Death In The Sands .(Changed the style drastically )

[Owlparrot3]

I declare voting to be stopped now .
I declare that 'Option 4' has won .

[Owlparrot3]

My vote doesn't count .

[NorseThing]

And I cannot make a decision.

To be honest, all would be fine choices and I will try and make a decision and vote!

[Owlparrot3]

Thanks for voting .Please everyone ,please vote .

[Welsh Dragon]

They're all interesting ideas, but I find the one I voted for intriguing.

But really, go with the one you are most interested in. And good luck!

All the Best,

Welsh Dragon.

[Owlparrot3]

Thanks for voting WD .
Now the votes are tied(my vote doesn't count) .
Now in a few hours time ,if nobody has waited ,then i will simply roll a die among the three options for which people voted and start writing ,cause i am bored of waiting .

[La♔De♔Da♔Brigadier Graham]

A good selection of choices sir....Voted.

[Owlparrot3]

Chapter 2 -The battle itself .

In early 1921 the Spanish Army commenced an offensive into northeastern Morocco from the coastal regions they already held. The advance took place without extended lines of communication being adequately established or the complete subjugation of the areas occupied. In the course of the Spanish offensive, the Spanish commander General Manuel Fernández Silvestre had penetrated almost 130 kilometres into the enemy lines but during the hasty advances neither defensible forts nor accessible water supply points had been put in place. The territory newly occupied by the Spanish was garrisoned only by multiple small makeshift blockhouses (blocaos), each manned by a handful of soldiers (typically 12-20). These outposts were widely spread, typically located in high places, distant from water sources and lacking good communications with the main positions .

On July 22, 1921, after five days of skirmishing, 5,000 Spanish troops occupying the advanced encampment of Annual were attacked by 3,000 Riff fighters. General Silvestre, who had arrived at Annual only the day before, decided upon a withdrawal along the line of the previous Spanish advance. A last radio message sent just before 5 a.m. advised Silvestre's intention to evacuate Annual later the same morning. At about 10am the garrison began to march in column from the encampment but confused leadership and inadequate preparation meant that any hope of an orderly withdrawal quickly degenerated into a disorganized rout. The Spanish conscripts, under heavy fire and exhausted by the intense heat, broke into a confused crowd .

And thus here we return back to the man who had been earlier spewing death from the crosshairs of his deadly Lee -Enfield .

Albert Trent had first arrived in the RIF immediately after the the great war as a manager in an English mining company .But it soon became clear that he had more to his mind than mining .

Through his own contacts he had come to know about the discontent of the people and their readiness to rebel against Spanish rule .

After Abd -El -Krim had first raided the Spanish outposts in the Rif ,Albert had immediately rode into their camp one day .
Initial checkups had found only a wallet with some English pounds ,American dollars and the photo of some man with some Belgian nobles dated out to be 1893 .

Soon he demonstrated his shooting skills to Karim in a test and he had been accepted as a mercenary for a high pay .

And that was how he came about to be shooting poor Spanish men in the battle of Annual .

Currently he steadied his aim again ,but not to kill someone ,the cavalry had already been routed .The Spanish infantry had fled .Their tents still lay strewn on the ground .

The Berber cannons were firing upon one last group of men who were still trying to flee .He felt great excitement in seeing them be cut down to pieces like that .Even more so when zoomed in .

[Owlparrot3]

Chapter 1

Location -Annual ,Morocco .
Date -July 22 1921 .
Time -About a few minutes after 10 am .

Through the lens of his Lee Enfield MKIII ,Albert Trent watched as the Spanish officer's face curled up in a strange expression of horror and hopelessness .
Now lets resolve the situation from the side of the Spaniard's side .
He was supposed to charge with the rest of the cavalry against overwhelming odds so that his entire ,previously well disciplined army could have an easier time routing like frightened children against a wild and unimaginably horrific enemy .

Now imagine how would you react if you were in his place and also found out that a sniper had your forehead right in his crosshairs .
Obviously you would duck or jump off your horse .

Except that in this case ,our poor officer didn't have much time .He had approximately five hundred million nano seconds to react .
Obviously he didn't make it .

