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Thread: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: June 29]

  1. #361
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Nov 16]

    Karab's story highlights the human side of the "enemy" perfectly. It brings the large conflict down to the struggles of individual people. Very enjoyable, as usual.

  2. #362

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Nov 16]

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    Karab's story highlights the human side of the "enemy" perfectly. It brings the large conflict down to the struggles of individual people. Very enjoyable, as usual.
    Thanks Turk. That is actually something that is somewhat dear to me, making "enemies" clearly people as well. I know there are some people out there who are genuinely awful or nasty, but by and large, people are people, wherever you go. And most of our direst enemies are also just regular folk reacting to their environment and individual needs. The main things that usually pit us against one another are need, history, or simple ignorance, rather than true malice. In the coming updates there will be much more from the Karab/Zaadi side of things, and I hope that by the end of it we can all see their side of things. It will make things so much more emotionally tumultuous when the ultimately have to fight to the death against our protagonists!


    And now, with a few days delay (sorry about that; holiday business and whatnot), here is the next update for the best AAR about Arabia in Antiquity that you will ever read!
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  3. #363

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Nov 16]

    Continued from Chapter 10 - Part III


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribe.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Zaadi Il'Bayyin: Often referred to as "Lord of the Northpass", Zaadi is a Qayl (higher official) of the Saba', and the ringleader of a group of nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed Zaadi's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile who was in league with Zaadi Il'Bayyin, until Zaadi killed him.
    Karab: Son of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leader of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. He is also in league with Zaadi against Mubsamat.
    Hasan: Deceased brother of Karab.



    Chapter 10
    A Traitor's Challenge


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part IV)


    A calm and still enveloped him, broken only by the melancholic soughing of the wind, and again Karab thought back on that day when Hasan had died. He had seen shadows high above them, darting in and out of focus amongst the clouds. Karab and Hasan's men had paid them no mind, but the phantoms had followed them with every step. And then the mountain itself had come down, shattering the life out of Karab's brother and two score of their men. There had been something above them, and then death had rained down. Karab could not believe that to have been coincidence, and so he relished what was so soon to come.

    As if to indulge his dark desires, there came ahead of him the sound of many feet, their unconcerned tramp loud and unmistakable. From the noise they made, Karab was certain the Saba' must have numbered a score or more, but that did not trouble him. He remained at the center of the road, a cold smile twisting the corners of his mouth in an evil grin. A moment later, the Saba' came into view, and the first sight they saw was that grin, that smile filled with malice and hatred and joy in victory. On seeing him they must have known that such a look could only be worn by an enemy, for without hesitation they raised their spears and shields in preparation for whatever might come. Karab, however, remained still. He stared and smiled, his calm demeanor striking far more fear than any warcry ever could.

    For a drawn moment both sides stood fixed, Karab threatening, the Saba' wary, until finally the latter seemed to tire of the affair. They laid their spears over their shields, preparing to push forward, when suddenly Karab stayed them with a sign. He raised a single finger, touched it to his ear, and then pointed to his right, up the mountain. The Saba' paused in their steps, unsure of what trickery he was playing, until finally they heard it.

    A crack and rumble was growing above them. The three men Karab had left behind had dislodged a great boulder, sending it tumbling down, and already it had gathered an army of lesser stones in its wake. The mountain itself was crashing down upon the Saba' warriors, and their only escape lay in driving over the waiting Karab.

    As they realized that fact, they began pounding toward him, spears raised high. After all, he was only one man, and he could not stop them all. Yet even as the thought crossed their minds, Karab's soldiers emerged from the shadows and clefts where they had hidden themselves. What was before a nearly empty road transformed into a wall of men, their shields locked together in defiance.

    Karab and his men presented a terrifying aspect, yet they were not even half so frightening as the deafening wall of sound falling toward the Saba'. The latter pushed on without thought to the enemy before them. They ran as fast as they could, one by one dropping their weapons as smaller stones began to pelt the ground all about. But the hail of rock and earth intensified, larger pieces crushing the life from any caught beneath them, until finally the great boulder itself blasted through the road. It crashed with an explosion of gravel and blood, and as the dust was blown away by the mountain airs, Karab's company saw before them a ghastly tableau of broken bodies and widening pools of gore. For a moment they stood still, waiting to see whether there were any more stones which might fall, and when none did, they began walking toward the scene of death.

    Those Saba' in the path of the boulder were dead to the man, and those just beyond its reach might as well have been; they were given the mercy of a sharp blade quickly drawn. But aside from them, Karab found, to his surprise and satisfaction, a pair of individuals who were dazed, but otherwise unharmed. He smiled, for they were precisely what he needed.

    The two men were dragged away from the scene of death, and to rouse their wits, Karab struck them across the cheeks, but not unkindly. When the men were again about themselves, he fixed them with a burning gaze.

    "Your brothers are dead," Karab said softly, "but you are alive, and I have need of you. You will both be set free... if you agree to deliver a message for me, spoken on behalf of the Lord Zaadi, whom you ignorantly revile. Will you relay that message?"

    The two Saba' exchanged brief glances with one another, before nodding vigorously.

    "Good." Karab went on. "You tell your captain, Tharin, the false queen's dog, that the blood and death and destruction you have seen here today is all that can be expected for those who attempt to cross the Sarat Mountains... unless he comes to face us! You tell Tharin that Zaadi is ready to fight. The Hashidis, Houthis, and all the other tribes still faithful to the true Saba' will meet him. That is, if he is willing to face us. But if he leaves himself spread across the upland plateau, as he is now, then we will bleed this land without mercy. Zaadi wishes to face Mubsamat's legion, and to show the tribes how little honor she has. If your queen has the courage to face the true Lord of the Saba', her forces will find us on the plain west of Qarnawu in ten days' time." Karab's speech finished, he paused, before adding, "Will you deliver that message?"

    The men again nodded, and Karab then set them loose. Without looking back, they scurried past him and his men, and so they did not see the smile slowly spreading over Karab's face. His task was done, and Zaadi's plan had been set in motion.



    Continue to Chapter 10 - Part V
    Last edited by Kilo11; January 15, 2021 at 01:09 AM.
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  4. #364
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 4]

    I agree with Turk, the presentation of Karab as the human side of the enemy is done well.

