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Thread: The thread for horrible suggestions

  1. #421
    Lusitanio's Avatar Content Staff
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    How about changing the "new guys" name for Atlantida appears or something in the game? x)

  2. #422

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    The new guys are obviously the Ancient Aliens.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  3. #423

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    No one doing this yet? Okay, I'll go then.


    ROMANS ARE UNDERPOWERED IN EB


    That's it. I'm sick of all this "Master Barbarian Warriors" bull that's going on in the EB system right now. Romans deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
    I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Roman army in Rome for 2,400,000 Sestertii (that's about $1,000,000,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my Roman army.


    Roman smiths spend years working on a single Lorica Segmentata and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest armours known to mankind.


    Gladii are thrice as sharp as standard European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a Gladius can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a gladius could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.


    Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Rome? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Roman armies and their weapons of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted Roman men first because their killing power was feared and respected.


    So what am I saying? Romans are simply the best soldiers that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the EB system. Here is the stat block I propose for Romans:


    (Base stats for every Roman soldier)
    20 attack
    20 armour - 20 defence skill - 20 shield
    30 charge
    20 morale


    (Elite Praetorians)
    30 attack
    30 armour - 30 defence skill - 30 shield
    40 charge
    30 morale


    Now that seems a lot more representative of the power of Romans in real life, don't you think?


    tl;dr = Romans need to do more power in EB, see my new stat block.





    (If someone is unaware of this joke, you must check it out)

  4. #424
    Civis
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    The Romans deployed heavy infantry on a scale that impresses us to this day, however, were Rome's wars won because of superior swordsmen or through sheer manpower? Given how the Romans expedited the recruitment of their heavy infantry (at least in the Polybian system as I remember), I would say that Rome's military success owed more to its manpower, its huge population of ready and willing fighters. Roman soldiers weren't better than, say, their Gallic counterparts, just more numerous--the entirety of Gaul obviously had more people but since they weren't unified, it gave huge advantage to the Romans. If anything, a fresh Principe unit should only be decent compared to Heavy Armoured Gauls; Triarii would also be inferior but competent against Gaul's veteran units.

    This is, of course, all making assumptions of the war culture within Rome and Gaul. I assume that individual Roman soldiers were all over the place when it came to preparing for fitness and Fight skill--civilization, gentrification, and other commodities making the general populace lazy. I also assume that the Gauls were just all gungho about trying to one-up each other in kills--Gaul wasn't unified, villages and clan warfare being a constant threat--so I would say that they are generally better fighters.
    Last edited by OJ33DA; October 30, 2018 at 11:37 PM.

  5. #425

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    A centurion is grilling the men in his cohort.

    "Alright listen up, milites, the senatorial consul will arrive to our camp any day now. When he does, the maniples will be arraigned in the field for a round inspection. The Latin language has no "c" sound. I is I, not a combination of two vowels. I don't know how you men keep on picking up these weird sounds of the letters considering the dirty, foul barbarians that came up with them don't even exist yet! I want this nonsense to stop, and we shall practice all night long if we have to! Now repeat after me just like that ha-sta-ti, hastati!"

    The Troops: "HASTATI, KENTURION!"

    Prin-ki-pes. And if I hear any man do something to that poor innocent "e" I shall have him strung upside down in front of the camp gates. PRINKIPES, SIR! Good good. Now the hard one, tree-a-r-ee-ee, yes just like that a normal, sane, rational "i". TRIARII, COMMANDER!

    The centurion let out a sigh, hoping that his point has gotten across, and dismissed the troops for the night.

    The next morning a senatorial carriage accompanied by a column of equites pulled over next to the camp. The consul hailed the centurion and commanded the troops to be arranged in the adjoining field.

    First line, report!

    "Hay...Haaay...staaay"

    "Oh no, nonono" was thought seizing the centurion's mind.

    With a deafening ring of a thousand voices the first line boomed:

    HAYYYSTAYYTEYE!!!!!

    Second line...report!

    PRINSSIIPEEEEEYS!!!!!

    Third line...veterans!

    CHRAYARIYAY!!!!

    At which point the centurion was rolling on the ground. The consul looked down on him and said "What's wrong, commander? Eager to taste the morning dew?" The centurion, with tearful eyes replied: "I did all I could, consul, I did all I could for them..."

    The consul placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh cheer up, old chap. Perhaps you'd be pleased to know that the senate has approved requisition of new suits of armor for you and your men. Lorica segmentata they call them..."