The shot caught him right where it was intended....................................in the forehead .Even as his forehead blasted out a hideous fountain of blood ,the man who had shot him only wasted a second more to congratulate himself before pushing the bolt forward to aim again .

During the second shot however ,something inside the gun malfunctioned and the bullet went off with a louder bang and gave off much more smoke .Albert Trent did get his man ,another cavalryman right on the upper left shoulder .However it also got him the attention of his own comrades for this particular battle .

No ,they were not like the smart British tommies of his previous war(WW1) or like the Austrian seperatists with whom he had fought in 1919 against the last vestiges of royalist support .
No ,these men were much more stronger and influenced with a great patriotic zeal and fervour .
These men were the Rifi people of Northern Morocco .



As an outcome of the Treaty of Fez (1912) Spain gained possession of the lands around Melilla and Ceuta. In 1920, the Spanish commissioner, General Dámaso Berenguer, decided to conquer the eastern territory from the Jibala tribes, but had little success.

The Rif was populated by many tribes who generally acted only in their own interests. There were rarely any agreements binding the tribes, apart from occasional alliances, while inter-tribal disturbances continued at irregular intervals. Without a unified front, the fragmented opposition to the Spanish caused little threat to the colonial power; although the dislike for the Spanish fermented amongst all tribes. One of the larger tribes in the Rif was the Aith Waryagher, located in the east of the Spanish Zone. It was from this tribe that significant opposition to the Spanish finally arose with dramatic consequences. The man who led the opposition was Si Muhammad n-Si ‘Abd al-Krim al-Khatabi or, as he is more commonly known, Abdel Krim (which is actually his father’s name).


Abdel Krim was of the son of a qadi (a Judge of Islamic law) of the the Aith Waryagher. His father had developed relationships with the mining companies seeking to exploit the iron deposits in the Rif and he had managed to obtain a good education for his son. A better education was obtained for his second son, M’hommad, who became the first Rifi to study at University, undertaking a course in Madrid with the object of becoming a mining engineer.


Abdel Krim learnt Spanish and obtained work in the Spanish settlements, holding a number of positions, through promotion, at the Central Office of Native Affairs. After studying law he ultimately became Chief Qadi of the Melilla zone in 1914. He also became editor of the Arabic supplement to El Telegrama del Rif. In 1915 he is reported to have made political announcements in El Telegrama del Rif, in which he proposed that Spain should not seek to extend her influence beyond the Presidios and that he would organize a government of the Rif to be treated on an equal footing with Spain.


For these, and similar claims, he was imprisoned. An attempted escape, in which he broke his leg, did not stop him from eventually being re-instated in the Office of Native Affairs in 1917. At the end of World War I he was alarmed at the repatriation, to French territory, of tribesman who had been critical of the French during the War. Fearing for his own safety, due to his criticism of the Spanish, he returned to his homelands. Once there, he convinced his father to recall his brother from his studies in Madrid.


During the next two years Abdel Krim and his brother worked amongst the tribes to establish a united front against the Spanish. Following his father’s death in 1920, Abdel Krim became the leading figure of his tribe. While Abdel Krim was an able politician, leader and policy maker, it was his brother M’hommad who became the charismatic military leader who established the army of the Rif. Working with the local tribes, and drawing on his experience and knowledge of the Spanish, M’hommad created an armed force that adopted a uniform, drilled regularly and fought to a planned strategy.


The Spanish were well aware of the discontent amongst the native population and the efforts of the Aith Waryagher to organize resistance against them. As well as continuing to assert their authority over the population, the Spanish attempted to divert the feelings aroused in the local tribes against the French in southern Morocco. In 1921 the Spanish, through the representations of a Spaniard named Señor Echevarieta, attempted to take possession of strategic points around Alhucemas Bay by offering to pay Abdel Krim 20 million pesetas. As well as offering money, the Spanish proposed to supply modern armaments for the native population to prosecute a military campaign against the French. This approach was rejected, as Abdel Krim saw the Spanish as the greater enemy of the Rif and he refused to be drawn into a conflict with the French.