    It looks as if Karab is drawing Tharin into a trap. Surely Tharin will expect this, so perhaps Karab has anticipated what Tharin will do to try and avoid it?

  5. #365

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 4]

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    I agree with Turk, the presentation of Karab as the human side of the enemy is done well.

    It looks as if Karab is drawing Tharin into a trap. Surely Tharin will expect this, so perhaps Karab has anticipated what Tharin will do to try and avoid it?
    Thanks Alwyn. I am not sure I had planned at the outset to have such a thorough look at these other side characters, but I must say, I am happy I have begun to do so. It definitely is adding a bit more depth to things, and is something I find generally important, to have each person be a real person and not just a "good guy" or "bad guy".

    To whether or not Tharin will know what is going on, you will have to wait and see. But just to be clear (in case that is lost in the above sections), Tharin is not at this place right now. This is Karab attacking Saba' soldiers who were sent by Tharin, but Tharin is not in this scene.


    Anyway, here is the next update. I hope y'all like it. Also, the AAR just recently reached 75,000 Views, and I would like to thank you all for keeping up with it for so long, and for constantly showing support. I would also like to ask y'all to link it to friends if you haven't, so we can try to push that number up to 100,000! Reaching that milestone would be awesome, and would probably turn out to be quite helpful when I eventually clean everything up and shop it to publishers (because I will be publishing this book; you can count on it!). So yeah, feel free (and encouraged) to put links to the AAR on your social media pages, on your Youtube accounts, or on whatever else you might be using! And if you do, you might just be in line to receive a first edition of the book when it finally goes to press
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  6. #366

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 4]

    Continued from Chapter 10 - Part IV


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribe.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Zaadi Il'Bayyin: Often referred to as "Lord of the Northpass", Zaadi is a Qayl (higher official) of the Saba', and the ringleader of a group of nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed Zaadi's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile who was in league with Zaadi Il'Bayyin, until Zaadi killed him.
    Karab: Son of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leader of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. He is also in league with Zaadi against Mubsamat.
    Hasan: Deceased brother of Karab.



    Chapter 10
    A Traitor's Challenge


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part V)


    One by one, Tharin had been traveling to the scattered encampments of his men, asking after news of Zaadi's allies, and at every stop he had heard the same sorry reports. The traders who set off into the mountains would disappear, leaving behind nothing but a smear of blood on the high passes, and no other sign of what had occurred. Zaadi's raiders were as a morning fog, sliding over the mountains and dissipating the moment the sun rose. They came and killed and then seemed as if to evaporate, and Tharin could sense an unease rising in his thinly spread ranks. It was not just the attacks, nor the wraithlike nature of their adversary, but the whole of their current situation. They lay strewn far and wide across the length of the upland plateau, their eyes ever fixed on the mountains to their north, and with no news of their enemy, they were daily growing more fearful of their weakened stance. Men who had learned to trust in the might of an army at their backs would look over their shoulders at the yawning empty plains, and they would shudder. It was a state that could not last long.

    With such thoughts weighing on his mind, Tharin continued with his rounds, eventually coming to a small camp just east of Sa'dah. Expecting little, he rode between the outer sentries without slowing, when to his surprise he was greeted by a lesser captain who stood flanked by two men, the latter badly bruised and wearing haggard expressions. Unsure of what to make of such a reception, Tharin cocked one eyebrow inquisitively, adding, "Good afternoon, captain."

    The man, whose eyes darted this way and that, nodded to Tharin, but did not speak. Instead, he reached his arms around the men beside him and pushed them forward. However, they too seemed dumb, their lips tight, and for a brief moment the four individuals presented a scene of perfect still. The silence was finally broken by the sound of two sharp smacks as the Saba' foot captain struck the messengers on the backs of their heads. They traded furtive glances with one another, and when the foot captain seemed about to strike a second blow, they spoke up, relaying Karab's message and threat as quickly as they could, before again falling silent.

    Their deed done, the messengers' eyes became downcast, their faces contorted by what seemed the keenest and most overpowering sense of anxiety. Perhaps they feared Karab's words, which they had merely relayed, would be taken for their own. Perhaps they feared Tharin would be displeased by the news and divest his ire on them. Perhaps something else entirely. At any rate, what they most certainly had not expected was the joy that suffused Tharin's countenance on hearing their words, the widening smile that graced his lips.

    "Zaadi Il'Bayyin will come to us? He thinks to challenge us?" he said quietly, half to himself, shaking his head. "Ever rash and ever the fool. Well, we will meet him, and we will give the traitorous oaf the doom he so dearly deserves."


    "That is the message that was brought to you? Truly?" Mubsamat said, her eyes pools of disbelief, and Tharin nodded his head, again.

    After hearing Karab's challenge and threat, Tharin had returned with all haste to Ma'rib, delivering the good news to his Queen, but after three complete recitations of the message from the rebels, she still seemed unable to believe the words.

    "I tell you, my Queen, that is what was said to me, word for word. Zaadi Il'Bayyin wishes to meet us in open war. He will bring his petty tribes out of the mountains, and when he does so, we can destroy him."

    "I am not so certain, Tharin. Something of this bears the shape of treachery." Mubsamat responded softly.

    "Treachery?" Tharin repeated. "Zaadi is a traitor, yes, but if you mean that he intends to lay some trap, then I believe you give him too much credit."

    Mubsamat fixed Tharin with her gaze, raising one eyebrow and adding, "Do I?" She then stepped toward him and laid a hand gently upon his shoulder. "When we met Zaadi outside his fortress," she went on, "what did you see?"

    "His home was blackened and burned, the plain churned by a great battle." Tharin answered hesitantly, uncertain of what it was Mubsamat wished him to recall.

    "And the great mound upon the plain? Did you notice that?" she asked.

    "Yes." Tharin answered, perplexed. "It was a hillock on a plain. What of it?"

    "Ah. So you did not see it then. Not truly." She removed her hand from his shoulder, patting his cheek as she did so. "That mound, Tharin, was not built of earth and rock. It was made of blood and bone and ash. That was the tribes of Far'am Rafshan's people. All of them. Zaadi is foolish, foolish enough even to turn his own friends into mortal enemies, but he can be devious beyond anything you might imagine. Trust me. He is as dangerous as an unchained Jinn, and trickery is an art in which he excels greatly."

