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Thread: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: June 29]

  1. #141
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Sorry for not responding to this sooner, or getting moving along with things in the story. The last month has been kicking my ass, as I had to write a paper for a conference I am hoping to present at. I finished it last week, and had planned to strike off an update in the lull after finishing writing, but found that I was just totally sapped. However, the last day or two I have felt my energy slowly returning, and will try to get back into writing with a vengeance!
    I was going to PM or email you about this today in fact. Good news indeed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft View Post
    Good luck with that conference!

    Also, a wise man once told me this was an important milestone, so congratulations on your AAR reaching 10,000 views!

    Iced water and imaginary pizza are on me.
    Hear, hear! It's funny, k and I hit that milestone at the exact same time. Part of me wonders if it's from us both reading each other's AARs so much.

  2. #142

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft View Post
    Good luck with that conference!
    Also, a wise man once told me this was an important milestone, so congratulations on your AAR reaching 10,000 views!

    Iced water and imaginary pizza are on me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    I was going to PM or email you about this today in fact. Good news indeed.
    Hear, hear! It's funny, k and I hit that milestone at the exact same time. Part of me wonders if it's from us both reading each other's AARs so much.

    Thanks guys! I hadn't noticed it myself, as I haven't been checking around here enough of late. But it is indeed good to hit the milestone! And Skotos, I am sure it is from us reading each others' things so much And also, I believe congratulations are in order for you as well then! Well done!
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  3. #143

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 3]

    Sorry for the crazy long delay everyone. Things have continued getting on top of me, and I have needed a bit longer than expected to get my act back together. But I have a new update (at last). It is not quite what I had planned for, as I wanted there to be another scene in this one as well, but I figured if I put off uploading any longer then I might get into a rut that I couldn't get back out of. So here is the update, and from here on out I will try to get back to posting at least once every two weeks. Also, I really have been having trouble getting back into the groove, so if anyone has thoughts or suggestions on this (or the next couple) updates, please do share. Anyway, here it is!
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  4. #144

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 3]

    Continued from Chapter 4 - Part II


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribes.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Lord of the Northpass (Qayl): Ringleader of a group of Saba' nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed the Qayl's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile in league with the Qayl.
    Karab and Hasan: Sons of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leaders of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. They are also in league with the Qayl against Mubsamat.



    Chapter 4
    New Friends, New Enemies


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part III)


    The camel beneath him gently rocked back and forth, its legs catching the uneven stones with ease and a level of foresight fit to shame oracles, and Mun'at found himself being slowly lulled into a half-daze as he absent-mindedly considered how best to expend their newfound wealth. They had left Yathrib two days earlier, taking the mottled black and gold vale of Wadi al Kitimah for their road, but before they set out the sons of Ishaq had matched deeds to their earlier words, showing a degree of goodwill far outstripping any expectation Mun'at might have had. After a night of feasting and song the Nabati had prepared to move from the city in much heightened spirits, leaving in the small hours of the morning lest they be caught in the day's traffic of incense caravans and nomadic traders. They were to first gather at the central market where they had met the city's elders the day before, and then quickly continue on their ever-southward journey. However, when they arrived there they found those selfsame men waiting for them, and between their lot lay a king's gift.

    The rosy hues of dawn had barely crept into the heavens, but the veiled sun gave light enough to show a column of two-score hardy baggage camels, sturdy beasts accustomed to the needs of desert traders, to long marches without thought of rest and sudden moments of desperate haste. On seeing them Mun'at could find no words for gratitude, but the men with their raven locks asked for none in return and simply nodded, their eyes shining. Then the one who had spoken the day before, the one Mun'at thought of as 'the ambassador', stepped over to the nearest mount, motioning for the general to follow him. With a flick of his wrist he cast aside the covering of one of the sacks astride the camel's back, revealing a tumble of small pouches overflowing with coins. A king's ransom. A thing the Nabati had done little to deserve, less to earn. Truth be told, the generosity of those sons of Ibrahim put a bilious ball of shame in Mun'at's gut, and he longed to be rid of the sensation.

