The official TWC thread for acting like an imperious, overbearing, nationalist Frenchman

[Roma_Victrix]

[PRESS PLAY BEFORE READING]






Hon, hon, hon, hon! Bienvenue, noble citoyens and foul lesser things of TWC. I, Francois, cordially invite you, the select and chosen few, to partake in a thread of such magnificence, such pomp, circumstance, and grandeur, yet with so much substance and a certain...je ne sais quoi, grave significance, oui? Yes, grave significance, that it shall surpass and overshadow all other threads in La Thema Devia, much like the legacy of Napoléon Ier, Empereur des Français, to your piss-ale drinking Wellington. Hon, hon, hon, hon!

Here, in this thread, the rules and parameters of the French nation shall be clear and manifest, much like France's destiny in la monde! You may carry on any and sundry conversations of topics relevant to material culture, pop culture, cuisine and dining, wine, cheese, even current events and world news, so long as it is relevant to the most glorious nation of France and its fair denizens. Initial topics for discussion can include but are not limited to the latest wildfires near Marseille, approval ratings of President François Hollande, terrorists, the brilliance of French nouvelle cuisine, and classic French film noir.

For instance, this post below is how you should respond to others here, like a true and noble Frenchman, not some German peasant lacking in refinement, good cheese and wine:

Though I do think that an anchluss of France, Germany, Austria, Belgium and the Netherlands is possible even if just culturally they do have some common ground with the language. Geographically/strategically this is also possible. Might throw in Italy as well but adding in Iberia is kind of overkill. Eastern Europe, the Balkans and Iberia would probably turn into their own zones if we merely look at it from a strategic and cultural perspective.

Comment cela, mon ami? Germany, Austria, and the Netherlands are all Germanic (with a tangential smattering of Latin influence thanks to history, of course), but they lack ze Romance of the French, oui, Monsieur Oda? Their language, so full of life, so full of zest, chivalry and ancient honor... is far closer, the French must admit, to the tongues of those Italians and Spaniards...even those Portuguese fishermen and red commie Romanians! Culturally they are closer to them as well. Look what the French produce and are most proud of besides their fromage, which is nearly la vie itself! Grapes for wine, no? Le vin, le vin, le vin!
Only those drunken bullfighting Spaniards and those loud spaghetti monster Italians can dare to say they rival the French wine! However, the French, the great and magnificent people of La France, La République française, of such fame and worldly renown, the blood of Napoleonic heroes coursing through their veins, clearly produce the best wine and better wine than such fools! Hon, hon, hon!

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

We will kill the Vichies behind every rock and tree!

[Iskar]

Since I am currently in la belle Provence I can certainement say that all of l'Europe must be in complete envy of our wine superieur. A Lirac, Cotes-du-Rhône, Duché d'Uzès or, hon hon hon, a glorieux Chateauneuf-du-Pape will beat a puny Riesling, Rioja or Pinot Grigio into sousmission any time of le jour! (Vive la France!)

En addition, our terrines and pâtes are simplement addictive and ze barbaric Allemands will never achieve the lightness of our croissant pastry. Excusez moi now, I need to continue enjoyant la vie en France. (Vive la France!)

[Cyclops]

Mais non, la Gloire de la patrie est self-evident.

Zis thread is ne pas neccessaire, la France is the beacon of civilisation de tout la monde, marchons! marchons! Sur la pont d'Avingon!

Billecarte Salmon et le premier e vin du monde. On le weekend je consume un peu avec ma cousin (cinq botteils! Ma foi!). Apres nous conusmerai le canard chinois avec anise, sauce de soy, cinnamon and chili. Avec aussi pomme de terre and broccoli. For dessert we had le pavlova de chocolate avec fraise. I love a bit of faire de cuisine dans la cuisine, moi.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

You sound like l'Allemagne. Are you sure that tu n'est pas un Alsacien ou une Suisse? Ou le plus mal... un Vichie!

[Iskar]

Vichy is no longer a ... mot horrible ... comment dit-on en anglais? an 'orrible word pour us, for we have completed le feat merveilleux of associating it with cosmetics instead! (Vive la France!)

[Knight of Heaven]

Vichy is no longer a ... mot horrible ... comment dit-on en anglais? an 'orrible word pour us, for we have completed le feat merveilleux of associating it with cosmetics instead! (Vive la France!)

[Dick Cheney.]

Pardon Mwah.



La state, c'est moi.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

Non monsieur, l'etat c'est moi...

[Roma_Victrix]

French cheese thief who hurled lumps of Camembert at Waitrose staff after he was caught shoplifting from Chelsea store is still on the run

Sacre bleu! Someone catch this monster before he hurls my beloved Camembert again! Rebuild the Bastille just to lock him in there and then throw away the key I say!

[Sir Adrian]

Zis is Britain's fault. Zeir dog stink is polluthing our fromage.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

le Vichy skin care most be destroied. It is la collaboracionne de fascisme!

Sacre bleu, I have looked at le monde et I hav realisee que le Rhin n'est pas Francais. Quicklie we must to fix dis abominacionne. I want les French flags from Antwerp to Cologne to fix dis einous erreur!

[AqD]

How come so many of you can write French?? Are you guys secretly French??

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

How come so many of you can write French?? Are you guys secretly French??

Can't speak for everyone else but I live in the Canuck lands.

[Col. Tartleton]

Ook ek praat die tong van die Franke. Pasop Galliese bedrieers, jou bedrog geopenbaar! Karel die grote sou skam om Franks praat in gebroke Latin hoor. Jy maak my hartseer.

I too speak the tongue of the Franks. Beware Gallic impostors, your deceit is revealed! Charles the Great would be ashamed to hear Franks speaking in broken Latin. You make me sad.



Do you even Voortrekk? When did you last kill an Englishman? I killed six this morning then had them over for tea.

[Cyclops]

How come so many of you can write French?? Are you guys secretly French??

En Australie les enfants mange le langue Francias avec le brains de les tourists francais. He he he, en Australie, personne ecoute vous crier.

Je habite dans le Fleuve de la Loupe, vous le connais?

...
I too speak the tongue of the Franks. Beware Gallic impostors, your deceit is revealed! Charles the Great would be ashamed to hear Franks speaking in broken Latin. You make me sad....

Frere, do you even faire le gallic? Charle(s) le Magne dit "fromage" mais n'est dit pas "kaas". Le lel.

[Lord Baal]

Omelet du fromage?

[neoptolemos]

vive la France!!!!

[irontaino]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

^What was the French flag after 1815?