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Thread: Derc Plays Through World History

  1. #501
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Can't even beat Denmark without reloading. What a nord. Actually no I take that back. What a Swede. -son is Swedish! Danes and Norwegians use -sen. No wonder you lost, Dercsen. Now sell me your oil!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
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  2. #502

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Oh, that is a rough start. But honestly, you should know better. That is a classic exploit. It is the single best way to crush the Mongol stacks in vanilla Med2: pepper their units while breaking siege equipment, and then watch 'em scatter. That is the only way I ever handled the onslaught when I played as Eastern factions. Super gamey, but so cost-effective!
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  3. #503
    Hitai de Bodemloze's Avatar 避世絕俗
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    I didn't know that about the catapults, that's really interesting! Intrigued to see what happens next, especially with those recruitment restrictions - certainly one of more unique challenges so far

  4. #504
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dercson View Post
    Herp, derp, nerd. You got it.
    Just a little fun fact, "Derc" stands for my name, "(Der C)hris", "Der" obviously being the masculine German word for "the". Somewhere online, ages ago, spaces were not allowed in one's name tag. Underscores looked ing ugly. So these two parts were merged together, becoming "DerC". It rhymed with "Derp", and "dercing" actually became an inside joke, the verb roughly translating to 'doing really stupid stuff all alone'. Fits this campaign very well, indeed.
    D E E P L O R E! I shall add it to the Chronicles of the Derciverse.

    You should've taken a page from Cookies book there and ended the campaign with the horrible failed siege at Aarhus. Another campaign in the pocket right there. I do admire your dedication to the challenge. Denmark is defeated, now the real battle begins.

  5. #505
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    [CENTER]

    Welcome to Norway. It's a silent, peaceful country - because almost all the savages are out there along the waves, raiding Britain.

    Not all, some are stuck indoors reading a certain German's AAR . Your writing style and screenshot combo continues to smash though, always a pleasure reading.

    And I'm think I have to call you Der C from now on.

    And of course Norway. Norway is legendary. I know of no one who really gave it a honest try
    Well... I might have tried to a couple of times as a kid before downloading the files that makes Norway actually able to recruit stuff.


    I expect you to do Kalmarunionen the justice it deserves forwards. To glory!
    Proudly under the patronage of General Brewster of the Imperial House of Hader
    Proud patron of 4zumi, Akar, CommodusIV ,Swaeft
    and Peaman






  6. #506
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)


    Medieval 2: Total War
    Teutonic Campaign

    #2




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    --------------------------



    What to do with all that money if one can't recruit anything with it? Well... it's not useless, nowhere close to it. Diplomacy usually is of minor importance in most Medieval II campaigns. Here it finally has some power, thanks to money. Very gutt, indeed. It should be "gut", btw.


    Seems like Poland-Lithania will be created by force. Poor Lithuanians. Nobody wants to be their friend.


    Got the Danish king on some snowy field, having wandered around all alone.


    70% public order will show up as red in the GUI. However, having tested around in earlier campaigns, I found out that settlements are still stable with 70% public order. Rebellions are extremely rare, if they happen at all. It only gets dangerous when at 65% or below.
    As we need all troops on the front, even peasants, I have to play a dangerous game.


    Assassino! As I allow myself to use some exploits here, I use the dread of every Hotseat - death ring. If you have no own assassin to kill an enemy agent, just encircle him with your units so that he cannot escape in any direction. Place another unit right on top of him, and you'll "stomp him to death". Literally.
    Glad this cannot be done in future TW's anymore.


    I don't like those Germans over there, even if they are now my allies.


    The Norwegian prince hired some mercs up in Sweden, putting Hassleholm under siege. Starve 'em all!


    A time machine was already secretly used after the defeat at AARhus. Now the device has been finished, somehow altering its power to show the day of time instead of altering time itself. Aww. Would've used it to prevent Norway from invading Scotland. At least we managed to save the king.


    We just killed the Danish prince who was protected by angry clerics. Now we block the way, preventing AI pathfinding from, well, finding paths.


    World war is on.


    These mercenaries are really damn expensive, ruining Norway's economy. Quite a surprise that the economy could ever be a bigger problem than the lacking ability to recruit.


    Buying some regions from the Poles with money gained from the sacking of Stralsund. Good investment, even though I will have to remain dirt poor for the next couple of turns.