    The breathy laments of a Haurani footman's flute brought Mun'at back to the present with a start. They had been given thirteen talents* of finely ground flour, an invaluable resource for preserving them on the long march to Bakkah, but beside this they had received nearly a half-mina of gold and three minae of finely wrought silver, along with a scattering of lesser metals which could be traded with ease to the ever-practical Bedu who roamed the wastes between Hijaz and the great desert. And so, suddenly and without warning, Mun'at found himself to be a rich man. After a moment's consideration he realized with dismay that the feeling set him ill at ease, a sentiment that would not do during the weeks to come. He would have to find some use for their abundance.

    A portion of the riches could, and by good sense should be spared for their inevitable push into the southlands, for the settled kingdoms there were by reputation a fickle and superficial lot, more apt to trust in the weight of one's wealth rather than one's honor. However, the rest might with impunity be scattered across the hundred tribes of Hijaz that still lay between the Nabati and the mighty Sarat mountains which marked the beginning of Saba's domain. Mun'at would not buy loyalty, not ever, for a mercenary's integrity is an easily traded commodity, but a measure of fortune would do well to instill an added layer of faith in those who could be made converts to his cause. Yes, Mun'at would, for the time being, abandon his martial raiment and take up the mantle of a preacher. He would go to each tribe as a prophet of freedom, an apostle of brotherhood, and show them the way to everlasting peace. That would be his sermon. And with honeyed words and a portrait of unshakable conviction he would win lands which the Nabati could never hope to hold with their impoverished strength. Such a course might do.

    Mun'at continued riding in silence for another hour, his gaze ever returning to the long toes of Hijaz that stretched toward their line of march. There were clefts and gullies between these, reaching far into the hills, but by Wayyuq's memory none in that region that were so bold as to fully carve through the mountains to the shining sea beyond. Such a crossing would not be found until they reached the narrow gouge of Wadi Al-Fora'a, a rushing blue-green course that traced the centerline of a broad and dusty valley which emptied itself upon Rabigh on the sea. And from there their march to Bakkah would be nearly complete, with perhaps only another ten days of trial ahead. But by that time they would have set nearly half of the region's people behind them, without word of friendship or brotherhood passed between them.

    Mun'at's brow pinched as his eyes again flickered across the western horizon, over the jagged line of pale peaks that held them fast in the hot lands bordering on The Empty Quarter, the great sand desert that burned at the heart of Arabia. After a moment more his features relaxed, and with a raise of his hand he called a halt, the order being relayed back through the ranks, all the way to the wives and children an hour's march behind in the baggage train. He called his captains and companions to him and in clipped words laid bare his designs. After a brief discussion the gathering dissembled, Mun'at turning his stride to the setting sun and veiled sea, a short column following in his wake.

    *Author's Note

    *Talents, minae, and shekels were measurements of weight introduced in Mesopotamia in the fourth millennium B.C.E. In the following millennia these spread to the peoples of Syria, Assyria, Phoenicia, and North Arabia. One talent weighed just over 30 kilograms (66 pounds), one mina weighed 504 grams (roughly one pound), and one shekel weighed just over eight grams (roughly 30 ounces).




    Continue to Chapter 4 - Part IV
    Last edited by Kilo11; June 04, 2019 at 09:06 AM.
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  5. #145
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    When I read the first sentence I immediatly thought of the opening scene from the Disney film Aladdin! I loved that movie, still do .

    And so Kilo11 returns and in style if I may say so. Again Mun'at shows to be an intelligent man. I think it's great to see he, not one who is accustomed to wealth, to be rather uneasy with it.

    As for getting back into the groove is more difficult to give comments about. I myself write in a way that depends on how I feel and bouts of inspiration. I can go into a period where I write like three entire chapters in the span of two weeks and then I can have periods in which I write nothing for like a month. I'm a very intuitive writer. It's not a very reliable way of consistantly writing but it's just how I work. What I can say is that I believe to help you get back in the saddle is indeed to post on a regular basis and try to 'push' yourself into writing. Push is the wrong word because I believe you should never force yourself to write, in my opinion it only decreases the quality of the story and simultaniously worsens the experience of writing. A slight pressure in a certain direction is more what I mean, something to guide you towards your goal without forcing you. A schedule for posting could be one of those 'pressures' in the right direction. Perhaps writing short stories, poems, something entirely different from your ongoing stories; might help you get back in that writing spree. I know it has helped me a lot, writing poems that is, to give me focus and a drive to write.

