The Peculiar Adventures of Edmund Burke [Great War: Britain)

[Disappoint Ed]

Welcome one and all to my latest attempt at an AAR. After the brilliant successes of the previous two I decided to go with a more lighthearted approach to this one. I hope you enjoy.

Mod: The Great War 5.1
Faction: Britain
Difficulty: Whatever the Default Was


FAQ:

Is there a FAQ to this AAR?

No.

Prologue:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

It is a cold morning in 1914 as German, French, Russian and British diplomats meet in a small townhouse, trying one last time to avoid a massive world war. Pierre, the French diplomat, as a large mustache and a stack of papers. The British minister, George, is staring at him deeply, almost creepily. The two Germans, Hans and Heinz, stand menacingly, tall and muscular. The Russian, Nikolai, has a pitcher of vodka in front of him as he and his beard both intently listen to what the other diplomats have to say.

Hans: I think we all know what we are here for today...
Nikolai *Bad fake German accent*: Va va, ve all know vhat ve are here for today.
Heinz *Strangely British, whiny voice*: Stop that!
Nikolai: Va va I stop now.
Heinz: Hans, make him stop it!
Pierre: Nikolai, please, just be quiet...
Nikolai: Va va I be quiet now.
Hans: Anyways...
Heinz: Hans he's still doing it!
Hans: ANYWAYS...

*Pause of about 5 seconds*

Nikolai: Va va vhat vill you say?
Heinz: Hans Hans see! See! He's still doing it!
Hans: I forgot what I was going to say...
Pierre: For God's sakes. George, a little help?....George?

*George is staring at the Frenchman's rear end in infatuation*

Pierre: George!
George: Oh, right, sorry.
Pierre: Anyways. What were you gonna say Hans?

*Hans pauses a few seconds*

Nikolai: Va va say something Heinz.
Heinz: Look Hans look! He's doing it I tell you he's doing it!
Pierre: Nikolai, get out, now!
Nikolai: Va va I leave now.

*Nikolai gets out of his chair, stumbles a few steps towards the door and passes out right then and there, falling hard on his face*

Hans: Is...is he okay?
Nikolai *Still knocked out*: Va....Va....
Heinz: See! He even does it when he sleeps!
Pierre: OK, ANYWAYS. Hans, what are your demands?
Hans: We want France.
Pierre: You want WHAT?
Hans: We want France.
Pierre: Are you mad?!
George: You know Pierre, I think you're overreacting.
Pierre: Overreacting?! How?!
George: Let's face it, France isn't too big of a deal. It might be worth giving it to them to avoid war.
Pierre: It's my home! We're the most important nation in our current alliance!
George: I mean, you have nice women, *Germans nod in agreement* but really, not much else.
Pierre: We have one of the largest armies in Europe!
George: I feel like you'd be inconsequential in the long run.
Pierre: No. You aren't getting France. That's final.

*Long, awkward silence*

Heinz: Please can we have France?
George: Now, Heinz, is that proper form?
Heinz: *sigh* Please may we have France?
Pierre: No.

*Another silence*

Heinz: Pretty please?
Pierre: No.

*Heinz turns to Hans*

Heinz *whispers*: This isn't gonna work...
Hans: *whispering*: Don't worry, I have an ace up my sleeve.

*Hans turns professionally to the other diplomats*

Hans: Fine. We declare war.
Pierre: YOU WHAT?!
George: Sounds good to me.
Nikolai: Viva la-*snoring*!
Hans: We declare war. France, we expect your unconditional surrender by tomorrow, 8 AM sharp. Don't be rude and keep us waiting for it.
Pierre: WHY ON EARTH WOULD WE SURRENDER?
Hans:...Because you're French?
George: Yeah Pierre, we already planned for your surrender.
Pierre: We don't surrender! Frenchmen never surrender!
Heinz: What about Napoleon at Waterloo?

*Others nod their heads in agreement*

Pierre *flustered*: He....He was Coriscian! Not French!
George: Well what about Napoleon III?
Pierre: He was related to Napoleon, who was Coriscian! It doesn't count!
Hans: What about Vercingetorix?
Pierre: That was almost 2000 years ago!
George: Well we still care about Jesus, and he's almost 2000 years old.
Pierre: We still care about Jesus?

