The Sick Baby Jester
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 6]
Congrats on the birth of your daughter! Joyeus news .
I agree with everything Alwyn has said. I wonder if Mubsamat is acting out of shrewdness or out of personal grievance. Perhaps she is making the same mistake Zaadi made. I bet this isn't the last we'll see of Zaadi. This quote just sprang to my mind.
Originally Posted by The Return of the King; Many Partings; Treebeard and Gandalf about Saruman
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 6]
Congrats on the birth of your daughter! Joyeus news .
I agree with everything Alwyn has said. I wonder if Mubsamat is acting out of shrewdness or out of personal grievance. Perhaps she is making the same mistake Zaadi made. I bet this isn't the last we'll see of Zaadi. This quote just sprang to my mind.
Thanks Alwyn and Turk. The team here is doing just fine, and though the baby is giving us a few more tasks to take care of each day, she's also proving pretty amusing, so we're thinking we'll keep her
I am glad you liked the encounter there between Zaadi and Mubsamat. That is actually a scene I had written a pretty long while ago. For almost all of my stuff, I write is as I go along, but there are a couple pivotal showdown scenes that I saw in a flash and had to write up, and that was one of them. I was also happy that the weather in the scene worked out as it did, as I actually wasn't sure what the environmental conditions would be until I started writing, at which point it just seemed right that a storm would hit (it is also monsoon season on the Yemeni plateau at the time of year they are in then).
Whether or not it was a mistake for Mubsamat to let him go is something we'll have to wait to see. But it is not as though she really "let him go". I mean, he was already out of there. She just did the face-saving thing and didn't chase him down, instead assuming he was a broken man.
And thanks for the quote Turk! That is indeed a fitting one, and one we should all always remember in our stories. If an antagonist escapes, they will certainly come back again later!
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Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 6]
Continued from Chapter 7 - Part VII
Dramatis Personae
Chapter 8
Parting Ways
--------------------------------------------------
(Part I)
The rain had begun to fall in earnest, rushing down mountain gullies in torrents and joining together to form a seething river of mud and detritus at the base of Wadi Madhab. As the waters passed by in all their fury, they took with them a thin layer of topsoil, dragging it down to the lower valley, but they took something else as well; the blood of the battleplain and the ash of Zaadi's broken fortress mixed with the silt-laden flood, descending to the wide flats to the east. Even the bones of Far'am's people were driven into the earth by the pounding waters, their monument to Zaadi's cunning sunken into the lands he still thought his own. There would be no more markers of the pain and death that only recently had stained that place. The clouds would pass by, leaving a deluge in their wake, and green shoots would then spring from the damp earth, blossoms would open, and soon enough, the only reminders of the battle would be the ghost-moans of the wind as it soughed between the rocks and over the sands. There would again be peace. But before that time of repose could be reached, the storm would have to run its course.
Sheets of icy liquid poured from a sky the color of an old bruise, the carmine heavens periodically burning with jagged lines of white-hot light while peeling thunder threatened to shatter the surrounding mountains. And beneath that leviathan contest of the gods above, Mun'at walked over the muddy plain with a hardened expression tightening the lines of his face. He could see the lonely tent ahead of him, its outlines blazing brilliantly with each arc of lightning that split the sky, and he hurried his wearying feet. After only a short time, he was before it, and without ceremony he threw back the flap and stepped inside.
The Queen was again sitting on the carpeted ground at the tent's center, Tharin standing a half-pace away, and both were staring at the dripping Mun'at. He could understand why. His hair was matted to his face, his clothes wetter than if they had just been plunged into a river, and his feet were caked in a dark, clinging mud. Yet for all that, he remained the General of Edum. He took a step further into the tent, relishing the warmth of the candles and braziers, and he broke the heavy silence.
"I have been looking for you, Mubsamat." he said coldly. "Why are you here, so far out on the plain? The camps are some distance southeast of here, and I thought all Saba' and Nabati were there. Why are you here, alone?"
"Dear General, I am not alone." she answered sweetly. "I have my Tharin, and two dozen of his best warriors are not far away."
"That is not an answer to my question." he pressed quietly.
Tharin bristled at Mun'at's tone, but Mubsamat affected an easy, almost girlish attitude, dropping entirely her Queenly mantle. "Oh, Mun'at, aren't we prickly this night?" she said playfully. "It must be the rain and cold that has so dampened your spirits. Take a seat and warm yourself. Please." He sat in silence, and Mubsamat continued in the same buoyant tones. "If you must know, I wished to be ready for tomorrow. I imagined the traitor Zaadi might show himself at first light, and I thought it prudent to be in a position to receive him with ease, to deal with him peaceably, rather than forcing him to come to our martial camps across the plain. I hope I did not act wrongly."