    I hope this will be of some use to you and I hope you get back in that groove as soon as possible.
    Last edited by Turkafinwë; March 17, 2019 at 06:26 AM.

  6. #146
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    As ever, this is writing to savour, like a good whisky!

  7. #147
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    Yes! Mun'at back at it again. Always glad to see a chapter from his perspective Great writing as usual, but you probably don't need me to tell you that, heh.

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  8. #148
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    You know K, you've said before that in many ways Mun'at is still a mystery to you. But passages like those included in this installment make me feel like I know him. We get to see his mind working, and see that the wealth his success brings can be as great a threat as any enemy. I'm really intrigued by his musings on becoming a kind of prophet. Is this a newfound temptation? Is this Mun'at embracing his calling? It could bode well or ill. Either way, it's not going to be boring.

  9. #149
    NorseThing's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    Turkafinwë I had a first impression, but it was of the movie Lawrence of Arabia (never did get this from the book though). A good post that brings back memories of other stories is always a sign of good writing. Especially if there is favorable comparison. Not saying you re a T. E. Lawrence, but the writing is worth my time to read what you want to say.

  10. #150

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    Hey everyone,

    The next update is all ready to go, and I just needed a bit longer to muster the will to deal with all the copying and pasting necessary for a proper reply to all of your comments above. I am not sure how many of you have noticed, but TWC is being a bit odd right now, as GrnEyedDvl is doing some foundational site maintenance that has temporarily broken or severely handicapped some features here. Hopefully that will all be sorted out pretty soon though. In the meantime, I will post using the old-fashioned brute force method and copy-pasting everything if need be. But rest assured, one way or another, you lovely people will get your stories! Now, to some responses to everyone's comments and thoughts, and then onto the update itself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwe
    When I read the first sentence I immediatly thought of the opening scene from the Disney film Aladdin! I loved that movie, still do .

    And so Kilo11 returns and in style if I may say so. Again Mun'at shows to be an intelligent man. I think it's great to see he, not one who is accustomed to wealth, to be rather uneasy with it.
    That's an interesting take Turk. I had not thought of Aladdin at all (for what's in the back of my head, see my response to NorseThing below), but if you love Aladdin, then I'm glad that's what you imagined!

    As to the point about wealth, that is sort of something twofold going on there. From a personal character-trait perspective, Mun'at is a nomad through and through, and the amount of wealth they were given is something he just doesn't know what to do with. This leads to the second point, which is that so much wealth can make on a target, and given Mun'at's uncertainty about its use anyway, he is liable to do anything just to cut down on how much they are carrying. It will make him a good and trusted general, and a productive agitator for getting new tribes to join their cause, but (like it works in-game) his traits also make him a bad administrator. He needs to stay on the move and not get tied down, or he will become a problem for the Nabati.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwe
    As for getting back into the groove is more difficult to give comments about. I myself write in a way that depends on how I feel and bouts of inspiration. I can go into a period where I write like three entire chapters in the span of two weeks and then I can have periods in which I write nothing for like a month. I'm a very intuitive writer. It's not a very reliable way of consistantly writing but it's just how I work. What I can say is that I believe to help you get back in the saddle is indeed to post on a regular basis and try to 'push' yourself into writing. Push is the wrong word because I believe you should never force yourself to write, in my opinion it only decreases the quality of the story and simultaniously worsens the experience of writing. A slight pressure in a certain direction is more what I mean, something to guide you towards your goal without forcing you. A schedule for posting could be one of those 'pressures' in the right direction. Perhaps writing short stories, poems, something entirely different from your ongoing stories; might help you get back in that writing spree. I know it has helped me a lot, writing poems that is, to give me focus and a drive to write.

    I hope this will be of some use to you and I hope you get back in that groove as soon as possible.
    The groove is something that is coming back to me more now. The main thing was just that I was utterly done after the last paper I had to quickly write, but my energies are coming back. With them, I will try to again get myself to a more regular schedule (once a week if possible, but at least once every other week).

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn
    As ever, this is writing to savour, like a good whisky!

