revenge.


    Someone else wanted revenge too. What the hell?!


    It was Vercingetorix's wife, Iblissa, queen of the Pictones. She wanted her tribe to be free again. She herself wanted to be free again.
    Funny enough she backstabbed the Arverni in turn 69. Heh heh.


    Ordering a full out attack at Ambatia and the surrounding villages, she showed her husband what she thought of him.
    Guess that can be seen as a divorce? Oh well, it was an abusive marriage anyway.


    Vercingetorix was even more outraged that he couldn't take this matter into his own hands. The Roman's just wouldn't allow him. Perhaps this witch was in bed with them all along.

    Only one could solve this problem if Vercingetorix couldn't. It was the guy with funny hat, of course. He solved the problem nice and easy.


    Quite some good drama, even the gods had to admit that.


    As predicted the truce with Massalia didn't held long. War with them erupted once more as they began to plunder some settlements along the shore.


    Caesar got slaughtered by an Arverni warlord. Unfortunately it was the wrong Caesar.
    "What does it matter?", asked the warlord. "Caesar is Caesar, Roman is Roman. Dead is dead. Let's drink!"


    The Greeks try to fight the Gauls with other means. They just found a weak spot.


    Didn't work and Massalia itself came under siege.


    Romans tried to help out. Not this time, Aurelius!


    Two major problems, the Greeks and Vercingetorix's wife, have been solved. The biggest, Rome, needs to be adressed next.
    Gallic arms are stiff from either holding up weapons or drinking horns.



    Weekly dose of Asterix & Obelix beating Romans



    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    Hot damn, they are putting you on the ropes here. You peak into Massalia, and what do you find, a closet full of blades! Freakin' half-Greek pansies were hiding Romans the whole dang time! I really hope you are able to swing back south and show those dandies what for :slapping someone with a glove smiley:
    Well described. Had a good, classic Negan reaction when I saw Massalian army number 2 and all those Romans approaching:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    That's why you love me more with every step. You can try to hide it, but your gradually pitching tent can't
    And that's also why I prefer houses. They don't bulge.

    Nah, seriously. Love y'all, guys. This AAR wouldn't be the same without you. Your comments AAR important, I mean it.
    Just about to comment in your thread right now, Kilo.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    Psshh. The half-Dane will be given neither understanding nor forgiveness. I expect quality, and being short on time is no excuse for poor comedy. However, he is also German, and that might be an excuse for poor comedy; it's not in his blood
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    I know you are supposed to be German Derc, but your comedy gives you away... you are really Austrian, aren't you?
    Austrians are too close to Germans to be any different. In many regards they are even worse. I wish they would steal Bavaria and just go away.
    I do not see myself as a German very much, nor as anything else, as I do not care about nationality, but oftentimes one has to experience that there are stereotypes for a reason.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    Nemo being latin for nobody I have a great many more puns to entertain you with, and I can't choose which one's the worst so I'll just post them all
    That was already enough. You just ruined "Finding Nemo" for me. ;/

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynrix View Post
    It's good to see that Rome is providing a challenge - as you said, it looks like Attila-like pressure with attacks by multiple Roman armies. The ceasefire with Massalia and the liberation look like smart moves, I wonder how long the liberated nation will last (and whether the Arverni can spare coin or warriors to help it survive). I hope we'll see more of Funny Hat Guy!
    Really loved to be in the situation where making peace was worth it. Even the AI understood that it was only a ceasefire. Fighting the Massalians was great fun. A thorn in the side, but a lovely one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Yeah CiG as the Arverni is no joke.
    I wouldn't say they are particulary hard, especially not if you simply make confederations with everyone. It's just the midgame event that's challenging. It is for every faction. Although even more pressure would've been awesome.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    I really never understood why they didn't make faction or at least culture specific advisors. There is nothing more annoying having a Roman telling you you are losing against other Romans. Argh Romans! (It's a great poster though).
    It would've been easy enough. A simple condition and another model. CA does just that in most of their victory cutscenes. It's little things like that that make a huge difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    It really is a very useful tool. Liberated clans all benefit from the AI exploits. Even with only one settlement they useally can at least 1 full-stack of troops. The only downside is you can't control them but as a meatshield they are perfect.
    That's exactly why I refrain from using it. It can really be exploited. Plus, greedy Dercix wants to control everything himself, of course.
    One exception: Clients were really great in Shogun II.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    I live basically on the border between the long region and Germania Inferior (near where the Schelde meets the sea; I live near Antwerpen). A bunch of weird people live near the sea tbh so the shape is warranted. I can't wait to find out it's special nature.
    Great. Now I imagine a region full of people like Wim Hof.