    "You cannot be rewarded as you cannot recruit any units"
    Never thought I would have to read that one day.


    We still got some good units from these settlements. Hah.


    Norway has become the biggest country in the Baltic with ... whatever forces.


    The more we train diplomats, the more profitable deals we can make. Never bothered about it in any other campaign, but here it finally pays off.


    Betrayal! Ah, come on! Germans took Uelzen. Hope that was worth it.

    ⚙️ Authors Note - Technical I also tested what makes the AI willing to attack. It seems these factors matter:
    • Overall strength of your faction
    • Strength of the settlements they are about to attack
    • Pathfinding

    Afaik it doesn't matter if a settlement is completely empty. It seems the AI only cares if that settlement is in the way, and if it can be taken. Everything else doesn't matter. Not even your relations or your reputation. They are only good for diplomacy.


    With the loss of the gigantic region of Uelzen, Poland officially becomes the biggest country again. Always knew Poland was a desert.

    🎭 Funfact Not kidding, Poland really has a desert.

    Germans, you will pay for that. Somehow.



    Weekly dose of apetor



    That's a lot of replies from many different people. I'm amazed. :

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiesson View Post
    Can't even beat Denmark without reloading. What a nord. Actually no I take that back. What a Swede. -son is Swedish! Danes and Norwegians use -sen. No wonder you lost, Dercsen. Now sell me your oil!
    Well, let's just write it with two 's' then. I don't know your dads, but you people will have to be your own dads now.
    What about Iceland? I can remember how my dad and me watched the Football World Championship 2016, when Iceland beat England in the quarterfinals. He couldn't keep jesting about their names, almost all of them ending with (s)son. Somehow I explained it to him, but in the end there were more questions than answers.

    Doesn't matter. Their forenames are all the same anyway.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    Oh, that is a rough start. But honestly, you should know better. That is a classic exploit. It is the single best way to crush the Mongol stacks in vanilla Med2: pepper their units while breaking siege equipment, and then watch 'em scatter. That is the only way I ever handled the onslaught when I played as Eastern factions. Super gamey, but so cost-effective!
    And yet you scolded me in the Battle of Waterloo when it came to gamey moves

    Quote Originally Posted by Hitai Bodemlosdottir View Post
    I didn't know that about the catapults, that's really interesting! Intrigued to see what happens next, especially with those recruitment restrictions - certainly one of more unique challenges so far :happy
    Hey Hitai, nice to see you're still around . Yes, it's cool to have learned something new, even after having played that game for so long. It's interesting that the devs have actually considered such a situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinsson View Post
    D E E P L O R E! I shall add it to the Chronicles of the Derciverse.
    It's a horrible universe, but still a better one than Twilight.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinsson View Post
    You should've taken a page from Cookies book there and ended the campaign with the horrible failed siege at Aarhus. Another campaign in the pocket right there. I do admire your dedication to the challenge. Denmark is defeated, now the real battle begins.
    I'm not Caliph Cookie, and this setting is too great to do such a thing.

    Denmark isn't defeated yet. This isn't Rome II anymore, where you could slap down entire civilizations on the go. Even though Denmark would've deserved it.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    Not all, some are stuck indoors reading a certain German's AAR . Your writing style and screenshot combo continues to smash though, always a pleasure reading.
    Hooray! The king is here! An actual Norwegian is visiting the Norway AAR. A secret goal has been achieved. Now this AAR really has everything that it needs.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    And I'm think I have to call you Der C from now on.
    That's oldschool af, but you can do so if you like.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    Well... I might have tried to a couple of times as a kid before downloading the files that makes Norway actually able to recruit stuff.
    I expect you to do Kalmarunionen the justice it deserves forwards. To glory!
    Doing the Kalmar Union on Norway's terms: without changing the name or the flag to something ugly. And also without Kalmar.

  7. #507
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    I enjoyed catching up with the previous update as well as the latest one. I don't blame you for needing to re-start when you're playing a faction that can't recruit units. I see what you mean, money is especially important in this campaign. It's interesting to see what the AI does and doesn't take into account when deciding whether to attack, I like finding out about those aspects of the game.