    Thanks Alwyn, and it's good to see you're paying attention to my boosier threads too

    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft
    Yes! Mun'at back at it again. Always glad to see a chapter from his perspective Great writing as usual, but you probably don't need me to tell you that, heh.
    Thanks to you as well Swaeft, and don't worry, I am going to put a character list in the next update I know you still want that, and I can see how it would be helpful, so, good gent that I am, I will provide!

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos
    You know K, you've said before that in many ways Mun'at is still a mystery to you. But passages like those included in this installment make me feel like I know him. We get to see his mind working, and see that the wealth his success brings can be as great a threat as any enemy. I'm really intrigued by his musings on becoming a kind of prophet. Is this a newfound temptation? Is this Mun'at embracing his calling? It could bode well or ill. Either way, it's not going to be boring.
    This might come across as an odd thing to say, but I honestly sometimes find him to be more of a mystery because he is sort of my mouthpiece. For the other characters they are fulfilling roles. I try to keep them organic and allow them to grow in ways I don't expect, but I know who they are at the beginning. Mun'at though is sort of an envisioned view of myself I think, and I don't know myself well enough (at least in these types of scenarios) to fully grasp what I'd do. For that reason some of this is still coming to me as I go along, and as I consider what I would think best at that time, in that situation. It is a sort of fun exercise, and I hope it keeps working out as it has so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by NorseThing
    Turkafinwë I had a first impression, but it was of the movie Lawrence of Arabia (never did get this from the book though). A good post that brings back memories of other stories is always a sign of good writing. Especially if there is favorable comparison. Not saying you re a T. E. Lawrence, but the writing is worth my time to read what you want to say.
    I love that this is what you thought of NorseThing, as I have been slowly reading through Seven Pillars of Wisdom and using it for much inspiration. Certain core ideas I have rather shamelessly taken from there, or even the structure of a few little introductions for things (the beginning of the part where I introduce Yathrib is hugely inspired by Lawrence talking about Lebanon and its culture). So, even though you're not getting the feel of the book, I am glad it is putting you in mind of T.E. Lawrence to some extent!
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  11. #151

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    Continued from Chapter 4 - Part III


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Lord of the Northpass (Qayl): Ringleader of a group of Saba' nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed the Qayl's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile in league with the Qayl.
    Karab and Hasan: Sons of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leaders of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. They are also in league with the Qayl against Mubsamat.



    Chapter 4
    New Friends, New Enemies


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part IV)


    On the long land beneath Sarat* the heat of afternoon was fading, casting a softness and sheen wherever it touched. Stones that only hours before had hissed with malice seemed to be humming to themselves, lulling their slow minds to a state of rest. It would continue until the last rays of the sun had passed, moving ever westward, and then the rocks and sands would sleep, the torment of day traded for a chilly respite, a chance to breathe in peace.

    However, in the passes and high clefts of the mountains, in Sarat's icy embrace, warmth had long before left the world. A wind, howling with demons and weighted with blades, lashed across the open faces and shrieked its way into every crevice and paltry hollow. It offered no terms for surrender and it gave no quarter. It would scream and cut and hunt all that stood against it, without pity and without mercy. And yet, despite this hateful aspect, a thin trail of men could be dimly descried threading their way through the upper valleys on knife-edged trails of slick granite and deceptively loose shale.

    Karab knew Sarat's northern passes better than any other of his tribe, but the rising winds worried him. He had been leading the war party through this high country for the better part of that day already, and the deep gash that cut through to the high plateau of Saba' was still long ahead. He feared that if they did not reach it soon the gathering dark would hold them fast for the night, and the mountains gave no indication that they would be gracious hosts to little men outstaying their welcome. The warriors would have to press on.

    With his head bowed against the frigid blast he crept forward, feeling his way more than seeing it. The trail wound its way up a narrow saddle beneath two snow-capped titans and then swept abruptly to the left, toward the south. As Karab reached the rise he turned about, his shining fire-opal eyes the only feature visible between the leather, bronze, and furs that encased him. He could see his men only sporadically, for a thick blanket of clouds rushed over the trail with fervor, concealing and then revealing the Hashidi tribesmen at intervals. But then, as if in answer to the hundred whispered prayers of the party, the tumult in the heavens above briefly let off. The winds stilled their trumpeting charge, and for a moment the leaden clouds parted, washing the gray land in a liquid gold. It was only a moment, and it should have been a blessing, but in that space of clarity and quiet Karab's eyes alighted on a pair of silhouettes high above his companions, stealthily following their line of march. Then, as suddenly as the light had come, it left again, vanishing the distant unknown figures in the serried mass of returning vapors.