  9. #429
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    That's a wonderful moment, when the Gauls come out of the woods to confront Caesar. When I saw the queen of the Pictones, I was worried because it looked as if she has an entire army of guys with funny hats!

  10. #430

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    That was crazy talk dude! Your own wife coming at you with an army! I mean, how bad of a husband are you Dercarix? How many dishes could you have not washed? Or wait... did you have relations with her sister? Dercarix, I told you it sounded like fun in theory, but would lead to a mess of trouble. You just never listen

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercarix
    Austrians are too close to Germans to be any different. In many regards they are even worse. I wish they would steal Bavaria and just go away.
    I do not see myself as a German very much, nor as anything else, as I do not care about nationality, but oftentimes one has to experience that there are stereotypes for a reason.
    I always find Austrians to actually be pretty darn funny, but I think that has a lot to do with their accent. It just takes them so long to say anything in German, and that drawn-out way of talking has comedic value. They don't even have to say a joke; everything they say is a joke, and one at Austria's expense.
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  11. #431
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby of TWC
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    You could've known that woman was bad news when you saw her face. Her visage was like thunder incarnate. I can imagine the Senate making fun of Caesar that he was humbled by such a display of open masculinity. I am disappointed though. That "Naked Warrior" is clearly wearing a loincloth. You keep using that word CA but I don't think you know what it means. You said 69 so I now am obligated to say the following: Nice

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    I wouldn't say they are particulary hard, especially not if you simply make confederations with everyone. It's just the midgame event that's challenging. It is for every faction. Although even more pressure would've been awesome.
    Really? I remember having an awful time with them. Perhaps it was because I was young or bad or both.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    It would've been easy enough. A simple condition and another model. CA does just that in most of their victory cutscenes. It's little things like that that make a huge difference.
    1000% agree here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix
    Great. Now I imagine a region full of people like Wim Hof.
    Wim Hof is a Limburger, and a Dutch Limburger at that, which is strange in its own very special way. But you are quite right, the same level of strangeness, only in a different way.

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  12. #432
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    I take it that divorce request has been granted, huh? Still doesn't make the top 10 of most savage divorces ever. Put more effort in it next time!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  13. #433

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)


    Rome II
    Caesar in Gaul

    #5




    --------------------------
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    --------------------------



    Guy with funny hat takes Vienna, which was located on the western side of the Alps back then. Napoleon must be jeaulous.


    Romans are rallying new forces.


    Yet they would be willing to accept a ceasefire. Of course there will be none.


    The tables have turned. Gallic tribes invade Italy after a long time. Quite some trauma for the Romans. They thought it would never happen again.


    Romans may have fancy helmets and well trained forces, but they don't stand a change against the guy with funny hat.


    Especially not in the Alps, not in winter, and not on a foggy day. They may sit behind their walls all they want. The sight of naked men running towards them in freezing temperatures and under heavy fire is enough for the morale of these sunburned Italians to be broken.


    If they love heat, they shall have it. The Gauls do to their cities what Romans did to Gaul, razing and blazing what comes to sight.


    Ah, finally back at it again, just like in the old days. A good sport.


    These Romans are crazy. And desperate.


    Romans are thrown out, their cities sacked, plundered, razed down. Northern Italy is about to find back to nature.


    Abandoned by the Senate, the people, and by most of his soldiers, Caesar drifts along the waves, trying to escape to Hispania.


    Fine. The troops are forbidden to sink his boat. This wicked man shall taste steel and the full fury of Gaul; pay for everything he has done.


    The Last Roman™


    The Arverni have done Rome a great favour. According to the druids, Caesar would have annihilated Gallic culture, dragged Vercingetorix around like an animal, and then plunged his own country into a civil war, declaring himself some kind of god. Crazy. What a cruel world it would have been. Now that false god lies at the bottom of the Gallic shore.