    Tharin grew silent, thoughtful. Mubsamat was right. Zaadi might indeed be laying a trap. It was a danger. But then again, they could little risk ignoring his challenge either. To do so would be to admit weakness or fear, and the news would spread over the plateau like a wildfire being driven on the wind. There were tribes who would take any pretense to betray Mubsamat and join Zaadi's ilk, and accepting the challenge was simply a risk that they would have to take.

    The Queen must have reached the same conclusion, for before Tharin could say a word in response she sighed and said, "Yes. I know. I just wished you to understand the dangers. So," she continued, "in ten days we must be ready at Qarnawu. We had better get started."



    Continue to Chapter 10 - Part VI
    Last edited by Kilo11; February 01, 2021 at 03:43 PM.
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  7. #367
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 4]

    Congrats on the 75.000! I'll be sure to buy a copy when it gets published.

    It's lucky that Tharin has Mubsamat. Without her he would surely have perished in Zaadi's trap along with Mubsamat's forces. In this cat and mouse game it takes only one mistake for it to all end in misery.

  8. #368
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Yes, congratulations on 75,000!

    I agree with Turk, Mubsamat's perceptiveness looks important here. I like the way that she introduces the significance of what Tharin believes is simply a little hill. I look forward to seeing what Tharin and Mubsamat will do!

  9. #369
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Ah. Good thing. I've catched up once again.

    I have to say it is somehow weird to read this AAR when it just snowed. But then again not. I absolutely love pictures of deserts covered in snow. Or snow deserts themselves.

    Anyway, feedback to the recent events in your AAR. Split the feedback between story itself and story dev this time.
    ___

    Story stuff

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    We know our land, and she will keep us, but she has little mercy or understanding for foreign men with thoughts of empire who would seek to tame her wilds. Run and flee. Tuck your coward's tail between your legs, and day by day your enemy will weaken. Run longer, and they will falter. Play the craven's game long enough, and they will fall. Then you may unpack your pride, turn your mount about, and ride back with your head held high. You will pass men, and the remains of men, who thought they had defeated you, but in their arrogance they will have slain only themselves.
    [...]
    Just as the Greeks could not hope to defeat us if we relied on the deserts we know, so too would we be powerless against Zaadi when he flees to his own haunts. That is simply the way of things.
    Yeah, that is something I thought about at the very beginning. Even though if the Arabs would be united, the Greeks are so powerful in this era, how would the poor guys have a chance? Using the land for guerilla warfare is indeed the best choice, and it's great that Mun'at shares my opinion that swallowing down pride to fight another day is a much wiser choice than to ... well, die.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    It makes me wonder whether they truly are allies to us, or if we are merely seen as tools, poor fools of the desert who may be unleashed on Mubsamat's enemies when it suits her, set aside when not.
    Of course they are just seen as tools. Why wouldn't they? The Saba have entirely different problems and only a fool would cast away a friendly army, especially if you can simply pay them with golden words instead of actual gold.
    I actually think that Zaadi and crew would've, or would, make much better allies than Mubsamat, if only circumstances would be different.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I will learn something of these people who think they've a right to deceive and use as it suits their needs. Then, and only then, will we return to the Saba', knowing who they are, and whether they are worthy of our friendship."
    Backtracking can be a good thing, if implemented well. It is. It's good to see that Mun'at sees the greater world beyond, being open to the tales of all different tribes. Just clearing Arabia counter-clockwise, step for step, would eventually leave him in the situation where he, well yes, would only become a tool for his early made allies, robbing him the possibility to befriend anyone who are at bad terms with them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Tharin, who was indeed smiling, his eyes flashing with pleasure and malice, responded, "Because we now know that they are watching the passes, choosing their prey. They are not laying traps, they are hunting, and a hunter can be baited!"
    Such the hunter has allowed himself to become the hunted. Great stuff! Well written, man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Karab and Hasan's men had paid them no mind, but the phantoms had followed them with every step.
    If these phantoms would've grown gayer with every step, they might've paid attention, and Hasan would still be alive.
    ...Sorry. I just loved that phrase too much.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    They ran as fast as they could, one by one dropping their weapons as smaller stones began to pelt the ground all about. But the hail of rock and earth intensified, larger pieces crushing the life from any caught beneath them, until finally the great boulder itself blasted through the road. It crashed with an explosion of gravel and blood, and as the dust was blown away by the mountain airs, Karab's company saw before them a ghastly tableau of broken bodies and widening pools of gore.
    As a Rock of Ages player, I know the feeling of such distressing situations too well. Poor souls.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    The men again nodded, and Karab then set them loose. Without looking back, they scurried past him and his men, and so they did not see the smile slowly spreading over Karab's face. His task was done, and Zaadi's plan had been set in motion.
    Oooh, that was a good one. One step closer for me to favour Zaadi's faction over Mubsamat's one, even though I am still completely undecided, having sympathies for both sides. And that's the result of really good writing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    The traders who set off into the mountains would disappear, leaving behind nothing but a smear of blood on the high passes, and no other sign of what had occurred. Zaadi's raiders were as a morning fog, sliding over the mountains and dissipating the moment the sun rose. They came and killed and then seemed as if to evaporate, and Tharin could sense an unease rising in his thinly spread ranks.
    And so could I. Awesome!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    However, they too seemed dumb, their lips tight, and for a brief moment the four individuals presented a scene of perfect still.
    You have a wide lexicon of words, most of them well chosen. This part is the only one I would criticize. Shouldn't it be 'numb', not 'dumb'?
    Well, they might be both.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Tharin grew silent, thoughtful. Mubsamat was right. Zaadi might indeed be laying a trap. It was a danger. But then again, they could little risk ignoring his challenge either. To do so would be to admit weakness or fear, and the news would spread over the plateau like a wildfire being driven on the wind. There were tribes who would take any pretense to betray Mubsamat and join Zaadi's ilk, and accepting the challenge was simply a risk that they would have to take.
    I'm sure Zaadi knew that Mubsamat would've no choice but to come. Then again, I expect nothing less than a counter trap or some kind of wicked plan from the cunning queen.