As she finished, she flashed a soft smile, but Mun'at resisted her almost palpable charm. Then, absently, he let his eyes wander for the first time since entering the tent, and he noticed the wide scorch marks across the carpets that lay between himself and Mubsamat. She had made no mention of a fire, yet there lay the scored ground coverings, and on the air there still hung a hint of smoke. Without speaking, he turned his gaze to the candles, then the braziers, seeing at last the one before the Queen, emptier than the rest and with its rim dented.
"You are lying." Mun'at said quietly, half to himself. Then, with more force, "Zaadi was here already." Neither Mubsamat nor Tharin moved or even showed they had heard his words, and Mun'at spoke again, more loudly than before, with accusation in his voice. "He was here, wasn't he? You dealt with him, as you said you would, but you did so in secret, keeping me and my men far distant from your dealings. Why?"
"Dear Mun'at, you must understand that--"
"Why?" Mun'at snapped, his calm demeanor finally cracking.
The Queen did not at first respond. She stared at the General of Edum in silence, her eyes narrowing in thought. After a long moment so, she looked away, let out a sigh, and began to speak evenly, her voice uncharacteristically devoid of cunning or charm. "You are right, Mun'at. I lied. I asked my men to set my tent here, apart from the others, that I alone could see Zaadi and deal with him. You are right."
"But why?" Mun'at pressed again, a hound unwilling to lose sight of his quarry.
Mubsamat appeared not to have heard him. Her gaze was glossy, lost in the middle distance. Then suddenly, she flashed a burning glare at Mun'at. "This is my affair, Nabati!" she shouted. "It is nothing that concerns you, and so I did not concern you with it. Where is the harm in that? Well?"
Mun'at Ha'Qadri, General of the Nabati, looked on her with an icy gaze. "I brought my men here at your request. At your insistence. I tasked them to aiding you, for you said such aid was necessary for the upland peoples to see us as friends. You said it was the only way we could be your true allies. And now you say this does not concern us. Well, which is it?"
"Zaadi was mine to handle, and I have done so." she answered calmly, her composure regained. "That is all that matters."
"You are still evading my questions." Mun'at replied. "And your answers beg more questions still." He spread his hands, as if to encompass the tent, adding, "If Zaadi is dealt with, then where is he?"
For the briefest moment Mubsamat appeared unsure of herself, almost hunted. "He is dealt with. It is no longer a thing with which you must concern yourself."
Mun'at stared in silence, his eyes steady and unwavering. He appraised the Queen of the Saba' with a care he had not yet shown with regards to the woman, and he reached a decision. "I believe you are telling me the truth, or at least what you think to be truth, perhaps for the first time since we met," he said coldly, "and so I will allow myself to be swayed by your words just now. I will not concern myself with this affair, nor with what I am sure will come of it. My only hope is that you will come to understand what you have done here this day."
With the final words he rose to his feet, turned to the tent's entrance, and exited without a backward glance, returning himself to the driving rain and jagged arcs of light that tore over the valley.
Continue to Chapter 8 - Part II
Last edited by Kilo11; September 01, 2020 at 04:37 AM. Reason: Added next link
The Sick Baby Jester
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 6]
A great encounter between Mun'at and Mubsamat. The Queen's actions cracks the already fragile alliance with the Nabati further and Mun'at will not forget what happened. Two strong personalities with each grand goals of their own are bound to clash sooner or later. I wonder if Zaadi will be able to use this friction to play them out against each other. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
The White Walkers would've welcomed her with open arms otherwiseThe team here is doing just fine, and though the baby is giving us a few more tasks to take care of each day, she's also proving pretty amusing, so we're thinking we'll keep her
Frothy Goodness
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 18]
I agree with Turk, this is a great clash between two strong characters. It makes me wonder what Mun'at will do now, and if that's what the Queen of the Saba' intended.
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 18]
Man, part 7 and 8 played together perfectly. It was a good thing to read them both in one go.
Good atmosphere you created there, really felt that uneasiness in the air.
Surprised what an evil wretch Mubsamat seems to be, using her feminine charm shortly after fantasizing about brutally killing Zaadi. Not for the first time. Typical women's stuff, I guess.
Wtf?! That gave me a good laugh. Bit unfortunate wording.
Love your formulation here too, somehow sounding as if the baby just popped up, with you being totally surprised.
Congrats, btw.
Last edited by Derc; August 25, 2020 at 03:03 PM.
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 18]
Thanks guys. There is definitely something afoot here, and I think Mubsamat really just did not consider well the consequences of her actions. One thing settled peoples can always be counted on to do is to underestimate nomads [size](usually to the former's doom)[/size]. From Mongols to Berbers to Goths, "civilized" nations will always think themselves safe behind their walls of stone. If only it were so...