*Awkward silence*

Hans: So, you aren't surrendering then?
Pierre: Nope.
Hans: And you, George?
George: Sorry Hans. You know we have to protect the French.
Heinz: Why? You two historically are bitter rivals.
George: We, uh, we made a deal.
Hans: What was the deal?
George: It, uh, it doesn't matter.
Nikolai *interrupting*: George vill get-
Heinz: See! There he goes again!
Nikolai:...to, uh, "take advantage" of Pierre.

*Awkward Silence*

Hans and Heinz begin laughing uncontrollably, stumbling as they walk from the room, laughing all the way out. There laughter is still very much audible inside the room after they shut the door. Nikolai is still passed out on the floor, and George and Pierre look at each other in silence.

George: Well then. I think that went well.
Pierre: HOW DID THAT GO WELL?!
George: Can I do it now?
Pierre: NO!
George: Please?
Pierre: NO!

*Silence for a few moments*

George: Please?
Pierre: ....Fine.

George goes over and starts to twirl the Frenchman's mustache with his finger, giggling stupidly.

Pierre: I can't believe my career has come to this. I was educated at the University of Paris, I had my whole life ahead of me...
George: Well, at least you still have your mustache.
Pierre: *Sighing* Yeah, I guess.

*The mustache comes off from the twirling. George backs away and sits down silently, while Pierre begins to sob about how his life is meaningless.*

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Great War came to be.

[Disappoint Ed]

Prologue 2: Preparing for War

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

It is a cloudy, rainy day in London. There is a large crowd gathered, a group of acquaintances hoping to become one of the new Pal Battalions...."Twice the morale, half the effectiveness!" a flier had said. At the helm of this group was a well dressed man, clearly an officer in his majesty's army. There stood by him our young protagonist, toned and with short dark hair, he did not stand out whatsoever because this is fictional and therefore everyone is good-looking.

Officer: Well lads, I see you have applied to become a Pal Battalion. There are, let's see here, 232 of you?
Hopeful Soldier 1 (Todd): Oddly specific ain't it?
Officer: Well, I mean, did you expect it to be 1000 or something?
Todd: No, but I tell you, I bet the author just pulled that right out of his arse.
Officer: Wait, what?
Hopeful Soldier 2: Don't worry, he's a loon.
Officer: Oh, thanks for the info. What's your name so I can commend you?
Hopeful Soldier 2: Hopeful Soldier 2, sir.
Officer: ...
Todd: God I tell you this author is lazy...

*Edmund Burke coughs in order to get back on track, and quickly the men stand up straight and shut up*

Officer: So, anyway, before I let you into his majesty's army, I must ask you all a question.
Anonymous Soldier: Go for it.
Officer: Uh, yes, I shall. Are there any Germans among you?

*A young soldier-in-waiting steps up*

German *In thick English accent*: I'm German, sir.
Todd: You're not German! That accent's Austrian, anyone could tell THAT.
German: I am too German!
Anonymous Soldier: I think the accent's Bavarian personally.
Edmund: How in the hell are you German? You have dark hair!
Anonymous Soldier 2: It's obviously a Japanese accent. It's easy to tell.
German: Because my mum named me that, sir.
Edmund: Your mum named you "German"?
German: Yes sir.
Officer: The hell kind of name is that?
German: A bloody good one, sir! *Runs off crying*

*There is silence throughout the crowd. Someone goes and calms German down, and the officer again addresses the crowd*

Officer: So, are any of the rest of you German?

*A Large, blonde, evil-looking man wearing a spike helmet and an "I <3 the Kaiser" patch steps up*

Blonde Guy *Very thick German accent*: I am, sir.
Todd: No way! You're obviously Scottish!
Anonymous Soldier: I'd lean more towards Aztecan, personally.
Blonde Guy: No, it is true. My name is Jerry.
Officer *Looking at Jerry carefully*: Well, Jerry. I have to ask you a few questions then.
Jerry: I understand sir. *Shaking nervously*
Officer: Are you going to commit treason against his majesty?
Jerry: Uh....*long pause*...no.
Officer *Staring him down*:...Hm, I see. Alrighty, you're all good to go then!
Jerry: *Phew*

The Soldiers all split into sub-groups, with Todd, German, Nelson (German's Friend), John (Random guy) and Edmund all splitting off and going into deep, meaningful conversation...

