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Thread: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!) Complete + Behind the Scenes

  1. #101

    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    You mentioned the length of the updates, I'm a bit concerned that this, combined with the size of the text (it appears very small on my screen, perhaps it's different for other readers) might cause some readers to struggle to keep up with your story. For example, with chapter 19, maybe you could have split it at the point at which Sir Anduril arrives with the news from Gaza (just before he announces the outcome, to end on a cliffhanger)? Of course, it's your story and the size of your updates and your font is up to you.
    I had similar feelings about the length of posts. Often when I hop on for a bit and see that there's something new here I am hesitant to read it, because often your posts are (in my opinion) a bit on the long side, which is a bit dispiriting for the casual reader. As Alwyn said, it is indeed your work and you do with it exactly as you'd like to (seriously, make sure what you're writing and the way you're posting fits your wishes first!) but I thought it might be good to just let you know the reader's feelings as well. At least, this reader's feelings.
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  2. #102
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    For being "rushed" it is still well written in my opinion. Joy and sadness mingled together, a great victory but at what cost. Jean seems to be greatly troubled by it. A peaceful man who is so out of place in a land where war is an everyday occurrence. I do feel for him. Yeah, Sir Anduril back at it again. Sir Anduril is the hero we all need and deserve, well Jean at least. I think he will be a great inspiration for our young Prince.

    P.P.P.S. Thanks, only the strong survive! Poor Taj Amir, a long life for him was not to be. Perhaps take one of the Seljuk's generals since you are struggling to keep them at bay. They might have more chance of surviving in this horrible world.

    Great chapter!
    Well, I'm happy you see it that way, because I'm not satisfied Indeed it is a great victory, but the cost is that I cannot for the life of me get it into one contentbox! Damn you Ayyubids for making my contentbox appear again and again. I blame them fully. But joking aside, I do hope Sir Anduril can instill some of his principles and traits into Jean, for otherwise in the years to come he shall definitely be hardened by the sad facts of war.

    Px4.S. (You see, if you can't beat them in the number of Ps, think of other ways to beat them, even if it looks uglier oops). Well, not just the strong, but it definitely helps! You know I really wanted to do a piece for the Taj Amir, I really did, when he got away in the battle outside Gaza I was thinking hey! His story doesn't end here! Then I realised his death was just a click away and besieged Gaza LOL. I actually have some ideas for Saracen characters but I won't get to implement them just yet, so you guys will just have to hold off on that aspect for now Hey now, it's not just a horrible world for Saracens. Thousands of crusaders are dying! Thousands, Turkafinwe! *Grabs shoulders* Thousands!! FEEL MY PAIN!!! (Especially with RC/RR).


    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Nicely done, I particularly enjoyed the moment when the First Prince found that his title alone doesn't command respect or obedience. Even so, it sounds like he thinks through the situations he's in, for example when he issued his order about the Holy City. I hope that he, or his father, can resolve the troubling situation in the north.

    I saw that you had trouble with an extra, unwanted content box which kept returning. I've had similar situations too, they can be extremely frustrating. For what it's worth, in case you or anyone doesn't know about this - sometimes this can be resolved by switching to source mode and removing or editing some of the BB Code. (You can switch to source mode using the button on the left hand end of the panel of buttons, with the two letter As divided by a diagonal line). Sometimes, when an extra content box appears, when I'm in source mode, I can see an issue with the BB Code (such as extra tags which I don't need, or 'start' and 'end' tags which aren't quite where they're meant to be (perhaps the start tag for italic or bold type is outside a content box and the end tag is inside, for example), and resolving the issue fixes the problem of the extra content box.

    You mentioned the length of the updates, I'm a bit concerned that this, combined with the size of the text (it appears very small on my screen, perhaps it's different for other readers) might cause some readers to struggle to keep up with your story. For example, with chapter 19, maybe you could have split it at the point at which Sir Anduril arrives with the news from Gaza (just before he announces the outcome, to end on a cliffhanger)? Of course, it's your story and the size of your updates and your font is up to you.
    Many thanks, Alwyn. How you continue to read and support all these stories (not just this subforum) is beyond me and still amazes me. Thank you for the tip about source mode, I will definitely check it out when it next happens to me (please don't, please don't ) I'm not changing it for this chapter because I have a phobia of doing it now...you should have seen the edit where SEVEN contentboxes popped up and I had no idea how to remove them and I panicked cos there were actually people reading the AAR at the time (apologies my dear reader whoever you were). In the end I had to delete the whole battle report and copy paste it from MS Word, which gave me the stupid disappearing spaces problem which I spent another 20 minutes resolving...yeah it wasn't a good day for me. Kilo11 did mention the source mode thing to me before, but I only used it to check out how other people did their formatting.

    Regarding the font size, I don't know...it's the same size for me as the standard forum font when you first click reply. The one where it just says font and size without specifying, the one I'm typing with now. I'll see if increasing it to size 3 improves it for the next update, thanks for the feedback! Just curious, are you reading this on the phone or on the PC? Or tablet maybe?

    With the post length...this has been a mild headache for me. I was thinking about splitting the posts where you suggested, but I write the AAR with the story in mind, not the battles. (And I also try not to end every chapter with a cliffhanger, that annoys me when I read other people's AAR so I try not to do the same.) So I try to progress the story along by a bit every chapter, and the battles are just a sort of 'add-on'. What I mean to say is that no matter what, the story will progress, and if there happens to be 5 battles in one turn, I'm, not going to slow the story or split the chapter just to lower the word count. That being said, it is a valid concern and I'll definitely do something about it like reduce the some of the unnecessary exposition that I've been writing for Jean.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I had similar feelings about the length of posts. Often when I hop on for a bit and see that there's something new here I am hesitant to read it, because often your posts are (in my opinion) a bit on the long side, which is a bit dispiriting for the casual reader. As Alwyn said, it is indeed your work and you do with it exactly as you'd like to (seriously, make sure what you're writing and the way you're posting fits your wishes first!) but I thought it might be good to just let you know the reader's feelings as well. At least, this reader's feelings.
    Firstly thank you for pointing that out to me. In my past AARs I know there were people out there who read it, felt like there was something wrong with it, and just moved on without telling me. Honestly, I'm fine with that, after all, it's not really an obligation, but if you're going to follow the story I suppose it benefits you as well. I'm just appreciative for whatever feedback I get, so I'm really thankful for everyone who's been providing them.

    Anyway, I too am concerned about the post length, but for a different reason. (See my reply to Alwyn!) I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that I've never understood why people think that a post can be 'too long'. (Haven't seen a post longer than seven thousand words yet, but that's just me!) Maybe attitudes have changed since I've been absent form this forum? Back in the day a five thousand word post was a pretty common thing, not counting addendums and author's notes and whatever else you have. If I split a hypothetical chapter in three, I still haven't written less...you just have to read three separate posts instead of one. But that's just my personal opinion and like I told Alwyn, it is a valid concern, and I'm glad you decided to let me know how you were feeling about it to, so I have the information I need to make the necessary changes. Honestly it doesn't really matter to me whether I put it in a chapter or two, but I also don't want this AAR to end up with over a hundred chapters...heh. Thanks for the input!

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  3. #103

    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft View Post
    Anyway, I too am concerned about the post length, but for a different reason. (See my reply to Alwyn!) I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that I've never understood why people think that a post can be 'too long'. (Haven't seen a post longer than seven thousand words yet, but that's just me!) Maybe attitudes have changed since I've been absent form this forum? Back in the day a five thousand word post was a pretty common thing, not counting addendums and author's notes and whatever else you have. If I split a hypothetical chapter in three, I still haven't written less...you just have to read three separate posts instead of one. But that's just my personal opinion and like I told Alwyn, it is a valid concern, and I'm glad you decided to let me know how you were feeling about it to, so I have the information I need to make the necessary changes. Honestly it doesn't really matter to me whether I put it in a chapter or two, but I also don't want this AAR to end up with over a hundred chapters...heh. Thanks for the input!
    So, for me it's not about the post length per se, but rather about the length and regularity of posts. Somehow you manage to post every 3-5 days, somewhat often getting in two installments per week (mad props on that, by the way!), and if each of those is 5000+ words then it amounts to a more significant time investment from the reader. If I knew you'd only post once a week on a specified day I wouldn't think twice about the word count. In fact, there's a good chance I'd be more happy to see a longer post. However, since you get new material up so often, the "long" posts can become a bit much for the casual reader. Again though, all of this is my two cents and can be taken with a grain of salt (or even only a half-grain, if your doctor says you should get less sodium ). If it's not too irksome for you, I'd suggest that you maybe try to set yourself a posting schedule and stick to it for a bit, and if you write more stuff in the meantime, just type it up and have it ready to go for later. It will mean you can take a break at some point if you need to, and can just "phone in" the already finished work without having to produce new stuff. But again, just my thoughts.
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  4. #104
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    @Swaeft: I think it's important that you do your AAR the way you want it.
    It makes no sense to adhere to those suggestions which you don't like.

