Did Edward Gibbon invent a time machine so he could go back to the Roman era to ensure its demise, just so he could write and sell his book about it?

[Roma_Victrix]

Edward Gibbon, that slimy infamous book merchant, the Gavin Menzies of his day!

I think there is strong circumstantial evidence that Edward Gibbon, in his zeal to sell gaudy and salacious material, invented a time machine so he could personally take a trip back in time to the Antonine period, to lay the seeds of destruction for the Roman Empire. I think it's quite possible that Edward Gibbon, in his Enlightenment-period laboratory, invented a viral strain in a beaker (take that, Louis Pasteur), traveled back in time, and then unleashed this foul virus into the water system of a Parthian village during the 160s AD, bringing plague and misery to the Roman Empire under Marcus Aurelius' otherwise storied reign. I believe Edward Gibbon also flattered his way into the Roman imperial court and potentially whispered honeyed words and corrosively bad advice into the ears of Commodus, Severus, Valerian, and Honorius, encouraging them to debase the once proud and mighty Roman Empire, leading to its decline and ultimate destruction. And he did it all, just to sell his trashy tabloid: The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.

Give us your thoughts! Should Gibbon's remains be exhumed and harangued before a jury of his peers in a high court of law for his innumerable crimes? Or has the statute of limitations passed on the matter? I think we should invent a time machine just to go back and tar and feather this man. What a devil! Join me on Twitter as we assemble for a large book burning event.

Down with Gibbon! Down with the oppressor! Latin power!

[Adamat]

Move along, citizen. This person has been submitted to gulag for re-education purposes.

[LaMuerte]

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current;No sooner is a thing brought to sight then it is swept by and another takes it place, and this too will be swept away. - Marcus Aurelius

If time is a sort of river of passing events, Gibbon must have time-traveled to Rome by some sort of ship. Possibly a river barge. Perhaps a Chinese Fleet led by Menzies brought them there.

[Arbitrary Crusader]

I just wanna go back and beat the out of Marc Anthony before his hard on for Cicero

[Kyriakos]

Didn't Napoleon famously describe Gibbon's prose style as "barking"? ^_^

Besides: "Byzantine"

[Roma_Victrix]

Move along, citizen. This person has been submitted to gulag for re-education purposes.

Stalin's gulag can't melt Roman Noricum steel.

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current;No sooner is a thing brought to sight then it is swept by and another takes it place, and this too will be swept away. - Marcus Aurelius

If time is a sort of river of passing events, Gibbon must have time-traveled to Rome by some sort of ship. Possibly a river barge. Perhaps a Chinese Fleet led by Menzies brought them there.

This is a valid theory in my mind. Menzies was a navy man after all. A crap one, but a navy man nonetheless! He would know how to man the ship that led to Rome. As we all know, all waterways lead to Rome.

I just wanna go back and beat the out of Marc Anthony before his hard on for Cicero

I guess Cleopatra would have to latch herself onto a different man, then! However, it wouldn't have been Octavian, since he was so at odds with her son Caesarion.

Didn't Napoleon famously describe Gibbon's prose style as "barking"? ^_^

Besides: "Byzantine"

Napoleon was onto something!

Also, we're talking about the Western Roman Empire here, Kyriakos, not the Eastern Roman Empire, obviously! Unless you want to form the valid argument that Gibbon was also responsible for the sack of Constantinople by Crusaders in 1204 and the capture of the city by the Ottomans in 1453. That I could get behind.

[Morifea]

He also made sure, that Basil II, the Βουλγαροκτόνος, would not marry and sire some badasses like himself, starting a long lasting Dynasty of efficient roman Emperors.

Thus in the long run Gibbon is guilty for Manznikert and everything that happened afterwards.

[Kyriakos]

There was almost a new (sort of*) Basil II emperor in the late 40s, with the byzantine civil war and Georgios - The Mountain -Maniakes.
Maniakes was a huge and imposing warrior-general, who took parts of Sicily back for the byz empire, having under his command also the famous varangian (and later kind of Norway) Harald Haldrade. Georgios became ruler of the byzantine theme of Italy, but later revolted due to heavy insult by the empreror (and some brutal slayings by Georgios tied to that).
In the civil war the emperor was set to very clearly lose, and in fact Georgios won the battle near Thessalonike, but given he was so reckless he didn't protect himself and was arrowed down. So the empire continued having spineless freaks for emperors, until Romanos Diogenes, and until it was too late. :/

*Maniakes was certainly as brutal as Basil II, but nowhere near as politically skillful. He was pretty much Game of Thrones "the Mountain" or (at best) Khal Drogo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Maniakes

[Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ]

Every time I see a funny thread title on historical subject, I know Roma_Victrix is behind it.

[Kyriakos]

^ Yes ^_^

[EmperorBatman999]

The massive size of his second chin created the ripple in the space-time continuum that must've made his journeys back 1,400 years possible!

The secret power of this unassuming tool, however, would have remained unknown if it weren't for the ghost of Isaac Newton explaining to Gibbons the power he held on his very own face. Of course, Newton was on the verge of discovering something more than his namesake Newtonian physics...something quantum...if only the mercury hadn't gotten to him first!

[Kyriakos]

My favourite quote about Newton has always been that "he was involved in crushing beetles in an attempt to make himself invisible".