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Thread: The thread for horrible suggestions

  1. #241

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    The Archimedes ancillary is the first step towards discovering Atlantis!
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  2. #242

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    And it also allows for the construction of solar-powered death rays!

    Those romans would never know what hit them

  3. #243

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Ah, the death rays... the Romans get wiped out before they're in pila range
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  4. #244
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    FEAR THE REFLECTIVE SOLAR DEATH RAY OF ARCHIMEDES, ROMAN!

    Come to think of it, I did mention this in my original post, didn't I? We've finally come full circle, guys! Hurray!

  5. #245

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Speaking of full circles...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq51w34Hg9I
    Last edited by Rad; August 17, 2016 at 06:12 PM.
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  6. #246

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    The Syracuse mission in the original Age of Empires was a nightmare as I remember. Those mirror towers took my best ships down to about 15% of their hp, as I recall. And they were supported by fire ships...

  7. #247
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    There should be an army of goombas, not from the Super Mario Brothers games, but from the terrible, awful, no-good, very bad film from the early 90s.





    They should be available for recruitment in territories with a considerable degree of repitilian animals and lizards.

  8. #248
    Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ's Avatar Yeah science!
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Let's be honest, most of the suggestions here are completely ahistorical. How come no one suggested historical lion and leopard attack cavalry.

    There are some good historical sources for it... pictures don't lie...





    While there is no historical data wheter these units were ever clad in full cataphract, I would suggest adding them for more interesting battle experience, plus them not wearing any armor is probably more an artistic style rather than accurate representation.

    Also, how about some aerial units. Parthians could do well with cataphract-simurgh unit.



    Imagine your army raining down thousands of arrows from sky while riding these magnificent creatures, also add a bonus that lowers the morale of all other enemy units at the sight of it.
    Last edited by Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σω August 20, 2016 at 01:46 PM.
    "First get your facts straight, then distort them at your leisure." - Mark Twain

    οὐκ ἦν μὲν ἐγώ, νῦν δ' εἰμί τότε δ' ούκ ἔσομαι, ούδέ μοι μελήσει

  9. #249

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Is the lion's rider a midge... sorry, vertically challenged person, or a very fa... sorry, stout individual?
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  10. #250
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Apollodotos, you are one dangerous man! I bet you could convince a bunch of naive high school students that these cavalry units actually existed. You could make some money of being a snake-oil-salesman type historian, like the pseudohistorian Anatoly Fomenko. Think of the money, Apollodotos, the money to be made!

  11. #251
    Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ's Avatar Yeah science!
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Rad View Post
    Is the lion's rider a midge... sorry, vertically challenged person, or a very fa... sorry, stout individual?
    Nah... he's just a man-baby. They were very popular amongst Romans.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    Apollodotos, you are one dangerous man! I bet you could convince a bunch of naive high school students that these cavalry units actually existed. You could make some money of being a snake-oil-salesman type historian, like the pseudohistorian Anatoly Fomenko. Think of the money, Apollodotos, the money to be made!
    What are you implying... that Fomenko's claim about jewish king Solomon being the same person as turkish sultan Suleiman the Magnificent is not true... that the world history didn't start in the middle ages or that Genghis Khan was not russian.

    Next thing you will say to me that one renowned Iranian historian (forgot his name) who claims that the Achaemenids were actually slavic invaders who genocided native iranians and who claims that the Jews invented the Sasanids in order to trick away Iranians from islam is... crazy. Those are respectable men, how dare you tarnish their illustrious career.
    Last edited by Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σω August 20, 2016 at 03:27 PM.
    "First get your facts straight, then distort them at your leisure." - Mark Twain

    οὐκ ἦν μὲν ἐγώ, νῦν δ' εἰμί τότε δ' ούκ ἔσομαι, ούδέ μοι μελήσει

  12. #252
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I thought goombas were a product of controlled breeding and genetic manipulation among the criminal class of the Italy AO?
    So, since the above must be true (you've just read it on the internet, and everyone knows the internet never lies), armies of goombas are what you should get when an Italian city revolts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    There should be an army of goombas, not from the Super Mario Brothers games, but from the terrible, awful, no-good, very bad film from the early 90s.





    They should be available for recruitment in territories with a considerable degree of repitilian animals and lizards.

  13. #253

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    The cataphracts need to be way less expensive so that I can afford 8-10 units of them for each one of my armies

  14. #254
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ View Post
    Those are respectable men, how dare you tarnish their illustrious career.
    Yeah, you're right, I should probably apologize to them for the clear libel committed against them. I can think of no better way to apologize than to make them characters and family members in EB II for various factions.

    This game doesn't have enough RELIGION!!!!!!! Judaism, Buddhism and Zoroastrianism (all present in the EB timeframe) should be able to conquer the world. Moreover, there should be giant characters walking the campaign map that serve as full-stack armies, including Moses, Gautama Buddha, and Zoroaster. On the battle map they should be roughly the height of the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man from Ghostbusters (1984). The same can be said for Zeus, Jupiter, and Ahura Mazda.


  15. #255
    Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ's Avatar Yeah science!
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Joking aside, I would like a little bit more religious flavour in the game, I do miss being able to build stupas as the Bactrians. Also, imagine being able to build a small jewish settlement (polis-like, not the military settlements, because I don't really care about using ioudaioi taxeis) in some provinces.
    Last edited by Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σω August 21, 2016 at 07:59 AM.
    "First get your facts straight, then distort them at your leisure." - Mark Twain

    οὐκ ἦν μὲν ἐγώ, νῦν δ' εἰμί τότε δ' ούκ ἔσομαι, ούδέ μοι μελήσει

  16. #256
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I forgot to mention Laozi, founder of Daoism, who should also be wandering the easternmost fringes of the campaign map as a giant with the power of several full-stack armies once you fight the giant version of him stomping on top of your soldiers on the battle map. He should also be able to use his cane to swoop up your soldiers and hit them like tiny bugs, knocking them into the air and sending them flying about 300 ft (90 m).

  17. #257

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Laozi or Goku?
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  18. #258
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Rad View Post
    Goku
    NO. You know full well who I'm talking about (although Goku would also be another great addition that the EB II team should consider if they want to be historically accurate and faithfully represent the eastern kingdom of Dragon Ball Z).


  19. #259

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I always thought EB2's music to be a bit too mellow.

    We're in luck, though. Sabaton has just released a new album!
    There's nothing quite like fighting The Grey Death while listening to "Winged Hussars" or "Shiroyama".

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylyqoxh-cXk


    Last edited by Rad; August 22, 2016 at 04:58 AM.
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  20. #260
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    ^Nice! Sabaton is a worthy replacement for the entire EB II soundtrack on the battlefield, not so much the campaign map, which always sounds lovely.

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