After suffering the domination of the Spanish for many years, due to insufficient strength to oppose them, Abdel Krim decided that by May 1921 he had developed enough power to test the Spanish. The chosen point to attack the Spanish was the strategic post of Dar Abara (or Abaran) in Tensamane country. With three hundred warriors, Abdel Krim attacked the fortified Spanish position and after a tough battle the Spanish were defeated. The Spanish lost three to four hundred men, while the Rifians lost only eight or nine men. Although the victory was in itself stunning, the weapons, munitions and supplies captured by Abdel Krim allowed the Rifi to seriously consider widening their campaign.

[Owlparrot3]

Chapter 3 .

He was currently in the tent of the leader .

"You have served us well ,it was due to the actions of bravehearts like you that we have won the Jihad at Annual " said Karim .
"Thank you your highness" replied Albert in chaste Arabic .
"But now i wish you to leave Morroco ,you must leave this place and go back to Europe ,there you must sway popular opinions and sympathies towards our cause " said Karim .
"Ok" said Albert .
"And there is another job you must do" said Karim .
"What?" asked Trent .
"Mustapha will give you the briefing" said Karim .

[Alwyn]

I wouldn't have wanted to be a cavalryman in 20th century warfare (as I imagine they'd be easy targets for rifle fire.) It sounds like you've done some research into the peoples of Morocco in this historical period and events such as the Treaty of Fez. I wonder how Albert Trent will sway public opinion and recruit a regiment, they sound like very challenging tasks for a former manager of a mining company. (I imagine that the authorities might be concerned about anyone raising a regiment unless they had direct authority from the government as a member of the military, or perhaps a member of the aristocracy raising a militia regiment).

[Owlparrot3]

Thanks for commenting Alwyn ,currently the updates have been stalled for a number of reasons .
1)My TWC boss Crohunger has asked me to do some research for IS .
2)I am writing another AAR on paradox forums(Increasing my sphere of influence if you know what i mean....................)

[Owlparrot3]

Chapter 4 .

"Mr Diaz sir ,we have information that he's in Madrid ,we don't know how he looks but he's here " said the agent .

"Who my man" asked Colonel Diaz .

"Trent" said the man .

"Wha.........................that man has retired years ago ,we know that he lives in Britain and we could have easily killed him ,but we felt no need of it ,'Congo' Trent is too old to kill anyone anymore anyway" said the colonel .

"I don't mean 'the ghost' Trent ,i mean Trent junior " said the agent .

"Such a person doesn't exist ,he got killed during a mine collapse two years ago " said Diaz .

"Please believe me sir ,i am an agent......................"

"Of the Partido Liberale party ,all you liberals know is how to fool good citizens like me ,hadn't your boss made a public speech about decolonization last week"

"But sir i am working for the govern................................."

"Out"

"But sir............................................

"Enough out"

"Sir i am warning you...................

"GET OUT RIGHT NOW"

Thus Diaz signed his own death sentence .


Albert sipped his delicate French coffee lightly ensuring that the flavor and structure remained as the chef had served .He was in the hotel Bistro .
Hotel Bistro was located in the most opulent sector of Madrid .In front of it was the 'King greenhouse' which on paper was an elite greenhouse which was supposed to house rare colonial plants for the wealthy to buy .In reality ,it was a front for the spies of the Partido Liberale party .Today Agent Vasquez would be all alone there .Meaning ,that the other elite agents just happened to be out at the same time and only 7 guards separated him and Albert .The fee had been a whopping $7500 !

His front was as Dr.Homer ,a very distinguished plant researcher who had came to buy plants worth $1000 .The agent hadn't seen Dr.Homer ,but high politicians in the party themselves had advised him to let the doctor in .In reality ,all this was arranged by a foreign power that was helping the Rif rebellion .

Finally when the huge clock in the hotel struck 1.30 ,he started for the door .There had been no time for the appointment and thus 1.30 pm was the best time .The second shift started at 3 pm and thus during the last few hours ,the guards would be at their clumsiest .

At the gate ,he daftly took out his appointment letter and passport ,expertly changed for just $50 at a local den .The guard then searched him .His bags ,his boots and even his unmentionables .For two minutes there was absolute tensioned silence and then the guard suddenly broke it "Welcome in Dr.Homer ,you are expected ,follow me to your temporary room ,the boss would take just 10 minutes to change " said he .