  8. #508

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    70% public order will show up as red in the GUI. However, having tested around in earlier campaigns, I found out that settlements are still stable with 70% public order. Rebellions are extremely rare, if they happen at all. It only gets dangerous when at 65% or below.
    As we need all troops on the front, even peasants, I have to play a dangerous game.
    This is good to know! I've been playing these games for... damn, like over a decade. Oof. Apparently I'm getting old. That's not cool.

    But anyway, I've been playing the games for a while, and I never knew that 70% was still okay. That is the last time I overgarrison a settlement. Those peasants can just get a little unruly, and I will ignore them!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Assassino! As I allow myself to use some exploits here, I use the dread of every Hotseat - death ring. If you have no own assassin to kill an enemy agent, just encircle him with your units so that he cannot escape in any direction. Place another unit right on top of him, and you'll "stomp him to death". Literally.
    Glad this cannot be done in future TW's anymore.
    And this too! How did I not know this?! And here I was training up assassins, which is one of the most grindy and annoying things to attempt to do in any TW game. RNG is just the worst with assassins. Or at least, that has always been my finding. 25% chance that your general will be killed? Welp... he dead. 90% chance your full subterfuge assassin will successfully kill some random brigand captain? He waits to fire his poison dart for literally like 30 seconds, until some random chick sees him and screams, and then he runs into a dead-end alley and gets... well, his own dead end. Freaking annoying. Next time, I am just doing this method here. And besides, this method is fair. If I spread an army over a huge area for the sole purpose of finding and killing one dude, I am just gonna assume that we can successfully kill that one dude. And no more training necessary

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Buying some regions from the Poles...
    Buying some regions from the Germans...
    This is an amusing way to "conquer" the map. But hey, if it's effective, do it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    "You cannot be rewarded as you cannot recruit any units"
    Never thought I would have to read that one day.
    Hilarious!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    And yet you scolded me in the Battle of Waterloo when it came to gamey moves
    I will always scold you for such things. Hypocrisy will never stop me from running my mouth!




    All in all, this was a fun update. I like the buying out of things. It seems like a risky, and somewhat ridiculous way to move forward, but that is basically what I am expecting from this whole endeavor. And besides, you're right that your ability to use the cash in other useful ways is pretty limited, so have at it! I think your next big move should be to ally with the Mongols. Barbs from the north, barbs from the east, and Europe in between... sounds like a nice way to carve up a continent!
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  9. #509
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Betrayal! Ah, come on! Germans took Uelzen. Hope that was worth it.
    *hears Germans singing Erika in the distance*

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Germans, you will pay for that. Somehow.
    *singing intensifies*

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    It's a horrible universe, but still a better one than Twilight.
    It's beautiful in its horrificness.

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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)


    Medieval 2: Total War
    Teutonic Campaign

    #3




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    The traitorous Germans defend their villages with artillery only. They are truly ahead of time.


    There's a lot of mercenaries to gain in this region. Even ships. That may solve our problem with reinforcements for a short while. But they are just so damn expensive.


    Bah. Italy. Full of sun-dappled weaklings.


    Poor Germans do not know this southern comfort. They find their death in the ice.
    0 - 100. Not bad.


    Let's do something similar right again, only with some moonlight.
    ⚙️ Authors Note - Technical Seriously, I don't know why the AI loves to field so much artillery. They even did so in later titles, even though not as much.


    Norway is going to be the best nation without having done .


    Not so chivalrous anymore, eh?


    The whole left border of the map belongs to Norway. Hannover, a major German city, was garrisoned by a single unit.

    More German troops arrive a turn later - idling around without doing anything.


    It looks like the Germans started throwing their own people at the Norwegians, in one way or another.
    But don't get fooled. It was Norway that sent the Germans flying.


    The Danish got starved out. Again.
    They still have their colonies in Estonia. Hey Denmark! That's the wrong direction your ships are taking!
    Gosh. Roskilde needs some culture.


    Sending crooked merchants to Poland? Perfect.


    The Germans are impressed by our success. They adapt Norwegian warfare and storm against the enemy with as few units as possible.

    Didn't work for them.


    The culprit was quickly found:
    - "Dieter, don't shoot zhe floor! The enemy is over there!"
    - "Shut zhe hell up, Wolfgang. Let me try again."


    This is how it's done, dear Germans.
    📝 Authors Note Rebels are actually really useful, not only to train your agents, but your generals too.