    Rome is still around, and still mighty, spanning over almost the entire Mediterranean. But it is defeated for now, and it seems like they will have a civil war even without Caesar.

    The Romans left a little scar in Gallic lands. It is time to fix this.


    The Ruteni were left to govern for themselves as long as Rome was around. Bad memories. Of course they wouldn't give up their power willingly, so this little mistake had to be corrected by force.

    With that, the Gallic war is over. Caesar is in Gaul no more. The Arverni are free. The spirits would come to rest.

    Would they?



    Weekly dose of Asterix & Obelix beating Romans



    Not Asterix or Obelix in the picture this week, but Vercingetorix. This just fits too good.



    Was a little busy or perhaps just lazy last weekend. So with a little delay, here's chapter five.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynrix, a guy without any hat View Post
    That's a wonderful moment, when the Gauls come out of the woods to confront Caesar. When I saw the queen of the Pictones, I was worried because it looked as if she has an entire army of guys with funny hats!
    No, no, no, no, no! These are guys with silly hats! Guy with funny hat is unique, for his hat can be seen even on the campaign map.

    But in all honesty, I find Gallic fashion quite interesting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    That was crazy talk dude! Your own wife coming at you with an army! I mean, how bad of a husband are you Dercarix? How many dishes could you have not washed? Or wait... did you have relations with her sister? Dercarix, I told you it sounded like fun in theory, but would lead to a mess of trouble. You just never listen
    Must've left the oven on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    I always find Austrians to actually be pretty darn funny, but I think that has a lot to do with their accent. It just takes them so long to say anything in German, and that drawn-out way of talking has comedic value. They don't even have to say a joke; everything they say is a joke, and one at Austria's expense.
    The thing about Austria is that its most famous gangster rapper, Money Boy, has a bachelor's degree, while the biggest player of the country is its chancellor, Sebastian Kurz. You could put that guy in a Game of Thrones episode and no one would notice a thing. Weird, little country.
    Yeah, their accent is funny. Almost always have to giggle when I hear them rant. Which they do A LOT.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    You could've known that woman was bad news when you saw her face. Her visage was like thunder incarnate. I can imagine the Senate making fun of Caesar that he was humbled by such a display of open masculinity. I am disappointed though. That "Naked Warrior" is clearly wearing a loincloth. You keep using that word CA but I don't think you know what it means. You said 69 so I now am obligated to say the following: Nice
    I can remember installing Europa Barbarorum, actually seeing naked guys in there. Oh man, that was awkward for my poor Carthaginians.
    Can only imagine how Caesar must've felt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Really? I remember having an awful time with them. Perhaps it was because I was young or bad or both.
    Young and naive.
    So you played CiG twice? I heard the Suebi might be the hardest. Encircled by the Nervii and Rome, and an outsider culture.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Wim Hof is a Limburger, and a Dutch Limburger at that, which is strange in its own very special way. But you are quite right, the same level of strangeness, only in a different way.
    Oh, I know Limburger. The ones from your region, the cheese, and Limburg-Weilburg. All strange, yet lovely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    I take it that divorce request has been granted, huh? Still doesn't make the top 10 of most savage divorces ever. Put more effort in it next time!
    Still a better love story than Twilight.

  14. #434
    Welsh Dragon's Avatar Content Staff
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Well it's taken me long enough, but I'm finally caught up with your many adventures Derc. And what a wild journey it has been. From my own stomping grounds of Britannia, to the wastelands of Hunnic Europe, to Roman Civil Wars and last stands, and Napoleon himself... to name but a few. And now I find you on familiar ground, for though I haven't visited most of Gaul, nor Belgium, Germany or Italy, I am rather familiar with its virtual representation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Toutatis favours the brave.
    Now where have I heard that before...

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Sometimes I got the feeling the Celts were the Persians of the West, either trolling around or just being overwhelmed by their own language, trying to fix it by adding more madness to it. Let's meet in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (totally did not copy that) and discuss this over a cold pint.
    Ah, but at least you know exactly where you will be meeting. How many place names really give you as complete a set of directions as “Saint Mary’s Church in the hollow of the white hazel near the rapid whirlpool and the Church of Saint Tysilio of the red cave?”

