Against the Tribe (fantasy story)

**Boriak** · November 27, 2016, 01:16 PM

I'm glad you're enjoying the story, Alwyn.

Chapter 10 is up.

**Admiral Van Tromp** · November 27, 2016, 06:42 PM

Nice build up around the boar. Also, regarding the character's names, have you created a conlang for this or are you just going by what sounds good?

Keep up the good work!

**Boriak** · November 30, 2016, 02:17 PM

Thanks for the support, Admiral. I didn't create a conlang per se and am not planning to but there will definitely be new words in there eventually. I tend not to pepper the reader with new vocabulary unless there is specific need for it. Misquoting Einstein: "Make it as simple as possible but not simpler."

Some names are a result of my search through online name generators and then tweaking the results to my liking. Some names have been with me since my gaming days, others come to me when I reach the right types of brainstorms. I keep lists of names. When I need a new one, I will go hunt for it in those lists, carefully checking the emotion the name evokes to get the right effect. With the upcoming novel, I checked the native American pallette of names and have the right ones picked out. I did not decide yet if I want to swap the names or not.

By the way, chapter 11 is up.

**Admiral Van Tromp** · November 30, 2016, 07:52 PM

Thanks for the insight on your method. The biggest advantage of a conlang is a greater "cohesion" inside the vocabulary. Your story and setting don't need it as much as bigger and more spacially defined universes (deeply different factions are a great driving force for the need of conlangs, I find). What you're doing works fine.

Anyways, good chapter.

**Alwyn** · December 03, 2016, 04:02 AM

The confrontation over the missing spear in chapter 10 and the encounter between Niomir and the boar in chapter 11, are well done! I wonder what Flat Face will do now and whether Niomir's actions will be sufficient to avert the punishment for a Runt taking a weapon. Your decision to keep things simple, adding new words when the story needs them but not otherwise, sounds good one to me.

**Boriak** · December 04, 2016, 11:35 AM

Thank you both for the encouraging words. I focus more on developing the culture and lore than language. I've found that over-doing some elements can slow down the story and it can definitely slow down your writing process.

Chapter 12 is up.

**Dude with the Food** · December 06, 2016, 01:35 PM

I won't spoil anything in case people see this first but

**Caillagh de Bodemloze** · December 09, 2016, 09:53 AM

I've just got round to reading this (there was a lot of it, so it kind of got postponed till I'd caught up with most other things in these parts...) and I think it's excellent. That's a fine cliffhanger at the end of chapter 12.

**Boriak** · December 11, 2016, 09:25 AM

Hey, guys. I'm glad you're reading, glad you're enjoying the story. Any feedback is very welcome, so don't hesitate to let me know what you think about it. If you think that some parts could use improvement, I want to know about it.

In the meantime, chapter 13 is up.

**Admiral Van Tromp** · December 11, 2016, 04:00 PM

Great chapter. The tension betweeen Niomir and Flat Face is developing nicely and you did a good job showing both sides of the coin in the last part.

I don't see anything with a distinct need for improvement myself. The vocabulary seems too advanced for a hunter-gatherer society sometimes, but it's perfectly justifiable by what it adds to the narrative and you balance it well with simpler speech and concepts.

Keep it up.

**Boriak** · December 18, 2016, 02:13 PM

Hey, guys. Sorry for the rather long pause, had some Wi-Fi troubles. Chapter 14 is now up. One more to go.

As usual, any comment is most welcome.

**Alwyn** · December 23, 2016, 10:15 AM

Great updates! The confrontations between Niomir and the other characters in chapters 13 and 14 are dramatic and moving, reflecting the strong, mixed emotions and motivations of the characters.

**Boriak** · December 25, 2016, 04:30 AM

Hey, Alwyn. Glad to see you're still enjoying the story.

Anywho, the final chapter (15) is up. My Christmas gift to you.

**Admiral Van Tromp** · January 05, 2017, 07:02 AM

Great ending! Isurion and the bow seem like the perfect way to wrap it up.

Great job and I hope you spoil us with new work soon.

**Boriak** · January 05, 2017, 11:54 AM

Hey, Admiral, thanks for the support and also for the rep.

Hope New Year's was great for you guys. Just came home from a vacation in the Netherlands and now I'm busy finishing my latest WiP. 2017 will be a big thing for me as I prepare to turn pro (or at least semi-pro) with my fiction. I've been writing in English for 6 years and while there's still a lot to learn, I'm confident enough to try my luck on the professional book market. I'm coming up with a list of literary agents and will begin wooing them with the novel that directly continues Against the Tribe. It will be called Tribes Asunder. If Against the Tribe becomes Book 1 of the novel as I plan to do, the novel will be about 90,000 words long. Right now, I have enough material for at least five novels but that number will probably go up as I develop more of the setting. There's also a second group of novels that I plan to write in the same setting as Tribes but much later in the timeline. Some of these novels I have already written but will probably go through some serious rewriting before they are ready to be read.

If you'd like to come along for the ride, I'm starting to form a mailing list. Through this, I will notify people who are interested of my publishing progress and eventually where you can find and read my stories. I'm not sure if such links are allowed on this forum but if you send me a PM that you'd be interested, I will send you a link for the mailing list.

**Alwyn** · January 08, 2017, 05:49 AM

I agree with Admiral Van Tromp, Niomir's encounter with Isurion is done well and creates a good ending for this story. I can see this this story could work as the first part of a novel. Good luck with developing your novel!

You wrote that you weren't sure if a link to advertise your novel is allowed on TWC. I'm not a TWC moderator, so I am not one of the people who enforce (or officially interpret) the rules here. I can suggest looking at the rules on off-topic posting, which say that generally we should not advertise in our posts, but also say that:-

You can advertise websites, products, etc., in your signature, avatar, or other profile fields, as long as you post productively and don't just try to get exposure for your advertisements. Recommendation of websites, products, or other resources are also allowed if relevant to legitimate discussions.