John: Your mama so fat, the Royal Navy counts her among their Dreadnoughts!
Todd: Oh jesus, author, you couldn't come up with anything better?
John: No, no, my name's John, not author.
Todd: I wasn't talking to you.
John: Who were you talking to then?
Todd: I'm the only one who realizes this is a work of fiction, aren't I?
Edmund: A what?
Todd: Nevermind...
Nelson: I don't care man. I just want to fight them Nazis already.
Edmund: The hell is a Nazi?
Nelson: Uh, the enemy?
John: I ain't never heard of no Nazis, just Germans.
Nelson: Germans are Nazis. They're the same.
Todd: Not really, the Nazis were just the ruling power from 1933-1945. That doesn't mean all Germans were Nazis.
Edmund: Again, what the hell is a Nazi?
Todd: I dunno.
Edmund: WHAT?!
Nelson: What were we talking about again?
Edmund:....Nevermind. Let's just focus on the war ahead.
Todd: Don't even worry about it.
Edmund: What? But the Germans have a huge army!
Todd: True, but we're player-controlled.
Nelson: You really are a loon...
Todd: I guess. I'm going to grab a drink, anyone care to join me?

*Cut to later, the moon is out and it is clearly late. The soldiers are all singing and drinking in the same plaza that they were in earlier, it's still raining, but since British are rain-proof they don't mind. Jerry is shivering and soaking wet. There are several dozen prostitutes also in the plaza*

Nelson: Yeah, you whore, give it to me good.
Prostitute: What?
Nelson: Just what I said babe.
Prostitute: My name is Veronica, and I'm not even a prostitute. I'm a soldier.
Nelson: What?
Veronica: You heard me. I came all the way from Belgium to get into his majesty's army.
Nelson: They let you in here?
Veronica: Yeah, of course.
Nelson: But aren't women banned from combat roles?
Todd *Butting in*: Don't you see? She's clearly exempt to the rules of the universe...damn lazy author.
Nelson: Who the hell are you rambling about?
Todd: The author. You wouldn't get it.
Veronica: Because I'm a woman?!
Todd: No, because- *Gets slapped by Veronica*
Nelson: You go girl! *Gets slapped by Veronica*

*Crowd cheers for Veronica*

Todd: That....that hurt.
Veronica: Good.
Todd: But...if I hit you it'd be terrible!
Veronica: Well of course.
Todd: So why the double standard?
Veronica: Because I'm a woman.
Todd: Exactly, so why- *Gets slapped by Veronica*

*Crowd cheers wildly*

Todd: I just don't get it. Why the double standards?
Nelson *To Todd*: We're just messing around, watch. *Gently taps Veronica on the shoulder*
Veronica: HEY!

*Crowd jumps on Nelson and starts pounding on him*

Todd: I just don't get it I tell you...

It is now the morning, and the prostitutes from the night before scrounge the unconscious bodies of the soldiers, stealing anything of worth. Just then a Royal Officer walks into the plaza.

Royal Officer: Shoo! Shoo!

*A few prostitutes start stealing from him, and as he tells them to shoo they continue to go through his pockets.*

Royal Officer: Get! Get!

*The prostitutes scurry away on all fours like rats*

Royal Officer: Damn Vermin...all right, who's in command here?
Edmund *Getting up*: DNshbebu, sndsu.
Royal Officer: WHAT?!

*Edmund dunks his head into a tank of water and pulls it back out, magically sobered up.*

Edmund: I am, sir.
Royal Officer: Oh, well, okay then. Get everyone together, you leave for the frontlines tonight.
Edmund: We don't need training?
Royal Officer *Laughing Uncontrollably*: Hah, hah! Training! That's a good one! I might tell my mistress that one. But seriously, get your stuff together.
Edmund: Uh, yes sir.
Royal Officer *Laughing whilst walking away*: Haha, Training, whoo that killed me!

Edmund looks sorrowfully at his men, all passed out, some in very, uh, compromising positions. Can they survive something as hellish as war? Only time may tell...and, well, this AAR. Actually, I guess it'd mostly be the AAR. Or maybe the game...

[McScottish]

Looking good there Ed, keep it up old boy. You kill those Nazis!

[BroskiDerpman]

Lmao Dacder.