    A fantastic read and I look forward to seeing where this journey continues to take you (and us.)

    All the Best,

    Welsh Dragon.

  15. #435
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby of TWC
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix View Post
    Guy with funny hat takes Vienna, which was located on the western side of the Alps back then. Napoleon must be jeaulous.

    Romans may have fancy helmets and well trained forces, but they don't stand a change against the guy with funny hat.
    Funny will win over fancy every single time, at least in the three W's. War, Women and Wanquishing Womans.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix View Post
    Especially not in the Alps, not in winter, and not on a foggy day. They may sit behind their walls all they want. The sight of naked men running towards them in freezing temperatures and under heavy fire is enough for the morale of these sunburned Italians to be broken.
    Running naked through the foggy Alps is the Gallic equivalent of taking a bath.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix View Post
    Now that false god lies at the bottom of the Gallic shore.
    Congrats Verci!

    "Dagoth Ur Caesar is dead. You no longer bear the burden of prophecy. You have achieved your destiny. You are freed. The doomed Dwemer's Republic's folly. Lord Dagoth's Senator Caesar's temptation. The Tribunal's Triumvirate's seduction. The god's spirit's heart freed. The prophecy fulfilled. All fates sealed and sins redeemed. If you have pity, mourn the lost but let the weeping cease. The blight is gone, and the sun's golden honey gilds the land. Hail savior, Hortator High King and Nerevarine Vercingetorix. Your people look to you for protection. Monsters Germans and villains Belgae great and small still threaten the people of Vvardenfell Gaul. Enemies and evils abound, yet indomitable will might rid Morrowind Gaul of all its ills. For you, our thanks and blessing, our gift and token given. Come, take this thing from the hand of god."

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix View Post
    Young and naive.
    So you played CiG twice? I heard the Suebi might be the hardest. Encircled by the Nervii and Rome, and an outsider culture.
    I have played it THRICE. I played every faction except Rome. Suebi was the hardest by far. Indeed, being an outsider culture helps to considerably slow your expansion. Prepare for many rebellions

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercrix View Post
    Oh, I know Limburger. The ones from your region, the cheese, and Limburg-Weilburg. All strange, yet lovely.
    A bit slow but very lovable indeed.

    Chapter XXIX: Aldburg
    #JusticeForAkar #JusticeForCal #JusticeForCookie #JusticeForAthelchan



  16. #436
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Ah, I see, silly hats aren't the same thing as funny hats. It sounds like the guy with the funny hat saved Gaul - and even the Roman republic - from a series of very strange events (with the help of Vercingetorix, of course)!

  17. #437

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)


    Rome II
    Caesar in Gaul

    #6




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    The Roman invasion did something with the tribes of Gaul. They were always eager for a fight, always seeking for something new to plunder, but now everyone acted like a beast unleashed.
    The Nervii saved the Arverni by declaring war on Rome in the right time, but as soon as Rome was defeated, the two former partners turned against each others throat almost the same day.


    Northern Italy is converting fast. Many Romans seem to like the idea of reverse romanization. Some of them even become druids. A strange sight.

    📝 Authors Note The tree in the background of this portrait looks like a funny protruding part of his hair. Get Agrippa, man!


    The spirits send new messages.


    Unfortunately that boy cannot help against the nefarious Nervii.


    So let the dogs have it!


    It's not always working out. The dogs are just no match for the savage tribes of Gaul. That includes the Nervii. The great Bibracte falls, being razed to the ground.
    Friends against a common enemy a short time ago, now sworn rivals. Things surely do change fast in Gaul.


    Guy with funny hat meets an impostor and sends him to his grave, together with all the other men. This guy got some Nervii...


    The Brits decide to jump in. Good! Now Gaul has it: Total War once more!


    The Dumnonii seem to have planned this for a long time. They advance fast. Too fast. No chance to defend. They push deep into the land.


    We're already much further, Rome II.


    The last chapter dawns. While the Nervii crumble, the British pressure increases.