    ------------------------------
    Dev stuff

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    This is something I find really cool about writing. You can plan and plan, and sometimes those plans even work, but most good character moments just happen. You set up some plot moment, and then while you're writing you realize that your characters could only do one thing. That then sets other things in motion, and before you know it, your story is doing its own thing. It is so interesting and also fun to watch your people just doing their thing, rather than deciding that they must do this or that. Definitely one of my favorite aspects of writing.
    All just leaves in the wind. In autumn they will say farewell to their safe tree. No one knows where they might end up.
    #3deep5me

    Nah, honestly. It's amazing how everything plays together. Everything happens for a reason, and the writer has the hard task to check every oh so little cogwheel if he wants to make his story as realistic as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Thanks Turk. That is actually something that is somewhat dear to me, making "enemies" clearly people as well. I know there are some people out there who are genuinely awful or nasty, but by and large, people are people, wherever you go. And most of our direst enemies are also just regular folk reacting to their environment and individual needs. The main things that usually pit us against one another are need, history, or simple ignorance, rather than true malice. In the coming updates there will be much more from the Karab/Zaadi side of things, and I hope that by the end of it we can all see their side of things. It will make things so much more emotionally tumultuous when the ultimately have to fight to the death against our protagonists!
    I really love that. I just hate villains that are villains because they are so evil. This is terribly bad writing. As said before, everyone has a well explainable reason for his action, which, most of the time, in itself is just a reaction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I would also like to ask y'all to link it to friends if you haven't, so we can try to push that number up to 100,000! Reaching that milestone would be awesome, and would probably turn out to be quite helpful when I eventually clean everything up and shop it to publishers (because I will be publishing this book; you can count on it!)
    It's awesome that WiS has reached so many clicks already. Keep in mind, however, that bots add to them. And what's so special about 100,000? Why not 114,465? Yes, I know. I'm fun at parties. Lucky there aren't any this year anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    Congrats on the 75.000! I'll be sure to buy a copy when it gets published.
    I wonder how many pages this book will have, and how many books this story would require in general.

    ___

    I can say it was once more great to have read it. Everything is so well explained, so craftily stitched together, all words chosen with care. The world in WiS feels real, it's characters alive - or truly dead in case they met a boulder or the end of a sword . Have a fat +rep!

  10. #370

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    Congrats on the 75.000! I'll be sure to buy a copy when it gets published.

    It's lucky that Tharin has Mubsamat. Without her he would surely have perished in Zaadi's trap along with Mubsamat's forces. In this cat and mouse game it takes only one mistake for it to all end in misery.
    Thanks Turk! And you won't need to buy a copy. When things get to press, all of you lovely folks are getting signed copies for free! That being said, you are more than welcome to buy copies for all of your friends and family!

    Mubsamat is definitely the sharper of the two, but Tharin has his strengths as well. The two really just even each other out super well.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Yes, congratulations on 75,000!

    I agree with Turk, Mubsamat's perceptiveness looks important here. I like the way that she introduces the significance of what Tharin believes is simply a little hill. I look forward to seeing what Tharin and Mubsamat will do!
    I am glad you liked that Alwyn. I myself quite liked that exchange, but it is always tricky to know if such things will land with readers or not. Glad to hear it did!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Ah. Good thing. I've catched up once again.

    I have to say it is somehow weird to read this AAR when it just snowed. But then again not. I absolutely love pictures of deserts covered in snow. Or snow deserts themselves.
    Weird indeed. I hope it didn't break immersion too much. If you've still got snow, you should go back and reread that section where Mun'at is doing the Hijaz crossing and socked in with ice. Maybe that will work better right now

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Yeah, that is something I thought about at the very beginning. Even though if the Arabs would be united, the Greeks are so powerful in this era, how would the poor guys have a chance? Using the land for guerilla warfare is indeed the best choice, and it's great that Mun'at shares my opinion that swallowing down pride to fight another day is a much wiser choice than to ... well, die.
    This is actually something I sort of.... borrowed *cough*.... from T.E. Lawrence actually. I mean, it is indeed the only sensible way to fight such a numerically superior force, but the reasoning about guerrilla war is something he considered at great length during the Arab Revolt, and his thoughts on it are very interesting. I can strongly recommend Seven Pillars of Wisdom if you're interested in historical works.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Of course they are just seen as tools. Why wouldn't they? The Saba have entirely different problems and only a fool would cast away a friendly army, especially if you can simply pay them with golden words instead of actual gold.
    I actually think that Zaadi and crew would've, or would, make much better allies than Mubsamat, if only circumstances would be different.
    So happy you are seeing this Derc. I think (and hope) that a lot of these points are in subtext, but you are totally right. And it just goes to show how much luck can affect any enterprise, and military ones most of all. If Zaadi had gotten out there first, he could well be Mun'at's ally, and he could indeed be a much better ally. However, sometimes things just don't work out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Such the hunter has allowed himself to become the hunted. Great stuff! Well written, man.
    Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Oooh, that was a good one. One step closer for me to favour Zaadi's faction over Mubsamat's one, even though I am still completely undecided, having sympathies for both sides. And that's the result of really good writing.
    And thanks again. You are gonna make me blush

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    You have a wide lexicon of words, most of them well chosen. This part is the only one I would criticize. Shouldn't it be 'numb', not 'dumb'?
    Well, they might be both.
    Hmm. Maybe that is an unhelpfully archaic word, but "dumb" is an old word which can be used to mean "mute". An example of its more common use is in the phrase: "Are you deaf, dumb, or just plain stupid?". That's something that can be said if you ask a question and get no response. The dumb there is not just a synonym for stupid (would be awfully redundant if it was), but instead means incapable of speech. Maybe I could change that. I will think about it for sure!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I'm sure Zaadi knew that Mubsamat would've no choice but to come. Then again, I expect nothing less than a counter trap or some kind of wicked plan from the cunning queen.
    You, of all people, know about traps and counter-traps, my friend!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Dev stuff
    ...
    ...
    ...
    I agree with all those points. Ideally every character is a full character, and you can at least somewhat sympathize with all of them. That is actually the highest mark in my book, is to have an enemy, or even better, a proper villain, but who you can really understand and even to some extent root for. Not sure if you've watched the Clone Wars animated series at all, but in the later seasons they *spoilers*
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    ...bring back Darth Maul, and everything to do with his character is so awesome. He becomes more and more deep with every episode that has him, and by the series' end he is one of the best characters in the whole thing. Just an incredibly rich and complex guy, who is obviously the "baddie" in many ways, but who you also can totally understand. I absolutely love the character arc they pulled off with him, and that is the sort of thing that is to my mind the pinnacle of storytelling. Just an awesome delving into a person so that you can feel everything they feel, and understand the horrors that drive them. Beautiful storytelling!