    However, splitting them often really makes sense. I've been somewhat pressed lately, so I haven't been reading up (not yours, not those of others), and shorter chapters are more accessible. I can tell you from experience that if I've like 5 minutes to read something and see something huge, I'm going to think to myself: Yikes, don't have time for it now, better read it later. And then it can stack up. If on the other hand you have several short pieces, the reader can start by reading one and then binge-read all of it. It's psychological. A hundred chapters aren't necessarily a bad thing.
    But you should only stop where it feels natural to you and where your story allows it. Don't stop in the middle off the sente

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
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  5. #105
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    So, for me it's not about the post length per se, but rather about the length and regularity of posts. Somehow you manage to post every 3-5 days, somewhat often getting in two installments per week (mad props on that, by the way!), and if each of those is 5000+ words then it amounts to a more significant time investment from the reader. If I knew you'd only post once a week on a specified day I wouldn't think twice about the word count. In fact, there's a good chance I'd be more happy to see a longer post. However, since you get new material up so often, the "long" posts can become a bit much for the casual reader. Again though, all of this is my two cents and can be taken with a grain of salt (or even only a half-grain, if your doctor says you should get less sodium ). If it's not too irksome for you, I'd suggest that you maybe try to set yourself a posting schedule and stick to it for a bit, and if you write more stuff in the meantime, just type it up and have it ready to go for later. It will mean you can take a break at some point if you need to, and can just "phone in" the already finished work without having to produce new stuff. But again, just my thoughts.
    Sorry if I'm starting to sound like a bit of an ass now, but I seem to be missing the point. Are you saying that posting too quickly can result in people leaving? Couldn't you just...you know...read at your own pace? I mean, I'm not asking you to be up to speed when every single chapter is released (mad props to you for doing so Turkafinwe, and Alwyn too most of the time!) because I know this forum isn't supposed to take up too much of your time. Just reading it leisurely, commenting when you can is good enough for me. I don't really want to hold back the story for others who have already finished reading the current chapter, especially since I've got 2 or 3 chapters written ahead most of the time.

    But what I can do is take you up on your suggestion to post once a week on a regular basis, because if that's what it takes to eliminate your worry about the word count then that's what I can do for you. Because as I said before, for a faction like the Crusader States, there's going to be many battles a turn and I don't want to cut down on the proportion of the chapter allocated to advancing the story just because more battles means more word count for battle reports and whatnot. It's definitely not too irksome for me to do so, and I'd be happy to do it for one such as yourself

    As always, thank you for your feedback. Cannot emphasise more how much I value it


    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    @Swaeft: I think it's important that you do your AAR the way you want it.
    It makes no sense to adhere to those suggestions which you don't like.

    However, splitting them often really makes sense. I've been somewhat pressed lately, so I haven't been reading up (not yours, not those of others), and shorter chapters are more accessible. I can tell you from experience that if I've like 5 minutes to read something and see something huge, I'm going to think to myself: Yikes, don't have time for it now, better read it later. And then it can stack up. If on the other hand you have several short pieces, the reader can start by reading one and then binge-read all of it. It's psychological. A hundred chapters aren't necessarily a bad thing.
    But you should only stop where it feels natural to you and where your story allows it. Don't stop in the middle off the sente
    Hmm...that seems to be a good point there. Never actually thought about it that way. In fact I've always thought of it as watching a video, something you can pause and come back to later anytime, don't really know why. Thanks for throwing that into perspective. At the moment I'm still thinking whether I should release shorter, maybe twice a week updates, or just one long chunk at once as Kilo11 has suggested. Anyone else who has an opinion on this is welcome to jump in, I take your suggestions very seriously. And don't worry, I would never leave you guys hanging by a th

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  6. #106
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    It's the same with videos. The reason series are so popular is because you start out with less commitment. An episode typically lasts 20-50 mins, instead of the 120 mins of a movie. And all of a sudden you have binge-watched an entire season and the day is wasted. Long Youtube videos scare me away, but I can binge-watch short ones all day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  7. #107
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    I'm of the same opinion as Kilo11 and Cookiegod. It's all to do with the human brain and how the "average" human responds to certain things. It's basically human psychology we need to implement here and try to place ourselves in this "average" humans mind. Now I'm not saying that I know everything about everyone and can only talk about my own experiences and what I believe is what people want or how they react. Most people prefer smaller updates to large ones especially those who have, as Cookiegod stated, 5 or 10 minute breaks in which they can read something. Personally I always like to read or watch something in its whole with no interruptions, with video material less so than with writing. Also people are more inclined to comment and interact with the story if they are up to date with the latest installments. It feels very jarring to comment on something other people have already commented on, at least in my opinion. Again speaking for myself, I frequently abandon let's plays on youtube if I can't keep up with the upload schedule. I keep my interest for it much longer if it is uploaded slower than I can follow it than vice versa. The phrase is, I believe, always leave them wanting more. Let them wait and wonder what will happen in the next update and when it finally comes people will jump on it like a parched man on a glass of water. And the cycle can begin once more.

    Fun fact: Did you know I had written most of my chapters for the first book of my AAR in no more than 2 months? I was eager to share my story but I spread the posting of them out on a one day weekly basis. That way I didn't have a update every day which I could have done easily. This subsequentialy also led me to revisit those chapters and improve them a little by little each time I reread them. The result was that I had much more and qualitative content than I original began with. This because of interaction with the readers and the improving of my skills and knowledge while I wrote and read more stories. The point I'm trying to make is that it's better to be slow with updates than to be quick, in my humble opinion.

    An average video or story I could abandon quickly if the updates were too long or too many in a short time. It would really have to be something special if I were to commit so much time and effort on something to keep following it.

    In the end this entire text boils down to this.
    I believe

    1. people like being up to date with stories, as a whole and when they want to interact with it.
    2. One update in the week on a fixed day helps with creating a structure for your readers and for you, the writer
    3. More time between updates gives the readers time to update to the latest installment of the story as well it gives you, the writer, more time to craft your chapters and develop them a bit further and this always leads to better quality of the chapter and story as a whole.


    In the end I will also say what Kilo11 and Cookiegod have said. In the first place you need to write the story the way YOU want to. There is no perfect way on writing a story and those who are gripped by yours will follow it till the end no matter if some posts are lengthy or short or many or few. The most important thing is that you enjoy yourself writing and publishing this story here for if you didn't you wouldn't be posting it.

    Well that's my two cents on this and I hope it's worth something.

  8. #108

    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    I think Turkafinwe has nailed it on the head. (And Cookiegod's point about videos is als pretty well born out in a good deal of marketing research) It's not that people don't have the time necessarily, or even that they don't want to spend that time, they just tend to have an intuitive negative motivation when it comes to starting into something they know will take them a while. Once they're in, they might well read through all posts, but having those splits makes them think to themselves "I'll just read one, and if I've got time one more." Two hours later they've read 20 posts and half of your AAR. But if each one is longer, it makes it easier to get out of that groove, because rather than thinking "Just one more" they'll instead think "Do I have another 20-30 minutes to spare?", which is less likely to engender a positive response.

    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft View Post
    Are you saying that posting too quickly can result in people leaving? Couldn't you just...you know...read at your own pace? I mean, I'm not asking you to be up to speed when every single chapter is released (mad props to you for doing so Turkafinwe, and Alwyn too most of the time!) because I know this forum isn't supposed to take up too much of your time. Just reading it leisurely, commenting when you can is good enough for me. I don't really want to hold back the story for others who have already finished reading the current chapter, especially since I've got 2 or 3 chapters written ahead most of the time.
    This point says more about your personal attitude towards things I think. For me, I hate stopping something midway and coming back to it. Some people are fine with it (my wife interrupts or walks out of movies all the time, saying "I can still hear it" from the other room. I have no idea how she doesn't loose her mind) but I need to finish what I've started. Especially when it comes to something like a piece of writing, because at the end of the post you will make sure there is a natural stopping point (I hope ), but if I stop in the middle it will be jarring and off for me. Given these things, a longer post makes me wait a second and really consider whether I can commit, whereas for a shorter one I'd just start, and then I am comitted.

    But again, as always, do what you want first. We will all keep reading either way, so don't mind us
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  9. #109
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Fair points, one and all, thank you very much for your feedback. Shorter and more regular posts it is!

