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Thread: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 23]

  1. #21
    Caillagh de Bodemloze's Avatar to rede I me delyte
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 16]

    I'm enjoying this new, longer story. (I was enjoying the short stories too, but I feel I should comment on the new development!) I'm both surprised and touched by Morn's wish to do something nice for Matt.

    (Oh, and I like the phrase "jiggery pokery", too. I've only ever heard it used with this definition.)






  2. #22

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 14]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I didn't realize any of that stuff was happening.
    That's great, you have instinctive writing skills. A word wizard

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    To me I always just try to think about the sound of words and how they fit together. There is a story, obviously, and hopefully it has a point and some interesting things along the way, but what I really want out of something is a piece that is simply nice to read.
    Yes, I can relate to that. My favourite part of writing is when I return to a draft to polish it up and make it sound nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    my advice would be the advice I usually give for most writing things, which is "read it all aloud".
    Thanks, I never do this and I should really try. I think leaving the writing alone for a few days/weeks before doing so would also help. I find that after I have written a piece, I've become so accustomed to the text that I am actually reciting it, and this allows a lot of small mistakes to escape my attention because I am not really reading the words.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Now, regarding recommendations of Terry Pratchett books...
    Many thanks, I will consider your recommendations and make a choice.
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  3. #23
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 16]

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    I'm enjoying this new, longer story. (I was enjoying the short stories too, but I feel I should comment on the new development!) I'm both surprised and touched by Morn's wish to do something nice for Matt.
    Me too! I can't help wondering whether there'll be an obstacle in the way of a normal life for Matt, perhaps something will be wrong at the destination of this journey, something which Morn's particular skills will be needed for.

  4. #24

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 16]

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    I'm enjoying this new, longer story. (I was enjoying the short stories too, but I feel I should comment on the new development!) I'm both surprised and touched by Morn's wish to do something nice for Matt.

    (Oh, and I like the phrase "jiggery pokery", too. I've only ever heard it used with this definition.)
    I'm glad you're liking it so far Caillagh. I fear it won't be quite as light and playful as the shorter stories were, nor as some Pratchett books are, but I am making a real effort to include at least one "Pratchett" element per installment. I like those things, I think they give it a sharpness and sort of fun, and it is at any rate a good exercise for me as a writer. Let me know if you think those bits go off well, of if there is anything odd or flat about them.

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    That's great, you have instinctive writing skills. A word wizard
    I don't know about all that, but I'll take your compliment nonetheless

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    Thanks, I never do this [reading aloud] and I should really try. I think leaving the writing alone for a few days/weeks before doing so would also help. I find that after I have written a piece, I've become so accustomed to the text that I am actually reciting it, and this allows a lot of small mistakes to escape my attention because I am not really reading the words.
    Oh, you should definitely read the things aloud to yourself. It helps with just finding typos and errors because you are reading in a different and slightly more attentive way, paying more attention to what's actually on the paper rather than what the content is of the writing. More importantly though, to me a lot of what makes good writing good is in the art of sentence and paragraph construction, which has nothing to do with architecture (structure) or what you might think of as the purpose (character and plot building), but rather is about the "trimmings", the way the sound of things fits together and the auxiliary feelings or descriptions that are conjured with certain trimmings. It's like if our characters are leaving a port town we can say that in a few ways. We can say "They leave the port city of ----..." or "They leave the harbor of ----..." or "They leave the coastal haven of ----...". Each of those has the same structure and denoted content (barring some very minor differences), but there is certainly a drastically different connotation for each one, and a different feel to the scene. Leaving a harbor might be a relief because harbors can be smelly, crowded, and overly busy. Leaving a haven on the other hand makes us already think that something might soon go wrong, because singling out the "haven" aspect of the place makes our departure foreboding. As a final idea, I think that if you yourself read a fair amount, and read things that are truly well written, then reading your own work aloud will also help you to notice when the flow and cadence of it is on, because you have an ear for what good sentences sound like, and you'll hear when yours are there.