    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I wonder how many pages this book will have, and how many books this story would require in general.
    I am not certain about this. It is still in progress, so a total count can't be done now anyway, and once I finish the story being presented here, I think I will go back to the beginning and add about 40% more. I know there is lots of character stuff that could be added, especially in the early chapters, and a smattering of more dialogue throughout would increase the ease of reading. Final length and book number will also depend on how far I take the characters. I had initially planned on making them cross the Red Sea and slice downriver along the Nile, but first I want to see just how much is needed for this first arc of the story (uniting the tribes).

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I can say it was once more great to have read it. Everything is so well explained, so craftily stitched together, all words chosen with care. The world in WiS feels real, it's characters alive - or truly dead in case they met a boulder or the end of a sword . Have a fat +rep!
    Thanks a million dude! All the thoughts are great, and the encouragement is very warmly received. At some point I will need to swing by your place, wherever it is, and share a bottle of good Scotch with you!



    p.s. We need not drink it by the pint, but TWC doesn't have a tumbler clinking emogi, so I went with what I had
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  11. #371

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 4]

    Continued from Chapter 10 - Part V


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribe.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Zaadi Il'Bayyin: Often referred to as "Lord of the Northpass", Zaadi is a Qayl (higher official) of the Saba', and the ringleader of a group of nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed Zaadi's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile who was in league with Zaadi Il'Bayyin, until Zaadi killed him.
    Karab: Son of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leader of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. He is also in league with Zaadi against Mubsamat.
    Hasan: Deceased brother of Karab.



    Chapter 10
    A Traitor's Challenge


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part VI)


    She had sent messengers on horseback to all the scattered warbands that Tharin had set to watching the Sarat, and though many had already heeded her call, Mubsamat was certain not all would be mustered in time. However, even with a diminished force, they would outnumber the ranks of the traitorous tribes by a staggering amount. Zaadi simply could not match her strength. Mubsamat was certain of that. But she was also certain that Zaadi knew that as well, and that troubled her.

    Ten days was not much time, little enough to set a proper ambush or devise any traps of great cunning, but the Queen of the Saba' had no way of knowing when Zaadi had begun preparing for the battle to come. There might already be pits and hidden weapons waiting on the plain outside Qarnawu. There might be death and destruction artfully laid in concealment, ready for the unwary feet of her soldiers. And then again, there might be none of those things, and Tharin had the right of it when he assumed Zaadi to be foolish and prideful enough to destroy himself in open war. Mubsamt simply could not know.

    With an almost imperceptible shake of her head she did her best to put the worries out of her mind, and she raised her hazel eyes to the surrounding country. The land was a mixture of gasping desert and lush verdure, depending on where the waters flowed. It was as the land was all across the upland plateau. But as Mubsamat and her army drew nearer to Qarnawu, the oranges and browns gave ever more way to shades of green. They were crossing the rich fields and orchards fed by the seasonal rains that flowed along the wide base of Wadi Madhab.

    Mubsamat, riding at the head of her force, turned to look over the sea of men following her. As her gaze passed over them, those that caught her eye nodded briefly in acknowledgment. In answer, Mubsamat smiled. Her people did not bear the same contempt and hostility toward women that was rumored of in Greek or Roman courts, but it was beyond rare for men to follow a Queen into war. But then again, Mubsamat herself was beyond rare, a fact she knew well, and she was gladdened to see that her captains appreciated that fact in turn. Whatever reservations they might have held, they kept them quietly hidden, obeying her every word without thought of hesitation.

    For the rest of the day they walked easily, Mubsamat leading, her men following, and when the sun finally began to descend behind the western peaks, a halt was called. They had come nearly within the shadow of Qarnawu, nearly to their appointed place of war, but Mubsamat would not have them arrive there in darkness.

    They set a hasty and haphazard encampment, nothing more than that required for their few hours of rest. Sentries were posted, a scattering of fires lit, and the men then laid themselves down to sleep. Some even managed to get some sleep. However, dawn came chasing the night sooner than any had hoped, and they again began to walk.

    Before the passing of an hour they reached the outer farms of Qarnawu, and upon seeing these they turned toward the west, skirting the city that clung to the mountains. From there it was but a short space to the plain Karab had marked. Mubsamat's mighty legion had arrived at their place of battle, and done so two days ahead of their appointed time, giving them opportunity enough to hunt out any traps which might have been laid. They would undo any trickery Zaadi might have prepared, and when his rebellious tribes showed themselves, Mubsamat would see them broken, their histories and lineages erased from the record of time. She would see Zaadi defeated, for once and for all.



    Continue to Chapter 11 - Part I
    Last edited by Kilo11; February 19, 2021 at 08:18 AM.
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  12. #372
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 1]

    As ever, the landscape, the characters - and the dangers ahead - are vividly described. Getting there early might enable them to find any traps, but I wonder if Zaadi's trickery involves doing something which can't be discovered by searching in this way, like a surprise night attack on the next "hasty and haphazard encampment".

  13. #373
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    The calm before the storm. Like Alwyn, I greatly wonder what Zaadi's plan is. He's a cunning snake and I doubt the battle will go as Mubsamat expects.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Thanks Turk! And you won't need to buy a copy. When things get to press, all of you lovely folks are getting signed copies for free! That being said, you are more than welcome to buy copies for all of your friends and family!