    I think you're right about the on and off reading being a personal trait of mine, Kilo11. Same thing with Cookiegod's opinion about series vs movies. For me, I'd take a movie over a series episode anytime. I know the movie will bring itself to a conclusion (unless there's a sequel of course, and then more often then not set itself up for it), and with episodes they can take a few episodes to get their arc into a conclusion (Suits anyone? Or shooter even, taking the whole season?) But I digress. You guys have spoken, and it is not any inconvenience for me to post on a regular basis.

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  10. #110
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Character List

    High Lord Jean de Brienne the Honourable – King of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Marie de Lusignan – Wife of High Lord Jean, Queen of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Lord Jean de Brienne – First Prince of the Kingdom of Jerusalem, War Council Member
    Joan de Brienne – Wife of Lord Jean, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Henri de Lusignan – Close friend, cousin and later brother in law to Lord Jean
    Yolande de Lusignan – Older sister of Lord Jean, wife to Henri de Lusignan, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States

    Bohemond de Poitiers the Chivalrous – Count of Tortosa, War Council member
    Melisende de Lusignan – Wife of Bohemond de Poitiers

    Jean d’Ibelin – Prince of Acre, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Melisende – Wife of Jean d’Ibelin
    Balian d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Jean d’Ibelin

    Philip d’Ibelin – Duke of Nicosia, Grandmaster of the Knights Templar, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Alix – Wife of Philip d’Ibelin
    Jean d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Philip d’Ibelin


    Lord Tigel de Linus - Commander of Jerusalem's garrison, its Master-at-Arms, and Adviser to Lord Jean
    Cardinal Reynaud - Presiding Cardinal in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Adviser to Lord Jean
    The Constable of Jerusalem
    Sir Raimondo - The First Prince's bodyguard Captain
    Alvaro - One of the First Prince's bodyguards
    Foucaud – Spymaster
    Gaston de Rocafolio – Spy
    Colin – Diplomat
    Gautier Corbet – Diplomat
    Pierre Dupuy – Diplomat
    Denethor the Second – Court jester/fool
    Chirgeon – Stable Master in Jerusalem
    Paragon – Treasurer on the Council of Nobles
    Sir Anduril – Hospitaller Knight
    Robert de Quar - Apprentice scribe to the Royal Chronicler
    Stefano - A mystery...for now

    CHAPTER TWENTY


    From the Perspective of Lord Jean, First Prince of Jerusalem, The City of Jerusalem, 1237 AD.

    Watching father march back to Jerusalem again elicited mixed feelings from me. As his column drew ever to Jerusalem on the ever changing sands, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. These few years learning how to govern the city wasn’t easy, and it certainly wasn’t to my liking. I’d left my wife in charge of most of the affairs, and she was certainly making a name for herself. I tried to spend whatever time I could with her, but these moments were few and far between. There was always a trade dispute I needed to settle, or a boundary infringement, or some other form of argument that had to be brought before me before a resolution could be reached.

    I was glad that father would be back to take this burden off my shoulders, but at the same time, there was no denying that I was nervously waiting for the axe to fall when my father heard about the decisions I made.

    Of which, I had made yet another that I deemed important. Tigel de Linus was being wasted as a master-at-arms in Jerusalem. He was too much of a talent to just have him sit around and advise lords in the court, and I wanted him by my side when I eventually rode out for battle. The Constable of Jerusalem was originally intended to be the King’s peacekeeper, to enforce his laws upon the land, but of late the current one had relegated himself to a more administrative, laid back role.

    So I relieved him of his position and elevated Lord de Linus to his place instead, providing the new Constable with our finest horses and his pick of the most promising men in training he himself had supervised. Tigel de Linus was surprised and taken aback, but graciously accepted.



    “Never thought I’d swing a sword in combat again.” He told me, after swearing his vows at the Sepulchre. Deep down, I felt a little guilty for bringing a moderately aged man like him back into combat, but I told him he need only command and others would follow. Besides, we both agreed that he looked resplendent in his new, freshly forged armour. That also meant that my war council had once again shrunk, so I invited my sister, Yolande, to join us and provide us with a voice that we had not considered necessary before – the political voice.

    As a princess of Jerusalem, Yolande acted as an emissary to other Kingdoms, often hosting their dignitaries and parleying with them. She liked to call it ‘verbal sparring’. “You and Henri fight with swords, I just do the same with words.”

    Which was what I attempted to do against my father, but my tongue was no match for his fury when he learned that I actually wanted to withdraw Lords Bohemond and Jean d’Ibelin from Damascus and Tortosa. But even then, that was nothing when compared to his rage when he learned that his daughter was no longer a potential suitor to princes from abroad.

    He openly threatened to annul the marriage, and then exiled Henri to Gaza right in front of me, knowing that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. “I had promised Yolande to another.” My father spat. “Henri had done nothing to earn her. Let him command the defences of Gaza and have the Ayyubids break themselves upon them. Let him drown in Saracen blood before I consider allowing the marriage to stand.” I seethed with anger, yet watched helplessly as the King’s men escorted Henri out of the city and towards the recently conquered fortress. Yolande was not permitted to go with him, and outwardly she accepted father’s punishment, but one night I found her crying her eyes out in her chamber, and though I knew she did not blame me, it did not even begin to alleviate the sense of guilt and sorrow in my heart.

    As unwilling as I was, my advisers counselled me to take whatever punishment my father was going to throw at me, and in the end I deferred to their judgement. After seeing to Henri’s banishment, he stalked back to the throne room and eyed me with a stern glare, as if he was an eagle eyeing his prey. “Walk with me, son,” my father gestured with an open hand, but the tone of his voice left no room for arguments.

    We took a brisk walk towards my father’s chambers, and with each step I dreaded whatever justice I would answer to when we were finally there. My father said nothing on the way, typical of his behaviour, and for a few minutes I heard nothing but the constant thud thuds of our footsteps on the floor, and those of our bodyguards behind us. When my father reached his chambers and threw open the doors, I expected perhaps a scribe, or a legislator, or even a jailor to take me into custody, but my father’s chambers were as per the norm. Sparse and Spartan, as he liked it. None of that vulgar display of wealth that the European Kingdoms loved to display to foreign emissaries. A few drawers, shelves, and paintings pockmarked the corners and sides of the room, leaving the centre of the room to be occupied by my father’s bed.

    On which my mother and a young boy was currently sitting on.

    “In this particular Kingdom,” my father intoned in his usual gruff voice, “it is customary for male members of the royal family to be segregated from each other during the early stages of their childhood, all the way until their coming of age. This is to ensure that their full focus is on their training and honing their skills, and to prevent them from disliking each other, on the off chance that they do not get along.”
    “What?” I asked aloud, half comprehending. “Are you saying –”

    “Jean de Brienne, meet your younger brother, Baudouin de Brienne.”



    I stared at the young boy nestled in my mother’s arms, the cogs in my brain turning slowly but surely. A myriad of questions bombarded me, and threatened to expel themselves all at once from my lips, but all I managed to say was: “why?”

    And then: “Does Yolande know?”

    And then: “How old is he?”

    I took a few steps towards him gingerly, somehow scared that he would disappear if I took my eyes off him. He was young, and yet his head had large tufts of black hair that rivalled my own in quantity. His face was round and supple, and I was heartened to see that he had been eating well. But in his eyes there was a pang of sadness and desolation that only I could understand.

    Because I’d been through the exact same thing.

    “Oh stop treating him like he’s a baby, Jean.” My mother rolled her eyes. “He’s nine years old already, you know.”

    “But you do treat him like one.” The words escaped my mouth before I had a chance to stop them, and my father’s face darkened significantly.

    “Keep your insolence to yourself, Jean. This, right now, is about our family. I’m giving you a chance to see Baudouin before I mete out your punishment. And to answer your question, yes, Yolande knows. She was here a few hours ago. Marie, I need to speak to you in private. You have the room for the next minute or two, Jean. Use it wisely.”

    As my parents stepped out of the room, I turned to my newfound younger brother. “Hi.” I started, giving him a grin and doing my best to appear cheery despite my father’s ominous words. Baudouin smiled back. “Hello, Prince.”

    “Oh, stop that. You don’t have to call me that, I’m your brother. Besides, you’re a Prince too, you know?”

    Baudouin blinked twice, and stared at me as if I was talking nonsense. “Father says I’m nohwhere near to being a prince yet. I still have much to learn, and many years of training.”

    I chuckled and stroked his cheek. “Nowhere. Not nohwhere. There’s no h after the o. But yes. You’re right. I went through the same thing. It is not easy, and you will most certainly hate yourself after a few years, but…” No…

    I thought about all I had learned these past few years. The Beggar’s Quarter’s existence. The war. The decisions I’ve had to make, the judgements I’ve had to render in father’s absence, and most importantly and weighing the most heavily on my mind, the mistakes I’d committed. Could I really say it?

