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Thread: Parody Units

  1. #1

    Default Parody Units

    Let's waste precious unit slots on outlandish and ahistorical unit ideas

    Sarmatian Penal Battalion: Cowards and deserters have been assembled into a pack of horse archers whose sole purpose is to soak up Scythian arrows. #NotOneStepBack

    Southwest Iranian Archer-Spearmen: Only recruitable from the Syrian region

    Southwest but a Little More South of that Iranian Archer-Spearmen: Only recruitable from Damascos

    Thracian Slow Horsemen: Raskumezenai riding morbidly obese mounts

    Rompaianai Phalanx: Phalanx with ap and frightens nearby infantry

    Mounted Robocops: The historical mounted nobility of Saka. The highly historically inaccurate Sakan Noble Riders from EBII are based off of this unit

    Dual-wielding Maniac Slingers: They have a move_speed_mod of 16.66. Credit to Satapatiš for conceiving this

    Armored Indian Humans: Atop whom sits two unarmored elephants chucking javelins at enemies

    Screeching Women: Replaces the highly unpopular Thracian Peltasts

    What are your ideas? Let's find a good use for those remaining unit slots

  2. #2

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Hurlers. No, not the infamous RTW head hurlers. These guys just had too much wine, mead, beer, or fermented milk.

    Hippophalangitai. Say, you know how mobility is biggest weakness of phalangitai? Simple solution...give them horses.

    Armorican villagers. Only recruitable by Celtic factions in Armorica, these include Asterix and Obelix as officers.

    Proto-Kurdish longbowmen. Because, y'know, Xenophon...

    Discharged cohort. Since they're no longer in the army, they won't do anything on battlefield, but you have to use them to create military colonies.

    Edit: Real evocati. Do you even know what that means? if they can't cast fireball or magic missile on enemies, they're not real invokers.
    Last edited by Sar1n; August 05, 2020 at 07:11 PM.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Varu-Military-Settlers. Need some heavy artillery for that invasion of britannia but can't handle the long march? Simple, grant those beasts some land in Gaul and reap the rewards.

    Gaisatoi-Reformata. They wear boxer shorts now.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Chainmail bikini amazons. Only recruitable for Sarmatians and Saka. Inspired by all the highly accurate amazon artwork.
    Furthermore, I believe that Rome must be destroyed.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Quote Originally Posted by Icarus Smicarus View Post
    Gaisatoi-Reformata. They wear boxer shorts now.
    Chainmail boxers.

    Horse archers. As opposed to people archers. They're not very accurate.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Frank Miller style Ninja-Persian Immortals, put these and RTW's Arcani in a pit and have them fight it out.

    Roman Legionaries from China. Only recruitable when you Carrhae a Roman force, and have no changes to their equipment, fighting style, or ethnicity despite being thousands of kilometers away from their native environments.

    Panzer-Kampfgruppe Sweboz. The only way those ridiculously large Sweboz empires conquering Europe make any sense.

    Hoplitai Nudoi (or whatever the Ancient Greek word for nudity is.) Because those unruly Keltoi can't hog all the fun.
    Last edited by BailianSteel; August 06, 2020 at 02:13 AM. Reason: Because Panzer-Kampfgruppe Sweboz flows better than Sweboz Panzer-Kampfgruppe.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Great ideas guys. Our suggestions will add even more realism and immersion to this mod.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Parody Units

    Gallic Gribeauval Artillery, in 4, 8, and 12-pounder variations. Available as an AoR, with no context whatsoever

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