    Mubsamat is definitely the sharper of the two, but Tharin has his strengths as well. The two really just even each other out super well.
    I'll prepare a nice place for it on my book shelf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Thanks a million dude! All the thoughts are great, and the encouragement is very warmly received. At some point I will need to swing by your place, wherever it is, and share a bottle of good Scotch with you!

    p.s. We need not drink it by the pint, but TWC doesn't have a tumbler clinking emogi, so I went with what I had
    There's nothing stopping us from drinking it by the pint. I think I'll swing by when you do. It can't be that far from where I live. For whisky I will travel far and wide.

  14. #374

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    As ever, the landscape, the characters - and the dangers ahead - are vividly described. Getting there early might enable them to find any traps, but I wonder if Zaadi's trickery involves doing something which can't be discovered by searching in this way, like a surprise night attack on the next "hasty and haphazard encampment".
    Ah Alwyn, Zaadi's trickery will always involve something which can't be discovered in the usual way. That's his nature. And it's why he is an interesting one to watch. He and Mubsamat are two peas in a pod. It's just too bad that they are likely to tear apart their pod and bring pain to every other pea that lives there too

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    The calm before the storm. Like Alwyn, I greatly wonder what Zaadi's plan is. He's a cunning snake and I doubt the battle will go as Mubsamat expects.
    Of course it won't. Zaadi is at least that competent

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    I'll prepare a nice place for it on my book shelf.
    Good man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    There's nothing stopping us from drinking it by the pint. I think I'll swing by when you do. It can't be that far from where I live. For whisky I will travel far and wide.
    Nothing stopping us except basic decency! Come on man; we will drink good whisky, and good whisky ought not be drank in such quantities. It is a waste of such excellence. But tell you what, we'll strike a compromise: I'll bring the good whisky over to Derc's, he can provide something to snack on, and you can bring some nice Belgian beer. I think I prefer a dubble rather than a triple.




    Sorry for the delay. I had to write a whole paper last week, and after doing that, I sort of spaced that Monday was my posting day. I hope the small delay hasn't caused y'all too much pain
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  15. #375

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Continued from Chapter 10 - Part VI


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribe.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Zaadi Il'Bayyin: Often referred to as "Lord of the Northpass", Zaadi is a Qayl (higher official) of the Saba', and the ringleader of a group of nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed Zaadi's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile who was in league with Zaadi Il'Bayyin, until Zaadi killed him.
    Karab: Son of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leader of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. He is also in league with Zaadi against Mubsamat.
    Hasan: Deceased brother of Karab.



    Chapter 11
    By Darkest Night


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part I)


    Zaadi lay on his back, the sun burning down on his face. He had tried to sleep, but failed, and now was idly rolling his head to left and right, scanning the capped horizons to either side.

    He and his men lay scattered over a narrow valley, a deepening between two long-fingered splashes of dune, and he knew their enemy was less than a few hours' walk distant. It was for that reason that they were slowly baking beneath the noonday sun, refusing to allow themselves the shade of a tent or the comforts of speech or song. Nearly all of them were flat against the burning sands, with only a half dozen permitted to stand or move. Yet even those fortunate few who might shift their bodies or stretch their limbs profited little, for their freedom was weighted with responsibility; they stood at the base of the eastern rise with searching eyes and strung bows, ready to strike down any scout or wandering shepherd who might find them out.

    With the light pouring off the blasted landscape, Zaadi determined to again try to rest, and he closed his weary eyes. Sweat rolled down his cheeks and chest, pooling in the hollow of his neck and behind his back, but he paid it no heed. After all, he was a Lord of the Saba', a son of the desert, and no part of his land would harm him. He would bask in the warmth of his home, drinking in its strength, and when night fell he would let the fires that had grown within him lift him to glory. He would break the false queen's might, and then lead his people against the unwashed northern rabble she had invited into their homes. The thoughts of blood and vengeance soothed his mind, even taking away some of the sting from his slowly blistering skin, and he drifted into a weak doze that sped the hours of afternoon.

    When Zaadi's eyes again opened, the sun had sunk low in the west, casting the eastern hill in a sullen glow while leaving the western one in shadow. It would not be long before the light was gone entirely, and rather than scrabble in the dark he began to pick his way toward the sentries with the sun on their backs. After laying still so long, his legs and spine had become rigid, and Zaadi rose to his feet in a series of pops, cracks, and nearly mastered winces. It took him only a short span to cross the narrow valley, and in a moment he was creeping behind Karab, who had been given command of the bowmen watching the hill's crest.

    "Night will be upon us soon." Zaadi said quietly. "Are the men ready?"

    "They are." Karab responded, his gaze remaining fixed on the dune's slope as he spoke. After a minute of silence, he added, "Are you certain of this, Lord? Is this really the way?"

    Zaadi turned to look at his captain, but the younger man refused to meet his eyes, either out of dedication to his task or fear of betraying some inner weakness, Zaadi could not tell. When he was certain Karab would not face him, he shifted his sight back onto the hill of sand as well, sharing the watch.

    "It is the only way." Zaadi said after a time, his voice matter-of-fact.

    With the words, it seemed there was nothing more to be said, and both stood silent, each alone with his counsel. The shadows before them lengthened, and though Zaadi often stole small glances at his friend and captain, he could not divine what thoughts rattled about in the darkness of Karab's mind. Perhaps it did not matter, for regardless of his personal feelings, Karab had surely come too far; he would stand by Zaadi to the very end. Yet still, the wrinkled brow and pursed lips of the younger man kindled a small ember of unease in Zaadi's heart. The Lord of the Northpass honored and trusted the Hashidi warrior, and he wished to know what troubled him so.

    The sun had nearly abandoned the earth by the time Zaadi again spoke, and in the scarlet light he whispered a question, so that only Karab might hear. "Have I acted wrongly?" Zaadi asked.

    Karab's jaw tightened, showing some displeasure with the question. "You are my lord, and I am sworn to you. It is not my place to find fault with your judgments. Mine is to follow."

    Zaadi smiled briefly, before shaking his head, but Karab seemed to notice neither gesture. "You are my captain and soldier, and in these things I value your obedience," Zaadi said aloud, "but you are my friend also. As such, I value your counsel, even if the words may not prove pleasing to my ears."

    For a long time Karab remained silent, until finally he let out a heavy breath. "This feels cowardly. We issued a challenge and the queen answered. We should meet her defiantly, beneath the noonday sun. What you have in mind is..."