I also felt like the transition there was super nice and smooth. One of the switches between scenes I am definitely more happy with!
Your comment about Mubsamat is interesting though Derc. I feel like you are showing something of yourself there, as I never once read (or intended) these scenes to show any poor traits in her. She is doing what she thinks she must, and she rallies rather deftly when Mun'at comes barging in. It is always super intriguing to me though to see how other people react to things I've written, as sometimes you guys will read things in that I never remotely intended. Odd and interesting stuff.
Ah, Derc, have you no culture?! The word doth mean joyful. It mayeth be an archaic usage, but such doth serve mine purposes well. The Bard will use what words he must!Wtf?! That gave me a good laugh. Bit unfortunate wording.
We were slightly surprised! I had the crib half-built, was getting bags together to go shopping (primarily for things we wouldn't need to cook, so we'd be ready when there was a baby and we'd have less time), and then suddenly the lady is going into labor! But everything happened rather quickly, which is a gift in its own right, and the monster is doing very well!Love your formulation here too, somehow sounding as if the baby just popped up, with you being totally surprised.
Congrats, btw.
Never! The critter is ours! The White Walkers can find some other cast-offs.The White Walkers would've welcomed her with open arms otherwise
And now, since it is the 1st, and since I want to get back onto schedule with things, here is the next update!
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: August 18]
Continued from Chapter 8 - Part I
Dramatis Personae
Chapter 8
Parting Ways
--------------------------------------------------
(Part II)
By sunrise the following morning, the storm had run its course, drenching the valley of Wadi Madhab and then moving on toward the north. The sky was a blanket of pale blue, the air smelling cleaner and somehow thinner as well. Below the vault of the heavens, the earth too had gained a sense of vitality and contentment. Waters were running between and through everything, and where they passed, there could already be seen low shoots of new grass and wildflower. The greenery would with certainty not outlive the month, yet for the moment, life spread all about.
In keeping with those surroundings, Mubsamat awoke with a lightness in her chest, little concerned about Mun'at's words of the previous night. He had felt deceived, and thus had spoken out of a sense of irritation, perhaps even betrayal. The Queen could understand that. But she also felt she knew the mettle of the man; Mun'at was a fount of honor and duty, and his friendship, once offered, would never be gone back on. He might complain and object to her actions, but he would stand by her nonetheless, to the end. It was simply his nature. And so, thinking this, Mubsamat was all the more shocked when she emerged from her tent out alone upon the plain.
With one hand she forced aside the heavy, rain-laden flap, stepping out into both the fresh light of dawn, as well as a morass of black mud. The wet earth seeped through her boots in an instant, but she studiously paid it no mind, instead forcing her chin to remain level with the ground while her eyes swept over the land. She saw Zaadi's scorched, now abandoned fortress, its last lingering embers finally quelled by the previous night's downpour. She saw the battleplain, smoothed and then cut by the quickly running waters. And then, as she turned slowly round the corner of her steaming pavilion, she saw with widening eyes the Nabati breaking their camp. No word had been sent to her, and from the still between the Saba' tents, she could only assume her captains were equally ignorant of the northerners' obvious intentions to quit that place. Mun'at was going to leave, to slip away without a word in parting, for seemingly no better reason than because Mubsamat had failed to include him in her play against Zaadi.
She called through the canvas wall to Tharin, who still slept inside, and impatient to await his wakening, Mubsamat began trudging toward the Nabati encampment. At first, she hurried her feet, yet with each step, she found herself forced to move more slowly, more carefully, for the heavy rains had made the ground underfoot unpredictable. In places it was firm, packed sand or gravel over which the waters had run without incident, but the deep ruts cut by the half-Qatabani's siege engines presented an unknowable obstacle. Through the night, the narrow trenches had filled with a sucking mud that gripped ankles and tore away shoes, and the murkiness of the inky liquid made it impossible to gauge its depth. And besides these semi-regular hindrances, there were also wide dells scattered at odd intervals over the plain, in whose lower reaches lay pools of standing silt, sometimes deep enough to swallow a man up to his waist. As a result of all these difficulties, Mubsamat was already panting, caked in mud, and barefoot before having crossed even half of the distance to the steadily thinning Nabati camp. Yet she pushed on with a grim determination.
In perhaps a half-hour's time, though it felt to her far longer than that, she reached the outermost edges of the Nabati encampment. Mubsamat took a moment to look about herself, and with inward irritation corrected her initial thought; not the Nabati camp, but rather its baggage train, for there no longer stood a single tent anywhere near her. All had been packed away. The men were moving in quiet procession toward the east and the rising sun, their women and children following behind, as they always did. The northerners, nomads every one of them, had packed their small lives upon their backs, and they were leaving.