    At the point the centurion went into a bawl. "It's 278 BC! 278 stinking BC!!"
    Last edited by Carl Jung was right; October 31, 2018 at 02:45 AM.

  6. #426
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by mephiston View Post
    No one doing this yet? Okay, I'll go then.ROMANS ARE UNDERPOWERED IN EB
    All that Super Saiyan Caesar had to do was jump-kick Vercingetorix's army once and the battle would have been over. Caesar trained under the greatest kung-fu master at the time at the Shaolin Temple over in Western Han dynasty China, even though Buddhism didn't exist there yet for another century. Quit asking questions. It happened. And Caesar had the single best gladius ever forged. It was so powerful that it could cleave right through a stack of katana samurai swords with a single swipe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carl Jung was right View Post
    A centurion is grilling the men in his cohort.

    "Alright listen up, milites, the senatorial consul will arrive to our camp any day now. When he does, the maniples will be arraigned in the field for a round inspection. The Latin language has no "c" sound. I is I, not a combination of two vowels. I don't know how you men keep on picking up these weird sounds of the letters considering the dirty, foul barbarians that came up with them don't even exist yet! I want this nonsense to stop, and we shall practice all night long if we have to! Now repeat after me just like that ha-sta-ti, hastati!"

    The Troops: "HASTATI, KENTURION!"

    Prin-ki-pes. And if I hear any man do something to that poor innocent "e" I shall have him strung upside down in front of the camp gates. PRINKIPES, SIR! Good good. Now the hard one, tree-a-r-ee-ee, yes just like that a normal, sane, rational "i". TRIARII, COMMANDER!

    The centurion let out a sigh, hoping that his point has gotten across, and dismissed the troops for the night.

    The next morning a senatorial carriage accompanied by a column of equites pulled over next to the camp. The consul hailed the centurion and commanded the troops to be arranged in the adjoining field.

    First line, report!

    "Hay...Haaay...staaay"

    "Oh no, nonono" was thought seizing the centurion's mind.

    With a deafening ring of a thousand voices the first line boomed:

    HAYYYSTAYYTEYE!!!!!

    Second line...report!

    PRINSSIIPEEEEEYS!!!!!

    Third line...veterans!

    CHRAYARIYAY!!!!

    At which point the centurion was rolling on the ground. The consul looked down on him and said "What's wrong, commander? Eager to taste the morning dew?" The centurion, with tearful eyes replied: "I did all I could, consul, I did all I could for them..."

    The consul placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh cheer up, old chap. Perhaps you'd be pleased to know that the senate has approved requisition of new suits of armor for you and your men. Lorica segmentata they call them..."

    At the point the centurion went into a bawl. "It's 278 BC! 278 stinking BC!!"

    I'm dying here. This was brilliant.

  7. #427

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by OJ33DA View Post
    The Romans deployed heavy infantry on a scale that impresses us to this day, however, were Rome's wars won because of superior swordsmen or through sheer manpower? Given how the Romans expedited the recruitment of their heavy infantry (at least in the Polybian system as I remember), I would say that Rome's military success owed more to its manpower, its huge population of ready and willing fighters. Roman soldiers weren't better than, say, their Gallic counterparts, just more numerous--the entirety of Gaul obviously had more people but since they weren't unified, it gave huge advantage to the Romans. If anything, a fresh Principe unit should only be decent compared to Heavy Armoured Gauls; Triarii would also be inferior but competent against Gaul's veteran units.

    This is, of course, all making assumptions of the war culture within Rome and Gaul. I assume that individual Roman soldiers were all over the place when it came to preparing for fitness and Fight skill--civilization, gentrification, and other commodities making the general populace lazy. I also assume that the Gauls were just all gungho about trying to one-up each other in kills--Gaul wasn't unified, villages and clan warfare being a constant threat--so I would say that they are generally better fighters.
    OJ33DA - Are you conscious this is a thread dedicated to horrible suggestions where jokes are ridiculously hyperbolic? No one here is going to take anyone's suggestions seriously.
    On a side note, fitness and fighting skills are something Romans did not lack for sure, as you may have implied.

  8. #428

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    OJ33DA - Are you conscious this is a thread dedicated to horrible suggestions where jokes are ridiculously hyperbolic? No one here is going to take anyone's suggestions seriously.
    On a side note, fitness and fighting skills are something Romans did not lack for sure, as you may have implied.
    I guess you could say he made a horrible correction rather than a horrible suggestion

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Too much?

  9. #429
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    There should be a whole thread dedicated to horrible corrections. And tangerines, for some reason.