    The world had regained its deceptive visage of mists and dancing shadows, the light's lying rays concealing more than they revealed, but Karab stood transfixed, his gaze locked in the middle distance, hovering over the place where the figures had appeared. He squinted and wrinkled his brow, begging the traitorous heavens to show their hidden demons, but his entreaties and threats were whisked away on the winds, unheard and unheeded. For a moment longer he remained there, unwilling to so easily concede that ground, but when his men behind began to near he turned about to hide his now fearful eyes.

    With a fluttering heart he continued. The rising whirlwind had redoubled its onslaught against the arrogant mountain peaks, and Karab found himself forced to clasp the stones with all his might or be carried away into the void. But still he pressed on, his men close on his heels. For another hour they traveled in this fashion, making little ground despite their most resolute efforts, and when Karab was beginning to finally lose hope he spied the final long rise that would set them beyond the unforgiving northern slopes of Sarat, depositing them in the fertile vales of the high plateau. Their trials for that day had all but reached their end.

    He turned about to call the good news to his men, to his brother, a smile forming along the corners of his eyes, but in an instant it was wiped away. A shriek of the wind tore open the covering of clouds that pressed down upon them, and in that moment he again saw the dark silhouettes so high above, somehow braving the hurricane around them. There then came a crack of thunder, yet there was no lightning. A great stone had been set loose. Just beneath the shadowy figures a monument of ruin was crashing down, gathering a legion of lesser murderers in its wake. Karab's eyes flickered between the dropping doom and the narrow ledge beneath it. He opened his mouth to cry out, but by the time any sound had escaped his cracked lips the cascade of death had already passed by, taking with it his brother Hasan and nearly all of the companions he had so long led in war and petty brigandry.

    Karab fell to the ground. His breathing was ragged and tears had formed in his eyes. With a hopeless and heavy heart he wiped them away and looked out. Fourteen of his men still remained, pressed against the rocks or cowering in fear, but two score had been taken to the depths of Sarat's abyssal crevasses. Yet more than this, his brother had been taken to the depths, and never again would he see the upland meadows in bloom or hunt the great beasts in the autumn frost. Hasan had been taken to a place Karab could not follow. The warrior prince began to weep, quietly and to the comfort of none, his cloven heart damning all gods and men for their fickleness and treachery.

    After a long moment on the edge of despair Karab finally calmed his mind and slowly pulled himself to his feet, leaning against the hateful rocks for the little support they might offer, when from above came a rending cry. He raised his eyes to the heavens and saw a great eagle circling in wide arcs, its wings outstretched in defiance of the storm, and below it two eyeless shadows staring down upon him in judgment. The mists and clouds then returned, casting all in gloom and uncertainty.

    *Author's Note/Glossary

    *Sarat Mountains: The mountains that dominate the landscape of southwestern Arabia (modern-day Yemen). The Sarat connect with the southern arm of Hijaz and encircle the Yemeni plateau.




    Continue to Chapter 4 - Part V
    Last edited by Kilo11; June 04, 2019 at 09:07 AM. Reason: Added link
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  12. #152
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    So I saw this pop up in my feed, noticed the unchanged “updated: Mar 16” tag in the subject and said to myself “Well, I'll get caught up when there's a new update.” I didn't think that the current forum bugs means that you can't edit the title of the thread.

    Yay! We finally got a Dramatis Personae!

    It's almost a cliché at this point to comment on the landscape descriptions, but this is damn near perfect. I have an entire battle coming up on a mountain, and deep into outlining it I can already tell you already it's not going to compare well with this short little scene. The extreme first person point of view really works when it comes to writing an ambush situation like this. One minute something is spotted, in the next it's over, and the dead litter the ground. I like that you're okay with ambiguity too. Not everything is spelled out.

    And of course again, the symbolism of the eagle can't go unnoticed.

