The State of the England Speech
I entered a TotW competition (271 in the archives). I made the mistake of editing to fit the competition guidelines and I should have started either with a newer idea or I should have been a better editor. I am not complaining about the rules. I do regret that I submitted an entry that was not very good. However, I am going to post the piece here as a stand alone finished creative work. I do enjoy the act of writing and I do like to share what I write. Compare the two and you will see that this is a bit better but way too long to meet the TotW rules. I will be the first to admit it was not even close to a winning entry even before the editing. Once again -- I congratulate Welsh Dragon for a very great entry and an even better win!
The State of England Speech
by NorseThing
In the spirit of many great English language writers in older days I offer you King Henry VIII as his Royal Majesty as he could have addressed the State of the Kingdom in 1536 if he were Donald J. Trump:
Mr. Prolocutor, Lords Temporal, Lords Spiritual, the Queen Consort of England, and my fellow Englishman:
A bit more than one year has passed since I stood at this podium, in this majestic chamber, to speak on behalf of the English People -- and to address their concerns, their hopes, and their dreams. That night, our Royal Offices had already taken swift action to begin the dissolution of a sad situation. Yes, a very sad situation. And together today, we are building a safe, strong, and proud England.
(pause for applause)
No clear male heir has been provided by Ann Boleyn. A new tide of optimism was already sweeping across our land with my pending marriage to Jane Seymour, your beloved Queen Consort. My future wife, your beloved Queen may bring us such an heir to the throne shortly. But the path toward the throne is cluttered with false claims, I ask parliament to clear away these false claims so that all of England will know that their future is secure by the clear line of succession.
(a pause for members of Parliament who were shouting out: "No false claims, no false claims, no false claims)
I thank Parliament for recognizing the wisdom in my practice of using Bills of Attainder to rid our great nation of Treasonous and Adulterous influences. There is no need for a trial to proceed an execution when the king himself has leveled the accusations. Executing like all royal acts are the prerogative of every king to rule by the divine grace of God.
I am also asking Parliament to recognize the great work performed by Thomas Audley as Prolocutor. The Parliament needs a speaker and not merely a prolocutor. I suggest the position be renamed to reflect the greater value of the position. So, in advance of Parliament acting, I may be so bold as to address Mr. Audley as Mr. Speaker. Also, it may please us as well that I shall perform a ceremony in the very near future to knight Mr. Speaker as Sir Thomas Audley of Essex.
(a pause for members of parliament who were shouting out; "(Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker! Mr. Speaker! )
There is a grave issue of money that we as a kingdom must address. We must address this problem because England is great and England must remain great. This is the problem of pence leaving England with no return to our credit.
St. Peter in Rome collects the small tokens from the poorest of our parishioners each and every mass. What good is it to send our gold to Rome? Does it help build warmer homes for Englishmen? Do these tokens then put food on the tables here in England? The gold simply makes the Papal treasure chests so full that more chests must be constructed to hold more of our precious gold. Does this gold flow just by serendipity or does it flow by carelessness in protecting what is ours? We can hold this gold here in England rather than allow it to be stored in the Papal treasury. I ask Parliament to pass an act to stop this practice. Stop paying Peter the pence from our Parishes. I ask you to pass the Peter Pence Act promptly.
(a pause as the members of parliament shout out: Stop paying Peter the pence, Stop paying Peter the pence, Stop paying Peter the pence")
Along with precious gold leaving our great Kingdom, there is the problem of a pretender prince sitting on a throne in France. Not only is this affecting our standing as proud and great Kingdom, it is a threat that allows the connivance of the Holy Roman Emperor free access to our Royal lands in France. France can be the wall that stops these incursions. France can be the wall that protects England from foreign adventurers. But for England to have this wall, England must spend gold to build this wall. Gold that today is filling the treasure chests of Peter. So not only must England stop Peter from taking our Pence, I as king must also have the pence to build the wall.
(a pause as the members of parliament shout out: Build the Wall! Build the Wall! Build the Wall! ")
These acts will restore the greatness of England. We have already taken some actions to reform the influence of Rome by requiring only the highest levels of church offices to be represented in Parliament. Today as you look out over those gathered here, I am proud to announce that the Lords Temporal now out number the Lords Spiritual.
(a pause for the Lords Temporal to applaud as the Lords Spiritual stand in silence.)
As long as we are proud of who we are, and what we are fighting for, there is nothing we cannot achieve.
Our families will thrive.
Our people will prosper.
And our Kingdom will forever be safe and strong and proud and mighty and free.
Thank you, and God bless England.
(The members of parliament cheer and applaud as King Henry makes his way slowly to exit the chamber while members of parliament reach out to shake his hand.)
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