The Queen reached out to a young man who was leading a camel by the nose. She clasped her fingers over his forearm, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Where is your general, boy?" she asked in imperious tones.
The young man looked Mubsamat over from head to mud-stained toe, wrinkling his nose and leaning away from her as he did so. Then, as quickly as his features had tightened in revulsion, they slid into the drawn lines of pity. "The washerwomen are not far behind." he said softly. "Wait for them, and they will take care of you. They may even have a bit of bread for you to eat." He then shook off Mubsamat's hand, not unkindly, and continued walking.
The Queen of the Saba' was at first too taken aback by such impudence to give any sort of response. The boy had ignored her question, condescended to her, and then turned his back without a second thought. More than that, he had shown genuine pity, as though she were some madwoman. She, a Queen. Her teeth clenched in fury and she was on the brink of pouncing on the boy's retreating form when out of the corner of her eye she saw a reflection in a pool of water before her.
From the still liquid peered the ghastly countenance of some wasteland witch, her muddy, matted hair sticking out at odd angles from a face that was a spider's-web of grime criss-crossed in pink lines where the sweat had run down. The black earth had even gotten into the hag's mouth, staining her teeth and tongue an inky hue. The thing Mubsamat saw was a wretch, and with a coldness inside she realized that wretch was herself. She had fallen so many times on her stumbling headlong drive over the plain that her clothes and carefully composed features were a wreck. The Queen of the Saba' had become unrecognizable, a thing truly worthy of pity.
Yet that makes me no less a Queen, thought Mubsamat suddenly, her jaw tightening.
She followed in the muddy footprints of the boy, quickening her pace as she neared him, and when she was but a step behind, she bunched the muscles of her legs and sprang. The muddy ground let out a wet smack as she landed, and Mubsamat tightly gripped the boy's shoulder, turning him around while at the same time digging her fingernails deep into the flesh beneath his collarbone. As he spun on his axis, she raised her free hand and struck him across the face, adding an angry red welt to his expression of shock.
The young Nabati had expected no such violence against himself, and he crumpled to the earth, slipping face-first into the sucking mud before the last echoes of the Queen's assault had died away. With terror rising in his eyes, he rolled onto his back to gaze up at Mubsamat. She was still disheveled, still bore all the stains of misadventure that had marked her as a vagrant, but she had regained her queenly bearing.
"I will ask you only once more, boy; where is your general?" she hissed, her words simmering like water poured over hot iron.
Continue to Chapter 8 - Part III
Last edited by Kilo11; September 15, 2020 at 03:18 AM.
Frothy Goodness
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 1]
The moment when the Queen sees her reflection and understands the young man's reply to her is particularly good, and her second thought (that she may look a mess, but she's still Queen) seems very like her. That's a sign of how well-drawn she is as a character, when I see her say something and think 'yes, that's typical of her'! (I was mildly distracted for a moment by wondering how the mud seeped 'through' her boots - I was wondering if her boots are made of leather and, if so, how, would mud seep through it? - but this only lasted a moment.) The simile at the end sums up the Queen's fury brilliantly.
The Sick Baby Jester
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 1]
This is indeed a very good part. The realisation that the boy does not recognize her as Queen and thinks her a raving madwomen is very enjoyable. I can feel the rage rise up inside Mubsamat, she is after all a proud, maybe somewhat arrogant, woman. I hope for her that the boy is as meek as he looks at the end of this chapter. I dread to think what might happen if he gets over the shock and do something he's going to regret later. It's good to see Mubsamat being wrong in her assessment of Mun'at, thinking he is just a simple nomad who is solely bound to his word to her, as if he has no agenda of his own. Very interested to see how the interaction between Mubsamat and Mun'at will go.
Should you change your mind you know where to find me.Never! The critter is ours! The White Walkers can find some other cast-offs.
~Turk's Office for the Disposal of Unwanted Critters
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 1]
I also liked that bit, and felt it made sense at a deep level. And thanks for the comment Alwyn. It is indeed very nice to hear that characters have that level of cohesion throughout the piece, and your thought ("Yes, that's typical of her!") makes me very happy with how things are moving along.
To the point about the mud and boots, I will look at that again. To my shame, I actually have no idea what footwear she would actually be wearing, but maybe sandals is more appropriate...I guess sandals generally makes more sense in the desert, and that would work better with the point about mud too. I will have to investigate the footwear of that place/time though before I feel comfortable making a change. But thanks for pointing it out!
Don't worry about the boy, Turk. He made a mistake, but he knows better now. And I think that is also a pretty realistic thing when you think about it; at first glance someone might look disheveled and maybe even insane, but if that person speaks with a certain tone and you can hear the strength and confidence in their voice, then only a fool clings to the initial thought that the person is a crazy. After getting cleaned out by Mubsamat once, he won't touch her again.