  13. #153
    NorseThing's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 16]

    Worth the wait. A great read! So is this really the end for Hasan???

  14. #154
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    This is more mystery than I bargained for! I...love it! And I also love the Character List

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  15. #155
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    That's a nicely executed contrast, between Karab's feeling when he sees the final long rise to the high plateau, and his reactio to what follows.

  16. #156
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    I can only repeat what the others have said. A really wel done chapter!

  17. #157

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    So I saw this pop up in my feed, noticed the unchanged “updated: Mar 16” tag in the subject and said to myself “Well, I'll get caught up when there's a new update.” I didn't think that the current forum bugs means that you can't edit the title of the thread.
    Shame on you Skotos! You should have known better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Yay! We finally got a Dramatis Personae!
    Yeah. I figured there are more of them now, and some guidelines might be helpful. Plus, I knew it would make Swaeft so very happy

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    It's almost a cliché at this point to comment on the landscape descriptions, but this is damn near perfect. I have an entire battle coming up on a mountain, and deep into outlining it I can already tell you already it's not going to compare well with this short little scene. The extreme first person point of view really works when it comes to writing an ambush situation like this. One minute something is spotted, in the next it's over, and the dead litter the ground. I like that you're okay with ambiguity too. Not everything is spelled out.

    And of course again, the symbolism of the eagle can't go unnoticed.
    Thanks for that. I personally just have such a love for the world itself ("people come and go, but the land is eternal" way of thinking I guess), and I relish every opportunity to try to capture every sensation and little pinprick on your consciousness that a setting can induce. Put in terms more akin to what my mom said many times when I was a kid, my imagination runs wild all the time, and here I just try to give all's y'all's a taste

    Also, as you noticed, the eagle! I have to check exactly what symbolism eagles have (or don't) in southern Arabia culture. I know they have significance, but the exact nature of it still eludes me (mainly because there is so little written material of use from that time/place). But eagles will attend the Athtar Yazi' clansmen, and also the varying fortunes of the enemies of Mubsamat. Also, more simply, eagles live in the mountains, so it's totally normal sauce that some would be floating about

    Quote Originally Posted by NorseThing View Post
    Worth the wait. A great read! So is this really the end for Hasan???
    Thanks NorseThing! I don't think the answer to this is a spoiler, as I have no vested interest in building any suspense about this point, but just in case someone wants to remain in doubt, the answer is:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Sorry, but of course it's the end for him. He had a ton of stone fall on him, which knocked him into a mountain crevasse. That boy is toast. But there are other Houthi warriors, and they will be a terror to behold for a long time to come!


    Quote Originally Posted by Swaeft View Post
    This is more mystery than I bargained for! I...love it! And I also love the Character List
    Both of those were just for you Swaeft! I do what I can to please.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    That's a nicely executed contrast, between Karab's feeling when he sees the final long rise to the high plateau, and his reaction to what follows.
    Thanks Alwyn. I wasn't actually aiming for a particular contrast there, but now that you mention it, there is a nice sense of that going on. It really is so very nice when things work out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    I can only repeat what the others have said. A really well done chapter!
    Thanks Turk. That one took me a bit of time, but I myself was really happy with the result, and so it's nice to see you all liked it as well.


    As a general point to you all, I'd to thank everyone for commenting, even just the short "I liked it" ones. Sometimes there is a lull in how many people comment, with it sometimes just slimming down to a back and forth between myself and Cookiegod or Skotos, and while I suspect that there are more people reading and following, it is always a good sensation to *know* that there is some stable readership. So thanks to all of you, and especially to those who stick around at all times, even when there are breaks in the writing, or times needed for research and revision. I won't say I couldn't do this without you all, but I would have only a fraction of the fun in writing this if it weren't for you ladies and gentlemen with your support, heckling, jokes, and general good spirits! Thanks to you all!
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  18. #158

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 27]

    Continued from Chapter 4 - Part IV


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribes.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Lord of the Northpass (Qayl): Ringleader of a group of Saba' nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed the Qayl's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile in league with the Qayl.
    Karab and Hasan: Sons of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leaders of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. They are also in league with the Qayl against Mubsamat.