    Baudouin looked at me as the seconds passed, the curiosity shining through his eyes. A great sigh escaped me as I finished my sentence. “…but I do believe that it is necessary.” Am I doing to him what I hated doing myself? I hugged him tight as the door opened and my father strode in once again.

    “Say goodbye to your brother, Baudouin. And remember, not a word to a soul.” My father instructed.

    Baudouin nodded. “Goodbye, brother.” He said, his voice almost a whisper upon the wind. I smiled weakly and started for the door, but stopped when he called my name. “Jean. Do you really believe what you said just now?”

    I stopped dead in my tracks. It was a simple question and it had a simple answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

    “I…do not know, brother.” I turned around, and Baudouin looked more puzzled than when I first came in, so I added, “you may have to find that out for yourself.”

    I came my mother a hug and a peck on the cheek on the way out, then silently fell into step behind my father and my thoughts once again turned to the punishment that awaited me. Surprisingly, he brought me to my chambers. “You have ten minutes, which is ten more than I gave Henri. And not a word about Baudouin.”

    When I opened the doors, my beautiful wife was there, pacing left and right and looking as bewildered as anything. The moment our eyes made contact, she rushed over, and then our lips did shortly after.

    The door slammed shut behind us, startling us both, and my wife broke our embrace. “What’s going on, Jean? Your father ordered me here!”

    I stroked her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Joan. I know I have been remiss in my duties as a husband to you this past year…I’ve just been caught up in everything. And now I only have ten minutes with you.”

    “Well,” she started, her eyeballs flicking from left to right, her mind thinking this through very quickly, “you can explain everything later. Right now, we can do a lot in ten minutes.”

    And so we did.

    As I left the room struggling to put on my tunic and walk in a straight line at the same time, my father shook his head and beckoned me to follow him once more. Only this time, I could bear the suspense no longer. “Father.” I uttered, my voice quivering ever so slightly as we strode out of the royal compound. “I want you to know that I did what I thought was best for Henri and Yolande.”

    My father simply grunted. Normally I wouldn’t dare continue without his permission, but the prospect of having my freedom taken away from me somehow emboldened me, as if I was enjoying my last few minutes as a free man, or perhaps even, as the First Prince. “Father,” I started, as an unwelcome thought suddenly wormed its way to the front of my mind, my voice suddenly louder than it was seconds ago. “Did you show me Baudouin so you could inform me that you had a replacement for me if I didn’t do as you asked? Is Baudouin the next First Prince?”

    Fear gripped me tightly as my father turned to face me and our bodyguards halted in unison. “No, Jean. I let you see him before he came of age so you could know that there was another family member you had worth fighting for, and because it might be very possible that you won’t get to see him again. Why do you always assume the worst about me? I am not a cruel man, Jean, and if you have yet to learn that about me, I am sorely disappointed.”

    Won’t get to see him again? But a far more pressing rebuttal had manifested in my brain. “Perhaps not to our own kind. But what of the battlefield, father? Every year reports come in to me. Reports that I have to read. Prisoners slaughtered, promises broken. Allies betrayed!”

    My father turned a bright shade of maroon. “DO NOT LECTURE ME ON BATTLE, BOY!” He thundered. “War is cruel. And you will learn that soon. Get your bum to the stables and meet me at the south gate post haste. Raimondo, make sure he goes straight there.” With nary a word more, my father strode out of sight, his own retinue accompanying him.

    “We should go, my Prince.” Sir Raimondo stated gently but firmly. I complied, tired of arguing with my father, but also deep down knowing that he was right, at least about the battles. When I reached the stables, I waved to Chirgeon, who bowed, and went to pick a horse for me. “One of the worst ones, please.”

    Chirgeon blinked twice and remained where he was. “Did you say worst, my Prince?” I nodded and waved him away. I’m not going to be using it long, anyway. Discipline and retribution is all that is awaiting me.

    Chirgeon returned five minutes later with a horse that whinnied and neighed for every other step she took, a confused look on his face. “Thank you, Chirgeon.” I mounted up and headed straight for the south gate, almost too quick to hear him mutter: “Two more Jeans and my stable will be rid of the weaklings.”
    **
    It took me longer to reach the south gate than I expected, for my horse resisted my directions at every turn and even threatened to throw me off a few times. I couldn’t tell if Sir Raimondo was amused or in disbelief, but he groaned and shook his head a few times along the way, and from what I could hear over my mount’s rebelliousness, a few other of my retinue were as well.

    When I reached the south gate, though, the wind went out of my body faster than it would have had I been actually knocked off my horse. “What is the meaning of this?” I gasped.



    A thousand men were standing at the ready – a mix of heavy horse, crossbowmen, but most of them infantry wielding spears and shields. Am I to be punished in front of the entire army? A pit started to form in my stomach.

    My father rode out behind me, garbed in full battle armour. “It’s time we made a man out of you, Jean.” Riding past me, he addressed the men, and what he said took me completely by surprise.

    We were going to assault the city of Al-Aqaba, and I was to command the army.

    Disbelief struck me hard. “This is to be my punishment, father?” High Lord Jean fixed me with a firm glare. “You’ve spent enough years lounging around in the compound in Jerusalem. It’s high time you got out and experienced how the battles are actually fought. One day you’re going to take up the mantle as King, and in this Kingdom of uncertainty, it could be ten years or ten days from now, so you’d best learn as fast as you can. You may not think of this as punishment now, but once the swords start swinging and the arrows start flying, perhaps you will reconsider.”

    Then he clapped me on the shoulder, and his gaze softened. “Do not fret overly. I will be with you. After all, what good is a King if he cannot instruct his successor?”

    I couldn’t tell if he was joking or still being stern, but in any case I decided to change the subject before I got more tongue tied. “Father, these men…haven’t they just returned from a long campaign? Are they not eager to return to their families and rest?”

    My father snorted derisively. “Rest? Jean, war doesn’t rest. Our enemies don’t rest. These men understand that. And by the end of this campaign, you will too. Now ride.”

    “And the North?” I queried, spurring my mount forth.

    “Ha!” My father guffawed. “Lords Bohemond and Jean d’Ibelin are experienced battle commanders. I never doubted their ability to hold the north with the men they had. As we speak, Lord Philip is riding north to reinforce them. Doubtless he will be glad to meet with his brother again. Now, ride, and do not make me say it again.”

    And so I found myself at the head of the column, the men singing praises of my father, and as the walls of Jerusalem receded behind me, all I could think of was oh why did I have to pick the worst horse in Chirgeon’s stables?



    Author's Note
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    All in all a rather uneventful turn in the game. Turks are back at it again, and there are many threats to deal with, but Jean's got some breathing room for now. For once, the crusaders are attacking of their own volition and not reacting to a new threat. A rather quiet chapter.







    Last edited by Swaeft; January 10, 2019 at 03:58 AM.

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  11. #111
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    It sounds (from your author's note) as if maybe you feel bad for posting a quiet chapter. For me, well-written quieter chapters are useful, they provide variety and amplify (by contrast) the effect of updates with more events. This chapter is well done, I particularly like the confrontation between the son and his father, and the moment shown by the final screenshot and the way that you show us Lord Jean's confusion and worry about what is about to happen. The final thought in the last line is a nicely relatable moment, too.

  12. #112
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    I agree with Alwyn on the quieter chapters usefullness and would add that I like those very much. It gives a chance to flesh out your world and characters a bit more. The potential for variety is way larger than with the action filled ones who almost always follow the same structure. These purely stroy-driven chapters fulfill a huge role in the development of the narrative, in my opinion of course.

    There we have it, the punishment due. Poor Henri sent to Gaza which at a first glance looks like a suicide mission but could prove to be valuable learning experiences for young Henri, if he survives it of course. Jean at the head of an army sent to his first battle and war may seem like a cruel ordeal but I'm of the opinion that the King has given a harsh punishment but a just one. It is true Jean needs to learn about battle and war firsthand before he can deal judgement on it. Also war will always plague the Kingdom of Jerusalem being located in a very hostile region. Hopefully the decision to pick the worst horse from the stables won't bite Jean in the butt on his campaign.

    The meeting between the two brothers is my favourite moment of this chapter. Jean has really grown alot in the years that he can admit (perhaps not fully yet but at least partially) that the way they are being brought up have their uses even though he hated it. Really shows his rising maturity.