[Scottish King]

Keep it updating this! I got a few laughs out of it. It isn't easy to write a funny AAR so I applaud you sir. + rep

[Disappoint Ed]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll try to get update three in this weekend, already played and got the screenies in order, now only the writing is left.

[Disappoint Ed]

Chapter 13:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

There yet remained one thing to be decided about the company. Near the loading docks, where the HMS McScottish awaited the troops, they all called to vote for what many considered to be the most important thing the company would ever do in its lifespan...

Edmund: Alright, I say we call ourselves The Knights of Newark.
John: What's a Newark?
Todd: It's a city in New Jersey.
Nelson: What's New Jersey?
Todd: It's hell, Nelson. It's hell.
Nelson: I say we go there after we're done here so we can kill the souls of the Nazis too.
Todd: Uh, yeah, sure.
Edmund: So Knights of Newark it is?
Collective Mass of Soldiers: NO!
Edmund: Please?
Veronica: But why Edmund?

*There is a collective gasp from the crowd*

Crowd: A woman!
Veronica: Uh, and?
Soldier 1: Well, uh, are you, like, our nurse?
Veronica: ...

*A Sailor hears a "SPLOSH", when he goes to check it out it is Soldier 1*

Soldier 1: But I can't swim!
Sailor: Oh dear God!
Todd: Someone save him!
Soldier 2: Well that really showed him.

*Soldier 1 gasps for air and screams as the crowd, except the lone sailor and Todd, laugh*

Todd: Someone help him! Stop laughing!
Sailor: I'll get him!

*The Sailor dives in after Soldier 1, he saves him by grabbing him around the waist and pulling him to the surface. Once there, Soldier 1 is still conscious, and everyone is still laughing*

Sailor: That was a close one. You alright kid?
Soldier 1: STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!
Sailor: What?
Crowd of Soldiers: Stay away from him you pervert!
Sailor: But all I was doing was helping...

*Soldier 1 starts blowing a rape whistle, then reaches into his pocket*

Soldier 1: Oh God, I don't have any Pepperspray!
Veronica: Don't worry, I have some. *Hands it to Soldier 1*
Todd: But...But they weren't even close to each other! Damn you author!!!!
Soldier 1: You would carry that around...thanks.

*Veronica slaps him loudly, then walks away, back to the crowd, which is clearly a decent distance away*

Soldier 1: Stay away or I'll spray you, sailor!
Sailor *Backing away quickly*: Okay kid, Okay...
Soldier 1: Stay away from me! *Starts running after the sailor*

*The sailor runs off while Soldier 1 chases him desperately*

Soldier 1: Get away from me! Get away!
Sailor: But I'm trying!
Soldier 1: HELP! HELP! SEXUAL ASSAULT!
Sailor: Oh God please stop!

*The Soldier finally catches up to the sailor as the crowd cheers him on. The soldier peppersprays the Sailor with the entire content of the bottle*

Sailor: *Incomprehensible screaming*
Soldier 1: Well, *walking back to the crowd* That was too close. I'll remember not to go near any cars with tinted windows from now on.
Edmund: Tinted windows?
Todd: *sigh*
Nelson: Anyways, guys, I thought up a name!
Crowd: What is it?
Nelson: It's..



Nelson: Again. WHAT IS A NAZI?
Todd: The ruling class of Germany from 1933-1945...
Jerry: We got a new kaiser?
John: We?
Jerry: What?
John: Nothing...
Edmund: No, that's not our name. Period.
Todd: It's already entered.
Edmund: Into?
Todd: Into the game.
Edmund: Damn loons...
Todd: Whatever.
Sailor: Okay, guys, time to board!
Nelson: Finally!
Sailor: Hey, what happened to Jacob?
Veronica: Who's Jacob?
Sailor: Nobody, just some creepy pedophile.



German: Are we there yet?
Edmund: No.
German: Are we there yet?
Edmund: Look, we're not there and we never will be there if you keep whining about it.
John: But he's not the one getting us there.
German: Yeah. That's not even remotely true.
Edmund: I only said it to shut you u-
German: LIAR! LIAR AND DECEIVER! TEMPTER AND SINNER!
Edmund: Oh dammit...
Nelson: I just wanna kill me some Nazis man.
Edmund: Yeah yeah, we've heard this before...
Todd: Oh God...I'm getting seasick. Oh, wait, no. That's just me getting nauseous because the author is so bad at writ- *pukes all over the floor.*

Author's Note: I've decided to split this off into smaller chapters than I originally planned. Hopefully this means more updates, as it won't be so hard to write a single chapter.