And now for a shameless plug...
Advertiser's Wanted
In the past few months I have felt like this thread has become very quiet (though TWC is in general somewhat quiet right now). And don't get me wrong, I love the regular commentary from Alwyn and Turk, and the more sporadic bits from Derc, but it has been a very long time since I heard from anyone other than you three. To that end, I would like to ask that you fellas maybe spread the word a bit to anyone you know who might be interested in the story. At this point it is now far more novel than AAR in its presentation and depth, and I think that makes it tractable to a broader audience. Unfortunately though, I don't know how best to get it out there. I do my part putting little tidbits on social media, but I am too quiet on there to have any following, and I was hoping maybe some community assistance might get the word out more. Anyway, just something to think about, and if you do think it's worth being read by people, feel free to drop links to the AAR in social media, or even just point your friends to it. And hey, maybe a few people will like it, and then join the TWC as a result.
And with the shameless begging dispensed with, we are on to the story!
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 1]
Continued from Chapter 8 - Part II
Dramatis Personae
Chapter 8
Parting Ways
--------------------------------------------------
(Part III)
Mun'at sat atop his horse, slowly picking its way between the stolid marching ranks of the Nabati, and as he made his way further back through the army of Edum, he idly noticed the gentle transitions between the units he passed. First were the riders on camels and horses, richer men whose easy arrogance betrayed that fact. Most had been born poor, but by feats of arms or the whims of fickle luck they had attained a measure of wealth, and they wore its adornments with relish. After these came the desert tribals, peasants to the last, yet ones of strength and honor. They had little, but long years of service in the eastern wastes had taught them the value of an unburdened back. Besides, they knew in their hearts that while kings might possess great halls, no palace of brick and marble could ever rival the towering beauty of Hijaz, nor the eternal diamond span of the sea beneath the noonday sun. Of all his men, Mun'at understood them the best, and he smiled as he passed them. Behind those sinewy warriors of the desert, the general found a seemingly interminable line of levy spear- and axemen, simple men with simple merits, until finally even the last of those plain soldiers were at his back, leaving Mun'at to walk through the endless train of women and children that followed the army of the Nabati, the oft forgotten and never celebrated individuals who kept a fighting force fed and fueled through long years of battle and conquest. Seeing the sheer number of them, all necessary and all ignored, Mun'at felt a pang of guilt, but forgot it and them as soon as they were past.
The entirety of his people were now at his back, but still the General of Edum continued on. He was returning the way he had come, heeding a summons he had no wish nor duty to obey, and as if in recognition of that fact, he allowed himself to tarry. The rain of the previous evening had already set the earth to sprouting, fresh shoots pushing through the mud all about, and Mun'at let go of his horse's reins, allowing her to wend this way and that at will, slowing their progress. It was nearly an hour before finally he saw growing before him the oddly satisfying image of a disheveled Mubsamat. The Queen's face had the rosy flush indicative of a recent scrubbing, and her hair had been carefully plaited together, but her dress was as filthy as when the soldier had taken her for a beggar, her feet bare and caked in mud.
Crossing the final distance, Mun'at tilted his chin to look down at Mubsamat, but he made no motion to dismount or set himself at her level. "I was told you wished to speak with me." he said with a dismissive air.
A hissing, sizzling energy rose in the space between them. "Why are you departing this place, and why are you choosing to do so without even the courtesy of sending me word?" the Queen asked, trying her best to hide her anger, and failing.
"Why did you strike a soldier of mine?" Mun'at retorted coldly.
Mubsamat looked up, a glint in her eyes. "Now who is evading questions, General?" she said in a self-satisfied tone.
Mun'at shook his head in response, before springing from his horse's back. As his feet landed on the wet earth, a small fountain of muddy water splashed up, spattering over the lower half of the Queen's ruined dress. He did not apologize. Instead, he took a step toward her, speaking without humor or trace of familiarity. "I asked you why you struck my soldier, and I expect an answer."
"He was just some boy," she began without thinking, "and a Queen will do as she must when--"
"You may be Queen of the Saba'," Mun'at interrupted hotly, "but no son or daughter of Edum owes you fealty. Least of all after last night! And you will never again raise a hand against one of them, but that I have first nodded my head. Is that clear?"
Mubsamat opened her mouth to respond, then silently shut it again. Her eyes dropped to the dirt, and suddenly she felt inwardly dismayed in a way she never had before. She was a woman of power in a world of men, and as such she had often encountered adversity. Condescending words were her constant companions, insults her perennial suitors, yet never before had another spoken to her in honest chastisement. Mun'at did not shout her down out of contempt for her womanhood. He spoke as an equal who had seen true fault in her actions. And with some surprise, Mubsamat realized she could understand his objection, perhaps even agree with it.