    They hesitated with the conquest of Lemonum for some reason. Perhaps it was too sour. Time enough for Arverni troops to catch up, resulting in the biggest battle of Gaul since the retreat of the Romans.


    The troops in the east are busy too.
    Vercingetorix lets the Nervii know his rage.


    Advance is rapid. The Arverni learned a lot from the war against Rome. They are much more skilled, much more ruthless and unforgiving.
    The Nervii, the second strongest tribe of Gaul, got utterly crushed in only half a year.


    They won't get on anyone's nerve anymore.


    There are others who quickly took up the job. Damned Suebi invaders!


    All invaders will be thrown out. It does not matter if it is the Romans, if it is the British, the Germans or someone else.


    Truly, the Arverni have grown fearsome. Relentless and merciless they push on, claiming everything, getting stronger with each passing month. The wickerman is burning bright. A single tribe has risen above them all, and is about to become the sole ruler of all Gaul. There will be feasts all night long!

    📝 Authors Note That's when the victory video played. Let's save it for the end of the campaign.



    Weekly dose of Asterix & Obelix beating Romans



    Quote Originally Posted by Cymru Dragonrix View Post
    Well it's taken me long enough, but I'm finally caught up with your many adventures Derc. And what a wild journey it has been. From my own stomping grounds of Britannia, to the wastelands of Hunnic Europe, to Roman Civil Wars and last stands, and Napoleon himself... to name but a few. And now I find you on familiar ground, for though I haven't visited most of Gaul, nor Belgium, Germany or Italy, I am rather familiar with its virtual representation.
    A great honor. Thanks, ye old lizard. Especially honored to duel you and Kilo in the upcoming MAARC. I couldn't ask for more. Welsh Nervii vs. German Arverni vs. US-Nabateans. Now that's a mix. En garde!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cymru Dragonrix View Post
    Now where have I heard that before...
    This must've been a nervii wrecking chapter for you. I'm sorry. I am convinced the Nervii in your AAR will have more luck. Need some time to catch up there too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cymru Dragonrix View Post
    Ah, but at least you know exactly where you will be meeting. How many place names really give you as complete a set of directions as “Saint Mary’s Church in the hollow of the white hazel near the rapid whirlpool and the Church of Saint Tysilio of the red cave?”
    Thanks for the translation. This is an awesome name.
    Would love to travel around Britannia one day. Ah, these things have to wait.

    Quote Originally Posted by Welsh Dragon View Post
    A fantastic read and I look forward to seeing where this journey continues to take you (and us.)
    Always glad to have a Welsh dragon on board.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Funny will win over fancy every single time, at least in the three W's. War, Women and Wanquishing Womans.
    Just Gauls doing Gallic things.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    Running naked through the foggy Alps is the Gallic equivalent of taking a bath.
    Living the life. I'd do such a thing in RL. But people would chase me away. Damn you, civilization. Rome, what have you done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    "Dagoth Ur Caesar is dead. You no longer bear the burden of prophecy. You have achieved your destiny. You are freed. The doomed Dwemer's Republic's folly. Lord Dagoth's Senator Caesar's temptation. The Tribunal's Triumvirate's seduction. The god's spirit's heart freed. The prophecy fulfilled. All fates sealed and sins redeemed. If you have pity, mourn the lost but let the weeping cease. The blight is gone, and the sun's golden honey gilds the land. Hail savior, Hortator High King and Nerevarine Vercingetorix. Your people look to you for protection. Monsters Germans and villains Belgae great and small still threaten the people of Vvardenfell Gaul. Enemies and evils abound, yet indomitable will might rid Morrowind Gaul of all its ills. For you, our thanks and blessing, our gift and token given. Come, take this thing from the hand of god."
    Haha. Thanks man. That gave me a good laugh.

    Morrowind was such a weird game. I can remember that I made it my task to fully explore Vivec city, and I still wasn't done after a week. I love that I experienced the game, but damn, it was so otherworldly. And buggy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    I have played it THRICE. I played every faction except Rome. Suebi was the hardest by far. Indeed, being an outsider culture helps to considerably slow your expansion. Prepare for many rebellions
    Once you've played Attila, you are so used to rebellions that you get more nervous if there aren't any.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynrix View Post
    Ah, I see, silly hats aren't the same thing as funny hats. It sounds like the guy with the funny hat saved Gaul - and even the Roman republic - from a series of very strange events (with the help of Vercingetorix, of course)!
    Silly hats. Funny hats. Fancy hats. No hats. Doesn't matter. The 18th century has nothing on them.