[Scottish King]

Well seems that boys are off. They are so stupid they may actually survive. + rep

Side note: are you familiar with the Newark area?!

[Disappoint Ed]

Chapter 2: Operation Overboard

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

*The French shore is near. The boys are all on deck, staring in awe at the landscape. Sand, that is. They were staring at the sand.*

Edmund: I heard there were Nude beaches in France. Think this is one of them?
John: I sure as hell hope so. I heard the girls in France are Grade-A.
German: My mum says that English girls are best. Nice and classy lot they are.
Edmund: What kind of soldier wants a girl with class?
German: One who respects his mum, sir.
John: Well....I respect my mum, and I want some me some French women.
German: Well, I'd look out for sluts, sir.
Edmund: Uh, yeah, I'll be looking out for the sluts alright.
German: Good to hear, sir.
Edmund *quietly*: Moron...

*From nowhere, Nelson appears. He has his full combat uniform on, and clearly is ready for a fight.*

Todd: The hell are you doing Nelson?
Nelson: LET'S DO THIS. HOOAY.
Edmund: Oh dammit..
Veronica: Nelson, do what?
Nelson: I'm gonna take France back from these damn Nazis!
Veronica: What, just because it's "The French Lady" it needs saving?
Nelson: I'll save French Ladies or French men. It don't matter to me.
Veronica: You are truly hopeless.
Nelson: Maybe. But I'll die the death of a true patriot if I do fail.
Todd: Listen, Nelson, you don't need to take France back yet.
Edmund: YET?!
Nelson: Damn that! I will be a hero! I will liberate France whether you're manly enough to help or not!
Todd: No, Nelson, see, that's not the problem...
Nelson: LET'S DO THIS!

*Nelson leaps off the boat, the coast still a few miles away. Everyone gasps in horror, but nobody goes after*

John: And this year's Darwin Award goes to...
Veronica: Oh...Maybe we should have stopped him.
Todd: Nah, he'd have just caused us trouble.

*The ship gets close to shore, and several people appear to be on the beach.*

John: Edmund, your nude beach wish may come true.
Edmund: This was supposed to be a secure site...
Veronica: Oh God, someone's shooting!
German: Mommy what do I do?!
Jerry: Well this war's going better than planned.
Todd: Oh my God...
Edmund: What? What is it Todd?
Todd: It's Nelson...

*Nelson can be clearly seeing cursing, shooting at the top of an unoccupied cliff, and picking up and randomly dropping several scantily clad French bathers.*

Nelson: I'll save you girls!
French Girl: Are these the British that are supposed to save us?
Nelson: Yes Ma'am!
French Girl: Heh.
Nelson: You damn Jerry bastards! I'll get you! *continues shooting at the wall*
Edmund: Can we get someone to stop him?
Todd: Not easily, sir.
Edmund: Oh dammit...

*The ship gets closer, and eventually they beach. They see Nelson, soaking wet, surrounded by the French Girls*

Edmund: Nelson, what the hell are you doing?
French Girl: Shhh. He's telling us how he punched a shark in the face on the way over here.
Nelson: Yeah, I haven't even got to the part where the two Tiger Tanks start shooting at me and I have to steal one to blow the other up.
French Girl: You're so brave...
Veronica: What a disgrace...
Edmund: Nelson, what the hell-
John *whispering to Edmund*: Sir, he has the French girls right where we want them...*
Edmund:...are you waiting for? Continue your story!
Nelson: So, then Mecha-Hitler came out and tried to shoot me...
Todd: Oh God...This is horrific. The author's resorted to videogame references!
Edmund: What's a video-do-hickie?
French Girl: Who cares? Nelson, tell us more about the African Safari...
Nelson: It's a dangerous place, I tell ya. Let me go tell you somewhere more private? Maybe I can even show you how some of those, uh, wild beasts act around their females...
French Girl: Sounds like fun....