    To conclude, a great chapter! +rep

  13. #113
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Character List

    High Lord Jean de Brienne the Honourable – King of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Marie de Lusignan – Wife of High Lord Jean, Queen of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Lord Jean de Brienne – First Prince of the Kingdom of Jerusalem, War Council Member
    Joan de Brienne – Wife of Lord Jean, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Henri de Lusignan – Close friend, cousin and later brother in law to Lord Jean
    Yolande de Lusignan – Older sister of Lord Jean, wife to Henri de Lusignan, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Baudouin de Brienne - Younger Brother of Lord Jean, Second Prince of Jerusalem


    Bohemond de Poitiers the Chivalrous – Count of Tortosa, War Council member
    Melisende de Lusignan – Wife of Bohemond de Poitiers

    Jean d’Ibelin – Prince of Acre, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Melisende – Wife of Jean d’Ibelin
    Balian d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Jean d’Ibelin

    Philip d’Ibelin – Duke of Nicosia, Grandmaster of the Knights Templar, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Alix – Wife of Philip d’Ibelin
    Jean d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Philip d’Ibelin


    Lord Tigel de Linus - Commander of Jerusalem's garrison, its Master-at-Arms, and Adviser to Lord Jean
    Cardinal Reynaud - Presiding Cardinal in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Adviser to Lord Jean
    The Constable of Jerusalem
    Sir Raimondo - The First Prince's bodyguard Captain
    Alvaro - One of the First Prince's bodyguards
    Foucaud – Spymaster
    Gaston de Rocafolio – Spy
    Colin – Diplomat
    Gautier Corbet – Diplomat
    Pierre Dupuy – Diplomat
    Denethor the Second – Court jester/fool
    Chirgeon – Stable Master in Jerusalem
    Paragon – Treasurer on the Council of Nobles
    Sir Anduril – Hospitaller Knight
    Robert de Quar - Apprentice scribe to the Royal Chronicler
    Stefano - A mystery...for now

    CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

    From the Perspective of Lord Jean, First Prince of Jerusalem, The Road to Al Aqaba, 1237 AD.


    The more I rode under the sweltering sun, the more I started to question our purpose here. It was only a few day’s travel between Jerusalem and Al Aqaba, but the desert seemed unending and too large to traverse alone. At times, when my father instructed me to go scouting with him and we left the main body of our army behind, it seemed as if the desert opened up pits to try and swallow us whole. Random hollows and dunes dotted the landscape, and frequent gusts of wind would blow grains of sand into my eyes. It was coarse, irritating, and it got into my chainmail, greaves, and other places I would rather not mention.



    My back ached from my mount’s non-stop jerking, and my lips were cracking. My feet were sore from exerting constant pressure on the stirrups, and blisters were starting to appear all over my body. I sought the company of Cardinal Reynaud, who had deigned to accompany us on this campaign, to spread the word of our lord in whatever city we annexed. When I drew abreast of him, he raised his eyebrows in question, but a part of me knew that he had some sort of inkling what I wanted.

    “Cardinal. Why is it so important that we fight over this barren wasteland?”

    His eyebrows furrowed, and his voice was harsh in response. “Still that tongue, Prince, lest the men hear you.” Some of the brashness vanished when he continued. “It may not seem like much to you, but this barren wasteland is actually a potent projection of the church’s power.”

    When he saw that I did not comprehend, he let out a long sigh and rubbed his forehead. “For one, the place itself is important. Jerusalem is the holiest of Christendom’s cities. Jesus himself cleaned the Sepulchre, before it was known as the Sepulchre. He preached here, and was crucified here. The Sepulchre is built over his tomb. Every good Christian should count himself lucky to be able to die defending it.”

    “But –”

    Cardinal Reynaud raised a finger. “That’s not all. Religious piety and beliefs aside, the crusader states are the ultimate epitome of the power of Christendom. Our very existence proves to the world that we Christians are able to survive in a completely hostile and unwelcoming environment. Hundreds of miles away from the fair fields of France and the England, we have been surviving. We are more than just a Kingdom. We are a symbol, a beacon of hope and faith, of strength and power.”

    He looked at me kindly. “That is why we are here. That is why we fight.”

    It took a while for the words to sink in. “So we’re not here as conquerors then? What’s our purpose here?”

    The Cardinal looked at me as if I’d gone crazy. “Purpose? Dear God, that you of all people should be asking me that.” He pointed in the direction from where we had marched.

    “Defend Jerusalem.”

    I tried to wrap my head around it. “To what end? Why not sue for peace? We have Jerusalem.”

    The incredulous look on the Cardinal’s face said it all. “To what end, he says.” Muttering more to himself than to me. “Look around us, Jean. We’re in a desert. The Ayyubid desert. We may own the settlements and castles, but the moment you step foot outside those walls you are in danger. Caravans and pilgrims are attacked every day on the road to Jerusalem. Can you honestly tell me that you’d be willing to journey across these timeless sands without an army at your back and feel safe?”

    I conceded the point. The Cardinal did make sense. And for a man of the cloth, he usually did.

    I intended to retire to the rear of the column to think over his points, but at that moment my father waved me over, consternation visible on his face. I groaned, spurred my steed forwards, and groaned again as it refused to change his trot to a gallop. Nevertheless, I eventually managed to make my way towards my father and immediately saw the source of his concern.




    “That’s Al Aqaba.” He gestured to a town in the distance, simmering and waving under the effects of the heat. “My scouts tell me the Ayyubids have deployed outside of the town. They will not be contained. That is your first lesson today, Jean. Always use scouts. Never deploy without at least twenty good scouts, and the more the merrier.” He pointed a finger at a mounted sergeant returning from his patrol. “These men are best suited for the task. Light cavalry. Their armour lets them breathe a little more than the rest of us, and doesn’t weigh their horses down as much, letting them pack more supplies like water and food for extended scouting runs. Deploying them five to ten kilometres ahead of your army is always a good idea, and then always send a few to your destination to gain some early intelligence on your target.”

    I felt like I was back in Jerusalem against listening to the Constable drone on and on about military tactics and strategy, only this time I was doing it in the middle of the desert and in full armour, sweating myself to a fiery demise.

    The better part of my afternoon was spent learning about field tactics. Where’s the best place for the army to set up camp. That alone took almost an hour, for there were so many factors to consider. Was there a source of water nearby? Any natural dips in the terrain that would mask enemy movements? Was the terrain defensible enough? How many sentries should be posted, and where should they be stationed? Father made the men stand at attention until I decided upon a spot that he considered good enough, and I know behind those helms a lot of those men were staring daggers at me as I bumbled about.

    Then came the organisation of the camp itself. The formation of the tents was to be a circle, with the tent flaps standardised to be facing outwards so the men could rush out in the same direction and maintain some sense of cohesion the event of a surprise attack. The cavalry detachments were quartered towards the exterior of the camp, for their horses needed the space, and so the riders would not trample over our infantry in a panic should the need for a hasty exit arise. The infantry were stationed in their own companies, with the spearmen taking the outer ring, shielding the inner ring, comprising of the ranged units, from any melee attacks.



    Rations and weapons were stockpiled in the centre, placed under heavy guard. Not everyone could be trusted. The command tent for the officers was placed in the most defensible spot in the camp, generally a natural rise or a man-made wagon circle or fallback position – in case of a last stand, that would be the spot to rally to. Everything was seen to under my father’s watchful eyes, and I was there to learn it all. How many paces apart the guards should be standing, how many archers per spearmen at the entrances to the camp, how many day patrols and how many night patrols should be making their rounds. Never did I think there would be so much to debate about which way a tent flap should be facing.

    My father convened his battle council, comprising of all the captains of the various companies, Tigel de Linus, Cardinal Reynaud, myself, and our bodyguard captains. “Grim news, gentlemen. Lord Philip has sighted an Ayyubid force near Kerak and is moving in to engage them. No other news for now.” He then announced his plan to attack the next morning and bid us have a good night’s rest. As I exited the command tent, a feeling of surreality hit me. This is really happening. I’m really going to war. In the flesh. The encampment was eerily silent, save for the odd whinny from one of the horses, and the low background din of the men talking inside their tents.



    I retired to my tent, exhausted and my brain filled to bursting with this new information I’ve had to learn in the span of a few hours. Raimondo stood faithfully outside my tent with three other knights. Feeling guilty that I got to sleep while they had to watch over me, I invited Raimondo in.

    “Don’t you ever get any sleep?”

    Raimondo sat down heavily, his armour rattling and the wooden stool groaning under his weight. “We take shifts, my Prince.”

    Somehow I doubted that Raimondo ever took a break, but knew better than to argue. “Sorry about the sparse accommodations.” I motioned to the Spartan tent interior. “Father was clear that this was still a punishment for me. No earthly comforts. Just a table, stools and a hard bed.”

    “I’m used to it.” Raimondo grunted. “I was a soldier for many years.”

    I leaned forward. “So why did a soldier of many years decide to play bodyguard? I’ve just realised I don’t really know that much about you, father just assigned you to me and I didn’t have any say in it. Tell me about yourself.”

    Raimondo blinked. “What is there to tell? I served in the Royal Sicilian Army for a decade or so, fought in the Third and Fourth Crusades, and now here I am.”