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    Many thanks, I will consider your recommendations and make a choice.
    Do, do, do! His stuff is great and he produced so very much of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Me too! I can't help wondering whether there'll be an obstacle in the way of a normal life for Matt, perhaps something will be wrong at the destination of this journey, something which Morn's particular skills will be needed for.
    Oh, Alwyn, I don't think you're wondering at all. You know there will be obstacles and they will come sooner than either of our character likes. After all, we already know there's some guy in a room with unknown but ominous sounding plans, and he is somehow connected to our tale. And Morn will indeed become useful/necessary again.
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  5. #25

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 16]

    Continued from Chapter 1 - Part II



    Chapter 1
    A Cold Wind Blows


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part III)


    The great philosopher of Murun is recorded as having said that the journey is worthier than the destination, which only goes to show that Murun must be an interesting place. For six days Matt had been walking, Morn slung across his back, and they had seen no thing meriting a second glance or closer inspection in that time. Their land was one of plains and planes, grass spread in a perfect sheet out to the horizon where it met the flat expanse of blue above in a neat line. Green below, blue above, and a thin stripe of haze separating the two. At night there was a semblance of form, the starry vault at least making an attempt at creating the illusion of a dome, but during the long days there was nothing but the two planes and the boy between.

    Matt looks across the endless sea of swaying waves, each crest bending with the gentle winds as they pass, and he sighs. There is indeed a tranquility on the long steppes, but it is one that requires a certain amount of practice and studied boredom to appreciate, things Matt lacks. He sighs again, heavily, and swings Morn over his shoulder.

    "How much longer?" Matt asks between cracked lips.

    "You daftie," Morn groggily responds, "why'd ye wake me? I was dreemin'."

    "What do you have to dream about?"

    "What do A ha' to dreem aboot, he asks. Mor'n you, and that's a fact."

    Matt grunts in answer but says nothing more. With little hope he pulls the water skin from his belt and raises it to his lips, shaking free a few lonely drops of brackish liquid which faintly smell of sheep stomach. "Morn, there's no more water... How much longer?"

    The sky-stone is silent, its edges an eerie lifeless gray. "A don't knoo. A don't ha' eyes or a wee nose or nothin' to judge by. Why are ye askin' me?"

    "You've been telling me where to go since we left my home so long ago. That's why I'm asking you!" Matt pauses, and when he speaks again his words are curled with the acid of suspicion. "Are you saying you never knew which direction we were heading? All this time I followed you, and you were leading me blindly? Well?"

    "It's nae like that. I cannae see as you do, cannae smell or hear, but, well, A don't knoo how to rightly tell it." Morn trails off in a series of indistinct sounds of frustration but finally begins again. "I see you Matt, and I see others. The living burn in me mind, all flashes and light, and I find oor way by judging from them as I see." Again he trails off, but differently, almost as though he does not wish to continue.

    "Well?" Matt presses. "Then 'look', or whatever it is you do, for the people of my village. Find them and tell me which way to go. We can't be far anymore."

    "Matt," Morn begins quietly, his normally brittle tones smoothed to the softness of moonstone, "A cannot see 'em. They burned right fierce yestereve, but it's gone dark in me heid. There's nothin' there to see. A don't knoo what to tell ye."

    Matt breathes slowly, considering the possibilities raised by Morn's words, but he resolves to put off conclusions until he can know more. "Well, we've been going more or less straight the last few days. I say we just keep heading that direction. We aren't far, I know that now, and so we'll just keep moving." With a forced cheerfulness Matt begins to whistle and is shortly joined by Morn, his sounds rattling like the tune of an off-pitch tin-whistle, and they continue walking across the eternal plane, the upraised heads of a small herd of deer the only thing to mark their passing.



    Continues with Chapter 1 - Part IV
    Last edited by Kilo11; January 21, 2019 at 03:01 AM. Reason: Added links
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  6. #26

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 30]

    Hey everyone,

    I felt inspired to make a little more progress on this piece, so here's the next installment, seeing our friends getting themselves into a bit of a situation. I hope y'all like it!
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  7. #27

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Oct 16]

    Continued from Chapter 1 - Part III



    Chapter 1
    A Cold Wind Blows


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part IV)


    For three days more they had been walking, Matt's thirst thankfully relieved by a thin stream which had crossed their path and then begun to lazily wend its way beside them, heading ever downward toward the lowlands that would eventually meet the sea. On the second day the steppes ended, not abruptly or with any noticeable fanfare, but bit by bit the flat plains fell away in serried hills and scattered copses of birch, stubbly oak, and unkempt pine. At first the trees stayed close to the brooks and gullies that cut the landscape, fearing perhaps to stray far from their lifeblood, but as the ground became increasingly wet the woods spread their eaves ever wider, blanketing the green earth in shade and a close carpet of moss-eaten foliage.

