Of Souls Fragments - Updated: Battle of Hilhom Chapter 2 | 08/03/17

[Tigellinus]

Hey, Shank! Have you thought about submitting this for the MCWC?

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

I feel more or less the opposite of Mad Orc, here. I love the descriptions and wish I could do them as well as you! I can actually imagine the scene you are putting forward, and it is beautiful!

Lovely work, Shank!

Nice to hear the opposite, I guess people all have different (but equally valid) preferences.

Glad to hear you enjoyed it the chapter!

Nice update, I wonder if the double POV will continue or if it was just to introduce "the enemy."

Regarding the discussion around descriptions, I think the current length is fine. There's actually room for more detail, imo. On the other hand, mad orc does have a point. If I may, I'd like to suggest the "show, don't tell" approach. Let's take the latest Chapter as an example. Instead of desribing the scene solely with the narrator, you could have added a discussion among Rickard and his high ranking officers about it. You don't even have to quit writing these descriptions (which are very good): it should be enough to accompany them with remarks from the characters that develop them and advance the plot.

I'm not quite sure about how the POV will work, more than likely it will follow something similar to the my other Of Souls work (alternating chapters). I think it works quite well and allows to me to slip different pieces of information and story-telling in that would otherwise only be limited to one side.

That's a great suggestion, thank-you! I'll try doing some experimenting with the next chapter and see how it works out. I appreciate the feedback.

Hey, Shank! Have you thought about submitting this for the MCWC?

Thanks for reminding me Tig, I've just submitted it now.

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

Chapter 2 /ˈtʃaptə tu:

---

"The reign of Soulqueen Alanna will, regardless of its number of merits, has been remembered for one thing only: being last stable realm before the signing of the Treaty - and for allowing it to fail."

--The Southern Domain: A Modern Study

* * *

With the thought of victory in his head Rickard wheeled his mount around away from the city to face all the men who had accompanied him to the top of the hill. “Hilhom gentleman, the final and soon to be last bastion that remains in our way. It has been a long road but the end is in sight,” he addressed him with a gesture to the city behind him. “As soon as the main body of troops have arrived we will begin our siege, I want everything ready no later than two days from now. We assault on the third.”

A wave of murmuring rolled over the crowd, quickly settled under Rickard’s steely gaze, who eyes came to rest on the gathered Soullords. “Your graces,” he began sarcastically, “Many of you have only recently sworn fealty to me. To you I simply say this: obey my orders and remember who you now serve, or the fury that came down and conquered your lands will pale in comparison to what I will bring to bear upon you.” With a final stony gaze, he waved them dismissed, “Gather your banns, General Hagarth will pass on my orders ready for the assault.”

The cowed Soullords bowed in submission before turning around and descending the hill with their followers, leaving Rickard alone with this retinue and personal bodyguard. “I doubt we will have any trouble with them Hagarth,” Rickard continued as they watched the Soullords retreat down the hill.

The general nodded, “Aye, it seems you have them browbeaten for now sir.” Hagarth was a broad, stout man who had served as Marshall of Rickard’s bann for as long as Rickard had been Soullord, and now commanded the entire army in his name. He was an experienced commander and Soulsmith with a no-nonsense approach – a shared character trait that had carried them both so far. He turned his weathered face towards the city, his eyes studying it for a moment, the sun reflecting off his polished armour. “Place makes escaping from the Dark Vale seem an easier option, what’s your plan?”

Rickard smiled, “We’ll be sending the lot of them to face the Fallen soon enough. I have Arkus working on a way to deal with the Trees, and the Soulsmiths on the wall but once that’s out the way it’ll be down to the men, after the wall they won’t have the Souls to be of much use.” He paused to eye the city again, “Three divisions. Hamwell and Keyor to approach the city for the assault from where we make breaks in the wall, Philpen to scout round the whole city and ensure no surprises, my bann in reserve. Your thoughts?”

Hagarth nodded, “Simple enough, it has worked so far. After Farody Hamwell and Keyor’s divisions are a bit thin on the ground but it shouldn’t be an issue, I’ll draft a few Companies over from Philpen’s men if they aren’t directly involved in the assault.”

“Good, see to it,” Rickard replied. The two of them didn’t need to go into any more detail than that, Rickard trusted Hagarth to pass on the specific orders. Turning back to face the rest of his retinue he continued, “Any one got anything to add?”

Hamwell and Keyord just nodded, they served under Hagarth as Under-generals, commanders of the divisions that formed the army – a new formation that had been introduced as Rickard’s army grew too large to managed by each individual bann, and had been part of Rickard’s bann since before the war. Philpen looked disgruntled that his division would not be involved in the assault but nodded his assent nonetheless. The assembled Lieutenants who were part of his retinue and served as assistants to the General remained silent as Rickard eyed them for any more questions.

“Your grace,” came the quiet, almost gentle voice of Soulcaptain Arkus just as Rickard was about to dismiss them, the man in charge of all the Soulsmiths from different banns that served in the army. He was a slight man with unnoticeable features save for his sharp eyes, dressed in plain robes with a crystal belt tied to his waist that glowed full with Souls. “May I suggest that Undergeneral Philpen and his men also scour the surrounding lands for whatever food hasn’t already been gathered and stored in the city. Progress with what you have tasked me has slowed as we try to understand more, and it may be a bit longer than anticipated before the Trees can be dealt with and our supplies might need replenishing whilst we wait.”

Hagarth grumbled at the comment, turning to a Lieutenant for an inventory report, but Rickard just nodded. Arkus may not look like much but only a fool judged him as so, he was one of the greatest and most powerful Soulsmtihs Rickard knew. “Very well Arkus, we will talk more about your progress when I return from the city, I want a detailed update. Philpen, your men will gather what they can. Dismissed.”

“Yes your grace,” came the reply with a slight questioning tone, “May I ask why you are heading down to the city?”

Rickard grinned as he wheeled his mount around, ready to gallop off towards the city’s gates with his bodyguard in tow, “Why to see my dear brother of course.”

[Caillagh de Bodemloze]

Well, that gives us a bit more of the plan - although you're still teasing us by withholding details of the most important parts, I notice!

I like the way Rickard's turning out - and Hagarth and Arkus are looking interesting, too. And that last line is excellent...

[Alwyn]

I agree with Caillagh; after the previous chapter, I am eager to discover more about Rickard's plan for the Crystal Trees, so now I would like to know what Arkus is working on. It sounds like this will be a slow process. If the attacking army will rely on trying to obtain food from the surrounding area, I wonder if they will struggle to feed everyone (because it seems likely that the defenders would already have scoured the surrounding area and brought all of the food they could find into Hilhom, unless the defenders did not have sufficient advance warning of the approaching army to do this).

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

Thanks for the comments guys, much appreciated. Rickard is a fun character to write, just a plain old scheming bastard really.

(he is however keeping his plans for the Crystal Trees secret from even me )