    The Danish may have lost their country to Norway, but their hatred for the Swedes still holds stronger. Priorities are priorities.
    At least Denmark and Norway are consent that the Swedes are just a bunch of peasant rabble.
    Denmark still failed to take the city, though. Ouch.


    Inspired by Denmark, we begin to besiege an entire fullstack in a major German city. What could possibly go wrong?


    Oh. That impressed them.

    Imagine what kind of humiliation it has to be, being forced to surrender against someone who can't recruit troops. And then being declined.


    Norway can finally recruit lethal forces, taking down one enemy at a time.


    It's only natural to become the most advanced nation when you begin hiring assassins.


    Here are the Germans once again. They are no match for our new Dutch friends. Of course not when you charge directly into their spears, ye stupid AI.


    Looks much better than last chapter.
    Only question is: can we keep it up?


    Weekly dose of apetor





    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynsson View Post
    I enjoyed catching up with the previous update as well as the latest one. I don't blame you for needing to re-start when you're playing a faction that can't recruit units. I see what you mean, money is especially important in this campaign. It's interesting to see what the AI does and doesn't take into account when deciding whether to attack, I like finding out about those aspects of the game.
    Lots of things are different, and when you are actually forced to consider every one of your steps, having to analyze stuff very closely, the game becomes a very different experience. One that it should be, in my opinion. It's a similar feeling like between Rome II and Attila. I can definitely recommend the challenge. Harsh, but also great fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    This is good to know! I've been playing these games for... damn, like over a decade. Oof. Apparently I'm getting old. That's not cool.
    But you can finally have a good whiskey without being a weirdo. Drinking with dignity becomes much easier in old age, as apetor proves. Skål Statskog! Aaahh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    But anyway, I've been playing the games for a while, and I never knew that 70% was still okay. That is the last time I overgarrison a settlement. Those peasants can just get a little unruly, and I will ignore them!
    As an IT guy, Frontend even, it's the most natural thing for me to never truly trust a GUI.
    70% can be dangerous, though. It only needs one spy or some squalor for your settlement to be past the breaking line. In that case you can usually just recruit some cheap militia. If you're not Norway, of course.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    And this too! How did I not know this?! And here I was training up assassins, which is one of the most grindy and annoying things to attempt to do in any TW game. RNG is just the worst with assassins. Or at least, that has always been my finding. 25% chance that your general will be killed? Welp... he dead. 90% chance your full subterfuge assassin will successfully kill some random brigand captain? He waits to fire his poison dart for literally like 30 seconds, until some random chick sees him and screams, and then he runs into a dead-end alley and gets... well, his own dead end. Freaking annoying. Next time, I am just doing this method here. And besides, this method is fair. If I spread an army over a huge area for the sole purpose of finding and killing one dude, I am just gonna assume that we can successfully kill that one dude. And no more training necessary
    Haha. A classic. Cookiegod may tell you a tale.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    This is an amusing way to "conquer" the map. But hey, if it's effective, do it!
    USA did it with the French in Louisiana and Russia in Alaska, so yeah, why not? Capitalism, yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    I will always scold you for such things. Hypocrisy will never stop me from running my mouth!
    You are a true man of the present.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    All in all, this was a fun update. I like the buying out of things. It seems like a risky, and somewhat ridiculous way to move forward, but that is basically what I am expecting from this whole endeavor. And besides, you're right that your ability to use the cash in other useful ways is pretty limited, so have at it!
    Ridiculousness and limitations is what decribes this campaign perfectly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    I think your next big move should be to ally with the Mongols. Barbs from the north, barbs from the east, and Europe in between... sounds like a nice way to carve up a continent!
    Nay . We are no barbarians anymore. We play the friendly Norway from modern times. Pacifist, open to immigration, and still completely immune to the cold.

    Keeping the Mongols around is a really bad idea. I'll show later why that is the case.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinsson View Post
    *hears Germans singing Erika in the distance*
    As long as they keep their distance...

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinsson View Post
    It's beautiful in its horrificness.
    Well said.

  11. #511

    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    There's a lot of mercenaries to gain in this region. Even ships. That may solve our problem with reinforcements for a short while. But they are just so damn expensive.
    What the WHAT? Why are there ships? And how are there ships? Isn't Uelzen a landlocked province? Where are those ships supposed to spawn if you do hire them?

