Edward Gibbon, that slimy infamous book merchant, the Gavin Menzies of his day!
I think there is strong circumstantial evidence that Edward Gibbon, in his zeal to sell gaudy and salacious material, invented a time machine so he could personally take a trip back in time to the Antonine period, to lay the seeds of destruction for the Roman Empire. I think it's quite possible that Edward Gibbon, in his Enlightenment-period laboratory, invented a viral strain in a beaker (take that, Louis Pasteur), traveled back in time, and then unleashed this foul virus into the water system of a Parthian village during the 160s AD, bringing plague and misery to the Roman Empire under Marcus Aurelius' otherwise storied reign. I believe Edward Gibbon also flattered his way into the Roman imperial court and potentially whispered honeyed words and corrosively bad advice into the ears of Commodus, Severus, Valerian, and Honorius, encouraging them to debase the once proud and mighty Roman Empire, leading to its decline and ultimate destruction. And he did it all, just to sell his trashy tabloid: The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.
Give us your thoughts! Should Gibbon's remains be exhumed and harangued before a jury of his peers in a high court of law for his innumerable crimes? Or has the statute of limitations passed on the matter? I think we should invent a time machine just to go back and tar and feather this man. What a devil! Join me on Twitter as we assemble for a large book burning event.
Down with Gibbon! Down with the oppressor! Latin power!