    "We are nearly there." Matt says in barely contained anticipation. "There will be a swamp, and it will be difficult to pass for a bit, but afterward the low rocky hills will rise and behind them is my village. We're nearly there!"

    Morn shrugs, or rather does not shrug, but puts in Matt's mind the clear perception that he has shrugged. Suffice to say it's complicated to convey body language without a body. Perhaps fearing that his intimation of indifference has not been properly recognized he adds in disinterested tones "Aye. Could be."

    With a shake of his head Matt pointedly ignores the suggested apathy, pounding his way forward with vigor. The stream they had begun following days earlier had picked up tributaries and lesser arms with each league, and now it runs quickly, not quite yet a river, but working toward it with persistence and drive, sensing a promotion around the next bend. The tightly packed trees huddle close, the only illumination to dispel the gloom beneath them coming from the break in the canopy that marks the water's course, and in that half-light Matt scans the ground constantly, finding the knobbled roots and twisting rabbit warrens that seek to trip him. However, despite this measure of care he still moves quickly.

    As he picks his way around a particularly old oak, its rind cracked and twisted into unpleasant shapes, ghoulish expressions and evil-edged grins, he hears a small noise off to his left. Matt turns briefly toward it, instinctively searching for any danger, and ironically fails to see the trap set before him. His foot catches on a looped and grasping tendril and he flies headlong forward, over a short cliff the height of a man.

    With a resounding thump Matt lands on what turns out to be a blessedly soft patch of peaty earth, snapping a branch beneath him as he does so. Counting his blessings he rolls over and grasps a nearby stone, leveraging himself to his feet. Then, all at once and far too fully he feels pain, blinding white shafts of agony lancing from his right leg, and he falls again onto the turf. Matt looks down with confusion pasted to his brow, but from the distance he hears a familiar unsympathetic voice scratching away.

    "Ach, ye've gone and gammied* yer leg, you daftie*." Matt says nothing in reply and after a moment Morn's voice rings out again, this time with urgency. "Weel, are yoo just gonnae have a lie-aboot? Get up! They've almost got yoo!"

    Matt looks about frantically, scanning the trees and riverbank, but sees nothing. "What are you talking about Morn? There's no one else here."

    "Shut yer gob boy! They cannae hear me when A'm talking, but yer louder than a jaked* bull!"

    Matt lowers his voice, but again speaks. "Where are you?" he asks, adding, "I lost you when I fell."

    "Doon't A knoo." Morn answers. "A'm awa' ahead of ye, but those lads are gainin'. You best be smart aboot it."

    With a grunt and suppressed urge to cry out Matt pushes himself forward, leaning off of his wounded leg as much as possible. Ahead of him he sees a bush, slightly broken, its branches swaying as though something has flown through them recently, and he makes for it with as much speed as he can manage. As he nears it his eyes notice the familiar pulsing lights of Morn's edge, shifting in color with the sword's moods, and he readies himself for a final exertion. Matt takes a deep breath and summarily has it knocked out of him as a boot presses down on his back.

    "Well boys, what have we here?"


    Glossary

    Gammied: hurt
    Daftie: idiot, fool
    Jaked: drunk




    Continues with Chapter 1 - Part V
    Last edited by Kilo11; January 21, 2019 at 02:59 AM. Reason: Added links
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  8. #28
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    These are very enjoyable updates! The idea of a magic sword dreaming is intriguing and it's interesting to get an insight into how Morn 'sees' the world. The situation seems to be ominous, both for the people of Matt's village and for Matt himself. I'm looking forward to seeing what will happen.
    Last edited by Alwyn; November 04, 2018 at 08:50 AM.

  9. #29

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Nice. Enjoying your story. Don't leave us on a cliffhanger for too long!
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  10. #30

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    These are very enjoyable updates! The idea of a magic sword dreaming is intriguing and it's interesting to get an insight into how Morn 'sees' the world. The situation seems to be ominous, both for the people of Matt's village and for Matt himself. I'm looking forward to seeing what will happen.
    Thanks Alwyn. I'm still not sure exactly how Morn works, to be honest. I don't know what it's like to be a sword, and he's being cagey with me. I think we'll get bits and pieces of "his world" as we go along, but they might be unhelpful glimpses or slightly contradictory (Morn's not the most reliable source, so take with a grain of salt anything he says). I'm also going to try to have the ominousness and darkness of things not become too prevalent. I think a bit of reality and grit is good to include, to make clear that things are not all "hunky dory", but I want to keep a light tone through most of this, which I'm attempting via some jokes or off-the-cuff remarks. Do let me know if things become too dark or you fail to see the humor and lightness I try to throw in, as that's feedback I'm very interested in and will want throughout!