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    The Danish may have lost their country to Norway, but their hatred for the Swedes still holds stronger. Priorities are priorities.
    At least Denmark and Norway are consent that the Swedes are just a bunch of peasant rabble.
    Hahahahaha. I love that even in the bitterest of defeats the Danes still choose to roflstomp the Swedes rather than deal with the actual aggressive foe on their doorstep. But who can blame them? Dirty filthy Swedes

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Haha. A classic. Cookiegod may tell you a tale.
    I think I have heard this tale. If I remember correctly it involved you essentially trolling his kingdom for ages, and him using hundreds of thousands of man-hours trying to find one guy who was camped in the hills of southern France. All I can say is that if you're triggering Cook, you're probably doing something right

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Nay . We are no barbarians anymore. We play the friendly Norway from modern times. Pacifist, open to immigration, and still completely immune to the cold.
    Boring. Be a viking! They are far more fun to party with!
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  12. #512
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    I think the AI is so super fond of recruiting artillery because that's the most expensive/highest rated unit recruitable in cities, which they have a lot of, and thus spam them more. I think.

    And good stuff dude! You're going to need as many generals as you can get by the looks of it
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  13. #513
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    May the constant reloading begin, ye filthy Cheater


    Oi Kilo careful with what you say. Unlike C I cannot be defeated by the AI. I have an IQ of 255+1

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  14. #514
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Those victories do look heroic, considering the odds. How did you manage to defeat 286 men with just 21?

    The dialogue between Dieter and Wolfgang is hilarious!

    Looking at the Balance of Power list, Norway looks wealthy, productive, populous but defended by very few (not surprising when you can't recruit regular units) - does this mean that the AI factions see your nation as an easy target?

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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)


    Medieval 2: Total War
    Teutonic Campaign

    #4




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    With the limited armies that Norway has, spies become all the more important, revealing possible threats and opening enemy gates. Luckily there are more than enough ways to train them.


    Denmark offers a ceasefire.
    With no possibility, and also no reason, to attack their remaining settlements around the Gulf of Finland, it is accepted. The less enemies, the better.


    Let's kill Santa Claus in Praha!


    Most of what is supposed to be Prague, even though it doesn't look like it, can be taken without much casualties.

    📕 History & Culture
    Spoiler for Image: Prague Castle
    This is Prague Castle. Been there. Nice place.


    Waiting around the inner gates for half a year, it becomes clear that the enemy general won't attack.


    He does, however, allow himself to be completely encircled. He still gave the mercenaries a hard time. Those dudes have some wicked stats.


    Magdeburg comes under siege. Sometimes autoresolve can be much better than manual battles. The newer Total War's are particulary prone to that, but it has also already been the case back then in Medieval II. When the calculation is around 4/5 or even better, we do it.


    Incredible how dumb the Germans placed their second army. Now they are gone, having had the dubious honor to be defeated by a pacifist nation.
    With them gone, Norway also becomes the richest faction.


    This money is used straight away. It is well worth the investment.


    An alliance with the Pagans? Why not, as long as they offer us information and money.


    God didn't seem to have liked this.


    Taking the remaining German villages was no problem, but there is a lot of instability along the border. No wonder, as it's the border to Poland.


    It's good to have shown mercy, ensuring that these two will weaken each other. That was the plan all along.


    A few more mercenaries can be hired. We take everyone we can get.


    Autoresolving against a balanced army (sorry, I was lazy), and still getting a heroic victory? Good job, Welf.


    The Poles do not appreciate the clash against Welf at their border.


    And we do not appreciate to have the Swedes as a buffer anymore. Denmark has already weakened them considerably. It is time to finish them off.


    The enemy has almost no noteworthy melee infantry, but the crossbows on the walls can be dangerous. So the best tactic is simply to rush in as quickly as possible, and act as a bulldozer. I love these rough tactics.

    📝 Authors Note You may wonder why I did not conquer Sweden earlier. Three reasons:
    • The AI at least is very able to develop cities. So I let them do the job for me.
    • I had no money to hire new mercs
    • And most importantly: the region simpy isn't of any strategic interest. It would be good if we want to invade the eastern regions from the sea, but with the limited ressources that we have, we couldn't maintain two fronts at once.
      In the same time, owning Sweden, including Gotland, makes you suspectible for naval invasions. The AI usually doesn't do much at the sea. But they seem to be scripted to invade Gotland and Uppsala from time to time.