  18. #438
    Cookiegod's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercingetorix
    Guy with funny hat takes Vienna, which was located on the western side of the Alps back then.
    Actually this city still exists with pretty much the same name (Vienne) and still has some neat Roman buildings.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercetorix
    The sight of naked men running towards them in freezing temperatures and under heavy fire is enough for the morale of these sunburned Italians to be broken.
    To be fair seeing a naked Obelix running towards me would break my morale real fast too.

    And hot dayumn I somehow missed that update until this one. Mayhaps that has something to do with your evil ploy always responding to some other AARs right after posting yours so I have to click my way through 10 subfora to notice?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercetorix
    Damned Suebi
    Yes. Be careful of their less ecofriendly than advertised war chariots.

    Hey now that Rome's dead I can finally ruin your page again:

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  19. #439

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul)

    That was so utterly riddled with puns, I am still reeling. Don't get me wrong, they were excellent, but there were just... so... many. I feel like you missed an opportunity for some serious trolling with the Nervii though... When you had them on the ropes, you should have offered them a peace settlement where they give you tons of gold and you give them a...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



    That would show them to mess with you again


    Quote Originally Posted by Dercarix
    A great honor. Thanks, ye old lizard. Especially honored to duel you and Kilo in the upcoming MAARC. I couldn't ask for more. Welsh Nervii vs. German Arverni vs. US-Nabateans. Now that's a mix. En garde!
    Best be careful with this, mate. When the 'Muricans go out and join forces with desert folk, it usually gets nasty quick. Can't rightly say who will get merced at the end of the day, but this is sure to bite someone on the aßß.
    Last edited by Kilo11; October 15, 2020 at 08:55 AM.
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  20. #440

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul [End])


    Rome II
    Caesar in Gaul

    #7




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    So that's how Vienna became so pompous.


    You sure this is a Brit? This guy looks like a German. And he has a fancy hat.


    Ah, speaking of them.
    Down with the last invaders! Now it's the Gauls that will be invading!


    Actually feel bad for these poor fellows. They called us friends. And we declared war.


    Not bad. A lot of experienced armies for a minor tribe.


    Has been too long since a good old assasination. Gallic agents get less and less jobs these days.


    Interesting. We shall do it like Caesar for once, and leave these guys alone. After the action against the Atrebates I am too heartbroken to betray another friendly tribe.


    There's the German.
    This German is a sharp concurrent to guy with funny hat. He must be outdone with whatever means necessary.


    So we get a proper sea battle in CiG after all. Quite a nice one it was!
    Unfortunately the German managed to get away.


    ...So much about the Morini. Should've taken that advice seriously.


    Gauls battling it out against the Brits at Stonehenge. It's like a childhood dream came true.


    Very powerful bonuses. Unfortunately it comes a bit too late.


    Being a drunkard is a learnable trait for a Gaul?


    There is the German, hiding together with the last Dumnonii. Attack!


    Dumb Dumnonii and their fancy wagons will not stand in the way. Get the German at all costs!!


    Gotcha! That hat is burried under horse buts, together with this pretty face. A fitting place, ha ha!


    Last chance to make a confederation. Should we do it? Hmm... nah. Vercingetorix's look says it all.


    The Morini actually outlived the Brits, and only so because they were nice at the beginning.


    They should've stayed that way, but perhaps they knew that they were dead meat even if they would've stood put.
    The last one of them is killed by a fullstack somewhere in the woods off track.


    A fitting end for this campaign. One tribe rose and united Gaul the Gallic way: not by fancy words or a measly confederation, but by brutal savagery.

    Truly, the Arverni can count themselves the ultimate victors of this war. Gaul is free. United under them, not under these pesky Romans or anyone else. The spirits are celebrating, the boars are put on the roast. The druids were right. Gaul could only be saved the brutal way.

    The Gallic way of life is secured.
    Let the feasts begin!


