Trojan Horse
Inside the Horse….
“Acamas, would you get that spear butt out of my back or I swear on Achilles beard I am going to shove the business end of my sword right up your..”
“Yeah, you and whose army? I can’t help it if your backside is so large that I can hardly miss it with my shield much less a spear!”
“Oh that is it, when we get out this damn horse I am so going to give you a beating Meges, you are going to wish you stayed in Athens with your donkey of a wife.”
“Shut up the pair of you, what was that sound?”
“Sorry, I am a bit nervous, it was me”
“Echion, that is nasty! What the hell did you eat?”
“He was pigging out on that rancid goat tendon stew Thoas threw out yesterday, no wonder his backside smells like that.”
“When we get out of here, I am going to Echions tent and I am going to show his woman what a real Greek man has down his loincloth - that’ll teach him to stop thinking with his belly first.
“Don’t worry, the stench from him will send her running away anyway”
Ow, I just got a massive splinter! I thought this thing was smoothed out inside? That’s the last time we employ those East European carpenters, where did you say they were from Leonteus?”
“Some place I've never heard of, Poland? Must be a village somewhere North, hell I’d rather have employed a few trojans, they may be daft as a box of wet frogs but they do know how to build things.”
“Diomedes, what are you giggling about?”
“Meges talking about Achilles beard, did you see the way he tripped over it when he ran round the wall running like a girl from Hector?”
“Man it was a good thing those trojans didn't attack then, I was dying of laughter the way those scrawny legs of his kicked in the air and he ended up with his bare backside sticking in the air”
“You know that idiot brother of his will probably make something heroic out of it, the only reason he killed Hector was that Hector couldn't stop laughing at him. What an ass!”
“No stop it, your killing me.”
“Wait, there it is again, like something scraping on sand”
“That would be the rest of them landing their boats again.”
“Bit early, we’re still on the beach you idiot”
“Maybe they are like you with your wife Machaon - far too premature”
“No, it wasn't that, it was the doors opening”
“Yeah right, how are you going to hear that when we've got Echion farting for Sparta”
“No it was the doors - now make a noise like a horse, boys, these Trojans are not the sharpest swords in the scabbard.”
TotW 224: Troy - Submissions
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