    The AI is quite active with war. That's a good thing for now, but it will mean that sooner or later a superpower might emerge. The map needs to be taken as long as they are weak and divided. So no, there is no sitting back and watching the show.


    The next war against Poland will be one led from the darkness. Let's kill all their nobles and... oops.
    Guess that means we have to resort to classic methods.


    Weekly dose of apetor




    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    What the WHAT? Why are there ships? And how are there ships? Isn't Uelzen a landlocked province? Where are those ships supposed to spawn if you do hire them?
    It's entire regions where mercenaries spawn, e.g. Germany_region, Scandinavia_region, etc. On top of that there seem to be even more mercs in these little village regions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    Hahahahaha. I love that even in the bitterest of defeats the Danes still choose to roflstomp the Swedes rather than deal with the actual aggressive foe on their doorstep. But who can blame them? Dirty filthy Swedes
    At first I thought they really invaded by sea, but then I figured out that the Danes seem to have had an army lingering around in the woods for quite some time. Spooky.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    I think I have heard this tale. If I remember correctly it involved you essentially trolling his kingdom for ages, and him using hundreds of thousands of man-hours trying to find one guy who was camped in the hills of southern France. All I can say is that if you're triggering Cook, you're probably doing something right
    There are many tales. I particulary remember our EB2 Hotseat, where he got swarmed by Seleucid assassins. And of course all these adventures where his assassin got killed with 95% success chance. We all know that feel.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilosson11 View Post
    Boring. Be a viking! They are far more fun to party with!
    Do you say King Athelstan or apetor are no fun people to party with? I don't know, but at least I know they wouldn't define 'partying' by throwing an axe at me or by pillaging my home. Well, to be honest, I'm not even sure about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    I think the AI is so super fond of recruiting artillery because that's the most expensive/highest rated unit recruitable in cities, which they have a lot of, and thus spam them more. I think.
    That's actually a really good explanation.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    And good stuff dude! You're going to need as many generals as you can get by the looks of it
    They are really easy to get. Let's conquer the Baltic by adopting a few random dudes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegodsson View Post
    May the constant reloading begin, ye filthy Cheater
    Should just have reloaded when that guy failed against that Polish noble, huh? Nah. Secretly I wanted war. Even failure was ok for that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiejesus View Post
    Oi Kilo careful with what you say. Unlike C I cannot be defeated by the AI. I have an IQ of 255+1
    The overflow that made Gandhi throw nukes in Civilization has actually become an widespread example that even gets mentioned in universities to explain the phenomenon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynsson View Post
    Those victories do look heroic, considering the odds. How did you manage to defeat 286 men with just 21?
    It was the tactics shown in the previous chapters. Divide et impera. Tbh I find it a little gamey to lead the AI on like that, so usually I "play fair". Do not have that luxury here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynsson View Post
    The dialogue between Dieter and Wolfgang is hilarious!
    Dieter ruined it all.


    Quote Originally Posted by Alwynsson View Post
    Looking at the Balance of Power list, Norway looks wealthy, productive, populous but defended by very few (not surprising when you can't recruit regular units) - does this mean that the AI factions see your nation as an easy target?
    I suppose they do, but they seem too busy with their own problems. Of course it would only be a matter of time until that changes. It didn't take long for the Germans to backstab me. Perhaps they just wanted Norway's oil.
    Last edited by Derc; February 21, 2021 at 02:45 PM. Reason: Can't have Comic Sans in my own post, even as a quote

  16. #516
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    At first I was just lolling because your best spy is unsurprisingly from a place where my grandmother used to live (and those nosey neighbours make indeed for really good spies)
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Then I noticed...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Hold on...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Wtf.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



    I really don't think Norway won this war Derc

    On a sadenote: RIP Welf

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

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    King Athelstan's Avatar The Wheel Weaves
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    3k denars for 75 Spear Militia and 15 Dism. Feudal knights? Sounds like a pretty swell deal.

    And aye, IIRC the general poll works out that you'll always get adoptions and MotH more frequently along as you have more provinces than generals.
    Proudly under the patronage of General Brewster of the Imperial House of Hader
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  18. #518
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    *sad German noises* but wait there's more. Just beyond the Polish border are some more Germans and this time they (really) have God (steroids) on their side. Ave Maria!