  10. #430
    Civis
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Genghis Skahn View Post
    I guess you could say he made a horrible correction rather than a horrible suggestion

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Too much?
    Are you assuming my gender???
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    jk I am a “he”

  11. #431

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I think that the rest of India, and also America, should be present. It feels like wasted potential that the Pritanoi faction isn't able to create the British empire.

  12. #432

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    There should be a whole thread dedicated to horrible corrections. And tangerines, for some reason.
    Speaking of which, Im thinking of adding a whole new game-changing trait: horrible indigestion. Effects should be -10 hitpoints, +1 Unrest(stinky farts) and -1 to TroopMorale(stinky farts), and the trait will randomly appear on any character for any faction. Should add another level of historical realism to the game.

  13. #433

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    What would really make EBII shine would be a reform system that gave factions new units/mechanics all the way up to the Cold War

  14. #434

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Come on. EB takes place in antiquity, the age of heroes. Everybody knows them so they should be in game, as recruitable generals, possibly with script that ressurects them when they die of old age. There should be Achilles leading unit of Myrmidons, Odysseus with his Ithacan marines, Jason with Argonauts...and of course, we should not forget other cultures, other heroes, so for example there should be a unit of David's slingers and so on...

    Possibly the initial recruitment would be tied to quest starting when you take their recruitment province. Stuff like the the Argo voyage to recruit Jason, or nailing hot witches for better part of decade for Odysseus.

  15. #435

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Sar1n View Post
    Come on. EB takes place in antiquity, the age of heroes. Everybody knows them so they should be in game, as recruitable generals, possibly with script that ressurects them when they die of old age. There should be Achilles leading unit of Myrmidons, Odysseus with his Ithacan marines, Jason with Argonauts...and of course, we should not forget other cultures, other heroes, so for example there should be a unit of David's slingers and so on...

    Possibly the initial recruitment would be tied to quest starting when you take their recruitment province. Stuff like the the Argo voyage to recruit Jason, or nailing hot witches for better part of decade for Odysseus.
    Yeah! And we also need a unit representing the inhabitants of a certain village in north western Gaul. It goes without saying that they need to have the best stats in the game and should be able to defeat a Roman fullstack with just one unit.

  16. #436
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Paltmull View Post
    I think that the rest of India, and also America, should be present. It feels like wasted potential that the Pritanoi faction isn't able to create the British empire.
    The Pritanoi should also have an option where they vote to Brexit away from the official Continental European Council of Druids, leading the Caledonian provinces to break away from the realm in reaction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Genghis Skahn View Post
    Speaking of which, Im thinking of adding a whole new game-changing trait: horrible indigestion. Effects should be -10 hitpoints, +1 Unrest(stinky farts) and -1 to TroopMorale(stinky farts), and the trait will randomly appear on any character for any faction. Should add another level of historical realism to the game.
    Sounds fantastic! There should also be an acne trait as well, and an ancillary of a Rastafarian who gets you high on his supply of cannabis.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baharr View Post
    What would really make EBII shine would be a reform system that gave factions new units/mechanics all the way up to the Cold War
    I can't wait to have the M4 Sherman Tanks in EBII, to be used by the emerging USA and British Empire factions in the late part of the game!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sar1n View Post
    There should be Achilles leading unit of Myrmidons
    Which is all the more reason to have Ant-Man in the game as a mercenary general for hire:


  17. #437
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Isn't it obvious that EBII needs to showcase the rivalry between the HRE and the Byzantine Empire over the rights to the title Roman emperor?

    https://www.reddit.com/r/RoughRomanM.../9vgk78/h_r_e/
    https://i.imgur.com/Z6rBeMC.jpg

  18. #438
    mAIOR's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    There should also be an acne trait as well, and an ancillary of a Rastafarian who gets you high on his supply of cannabis.
    You cpuld get the rastafarian anciliary after weeding out the last of tge belgae resistance.


  19. #439
    alex33's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I finally convincet the team that we will add my old favourite Kull Warriors to the Ptolemaioi Roster. Hope we can balance them right.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR4fuDTUHYU
    Gosh I miss Stargate



  20. #440

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by alex33 View Post
    I finally convincet the team that we will add my old favourite Kull Warriors to the Ptolemaioi Roster. Hope we can balance them right.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR4fuDTUHYU
    Gosh I miss Stargate
    That means map has to be extended to Americas, so we can retrieve the device from which can be derived Kull disruptor.

    Of course, this means fighting zombified Aztecs.

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