    📝 Authors Note
    All "barbarian" factions seem to share the same victory video. A Germanic one. Pretty lazy, CA.


    Weekly dose of Asterix & Obelix beating Romans




    📘 Alternate History
    Most was already said in the AAR. There might've been a civil war even without Caesar and his guys around.

    Before I learned anything about the Gallic war, I thought it was an insignifant one. Perhaps a nice addition of land to Rome, nothing more. But as I learned, this "little" war changed the whole world, thanks to Rome itself being on a turning point, the Res Publica coming to an end.

    I'm surprised how quickly Gallic culture vanished. If the Gauls would've survived, Rome was guaranteed to try again in the near future. If they would've survived the following centuries too, which wasn't all too likely, but not impossible, then they would've most likely migrated during the time of the Huns, and/or mixed with the many germanic tribes. Twice the fun for Rome.


    🏠 House Rules & Special Goals
    Unwritten Rules:
    • Conquer the whole map - Check
    • No exploits, hacks, etc. - Check

    Written ones:
    • Lone Warrior: Can only enter confederations if I get offered into one from someone else. Will stay the Arverni otherwise. - Check
    • Gallic Wall: Lose not a single region to Rome - Failed


    ⭐ Conclusion: Rome II - Caesar in Gaul
    • + The escalation event is great. Finally a nice challenge in Rome II
    • + The geography of Gaul allows for a lot of ambushes and being ambushed yourself
    • + Interesting infos about the many different tribes
    • + Thanks to the 24 turns per year, the seasons are really feelable. Adds for a nice atmosphere and a little strategic component
    • + Pretty good balanced, compared to other Rome II campaigns
    • + Fast pacing...

    • - ...perhaps too fast
    • - Ships almost useless
    • - Some semi important tribes are missing
    • - Completely removing internal politics was a stupid idea


    Caesar in Gaul is a nice little addition for everyone who prefers a quick campaign and loves a good challenge in the midgame. It's "just more Rome II", yeah, but it feels different enough. I was pleasantly surprised, and loved the atmosphere. Definitely worth a buy when it is on sale.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    Actually this city still exists with pretty much the same name (Vienne) and still has some neat Roman buildings.
    Damn! Not only guys with funny hats get copied, but cities too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    To be fair seeing a naked Obelix running towards me would break my morale real fast too.
    Can't be worse than Dumbledore.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    And hot dayumn I somehow missed that update until this one. Mayhaps that has something to do with your evil ploy always responding to some other AARs right after posting yours so I have to click my way through 10 subfora to notice?!
    This is indeed a ploy to promote other AARers and let you do some work. Next to really wanting to comment there, of course. Woops, I am just about to do it again.

    A little secret: when I submit a UESW in the current screenshot competition, it almost always means I just posted an update. Given there is a campaign going.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    Yes. Be careful of their less ecofriendly than advertised war chariots.
    The villain of this chapter knows what you speak about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookierix View Post
    Hey now that Rome's dead I can finally ruin your page again
    Good thing it was at the end of the page.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    That was so utterly riddled with puns, I am still reeling. Don't get me wrong, they were excellent, but there were just... so... many. I feel like you missed an opportunity for some serious trolling with the Nervii though... *snip*
    Oh, that's a nasty one. Better not. You've seen what happened last time when we dealt with the Pictoni and their queen.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilorix View Post
    Best be careful with this, mate. When the 'Muricans go out and join forces with desert folk, it usually gets nasty quick. Can't rightly say who will get merced at the end of the day, but this is sure to bite someone on the aßß.
    Halt! The usage of 'ß' is strictly forbidden for non Germans. It may crash your machine. And your soul.

    Yeah, America and the desert. Deadly combination.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinrix View Post
    I live basically on the border between the long region and Germania Inferior (near where the Schelde meets the sea; I live near Antwerpen). A bunch of weird people live near the sea tbh so the shape is warranted. I can't wait to find out it's special nature.
    Now you have your answer. Last region to be taken.
    I wanted to finish it in Britain, but man, these guys warmed my heart. Now it is cold again. :/
    Last edited by Derc; October 18, 2020 at 02:45 PM. Reason: Doing Gallic stuff for the last time

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