    Chapter 4
    New Friends, New Enemies


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part V)


    A soft breeze nipped at their heels, chasing them on their way with a playful whistle as it slipped its way between the cracked stones underfoot. It came at their backs, from the west, just as it had for the past two days, ever since they departed Zambram. Tharin had first thought to hire a guide for their march inland to Bakkah, to ensure their safety in crossing the low arc of mountains that ringed the old city, but the wide Pilgrim's Road* demanded no such caution. From the sea it struck east with precision and purpose, and as it gained the uplands its diminished breadth was more than compensated in reliability and strength.

    As he walked Tharin breathed deeply of the open airs that caressed the hillsides, reminded of the land he had left behind and to which he longed to return. Without need for guidance his feet moved ever forward, allowing his mind to wander, and as it so often did, it turned to his Queen and Empress and Love, Mubsamat. She was there in the high valley of his home, he knew, waiting for him, for his return, that together they might end the petty rivalries of the squabbling clans, but before that time a task still lay before him.

    He turned his thoughts back to the present and surveyed the men under his command. There were one hundred and twenty of them exactly, each carrying the same arms, sworn under the same oaths. They were masters of the bow, great hunters of beast and man alike, but they carried spears too, and long thin knives whose curved edges would put envy in many a temple priest's heart. They were royal bodyguards, and though they might joke and play as children at times their mettle when roused was a terror to behold. Of them and their trustworthiness Tharin had little doubt. Yet the thought of those men out of the North gave him pause.

    Since arriving in Zambram he had heard rumors and whispers of the Nabati. They were called great warriors, liberators, and friends, but in the people's words Tharin saw only the shape of men, men who thought to become masters of all the tribes of the earth and whose delusions set them to believing themselves more than that. After all, in the desert there was no such thing as a liberator. There were only predators and prey, and it was a man's prerogative to choose which he might be. Yet though they were only rumors, and ones which defied reason, Tharin noted with a touch of dismay that they somehow betrayed a ring of truth. In man's heart of hearts there were no allies whom one could properly trust, but a fool might trick himself into believing otherwise. A fool might even bend his naked mind to the idea that he could become an ally to all, a friend unbounded by the hemmings of tribe or nation, untethered to family or clan. Tharin's eyes narrowed in fear at the thought, for it is a dangerous individual who truly thinks himself to be a prophet and deliverer for all, to be an agent of the gods made into flesh.

    Lost in thought, his lips pursed and eyes unfocused, Tharin did not at first notice the widening gap before him, but a fluttering breeze and wash of light brought his attention back again. He looked out past the low hills upon which their road was winding, and below him he saw a wide bowl ringed with jagged and splintered peaks, their upper reaches clad in purest white, and below a valley of umbra and dappled green. At the center of the scrabbling fields and dusty plain lay a circular city, a wheel whose spokes all led to the black stone of the gods, fallen from the heavens in an earlier age of the world. Below him lay Bakkah, where he was to await the arrival of those nomads who thought themselves lords. So be it. Tharin would enter the city and chase the rumors of the Nabati, but he would not wait forever. For two turnings of the moon he would allow his men to idle away in the holy vale, but if the haggard northmen had not arrived by that time he would quit the city and seek them out. After all, there were old enmities stirring in his home, and his Queen would need him more than ever before, and soon.


    Mun'at sat huddled in an ice-coated blanket, leaning against his camel, desperately trying to recall what it was to feel warmth and honest sunshine upon his brow. After leaving the main body of the Nabati his small band, led by Wayyuq, had struck west, following a spur of the mountains that slowly ascended from the hot parched lands of the interior to the upper reaches of Hijaz's rain-worn peaks. At first the march had been pleasant, a change of scenery from the all too familiar wadis that seemed to have become their world of late. To be sure, their rising road was not an easy one, but with every hastily drawn breath and bead of sweat came an eddy of crisp mountain air, its edges rimed with an intoxicating aroma of woolly sage and mountain henna. The relative newness of it all had set the men to grinning like fools, and for a full day Mun'at had joined them in their gay revelries. Indeed, the changing sights and scents had at first provided a pleasant diversion, but the mountains are rarely a friend to be trusted and briskness too soon gave way to frost, and then to an inimitable cold that penetrated all and set their teeth to chattering with a rattle like old bones cast down a dry well.*