The guard the led him to a small outhouse kind of room .Then closing the door ,he left .

Albert quickly took out his pen ,inside it was not ink ,but deadly poison .He was now ready .

He had hardly been inside for two and a half minutes when the door suddenly opened .A guard burst in .Without warning the guard quickly jumped on Albert .Albert tried to resist but the guard had him pinned .The guard then tied a gag to Albert's mouth .
Then a minute later he was gone .

Having recovered his breathe ,Albert removed the gag .Tied to it was a paper .On it was written :

Mr .Homer .

The real reason for you being here is not because of some plants ,our target loves opium ,he orders high quality rare drugs from Morocco every month atleast once ,each time he orders from a different doctor ,this time its you ,take notice of this ,underneath the bed in the outhouse is the opium pipe ,take it and go to the agent .Beware ,his brother-in-law tests every opium pipe ,so don't insert poison into it directly .I am sure you can figure it out ,you are too talented .

Greetings from Al-Rif.

Agent Vasquez greedily eyed the Doctor as he entered the room .A man like him had a very tough life ,he needed refreshments like this ,and on top of it all ,it stimulated his mind and gave him bright new ideas for a golden future for Spain .
The doctor bowed and then he handed over the Opium pipe to Vasquez .Vasquez ,as agreed in protocol ,handed it over to his brother-in-law Martinez .
Martinez took a whiff ,then sat down in a huff .

After two minutes he replied ,"That's some good stuff senior" .

As Vasquez was about to take the pipe from him ,the doctor exclaimed ."Oh my go !" .

Vasquez quickly looked at the doctor .

"What happened Mr.Homer?" asked Vasquez .

"The diamond bead embedded in the pipe is missing" he said .

"Never mind" said Vasquez .

Then he took the first whiff .It chilled him out .

A minute later ,the doctor exclaimed ,"Found it !" Then he said again
"My boss would have had by brains if i had lost it ,wait ,i will insert it ,adds to the pleasure!"

Vasquez reluctantly handed over the pipe ,the doctor embedded a small minute diamond on the pipe's upper side and then was about to hand it over to Vasquez ,when ,the doctor's pen which was in his other hand fell down .

Having picked it up ,the doctor handed over the pipe to Vasquez .

Then causally he asked "May i have a look at the plants in the mean time?" .
Vasquez eyed him from top to bottom ,then after a minute's silence he said ,"Go ahead" .Then Vasquez resumed smoking .
Escaping the guards in the compound was easy business ,but escape from the country was well managed by the foreign power .

Agent Vasquez was dead after just four more smokes .His lungs had been burned down .

[Alwyn]

I wonder what happened to the diamond bead and whether another agent will investigate the death which occurs here.

[Owlparrot3]

Thanks so much for commenting Alwyn .Yeah ,investigation's bound to happen .

[chriscase]

Hi mad orc,
I'm new here so I apologize in advance if I'm not following some rules for this part of the forum.
It's hard for me to follow the writing because of some superficial things like grammar and punctuation. I'm sure there are a number of style guides and even word processors that would guide you on where to place punctuation marks and how to write things like dialogue.

Just a couple things that seem to happen a lot:

-> Placement of whitespace before instead of after commas and period marks:

"Mr Diaz sir ,we have information that he's in Madrid ,we don't know how he looks but he's here " said the agent .

should read more like

"Mr. Diaz, sir. We have information that he's in Madrid. We don't know how he looks, but he's here," said the agent.

I'll keep reading but honestly it would be a lot easier if you fixed the punctuation. I'm sure there are many style guides for dialogue, but here's one I found on Google:

https://firstmanuscript.com/format-dialogue/

I know sometimes thinking about punctuation might disrupt your creative flow, and there's nothing wrong with drafting your work and then coming along later and editing it for grammar and punctuation. However you do it, it's a lot nicer for your readers if your published draft is formatted correctly. :-)

[Owlparrot3]

Thanks so much for commenting man .
And thanks for that link too.
I will surely try to improve .
Till then .........keep reading and commenting .Your comments are like fuel to me .