    “That’s not good enough. What made you leave?”

    Raimondo shifted around uneasily. “I was arrested in Jerusalem, actually. I escaped when a prison riot broke out and protected your father from the more violent criminals. He was a younger man then, as was I, and he was visiting the jail cells as the First Prince of Jerusalem.”

    A grin of contentment slowly spread across his face as he continued. “Your father was nearly trampled to death that day. I still remember the words he said to me.” Raimondo stood up and imitated my father’s gruff voice. “I’ve got twenty bodyguards and none of them could save me from the stampede. Your quick reflexes are the only reason I’m still alive. Pray tell me your name, good sir, and I shall see you amply rewarded.”

    I was astounded, both by his story and my father’s apparent capacity for politeness. Raimondo smiled widely, the happiest I’d seen him so far. “I was made the newest member of his retinue that day, and replaced his bodyguard captain just three weeks later. Your father told me I was born to protect people, so good were my instincts. When he assigned me to you, I couldn’t think of a more suitable task for a man of my talents.”

    Then he placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know you don’t have the best relationship with your father, Jean, and that’s none of my business. But he gave away his best bodyguard to protect his son. That’s got to count for something.”

    I sat still, numb. Father was more confusing than ever. “All my life I’d known him to be a harsh taskmaster. Only recently has he ever opened up to me. The day of my coronation was the only day he really acted like a father to me. And that was when we were alone. I don’t understand why he’s so inconsistent and flippant.”

    Raimondo shrugged. “I can’t speak for the King, but I know him to be a man with our best interests at heart. I trust that he has his own reasons for treating you the way he does.” He stood and made his way to the exit. “You should rest early, my Prince. Tomorrow there will be a battle, and if I’m not mistaken, you will be in the thick of it.”

    But I didn’t feel like sleeping. “Wait!” I called out. “Tell me more! What were you doing in Jerusalem? How was life in the Sicilian army like? What did you do before that?” Then a thought hit me. “What happened to the Sicilian princess?”

    The smile vanished from Raimondo’s face instantly, and his eyes narrowed into slits. “I’d rather not speak about that. The hour is late, my Prince, and I should be with my men, guarding you. Good night.” He exited the tent stiffly without another word, leaving me perplexed and stunned, wondering if I’d said something I shouldn’t have.

    From the Perspective of Foucaud, Spymaster of Jerusalem, The City of Nicosia, 1237 AD.

    The past few days confirmed my suspicions. Something was definitely off in Nicosia.

    On the surface, everything looked perfectly normal. The taverns were lively, the markets were bustling, and the ports were busy. But that was just an illusion.

    After a few days of careful observation, it became apparent that things were normal. Too normal.

    Someone was keeping up appearances.

    The taverns always had the same faces. The markets had the same patrons, and the same ships docked and left the ports. Of course, no one would realise this if they didn’t look hard enough, and normally, they wouldn’t have a reason to.

    I took two more days to confirm this theory, then followed the money. I picked a trader who came in by ship and pretended to be an interested investor in his business. A quick flash of some florins and an introduction a rich ‘Merchant of Venice’ got him talking quickly about how business worked in Nicosia. “They always pay well, and on time.” The merchant remarked. “They even take care of the transport to Jerusalem for us. We drop off the trade goods here, collect our payment, and go on our way. That way, we don’t have to risk Ayyubid ships intercepting trade vessels around these waters, and they don’t have to pay us to transport goods to Jerusalem. It’s a win-win for both parties.”

    “So you’re saying the trade goods from other Kingdoms all stop here, at Nicosia?”

    “That’s right. A great system it is too. Everything centralized at one place. Makes it easier to keep track of what’s going where.”

    Or for someone to stockpile all the goods. I thanked the merchant for his time and told him I’d take a few days to consider before deciding whether to invest in his business and promptly double timed it out of there.

    The few days after that was spent in and around the port.



    The smell of fish and the sea was especially pungent, and when I got back to my tavern I couldn’t get rid of the stink on my clothes. But it was what I learned that was most important.

    Contrary to what the merchant had told me, not all trade goods were being held in Nicosia. Silverware, silk, gems, paintings and the like were all being sent through. I snuck into the warehouses one night and found that wheat, beans, cabbages and copious amounts of fish such as herring and cod were being stockpiled, as well as minerals such as iron, steel and copper.

    The trade flow wasn’t entirely stopped, though. From what I could tell, the Nicosian traders released a trade ship to Jerusalem every now and then, but the goods loaded on that ship was not even a fraction of what they were storing in the city’s warehouses.

    It didn’t hit me until I arrived back at my tavern. Food. Metals.

    I quickly ran to my desk, where I had jotted down a rough estimate of how much foodstuff and raw materials they were storing. They have supplies far in excess of what Nicosia’s garrison requires for the next three years.

    They’re gearing up to provision an army. But whose? And why?

    It didn’t take long for me to connect the dots.

    My King, I feel that it is my duty to inform you that your brother Lord Philip, the Duke of Nicosia has not taken this particular set of orders well.

    The Duke of Nicosia already enjoys a level of autonomy unprecedented in these times due to his geographic allocation and his distance from the Muslim hordes.

    I need to tell someone.

    I was so engrossed in my own thoughts I failed to notice the spectre standing behind me.






    Author's Note:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Ha, that was one of the weirdest siege battles I ever fought in M2TW. The AI flat out refused to enter the city, and actively tried flanking me. Was an interesting battle, but you guys have to wait one more chapter for it to come out You don't know how good it is to FINALLY get Lord Jean on the warpath. Can't believe it took me 21 chapters...I originally planned for it to be less than 10. Sigh. Getting caught up in writing is harder than I expected, but no regrets here

    Last edited by Swaeft; January 10, 2019 at 03:58 AM. Reason: Corrected an embarrassing grammatical error

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  14. #114
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Sorry for the late response, I tried to reply after posting the latest chapter but I got that 502 host error that I kept getting on the weekends right after...d'oh!

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    It sounds (from your author's note) as if maybe you feel bad for posting a quiet chapter. For me, well-written quieter chapters are useful, they provide variety and amplify (by contrast) the effect of updates with more events. This chapter is well done, I particularly like the confrontation between the son and his father, and the moment shown by the final screenshot and the way that you show us Lord Jean's confusion and worry about what is about to happen. The final thought in the last line is a nicely relatable moment, too.
    Ah, I fear you have misunderstood me there. We are on the same page. It was good to have a break from all the 'action'. I agree with what you say about quiet chapters, every now and then I shall strive to put some in. The last line was meant to be humorous but I'm still learning. That five year hiatus really did a number on me, heh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    I agree with Alwyn on the quieter chapters usefullness and would add that I like those very much. It gives a chance to flesh out your world and characters a bit more. The potential for variety is way larger than with the action filled ones who almost always follow the same structure. These purely stroy-driven chapters fulfill a huge role in the development of the narrative, in my opinion of course.

    There we have it, the punishment due. Poor Henri sent to Gaza which at a first glance looks like a suicide mission but could prove to be valuable learning experiences for young Henri, if he survives it of course. Jean at the head of an army sent to his first battle and war may seem like a cruel ordeal but I'm of the opinion that the King has given a harsh punishment but a just one. It is true Jean needs to learn about battle and war firsthand before he can deal judgement on it. Also war will always plague the Kingdom of Jerusalem being located in a very hostile region. Hopefully the decision to pick the worst horse from the stables won't bite Jean in the butt on his campaign.

    The meeting between the two brothers is my favourite moment of this chapter. Jean has really grown alot in the years that he can admit (perhaps not fully yet but at least partially) that the way they are being brought up have their uses even though he hated it. Really shows his rising maturity.

    To conclude, a great chapter! +rep
    I'm glad you think so about the story-driven chapters. Too often I worry that people will get turned off by them, and that's partly because with the crusader states you expect a battle or two every update. That is actually happening in the campaign, but I can't fit em all into one chapter, partly due to the word count issue too. But it's going well this way, so I think it's fine.

    I just needed a war councilor in Gaza so I can recruit the good troops there, I wasn't punishing Henri. But he doesn't know that... Can't speak for King Jean, though. He does have a tough life ahead of him, the Ayyubid stacks are relentless on VH/VH! I agree, it is high time Jean got out and started fighting. Don't really know what I was expecting when I wrote the Jean - Baudouin chapter, but I think it came out okay. He does seem to grudgingly accept the hard life a prince in the CS has to lead.

    Many thanks for reading!

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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    What an ominous ending. Foucaud always scan the room for threats before doing everything else as befits a good paranoid spymaster, I know I always do! Think Foucaud THINK! Excuse me, I'm just very worried about my favourite spymaster and hope nothing bad happens to him. Of course Jean is in a bit of a pickle himself. Your telling on what needs to be done to organise a camp is well conveyed with little details like the importance of the positioning of tents. One of my favourite parts was the conversation between Jean and Raimondo about Jean's father and a little bit more on the backstory of Raimondo. I must say I really like Raimondo.