  19. #519
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)


    Medieval 2: Total War
    Teutonic Campaign

    #5




    --------------------------
    (Click to view)
    --------------------------



    So it turns out Norway CAN actually recruit a military unit. A Gun Holk. Whoa.


    Gun Holks won't help in the conquest of Poland. Efficient spies, however, do.


    Lithuania has a scripted event where it has to decide if it wants to convert or not. Conversion will improve relationships with other catholic nations, but Lithuania will lose the ability to recruit new Pagan units. They can keep their current Pagan ones for whatever reason.

    Lithuania converting is actually a good thing for Norway. Since we can't recruit priests or build churches, it ensures that this region will be easier to appease in the future.


    A Master Thieves Guild in Cracow? Isn't that a natural thing?


    The marriage of female family members to nobles provides a steady supply of new generals.
    Usually I marry them off to foreign family member. But as this guy has good stats and the ability for night attacks, he was just too good to pass.

    🎭 Funfact
    Princesses are great secret weapons. There was a hotseat where I played as Aragon (technically Portugal), and send my princess to Scotland. Landing there, I let her marry a Scot family member, making him part of my faction. With this guy I then immediately hired a bunch of mercenaries, conquering Edinburgh and York with them. It was pure chaos.


    Lots of Poles show up. Normally I would just have kicked their buts directly, but we need to be careful here.


    Thank god there are night battles. Once a region is taken, the enemy AI usually loses focus, splitting its forces to wander into different directions. We can then deal with them one by one.

    Should they decide not to do that, then we still have night battles available, and a good defensive position.


    A good Polish city needs a brothel, of course.


    They are also always eager for a bribe. God. I think I just served every bad Polish stereotype in one chapter.


    The Mongols make contact with Norway. After hard negotiations we got a city.


    Hm, this is bad.


    Doesn't matter. Norway is doing great!


    In terms of military, however, I feel that rough times are up ahead. I'm particulary worried about the Teutonic Order and the Mongols.


    Got some new dudes. They will stop the hordes.


    My generals are getting better and better.


    Cheesed Chased down some Poles.


    And again.


    And again. This is ridiculous.


    Most of Poland is overrun, getting trampled into the snow by a bunch of crazy guys. Is it 1939 already?


    Shouldn't have said that. Now the big bully from the East knocks on the door, demanding back the settlement they sold us. Damn. Never deal with the devil!

    Weekly dose of apetor




    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegodsson View Post
    At first I was just lolling because your best spy is unsurprisingly from a place where my grandmother used to live (and those nosey neighbours make indeed for really good spies)
    Fun thing is that I originally planned to show this picture...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    ...but decided against it in the last minute, having it replaced with the subjugation of the Swedish rebels instead.

    It looks like TW uses names mostly based on whole cultures, not particular countries. I saw names with unfitting locations in many other TW's too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegodsson View Post
    I really don't think Norway won this war Derc
    Norwaystan is open to immigration.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegodsson View Post
    On a sadenote: RIP Welf
    Welf doesn't die that easy. He survived the French and so many other atrocities. It was just one more step for him to become the bitter old man we all know and love.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    3k denars for 75 Spear Militia and 15 Dism. Feudal knights? Sounds like a pretty swell deal.
    The prices in Norway are a little higher, I have heard.

    Quote Originally Posted by King Athelstansson View Post
    And aye, IIRC the general poll works out that you'll always get adoptions and MotH more frequently along as you have more provinces than generals.
    Yeah, it's like a predecessor of Rome II's 'Imperium' level, only for generals. Tbh it's dumb to get so many adopotion offers. There was a campaign where I forbid myself to adopt anyone at all. The Crusades Campaign, to be precise. The game became so much harder. It was awesome.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinsson View Post
    *sad German noises* but wait there's more. Just beyond the Polish border are some more Germans and this time they (really) have God (steroids) on their side. Ave Maria!
    Germans seing Norway blitzkrieging Poland be like: "Gott im Himmel!"

  20. #520
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: Derc Plays Through World History (Current: Medieval II Kingdoms - Teutonic)

    Having been in that Hotseat I can testify that Derc in a dress can be quite irresistible. To one of my generals, Vico the beautiful, may he rest in peace with his name remembered evermore, marriage to Derc was as inescapable as the plague. Derc was to blame for both. I'm not saying it was sexually transmitted I'm just implying it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

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