    They had now been wandering the high passes for two and a half days, their only goal to move westward, and Mun'at was no longer sure of whether even that small aim had been achieved. After gaining the first ridgeline they had descended to the upland valleys that joined the peaks of that region and were immediately beset by a clinging and cloying mass of serried clouds, their dark underbellies sending forth a seemingly endless stream of watery snow and icy rain. In such trackless domains they had done their best to find the straight course, but the commander of Edum feared they had lost themselves already in the wintry vales, in that place that was so terrifyingly alien to the sons of the coastal villages and warm plains.

    Mun'at rubbed his hands together vigorously, more out of habit than any hope that such action might provide warmth, and he looked across the narrow ring of his companions. They had placed their camels in a circle, their hindquarters facing outward, and each man had nestled himself between the forelegs of his mount. The torrent of the heavens had blessedly abated, but a dire wind still tore through the gullies, coating the beasts' unprotected flanks in an increasingly thick layer of frost and snow. The full terrors of winter in the mountains could kill a man while he was walking, but the stubborn creatures they rode would survive long, provided their unprotected faces were spared the blast. And so they had made their makeshift camp and windbreak, without which they surely would have perished already, and now they waited. Waited for a chance to rise and move again without fear of freezing solid. Waited for an opportunity to flee the creeping evils of cold and wet. Most of all they waited for a proper sunrise, unmasked and unclouded, for a whisper of warmth against their cheeks.

    With a shudder altogether lost amongst his bodily shiverings Mun'at considered how they might escape the fields of knife-edged ice and corpse-cold mires. Wayyuq remained stalwart in his estimation of their course, his eyes of flint betraying neither break nor doubt, and Mun'at wished to believe him. However, they had followed his words long already, and the commander could feel among his men a slow resentment growing against the guide out of Dizad. No matter how long he remained among them, Wayyuq would always remain a foreign soul, of another tribe, not to be trusted. Mun'at shook his head sadly at the thought and resolved that at the very least, he would place faith in the spy and pathfinder. After all, his fate was now bound to theirs, and if they died there in the endless white he would die as well, lying beside them, shivering away his final breaths.

    *Author's Note/Glossary

    *Bakkah (Mecca) was a holy site long before the birth of Islam, and there is strong evidence that the Kaaba, the cube structure at the center of the "Sacred Mosque", Al-Masjid Al-Haram, was present as far back as the Hellenic era. It is unclear whether the original structure was dedicated to the singular Abrahamic God, to the Nabataean deity "Hubal", or to some other pagan god, but there is consensus that for centuries it was a holy pilgrimage site for individuals of many faiths, pagan or monotheistic.
    *Cold and what we might think of as "proper" winter are not common in Arabia, but they certainly do occur, and have even recently. More than this, in the mountains the weather can become quite fierce, and blizzards, avalanches, and other such things are not out of the question. Part of what I wanted to convey in this update was the variance of climate and landscape that can be found there, as I imagine that most of you, like myself, just imagine that whole area as one big sandbox, with some rocky outcroppings. More to the point, the general assumption is that it is just desert. One of my aims here was to remedy that false assumption to a small degree. So, in short, the desert is indeed usually quite hot and rarely has snow or cold weather, but it can happen, and is quite common for people who live on some of the high plateaus or between the upper passes.




    Continue to Chapter 4 - Part VI
    Last edited by Kilo11; June 04, 2019 at 09:07 AM. Reason: Added link
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  19. #159
    Swaeft's Avatar Drama King
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Apr. 18]

    Looks like these guys are going to be meeting soon, and it promises to be an intriguing encounter! I shall be anticipating that eagerly. In the meantime, a great chapter as always, with very nice writing. Thank you for the character list, I must confess I had forgotten who Tharin was.

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  20. #160
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Apr. 18]

    Yes, I do (wrongly) tend to imagine the area as a "big sandbox", your skilful descriptive writing does an effective job of dispelling that illusion! Like Swaeft, I'm intrigued about what will happen when Tharin meets the people he's be sent to talk to. This building resentment sounds like it may cause problems down the road, assuming that Mun'at and his men survive their current predicament.

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