A long moment had passed, the sighing wind the only sound between the General and the Queen, and Mubsamat raised her gaze, looking Mun'at clearly in his eyes. "I am sorry. I was wrong to have acted so." she said simply.
"Yes. You were." he replied without emotion.
Another drawn silence followed, neither at first willing to speak, to risk breaking the spell of honesty that had fallen on them both, until finally, her eyes flashing over the ever-shrinking Nabati soldiers in the distance, Mubsamat remembered she had asked a question that remained unanswered. "So, you will go then." she said in questioning tones, nodding her head toward the east and the rising sun.
Mun'at let out a gentle sigh, adding, "For now, but not for good." He then took a step toward Mubsamat and briefly lay a hand upon her shoulder. "You said you had dealt with Zaadi," he continued, "and though I do not know the man, I believe I can guess the character of one who would challenge you. If he lives, he is not defeated. I am sure of that. Weakened he might be, perhaps even powerless, but never defeated. He is your responsibility, Queen. As for me and my men, there are other kingdoms here at world's end, and my king asked that I bring all Arabia to our cause." Mun'at turned to look over his shoulder, gazing on the long valley of Wadi Madhab, which already had begun to shimmer under the heat of the sun. "We will go east, to the desert peoples of the Hadramawt, and gods willing, we will return stronger than we left. But until that time, keep yourself well, Queen of the Saba'."
Certain there were no words which might stay him, Mubsamat simply watched as Mun'at remounted his horse, turned it about, and began slowly trotting back in the direction of his retreating army. The man had at least been honest with her. Honesty. It was a thing whose value she had forgotten, but how good it felt to have it wash over you, like cool rain on a summer's day out in the wastes. And she too had been honest with him, though she was not quite sure why. It had come naturally, without plan or though, and though she felt in her mind that it could be nothing but a mistake, her heart was lifted ever so slightly.
Mun'at was already some distance away when a thought occurred to the Queen. She shouted his name and began bounding over the soft earth toward his halted form, and as she drew up to him she laid a hand on his horse's shoulder. "General, I almost forgot to say," she said breathlessly, her eyes bright, "the tribes of the Hadramawt, they are none too friendly with my people, but they share kinship with the the Minaeans, whom you have gained as friends. If you do mean to go east, remember that, and show them that you are more than merely an ally of the Saba'. It will do you well."
"Thank you... my Queen." Mun'at replied with smiling eyes and a deep nod, and he again turned to the east, the rising sun, and the Hadramawt.
Continue to Chapter 9 - Part I
Last edited by Kilo11; October 01, 2020 at 02:07 AM.
CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
Hey Kilo, I very much like your AAR. I'm just lagging behind right now (and have for a while now, but am slowly catching up), so I can't say anything to the new pieces as I don't want to spoil (it for) myself. But yeah, you're right. Unfortunately the Writer's study has shrunk significantly. If I meet someone to show that one I'll heartily recommend it.
Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM
Frothy Goodness
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
That's a really interesting moment between Mun'at and Mubsamat - it sounds like the way that he challenged her (as an equal, not an inferior) changed their relationship (at least from her perspective). The 'spell of honesty' is an effective way of putting it. It sounds like his honesty with her prompted her to give him honest and useful advice. I hope he'll be able to heed it, but guess that something might go astray.
The Sick Baby Jester
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
A powerful moment between the two. I understand Mubsamat is very much disarmed by Mun'at's clear honesty. To live in a world filled with intrigue and plots it must indeed be as you describe:It's metaphorical sentences like these that I love so much and Written in Sand is ull of them. They speak to the imagination and the heart rather than to the brain. It looks like Mubsamat and Mun'at have finally reached an understanding of one another. Now there I see a couple that could complete the unification of Arabia and face the fearsome Ptolemies of Egypt!
Guess I'm a fool then
The Scribbling Scotsman
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
What can I say? I'm still here and still reading! Have a bit to catch up on, but I'll get to it. Exceptional, as always.
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
Yeah, I take my time, because I love to read multiple parts or whole chapters in one go, and only will do so when I truly have the time. Your AAR does not deserve to be read in a rush. It's too nice for that.
So ends chapter 8. A short, but great one. Despite the title I was indeed a bit surprised to see Mun'at and Mubsamat part ways again. I somehow interpreted the words different, seeing both of them part ways with this region or more in a psychological sense, breaking with some of their views or habits.
I'm curious how you will continue the story in chapter 9. You will most likely continue both parts, Mun'at's adventures in the land of the Hadramawt and Mubsamat's hunt for Zaadi among other things. There'll most likely many new and equally great characters. Hope this doesn't bloat up, but pretty sure it will not.