    "Cowardly." Zaadi finished. Karab opened his mouth to speak but Zaadi raised a hand to quiet him. "Perhaps it is cowardly," he went on, "but you know as well as I the false queen's numbers. Even without her northern rabble, those Nabati, she still outnumbers us by five to one, if not more. With the great clans at her back we cannot win."

    "Hmm. I know. I just wish..."

    "You wish this world were better than it is." Zaadi answered with a smile. "It is a good wish, and it is what makes you a good man, Karab." Zaadi again turned to face Karab, and with a hand on his should he turned the younger man to face him as well. "We will do a rogue's work here, Karab," he went on, "but when we are done your wish will be granted. We are building a better world for us and ours. I promise you that!"

    In the gathering dark their forms had become near invisible, but Zaadi flashed his white teeth in smile, and to his reassurance he saw Karab answer in kind. They both then turned again to the east, and as the last honest light of day was fading, Zaadi motioned for the scouts to push cautiously forward.

    With strung arrows they crept up the face of the dune, the sliding slope causing them to drip heavily with the effort, and as they reached the crest each man dropped onto his stomach to prevent himself being silhouetted against the lingering glow in the west. As one, Zaadi, Karab, and their men looked out, seeing before them a wide plain dotted with lights. The flames and torches were largely irregular, betraying no order or design, but at the center of the wadi that fed the valley there lay a small knot of light. It was far from them, and they would need to carefully creep through the maze of watchers on the plain to reach it, but it was their goal. All they had to do was take that distant mass of illumination, and with a hint of cunning they would have their victory. They would break the false queen's hold on the tribes.



    Continue to Chapter 11 - Part II
    Last edited by Kilo11; March 02, 2021 at 01:54 AM.
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  16. #376
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Feb 19]

    This is an exciting moment. It looks like I had a lucky guess about Zaadi's plan! Zaadi is tricky, but so is Mubsamat. Zaadi seems to be making the assumption that his opponent's army are around the lights. That's a logical assumption, but what if they're using false lights, like the old stories of wreckers on the coast of Cornwall who lured sailing ships on the rocks? The line about Zaadi being a Lord of the Saba' is nicely phrased, particularly "no part of his land would harm him" - it almost sounds like a hint about Zaadi's fate.

  17. #377
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    A great title for the beginning of what I think will be an impactful chapter for the story. You can feel the tension slowly rising in the behaviour of Zaadi. The encounter between Zaadi and Karab is well done. It shows us a more human side of Zaadi, one who always seems so sure of himself, now admitting to doubting himself. It shows he must have great respect for Karab and trust to show him this weakness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Nothing stopping us except basic decency! Come on man; we will drink good whisky, and good whisky ought not be drank in such quantities. It is a waste of such excellence. But tell you what, we'll strike a compromise: I'll bring the good whisky over to Derc's, he can provide something to snack on, and you can bring some nice Belgian beer. I think I prefer a dubble rather than a triple.
    Decency? What is that?

    I'll think I have the perfect thing for you then. I'll bring a cluster of Rochefort 10 Trappist with me. Fits nicely for a calm evening of tasting.

  18. #378

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Geez. I already have these updates written, but I am so busy writing a PhD dissertation (and we've got a baby at home) that I keep missing my self-imposed deadlines for posting them here. Sorry about that, team. I will try to stay more on the ball in the coming weeks, and set aside a moment each 1st and 15th to do an orderly post as I (continue to) promise I will. At any rate, thanks for continuing to show support, and for any lurkers out there who read and don't comment, if you'd give a quick shout out to let me know you're there, that would be awesome! I think seeing that more than two people are reading this might also give me a little spurt of energy, which is something I need these days.




    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    This is an exciting moment. It looks like I had a lucky guess about Zaadi's plan! Zaadi is tricky, but so is Mubsamat. Zaadi seems to be making the assumption that his opponent's army are around the lights. That's a logical assumption, but what if they're using false lights, like the old stories of wreckers on the coast of Cornwall who lured sailing ships on the rocks? The line about Zaadi being a Lord of the Saba' is nicely phrased, particularly "no part of his land would harm him" - it almost sounds like a hint about Zaadi's fate.
    You had a guess Alwyn. Whether or not it was lucky remains to be seen. At any rate, you can be sure I will not give any spoilers during this chapter, cause it's a good one.

    I like that you liked that phrase about Zaadi. I find Zaadi to be quite an interesting character (well, they are all interesting characters), and his little bits of confidence and arrogance are intriguing to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    A great title for the beginning of what I think will be an impactful chapter for the story. You can feel the tension slowly rising in the behaviour of Zaadi. The encounter between Zaadi and Karab is well done. It shows us a more human side of Zaadi, one who always seems so sure of himself, now admitting to doubting himself. It shows he must have great respect for Karab and trust to show him this weakness.
    Thanks Turk! The dynamic between these two is cool, with a lot of history backing it up, and it is only made more complex by the conflicting things that go with friendship versus subordination. And in general, I am quite enjoying being able to show more fullness of character in these two, rather than having them just be "baddies".

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    Decency? What is that?

    I'll think I have the perfect thing for you then. I'll bring a cluster of Rochefort 10 Trappist with me. Fits nicely for a calm evening of tasting.
    Sounds good to me! I can't remember if I have had that before, though if I was a betting man, I'd guess that I have. At any rate, Belgian beers are always nice for a tasting!
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  19. #379

    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Jan 15]

    Continued from Chapter 11 - Part I


    Dramatis Personae

    Nabati:

    Mun'at Ha'Qadri: General of the Nabati army, tasked with uniting the tribes of Arabia and subduing the Saba' confederations that control Arabia Felix.
    Shullai Ha'Maleki: Prince of the Nabati, riding south under Mun'at's command.
    Ravîv'êl Bikrum: Crown Prince of the Nabati. Currently governing the conquered settlement of Dedan.
    Malka Qênu: King of the Nabati, and leader of the united tribes.

    Rana'in: Elder warrior and long-time friend of Mun'at.
    Khalil: Raider under Mun'at's command, usually tasked with leading the cavalry and light skirmishers.
    Haza'el: Captain of the Nabati.
    Wayyuq: A spy and pathfinder in the service of the Nabati, but not of their tribe.