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    Nice. Enjoying your story. Don't leave us on a cliffhanger for too long!
    Glad to see you back around C-Beams! The immediate cliffhanger will be resolved in the next update (whenever that manages to get itself written), and the larger one will come out before Chapter 1 is finished (probably in the next 2 or 3 updates). Seeing as how you commented on the accent before, how is the phrasing and transcription of Morn's speech looking to you? Any suggestions, or does it work generally?
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  11. #31

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Seeing as how you commented on the accent before, how is the phrasing and transcription of Morn's speech looking to you? Any suggestions, or does it work generally?
    Really seems fine to me. So long as the key info in Morn's dialogue is clear and understandable, the accent won't obstruct and break immersion.

    A thought - you could always use Matt's reactions and body language as a way to help communicate what Morn is referring too. If you have a fun bit of accent you want to write, but feel it may be a bit heavy, Matt's reactions could be a substitute for needed clarity. Does Morn have any 'body language' that could help with communication? Like a change in temperature or colour?
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  12. #32

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    Really seems fine to me. So long as the key info in Morn's dialogue is clear and understandable, the accent won't obstruct and break immersion.
    Good. I figured a small glossary at the end would be good for people who don't get it from context, but I'm trying to use only a limited set of terms that might be less known, to keep it more accessible. And I will keep the transcription of the accent roughly as is for now then.

    Quote Originally Posted by C-Beams View Post
    A thought - you could always use Matt's reactions and body language as a way to help communicate what Morn is referring too. If you have a fun bit of accent you want to write, but feel it may be a bit heavy, Matt's reactions could be a substitute for needed clarity. Does Morn have any 'body language' that could help with communication? Like a change in temperature or colour?
    I had thought of that, and know it's in there a bit in some scenes, but that's definitely a good idea for fleshing things out more. In fact, it might be fun to at some point have a scene where there is just way too much accent, and then have Matt look totally perplexed. Then the heavy accent could be cleared up by a more clean re-articulation from Morn.

    To your question, Morn does have some "body language", but not much. So far it is just the hue of the blade, which can change at will or automatically due to certain moods. I might think about heat or perhaps vibration as things to add as well, but I'm not sure. I guess I just don't want him to be too "interactive", as I feel that would break the idea of him being a solid object, and it's a kind of fun puzzle to try to figure out how to convey certain things given how little there is I can use for him. Right now it's basically just the tone of his voice and his coloration, which forces me to do some clever legwork when writing his scenes. Do let me know if it seems like it's not enough at any point though.
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  13. #33
    Caillagh de Bodemloze's Avatar to rede I me delyte
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    You have given us rather a cliffhanger there - I don't want to say too much till I see the resolution, but I'm certainly looking forward to that!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I had thought of that, and know it's in there a bit in some scenes, but that's definitely a good idea for fleshing things out more. In fact, it might be fun to at some point have a scene where there is just way too much accent, and then have Matt look totally perplexed. Then the heavy accent could be cleared up by a more clean re-articulation from Morn.
    It might also be useful and entertaining (in the right circumstances, so only if there's an appropriate moment in the story) for Matt to be mistaken about what Morn meant, and only discover what Morn had really been trying to communicate later. Potentially handy if there's something Morn should be expected to know, but you don't want the readers to see it yet.

    I agree with you about keeping Morn restricted. The restrictions are what make these things work. They make it fun for the writer - that's the reason my AAR is all written very strictly from one point of view at a time - and it can be fun for the reader (at least if the reader's me - other people will have different views, of course) to see how well the writer copes with their self-imposed limitations. If Morn ever gets to be able to do too much, things will get to be too easy for both you and Matt, and I think that would be less fun for all of us! (I have no idea how much is "too much", obviously. There's always room for experimentation. )

    And since you ask, I think the Pratchettesque elements are working very well so far.






  14. #34

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    You have given us rather a cliffhanger there - I don't want to say too much till I see the resolution, but I'm certainly looking forward to that!
    Well, I hope the (somewhat quick) resolution to this immediate cliffhanger is satisfactory. Although, if anyone thinks it could be better, do let me know. In writing this longer story I am trying to stick to shorter updates, aiming for posts that are between 500 and 700 words, in the hopes that this will keep things moving more quickly, and also allow me to take time to flesh out the unwritten bits at a later point and build this into a proper book. That might make things seem lacking though, which I wouldn't want, so do let me know if you want something more.