I begin to really like Mubsamat, the muddy queen. The part with the boy was something that keeps sticking in one's head.
Mubsamat literally pulled a Lara Croft. Here's a pic of Mubsamat and the boy, would WiS take place in the year 2019:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I do really not know much about the ancient tribes of Arabia. Did they use horses, not camels? Perhaps this was already asked, I can't remember.Mun'at shook his head in response, before springing from his horse's back
------------
Regarding advertisement and stuff, yeah it's a hard lot. Always has been. You can almost only get people to comment who are already on the forums. People from somewhere else may read, but most don't bother to register just to comment.
There's actually quite a sum of silent readers, as I've experienced. I myself was a long time lurker on TWC for over 10 years too.
The harshest action would be to also post the AAR also in another board, literally saying: "If you don't come to me, I come to you". Pretty sure there are many people out there that would love your AAR. They just do not know it exists.
Yeah, it's sad to see MAARC so empty, sometimes acting more as demotivation instead of the opposite, but I learned to see competitions more as a fun addition and some kind of extra honor, but not as a serious possibility of advertisement. Expect for the yearly awards perhaps. Speaking of it, hope it's cool if I suggest your AAR as AARotY.
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
First of all, many many thanks for the large number of responses guys! Especially from you couple who have been quiet for a while now (lookin' at you McScottish; I was afraid you'd been eaten by raccoons or something!). It is always heartening to have a little heads-up that you are still around, even just a "Hey" from time to time. And thanks also for the responses about advertising stuff as well. I know that it can be difficult, and it can also be hard to get people to come to older-style fora (like this one) to read and comment on things, but I figured if the quality is worth it, then why not. Also, I do think it is always worthwhile for us to pester people we know into joining the community, especially if we know people who are interested in writing and stories. Seriously, I am always so pleasantly surprised about how supportive and constructive the writing community is here. In so many places it is almost toxic, with everyone trying to show how clever they are and get upvotes or some other nonsense, but the crew here has created a lovely atmosphere for enjoying one another's work and providing valuable feedback as well. Keep that up y'all, and do try to sling some of your friends over this way if you can! And now onto the concrete comments...
Hey Cook! Let me know when you've caught up! I am sure you will have notebooks chocked full of comments for me, and I would love to work on accommodating them allAnd do recommend the story if you know anyone who'd like it!
Thanks Alwyn. I am already planning on adding like 50-70% to this book once I have finished the core stuff, and the aspect of honesty and communication is something I want to make much deeper and richer. The reason being that the big difference there is a cultural one; communication between Bedu peoples is usually rather direct, with a premium on bravado and one's ability to simply command respect, whereas a more settled people like the Saba' are more likely to have things like court intrigues and backstabbing, all of which rely on subtlety in speech and covert intentions at all times. I don't have any hard information about the actual mannerisms of the Sabaeans, but from how their society was set up, and the amount of wealth and power that flowed through that region, this view is entirely plausible, and works as an explication of what tribal society would look like if massive wealth is added to it and the people are sedentary (just think of how much infighting and backstabbing occurs in the Saudi house). So this is to some extent me imagining the historical fiction (because I cannot find info), but it is an imagining that is true to the info we do have on those peoples at that time, and on different types of culture/society more generally.
You see a couple... Well, I won't lie, their sex tape would be super hot, but Mun'at and Mubsamat are probably not getting together Turk
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
It is interesting that you see the two of them together as the force to do this though. I think Mun'at has that in him, but Mubsamat is more a product of her environment, and that environment is very much more interested in looking to one's (narrowly defined view of) own. If Mun'at gives her the right incentives, she could be brought along, but on her own, liberation and unity are not really things she's be wont to pursue. But I may be wrong. Sometimes characters surprise me
It's okay Turk. We love you anywayGuess I'm a fool then
I am so glad to hear that McScottish! I wasn't sure you were still on board, but I am glad to see you are! By the way, you cooking anything up these days, story-wise?
That is a very nice comment Derc! Thanks for that! I do not really intend for it to be "heavy" or anything per se, but something inside me is happy it can't just be absent-mindedly read while you're actually doing something else. Do let me know if I ever start to lose this style that makes the AAR "deserve to be read" carefully!
Interesting. I always knew he'd keep moving right away, but your take also makes total sense. Definitely something for me to keep in mind when I go back and do my serious editing and adding of content.