*Nelson and the French Girls walk off*

John: Damn. Now what, Edmund?
Edmund: Uh, we go...um...We go to attack some German city.
John: What German city?
Edmund: Uh...the...the nearby one...
John: Oh what the hell.
Todd: Reims.
Edmund: What?
Todd: We must attack Reims.
Edmund: Yeah, that's what I said, Reims! Open your ears next time!
Todd: *Sigh*



*Later, Veronica and German are walking together on the beach*

Veronica: So, you lived with your mum?
German: Oh, yes miss. She's a wonderful woman, I tell ya.
Veronica: It's nice when boys like their mums.
German: Well, yeah, I don't see how anyone couldn't.
Veronica: I feel the same way.
German: Good to hear. I think the others don't like their mums too much...
Veronica: No, German. No they don't. Do you miss your mum?
German: Oh yes, miss. Yes I do.
Veronica: Well, don't you worry. You'll see her again soon.
German: Are...Are you my father?
Veronica: What?
German: My mum says my Daddy went off someplace far, far away, a better place. Did she mean Belgium?
Veronica: Uh, yeah. But not me. Your Daddy, he's a good church-going man. He has a happy life.
German: Oh, well, good to hear. So you're not my dad?
Veronica: Uh, no.
German: Oh, well, alright then. You're sure?
Veronica: Positive.
German 100%?
Veronica: 110%.
German: Okay. That's too bad. You'd make a good dad.
Veronica: Um....

*In a dimly lit room, the French Girls surround Nelson. He's doing his "Lion impersonation". He is making animal noises, telling them to go get food, stealing their food, and at random points roaring.*

Nelson: So, wanna see my Hippopotamus impression next?

[Disappoint Ed]

Chapter 3

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Narrator: Meanwhile, around the world the war was raging, and Britain was gearing up to go all in. But at the same time, a peculiar new candidate for prime minister stepped in...



Narrator: Meanwhile, in Russia...



Nikolai: It's so damn cold...
Sergii: Tell me about it. Why are we out here again?
Stalin: BECAUSE VE ARE RUSSIAN.
Sergii: Who the hell are you?
Stalin: JOSEPH. LEADER OF GLORIOUS REVOLUTION.
Sergii: Uh huh.
Stalin: JOIN ME FOR GLORIOUS SOVIET RUSSIA.
Sergii: I think I'll pass. Say, Nikolai, where's the vodka?
Nikolai: Oh, we ran out this morning.
Sergii: *angry* What? *turns to Stalin* So, you're leading a revolution, eh? Count me in.
Nikolai: But Sergii...

*Another Russian rushes in*

Alexander: Nikolai, they're out of moose meat and donuts!
Nikolai:.....The revolution starts now.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Britain had a new weapon up their sleeves, one that would forever change warfare...



British Researcher: Didn't....Didn't we already research this?
Isaac Newton: Nope.
British Researcher: I'm...pretty sure we did.
Isaac Newton: Nuh uh. I would have remembered.
British Researcher: Well, I mean, you are pretty old...
Isaac Newton: Nope. Would have remembered. My mind is just fine, thank you. We have never had a machine gun.
British Researcher: I mean, I guess the Puckle gun is iffy, and the Gatling Gun was cranked, but what about the Maxim gun?
Isaac Newton: Never heard of it.
British Researcher: But we used it to mow down Africans...
Isaac Newton: Woah, we would never do something so terrible! Why would we kill African people?
British Researcher: Because they were revolting.
Isaac Newton: Well I don't blame them if we were mowing them down with machine guns.
British Researcher: But...Well, now you see that we've had machine guns before, right?
Isaac Newton: Nope. We've never had machine guns.
British: *sigh*...

*Suddenly, Edward comes bursting into the Narrator's room*

Edmund: Todd! What the hell are you doing? I've been listening to you for the past few minutes wondering what you're talking about.
Todd/Narrator: I, uh, I...
Edmund: Oh, never mind that, the Germans are coming to attack us!
Todd: They WHAT?
Edmund: Get ready for a fight!

*Outside, several minutes later*

Nelson: COME ON YA GODDAMN NAZIS. COME GET SOME OF THIS.
German: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Mommy help me!
Edmund: Quiet, all of you, and form into battlelines!



John: *Bursts out laughing* That's it! That's what we were worried about? That tiny army! HAHAHA
Nelson: Dammit, and I wanted a real battle!

Narrator/Todd: In the next episode, find out if the British will defeat the Germans, if the author will stop being so damn lazy *"British Researcher"...COME ON*, if German's mom will rescue him, and if I will keep talking to myself!