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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Great update, the dialogue with the Cardinal was well done. (I think that the question of 'why we fight' is a good one for characters to explore in an AAR.) The continuing education of Lord Jean about warfare is engaging and his curiousity about others such as Raimondo is a useful trait for the story. Meanwhile, something strange is happening Nicosia. It sounds like Foucaud is asking the right questions, but will he find the answers and will be live long enough to communicate them to anyone?

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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    What an ominous ending. Foucaud always scan the room for threats before doing everything else as befits a good paranoid spymaster, I know I always do! Think Foucaud THINK! Excuse me, I'm just very worried about my favourite spymaster and hope nothing bad happens to him. Of course Jean is in a bit of a pickle himself. Your telling on what needs to be done to organise a camp is well conveyed with little details like the importance of the positioning of tents. One of my favourite parts was the conversation between Jean and Raimondo about Jean's father and a little bit more on the backstory of Raimondo. I must say I really like Raimondo.
    Ah well, been waiting to do that one for a long time. Can't always be paranoid, you'll go crazy! We'll have to see if he survives in the next update...or maybe the next next? It's not that I love leaving readers hanging in suspense...no...

    The camp thing required a bit of research (does Game of Thrones count? Jk) but I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I had this sudden brainwave to complete Raimondo's story partly through this AAR, so there's that. Don't get too attached to our characters, though, this is the Holy Land and anything can happen.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Great update, the dialogue with the Cardinal was well done. (I think that the question of 'why we fight' is a good one for characters to explore in an AAR.) The continuing education of Lord Jean about warfare is engaging and his curiousity about others such as Raimondo is a useful trait for the story. Meanwhile, something strange is happening Nicosia. It sounds like Foucaud is asking the right questions, but will he find the answers and will be live long enough to communicate them to anyone?
    Thanks Alwyn! I tried to imagine what Jean would be thinking and just put it into words. I had to address that why we fight question one day, so I figured I'd do it now. I didn't make him curious just because of the story... Yeah Foucaud is in a bit of a bind right now, we shall just have to see.

    Edit: Strangely I wasn't able to log on to TWC during the weekend, so sorry about no updates this week(last week). II'm at work now, and I'll only get home on the weekend so I'll just have to try again next week (which is this week). The chapter's already written too...
    Last edited by Swaeft; October 08, 2018 at 09:05 PM. Reason: Whoops

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  18. #118
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Character List

    High Lord Jean de Brienne the Honourable – King of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Marie de Lusignan – Wife of High Lord Jean, Queen of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Lord Jean de Brienne – First Prince of the Kingdom of Jerusalem, War Council Member
    Joan de Brienne – Wife of Lord Jean, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Henri de Lusignan – Close friend, cousin and later brother in law to Lord Jean
    Yolande de Lusignan – Older sister of Lord Jean, wife to Henri de Lusignan, Princess of Jerusalem and the Crusader States
    Baudouin de Brienne - Younger Brother of Lord Jean, Second Prince of Jerusalem


    Bohemond de Poitiers the Chivalrous – Count of Tortosa, War Council member
    Melisende de Lusignan – Wife of Bohemond de Poitiers

    Jean d’Ibelin – Prince of Acre, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Melisende – Wife of Jean d’Ibelin
    Balian d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Jean d’Ibelin

    Philip d’Ibelin – Duke of Nicosia, Grandmaster of the Knights Templar, Grand Uncle to Lord Jean, Uncle to High Lord Jean
    Alix – Wife of Philip d’Ibelin
    Jean d’Ibelin – Deceased son of Philip d’Ibelin


    Lord Tigel de Linus - Commander of Jerusalem's garrison, its Master-at-Arms, and Adviser to Lord Jean
    Cardinal Reynaud - Presiding Cardinal in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Adviser to Lord Jean
    The Constable of Jerusalem
    Sir Raimondo - The First Prince's bodyguard Captain
    Alvaro - One of the First Prince's bodyguards
    Foucaud – Spymaster
    Gaston de Rocafolio – Spy
    Colin – Diplomat
    Gautier Corbet – Diplomat
    Pierre Dupuy – Diplomat
    Denethor the Second – Court jester/fool
    Chirgeon – Stable Master in Jerusalem
    Paragon – Treasurer on the Council of Nobles
    Sir Anduril – Hospitaller Knight
    Robert de Quar - Apprentice scribe to the Royal Chronicler
    Stefano - A mystery...for now

    CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

    From the Perspective of Lord Jean, First Prince of Jerusalem, Outskirts of Al Aqaba, 1237 AD.


    The arrival of dawn did not provide me with any mental or physical respite from the rigours of the campaign.

    “Normally we’d be setting up siege lines and building siege equipment.” My father lamented. “But this enemy captain is smart. He’s camping right outside the town. Still close enough to defend it, but in the open so we can’t choke him off. Theoretically, it’s still possible, we just don’t have the numbers to encircle him, and he knows that. Now, the scouts report that more men are joining them every day from Mecca, making the journey up here. What do you think we should do, Jean?”

    “Attack now while we still have roughly equal numbers.”

    “You were born to be a tactician, Jean.” My father snorted. “Of course we’ll be attacking. How will we attack? Sure, we can do it headfirst, marching in formation and taking them from the front, but that will cause many casualties. You’re as well aware as I am that we don’t have the numbers to replenish our losses, so we have to win each battle with minimum losses. Furthermore, if we engage in the open, the enemy can flee anytime if they feel the battle will not go their way because we don’t have enough cavalry to completely flank them, resulting in an inconclusive skirmish. Now think. How do we ensure complete victory here while not losing half of our army?”

    I pondered his question for a few minutes, my mind running through what the previous Constable had taught me. Army size, “We have to lure them into the town. Once they’re inside we shut the gates and they’ll be trapped.”

    Father slapped me hard on the back. “Now you’re thinking. Mount up and follow me.” He rode towards the camp exit, where he instructed the battle council to rouse the men.

    We rode a ways out of the camp, where father signalled to one of his captains. A short while later, the entire company of mounted sergeants and a few Templar crossbowmen rode hastily towards Al Aqaba. “Pre-battle skirmishing?” I inquired, remembering what the previous Constable had taught me. The Romans used pre-battle skirmishing extensively, and to great effect.

    “No.” My father replied stiffly. “I’m willing to bet that half of this army was assembled using the locals from this town. It’s the only way they could have gathered this large a force this quickly. I’m also willing to bet that they value their possessions very much, especially since Al Aqaba isn’t a very prosperous town. It’s changed hands many times between our predecessors and the Saracens. They’ve had to rebuild their houses from the ground up pretty often. And since there isn’t a general here to rein them in…”

    Fires started blazing on the top of several thatch houses. Small clouds of dust floated into the air as the mounted sergeants beat a hasty retreat towards our camp. “You’re burning their homes…”

    My father nodded, smiling. “And if I’m right, the undisciplined Saracens will rush to save their possessions, abandoning army cohesion. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem if a general was in control, but since there isn’t, ah…look at that.”

    The low cacophony of screaming and shouting could be heard over the cackling of the fires burning, and the smoke nearly obscured what I was supposed to see – half the Ayyubid army racing into Al Aqaba and dispersing into their homes, desperate to save their worldly possessions.



    A self-satisfied smirk appeared on my father’s face, and he flicked his eyes to me. “Next battle, you’re going to do the planning. Now signal the attack. Three short blasts on this horn.”

    As I took the war horn from my father, I looked behind me and saw our army filing out of the camp and forming up into their respective companies. Slightly nervous, I touched my lips to the horn and blew three quick bursts.



    “God’s Steel!” I heard the captains cry out, and with a great roar our army surged forwards, marching swiftly but in good order towards Al Aqaba.

    From the Perspective of High Lord Jean, King of Jerusalem, Outskirts of Al Aqaba, 1237 AD.

    I watched with satisfaction as our men barreled towards the town. It seemed like it was only yesterday High Lord Amaury was standing behind me, when I was then the First Prince of Jerusalem, telling me to sound the horn prior to my first battle. Back then, we had held many more territories, so much so that the Crusader States could have rivalled some of the Western Kingdoms. I will undo what my father was too weak to prevent from happening, and this is only the first step.

    “Stay here and watch how all this unfolds.” I told my son. “Sieges happen more often in the Holy Land than actual field battles, so observe and learn. Raimondo, try not to let him get killed.”

    “I’ve protected you from all harm, my King, and I promised your son the same.”

    I chuckled and raised my sword. “Let’s go give those infidels a good smashing.”