Be curious no longer, for chapter 9 starts in just minutes! And have no fear about this "bloating up"; I have a plan, and will be sticking to it pretty well I think. There are plot arcs to be developed further and still concluded, but I think this will organically bring itself to climax and then come down nicely afterward.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I am glad! She is in many ways a really likeable character. She is a total boss, takes no crap from no one, and can be just a terror to behold. On top of that, she's foxy as hell, has the true bearing of a Queen, and is wicked clever. Just a cool gal, but definitely a dangerous one. If circumstances were slightly different, I could actually see her being cast as the ultimate antagonist for the story, and she would be compelling as hell in that role, because she is both cunning and relatable. In fact, thinking about it more, that might be a direction I try to go more towards when I do the rewrite of this book.I begin to really like Mubsamat, the muddy queen. The part with the boy was something that keeps sticking in one's head.
Mubsamat literally pulled a Lara Croft. Here's a pic of Mubsamat and the boy, would WiS take place in the year 2019:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
They used both. Camels have massive advantages over horses for a lot of the "desert" aspects of desert warfare, and if you are conducting guerilla operations or need to cover large tracts of land, camels are your best option. However, camels do not have the same shock power as horses in a charge, and camels are generally not quite as fast over open ground (making camels inferior for harrying tactics or for engaging routing units). I guess the general upshot is that both have advantages and disadvantages, and having both allows them to complement each other well.
Well, I am happy to lure in some lurkers as well. Obviously, commentary is always most appreciated, but just having some more readers is also cool. It also raises the traffic here generally, which is also a good thing. And I do think that people interested in fiction and writing would benefit greatly from being part of our community, so it's always worth a try to get a few more in here.
Not doing that. I am too lazy, and I don't want the story too spread around, as I do want it to still be "mine". I know that anything online is accessible to everyone, but some sites have explicitly in their ToS that things posted are essentially the property of the site, and I don't want to risk that. I have no fear about that here, as this site has no stake in fiction or anything, plus I asked one of the site admins once about ownership stuff, and the gist was that our posts are ours.
Should I come join you in the MAARC? We could be buddies over there, and if no one else joins, we'll just make a fire and chill. Whaddaya say?
Philosopher
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Sep 15]
Continued from Chapter 8 - Part III
Dramatis Personae
Chapter 9
Into Comfortless Lands
--------------------------------------------------
(Part I)
For six days they followed the winding course of Wadi Madhab in its drive through the heart of Saba' lands, the Nabati hugging the greenery that had flourished in the wake of the storm. The monsoon rains had fallen for only a short time, but with an unimaginable intensity, and there were still running waters for days after the last cloud had dissolved beneath the onslaught of the sun's eternal fire. It was only at Wadi Madhab's easternmost reaches, where the riven ground blended into the blasted dunescape of al-Rub' al Khali, that the rivers turned to streams, the streams to brackish trickles, until even those gave way to gasping trenches of utter dessication. The Nabati were on the brink of the Empty Quarter, the fiery untamed heart of Arabia.
Rather than enter that place's deathly marches, they turned their feet toward the southeast, following a low broken line of hills that marked the boundary between Saba' and the unclaimable inland desert. The rocky mounts provided little, either in the way of shade or moisture, but they served as an easy guidepost, the one thing Mun'at's army lacked. So he bid his men face the heat and thirst, that they might more surely find their way to new friends.
Day after day they awoke before dawn, walked until midmorning, paused for those few hours when the ground burned with the fury of a brickmaker's kiln, and then continued well into the night, making as much use as possible of the passing chill of darkness. It was a terrifying task they had set themselves to, and a mere half-year earlier such effort might have slain the weaker of the Nabati, but Mun'at could see he was no longer leading the same army that had set our from Elath so long before. The men had taken on a litheness of form while at the same becoming hardened, their bodies little more than muscle, sinew, and bone. The skin over their faces and arms had been burned a deep hue, not quite the startling blackness of the people from across the narrow sea, yet richer and darker than any settled tribe of Arabia. And more than that, they had forgotten how to complain, nor even show discomfort, except when placed in the most dire of extremity. Mun'at's force was daily molding itself to the land they fought to unite, subduing their bodies just as they had subdued their minds and wills. They were breaking themselves to a cause, whether they knew it or not. Mun'at, at any rate, knew it, and he watched them with a mixture of sadness and admiration, knowing what they paid, and to what end.
Ten days after having left Mubsamat's force, the Nabati were crossing the imprecise borderlands between Saba' and the Hadramawt, when the General of Edum was asked a question which forced him to think on all that they had done, and what still lay before them.
Continue to Chapter 9 - Part II
Last edited by Kilo11; October 15, 2020 at 03:01 AM.
Frothy Goodness
Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Oct 1]
Your writing captures well the harshness of the environment they're travelling through. The reaction of the Nabati to the harships they endure, and Mun'at's response, comes across well. I'm intrigued by the question which provoked so much thought in Mun'at.
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