    Sabeans (Saba'):

    Mubsamat: Queen of the Saba' with ambitions to end the tribal rivalries that plague her people.
    Tharin: Captain of Mubsamat's guard, tasked with contacting the approaching Nabati on Mubsamat's behalf and bringing them over to her cause.
    Zaadi Il'Bayyin: Often referred to as "Lord of the Northpass", Zaadi is a Qayl (higher official) of the Saba', and the ringleader of a group of nobles arrayed against Mubsamat.
    Halik Il'Yakif: Landowner and noble of the Saba' who initially followed Zaadi's plans but has since been turned by Mubsamat.
    Far'am Rafshan: Half-Qatabani exile who was in league with Zaadi Il'Bayyin, until Zaadi killed him.
    Karab: Son of the Athtar Yazi' clan and great leader of the Hashidi warriors of the northern plateau. He is also in league with Zaadi against Mubsamat.
    Hasan: Deceased brother of Karab.



    Chapter 11
    By Darkest Night


    --------------------------------------------------
    (Part II)


    Mubsamat drew a hand across her cheek, feeling the grit and coarse sand that refused to leave her skin. With a scowl marring her beauty she then picked up the damp rag, again, and began to scrub, again. She and her army had had a long day, for after reaching the plain outside Qarnawu her force had begun to carefully scour the planned field of battle, hunting for any traps or signs of the devil Zaadi and his allies. Yet they had found nothing at all, and to make matters worse, a steady wind had picked up in the afternoon, blowing sheets of stinging sand off the crest of every dune. Mubsamat had done her best to act the general, refusing to retreat into the recesses of her pavilion to escape the weighted blast, and though by day's end she could see the added trust her men had in her, she was not sure it was worth the cost. She dipped the rag into the bowl of water before her, and again set to clearing the dust from her face.

    "My Queen, you may scrub yourself bloody, but before noon tomorrow you will again be stained with the desert." Tharin said from behind her, in what sounded to be almost reproachful tones.

    Mubsamat grunted. "Then I will scrub myself again tomorrow, dear Tharin." She continued to work the dirt out of her skin, and when finally she was satisfied, she dropped the damp cloth into its bowl of now murky water before spinning to look upon her captain. Tharin was leaning over a table, studying a rough sketch of the land surrounding Qarnawu, and though he did not make any move to acknowledge her gaze, a slight tightening of his shoulders told Mubsamat that he knew she was looking at him. Without her realizing, a soft smile slipped over her lips, Tharin's almost childish attempts at subtlety making her for a moment forget the trials of the day.

    The keening whistle of the wind outside, however, forced the warm thoughts from her mind. Mubsamat stepped toward Tharin to look upon the crude map. The mountains of Sarat were scratched across its top in jagged lines, and the city of Qarnawu had been picked out with a shapeless smear. To the left of that was the plain where they were to battle Zaadi's brigands. And it was there they had been searching all that day, looking for the traps Mubsamat knew must be waiting. Somewhere.

    "We searched the base of Wadi Madhab, and everything within three bowshots of it for two miles." she said. "There was not a thing, nor any sign of a company having even been there."

    "We could spread further out upon the plain tomorrow. Or perhaps we missed something." Tharin answered flatly.

    Sensing some unspoken thought, Mubsamat looked at Tharin and fixed him with her gaze. Yet again, he pretended not to feel her hazel eyes upon him. She audibly cleared her throat, and when he still kept his silence, Mubsamat snapped, "Speak."

    Tharin took a deep breath, let out a sigh, and shrugged. "You give him too much credit."

    "What?" Mubsamat answered, the single word sounding chilled in the close air of the tent.

    Finally Tharin looked at her, and suddenly he seemed small and tremendously alone. "Zaadi. I think you give him too much credit." he continued in measured tones. "He is clever, but he is too easily swayed by anger or pride. What makes you certain there even is a trap? Maybe he is just foolish enough to deliver himself for destruction. After all, he came to you once already."

    Mubsamat had been ready to throw a barrage of chastisement on her captain and lover, but his final words gave her pause. Zaadi had come to her before, of his own will, and when it seemed to be of no possible use to him. But then Mubsamat had known he would. She could not say how she had known, but she certainly had. There was something before that simply demanded that Zaadi confront her. Yet now she sensed none of that. The renegade Lord of the Northpass had somehow become mysterious and unpredictable.

    As Mubsamat thought, the silence between her and Tharin had lengthened, until finally she said, "No, Tharin. Zaadi is all that you say he is. He is clever, easily angered, and prideful, but you mistake the pride you have within you for that which runs in Zaadi's heart. You are an honest warrior, and to kill a man by treachery would shame you. But Zaadi has only ever seen shame in defeat. Trust me. He will not have challenged us unless he truly thinks he might defeat us, and with his broken numbers, he can only think he might defeat us if has some trick planned. It is upon us to find that trick, to undo it, and then to break the little traitor. Gods willing, we will do it before all the assembled tribes that fight alongside us, and then none will dare challenge us ever again. You and I will rule this land!"

    Mubsamat's words burned with hatred and self-assurance, and under the heat of her fury Tharin seemed to melt. His distant eyes grew soft, glowing with an inner light, and a fiendish smile cracked his lips. "Your will, My Queen." he said quietly, taking a step towards her.

    Seeing the intent in his flushed cheeks and hungry gaze, Mubsamat grinned in answer, before reaching down to undo the sash that bound her dress about her. She let the thin fabric slip over her shoulders and onto the floor, and Tharin stepped even closer, reaching up with his rough hands to cup the smooth curves of Mubsamat's form. She kissed him lightly on his neck and then led him to the pile of blankets and animal skins that made her bed, the captain and Queen briefly forgetting the worries of war in one another's embrace.



    Continue to Chapter 11 - Part III
    Last edited by Kilo11; March 15, 2021 at 03:18 AM.
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  20. #380
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Written in Sand (Nabataean AAR for EBII)[updated: Mar 2]

    Thanks for continuing to write, despite the urgent needs of real life! This is worrying (for Mubsamat and Tharin) as it seems that they won't be well-prepared for Zaadi's attack - they have searched, but not found their enemy.

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