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    It might also be useful and entertaining (in the right circumstances, so only if there's an appropriate moment in the story) for Matt to be mistaken about what Morn meant, and only discover what Morn had really been trying to communicate later. Potentially handy if there's something Morn should be expected to know, but you don't want the readers to see it yet.
    I like this idea a lot Caillagh, and I will certainly keep it in mind!

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    I agree with you about keeping Morn restricted. The restrictions are what make these things work. They make it fun for the writer - that's the reason my AAR is all written very strictly from one point of view at a time - and it can be fun for the reader (at least if the reader's me - other people will have different views, of course) to see how well the writer copes with their self-imposed limitations. If Morn ever gets to be able to do too much, things will get to be too easy for both you and Matt, and I think that would be less fun for all of us! (I have no idea how much is "too much", obviously. There's always room for experimentation. )
    My thoughts exactly, and I will stick to the limitations I've so far imposed. Morn is a bad-a**, to be sure, but he's got limitations which need to come into play now and again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Caillagh de Bodemloze View Post
    And since you ask, I think the Pratchettesque elements are working very well so far.
    Yay! I am very glad to hear that!
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  15. #35

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 3]

    Continued from Chapter 1 - Part IV



    Chapter 1
    A Cold Wind Blows


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part V)


    The world spreads below, a wide swath of crass green covering one half of the horizon, with a patchwork of darker hues just below and running through to the southern sky. Here and there are the thin sparkling bands that mark the few rivers and narrow lakes of the region, but aside from these, green is the only sight to see. As always, green below, blue above, the boy between. But the boy is no longer to be seen. Even from such heights there is no sign of him. Morn screeches in the old speech, blasting commands into the mind of his host and warden, blinding it to its own will and breaking it to his. Matt must be unconscious still, knocked senseless by his captors, and in such a state Morn cannot bring him clearly to mind, but the one he rides suffers not from such inadequacies. If Matt is anywhere below he will be found.

    --------------------------------------------------

    A bucket of icy water is thrown over his head and Matt wakes with a start, squinting and half regretting that he's still alive. His leg aches, the dull throbbing periodically given a bit of flavor from a lance of lightning arcing through his veins. He pushes down the pain as best he can and scans the narrow green in which he is sitting, searching for some sign of where he is, how he might preserve himself, and finally his vision alights on a gruff man of middling age and indistinct origin. The man is sitting on a stump, staring at him with eyes like an eagle's, eyes of a predator, but he says nothing.

    Matt stares back, his jaw set and chin upraised. For perhaps a minute they remain so, their gazes locked, until eventually another wildfire of agony burns its way down the boy's side, forcing him to wince and turn away. The man chuckles briefly, but not entirely unkindly, sounding for the merest moment like an old uncle who's seen his nephew fall into a ditch. A joke at Matt's expense, to be sure, but a joke between individuals of some understanding. It could be a start.

    Matt breathes deeply, feeling the sting and hurt slowly ebbing with each intake of air. "That'll do, boy." the man says softly, stepping toward him. He comes within a bound of Matt, but then stays himself, showing well his wits. "When we found you boy, you were talking and such. Who's it you were talking to?"

    "Huh?"

    "Who's with you, boy? Is it another child like yourself, or is there a man skulking in my woods." Matt remains silent. His woods he had said, but these woods belonged to no man. And he had called Matt 'boy'. "Do you understand me, boy?" the man continues uncertainly.

    Matt opens his mouth and then abruptly closes it again, unsure of whether he should say anything. There is no guarantee the man will treat him better if they communicate with one another, but then again, there is also no guarantee he will treat him worse. Any choice would be a gamble. Matt again opens his mouth to speak, this time resolved to actually use his voice, when over the wind cuts into his mind the piercing cry of a great bird in the distance. His eyes widen and flash across the open sky above, searching frantically for the source of the sound.

    Seeing his darting gaze the man also turns briefly to the blue dome, careful to keep a wary eye on Matt all the while, and after a moment of seeing nothing he again speaks, this time more slowly, as though he is speaking to a child or a very, shall we say, quaint, adult. "Boy, can you hear me?" he says. "Do you know where you are?"