    I rode at a steady clip towards the nearest gate to Al Aqaba, aiming to secure it ahead of my troops’ arrival. As I passed the True Cross on a wagon, I couldn't help but feel pride swell within me. Sometimes, I did feel like I was doing God's work.



    Smoke started billowing strongly from the town, its black particles flying all over the place, helped along by a rare southern gust of wind. I could barely see anything inside the town, but the cacophony of clamouring and panic had yet to subside, which brought a grin to my face. It took a good five or so minutes riding at a steady gallop, but when I reached the gates, they were still unmanned. Careless. A real general would have seen to this.

    My bodyguards fanned out and secured the streets while I waited for the rest of my army to enter the town. The thundering of their feet drew closer, and before long the majority of my army was inside. I’d kept the mounted sergeants back at camp, for they’d be less effective in a confined environment, so it was mostly Templar spearmen and crossbowmen in the city, supplemented by militia spearmen and townsmen.

    I ordered the men to fan out into three separate groups, each taking one path towards the city centre, where I had made an educated guess that the enemy would most likely be gathered at. I do hope Jean is watching. This is a classic case of entrapping your enemy. My bodyguards returned to my side and I made my way towards the town centre, following the column of men that had taken the central path. The smoke obscured most of our vision but we made steady progress. The smoke. Damn. Jean won’t be able to see a thing.

    The spearmen were clearing the houses as quickly as they could, finding a few stragglers along the way. These men were taken prisoner under my orders, and from what they mentioned, the majority of the Ayyubid army was desperately trying to reorganise itself in the town centre. Perfect. “Order a halt.” I instructed one of the captains. “Let’s give our left and right wings some time to catch up to us.”

    I judged that our flanks were just a few minutes away from encircling the town centre, which was not more than two hundred feet from us, but the smoke was so thick that we couldn’t see fifty paces in front of us. “Captain,” I addressed the officer of the nearest Templar company. “Send some men forward, shields raised high. Tell me how many Saracens remain at the city centre, and see if they can find out the positions of our flanking companies.

    The captain obeyed and his men fanned out. Before long, they had vanished from sight. Damn this smoke. It shouldn’t be this thick and this heavy. Is that oil I’m smelling in the air? I stifled a cough and waited for the spearmen to return. The sounds of spear on shield could be heard somewhere off in the distance. Too far away to be the men I had just sent out, but close enough to be one of the flanking detachments. If the flanks are delayed, I shall just have to press my attack. The centre will then become the flankers.

    Just then, the captain of the Templar spears returned. “My King, the town square is devoid of any Saracens. It appears they have moved to engage our flanks.”

    This took me by surprise – partly due to the speed with which the captain had reported back, and also because I didn’t expect the Ayyubids to be able to form up so quickly. “Alright, captain. Let’s advance. We’ll split up at the town square and cut them off at our flanks.”

    “My King, I do not recommend that course of action.”

    “And why not?”

    The Templar captain pointed towards the southern gates of Al Aqaba, directly opposite the northern gates from which we had entered. A slight tremor of dread coursed through my body – upon the gatehouse, the sight that all children in the Crusader States had come to fear had manifested in the form of two flags.

    The personal heraldry of the Ayyubid Sultan.

    Confusion clouded my mind. “There was no general here when we made camp last night. Did the Sultan arrive in the early morning?”

    No one could give me an answer. I struggled to come to terms with this new development. “It must be a ruse.” I finally decided. “No general, much less the Sultan himself would let his men lose all discipline and run amok into town.”

    Just as I was about to order an advance, the smoke around us cleared. Baffled by this, I looked around and to my consternation, I saw the local citizens pouring water over the flames, putting out the fires. “I thought you said the houses were clear!” I wheeled my horse around, yelling at the Templar captain. He looked just as perplexed as I was. “We didn’t check the roofs, my King.”

    I frowned. “Okay, send some men to take them –”

    “BALLISTAE!” The shout rang out, and the men instinctively raised their shields.

    However, ballista shots were not mere arrows, and the large bolts pierced through shields and flesh alike. I saw the men scream and yell, twisting as their skin burned – the ballista bolts were set afire. The Sultan is here. He wanted me to come into the town.



    “Retreat!” I bellowed, struggling to get them men into formation before the next wave of bolts soared our way. “Captain, send word to the flanks. They are to pull back and meet us at the north gate.”

    I couldn’t hear his reply – the din the men were making was just amplified – more bolts were in the air, flaming arcs of destruction that flew straight towards our packed formation. Several men were skewered at once, like rats on a cooking spit. The men who fell to the ground never rose up again, trampled to death by the spearmen trying to escape. My heart was pounding faster than it ever did these few years, and I turned my horse about and made haste towards the gate from which we had entered.

    It was barred.

    The men I sent up into the gatehouse reported that the opening mechanisms were disabled and beyond repair. Throwing ourselves off the walls was not an option either – the walls were too high and we’d injure ourselves badly. A force of Saracen cavalry was also spotted heading this way.

    We are trapped.

    As the men arrived at the gates, they could see that the gates were locked shut and started to panic. I couldn’t blame them. For once, I was not in control. The Sultan. He wanted me to bring my forces into town. The smoke…his men running into the town…it was all bait.

    An Ayyubid war horn blared, and Saracen infantry started pouring into the city square, pursuing us with fervour and zeal. “LOCK SHIELDS! SPEARWALL!” I roared, the strength of my voice masking the trepidation I was feeling.

    As the enemy closed in, my mind turned to my son. I hope Jean has a better view of this than I do.

    This will not be the end. I will not be finished in some dilapidated town by the Ayyubid Sultan. He who has been terrorizing my Kingdom for decades.

    “GOD’S STE–”

    Then all sense of order and cohesion was lost as the ranks clashed.

    From the Perspective of Lord Jean, First Prince of Jerusalem, Outskirts of Al Aqaba, 1237 AD.

    I watched with growing dread as the situation in the town became dire. My father’s flanks were in full retreat, hastening towards the north gate, where my father’s centre was in engaged in fierce melee with the Saracens. Once his flanks joined him at the gate, they would be cornered and left with nowhere to run. The small amount of men my father had left behind to guard the north gates were slain.



    A force of some fifty or so cavalry had blockaded the north gate, preventing my father’s escape. They were erecting wooden barriers – with each passing moment my father’s chance at retreat grew slimmer.

    I turned and gazed around me. My father had left the cavalry outside the town. Two under strength companies of Templar Knights and some mounted sergeants. All were looking expectantly at me. Everyone knew what I had to do.

    Except I didn’t want to do it. “Raimondo,” I started, “Lead the cavalry here and attack those men blocking my father’s exit.”

    “Without you, my Prince?” He shook his head when I nodded. “My orders are to keep you safe, Jean. There is no way I’m going down there without you. If we’re occupied and another Saracen force accosts you…no, I’d rather not take that chance.”

    He left some parts unsaid, but his eyes told me everything else. Lead the charge, Jean. Lead the men.

    I raised my sword. “God’s Steel!” I yelled, my voice and hands trembling. Riding forward, the rest of the cavalry fell in behind me. My heart raced faster and faster as we picked up speed and charged the north gates.

    Then halfway, I slowed and let the Templars overtake me.







    Author's Note:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Well this actually turned out very differently in the campaign,but I think writing it this way is more fun First time meeting the Sultandemands a more complex battle after all. Had a lot of battles occur thisturn, shame I couldn't write em all up in one chapter.
    Last edited by Swaeft; January 10, 2019 at 03:59 AM.

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  19. #119
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    High Lord Jean fooled by the Sultan himself. I must say I was not expecting it so good job in surprising me. A very well written chapter. A calm start eminating the confidence that this will be a brilliant victory continuing into the confusion of the smoke and a sense of doom and finishing with the horrible realisation that they have been outwitted by their foe and are now trapped. And of course Jean's fear of combat and cowardice rising once again.

    A great chapter which deserves some sweet rep!

  20. #120
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    Default Re: [SS 6.4] God's Justice (Crusader States AAR, with BGR IV and more!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    High Lord Jean fooled by the Sultan himself. I must say I was not expecting it so good job in surprising me. A very well written chapter. A calm start eminating the confidence that this will be a brilliant victory continuing into the confusion of the smoke and a sense of doom and finishing with the horrible realisation that they have been outwitted by their foe and are now trapped. And of course Jean's fear of combat and cowardice rising once again.

    A great chapter which deserves some sweet rep!

    Many thanks, that was the brainwave I had...while sleeping. Lmao. Crusader's can't keep winning, they're only that strong. God forbid they resort to unholy tactics to wiggle their way out of this! I wouldn't really say Jean is a coward though, he just detests fighting. There are similar parallels, though.

    If you loved this chapter you're going to enjoy the next one

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