    Matt's eyes lock with the man's, boring into his captor, but he stays his tongue. "Suit yourself, boy, but I think you can understand me, and so I'll tell you how things are." the man says. He then begins to tell Matt about the "free men's" camp, which is to say, the bandit camp, explaining that Matt had ventured too close, forcing them to capture him and ensure he wasn't a spy or sellsword. After binding his arms and legs -- there it is again.

    Matt's eyes dart back to the sky. There is nothing to be seen, but that cry was unmistakable. Wait. It was unmistakable, but the man was still talking, in fact hadn't broken his speech for even a moment. His brows pinched together, Matt cocks his head to one side, listening carefully. Another cry splits the sky, but again the man fails to notice, and Matt's face breaks into a broad smile.

    "Oh, so you do understand me then, boy. Well, I can tell you, you won't be treated poorly, but you cannot leave here. You're one of us now!" the man smiles with the last words, extending a hand toward Matt. He steps forward to help him to his feet but before he can a screeching bolt of sky-stone comes hurtling from the heavens with the voice of hell trailing behind it.

    Morn comes tumbling down from the blue vault and strikes through the man's arm, lopping it off at the elbow. His edges flash golden and sapphire briefly and he screams with the fury and hatred of a great eagle. There is then an odd sensation in Matt's mind, like someone is coughing lightly in embarrassment, after which Morn's voice comes clear, scraping into Matt's thoughts like an old file. "I tell ye, lad, a burdie is a daft mind to take under yer wing. He nearly dropped me mor'n you'd care to knoo, and that scritching sound has me teeth on edge. Or it would, if A had any teeth to begin with."

    "Weel, are yoo just gonnae sit there all day? I didnae drop in to say 'Hi', so git yer self over here so's we can gie these gobshites a guid kicking before we're on our way!"



    Continues with Chapter 1 - Part VI
    Last edited by Kilo11; January 21, 2019 at 02:57 AM. Reason: Added links
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  16. #36
    The Wandering Storyteller's Avatar Content Staff
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 18]

    Loved this. Been playing Pillars of Eternity and Divinity Original Sin 2, and I don't like second person. Very few second person stories can get through, but this was such a good reminder of why fantasy is great.

    Chapter 1 is brilliant.





















































  17. #37
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 18]

    A brilliant update! The tension builds, as Matt is uncertain how much danger he is in, and then the sudden intervention comes with a brilliant flash of humour.

  18. #38
    Caillagh de Bodemloze's Avatar to rede I me delyte
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    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 18]

    For some reason, I'm particularly entertained by the fact that Matt speaks only once ("Huh?") during the chapter, but still manages to say a huge amount.

    (Other than that, what Alwyn said. )






  19. #39

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 18]

    En garde, you nattering *looks more clearly, sheathes sword* Aha, it seems I have mistaken this place for our dueling ground. Please accept my humble apologies and my admiration for the work you've done here.

    I have read only the first chronicle, and I didn't read your TotW entry for it, so I think I managed to get the full experience, which was great. I love the writing style and short but sharp sentences, as well as the lore behind Morn's existence. The rest have already said many of the things I want to say about it, so I shan't repeat them for brevity's sake, though I doubt you will mind if I say again that it is good stuff.

    Now for the critique.

    You mention that Matt has been living this life of fighting for three months, yet he still seems surprised that Morn mouths off, and I find it difficult to believe that they haven't had the conversation at the end of the tale many times before in the past three months.

    Though it is possible that I am over-thinking, and I do admit that having been an AAR/fiction book reader for so long, I am not entirely sure how to appreciate this style of writing - it does confuse me a bit, but that also gives it an air of mystique that will certainly keep me reading.

    Will be back for more soon

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  20. #40

    Default Re: The Fool and His Keeper (The Chonicles or Matt and Morn)[updated: Nov 18]

    Hey Swaeft, glad you like it so far. There are a couple more stand-alone stories with a similar feel, and after them I have started a longer piece with these two characters, which might be more up your alley. I encourage you to continue though, as it is a pretty amusing tale (if I say so myself). I've been trying to aim for a Terry Pratchett-esque style, and while I'd never say I've properly got that down (he's just too good to contend with), I do think I have something of a similar flair here.

    Regarding your comment, I think Matt is irritated, not surprised, and that makes sense if they've been doing this for months, with Morn getting them into trouble every time. Out of curiosity, what was it that made you think there was surprise? I only ask because I just re-read it real quick, and I don't see that there (which is not to say it's not there, just that I don't see it, which is all the more reason for me to hear your thoughts on what made Matt seem surprised).
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