Rome II: Just joking

[Spear Dog]

- A Roman, a Thracian and a Gaul walk into a wine tabernae and slap a copy of Rome II on the counter and the tabernari says; "what is this? a joke?"

With the demise of the 'Turdetani and Arse' thread, I thought the forum could use another source of light hearted humour.

[DanMLee88]

I have christened my 'little' friend, pen-US.

A name befitting a man that conquers all those before him.

[Spear Dog]

I just found a Total War Rome II game nailed to a tree and I thought, I'll have that, so I took it. You never know when you'll need a nail.

[Babri]

I just found a Total War Rome II game nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you'll need a nail.

Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk 4

[Spear Dog]

Two cohorts in testudo approaching the walls couldn't quite see where they were going and crashed into a tortoise. It was a Turtle War disaster.

[GeorgePatton]

Your story is impossible op since computers werent invented yet.

[SKSlave]

Your story is impossible op since computers werent invented yet.

Talk about no fun allowed

[ExCruceLeo]

I spent 60$ on Rome 2 and I all I got were these funny azz threads.

[Lord Dakier]

A British and an American walk into their local tavern. Shockingly a real-life Roman walks in behind them. They offer to buy the Roman a beer instead he asks for a spot of tea. Both men reply saying that's not very Roman. The Roman Legionaire then replies with neither is talking perfect English you Tw@# now you gonna buy me some tea or what?

[SirRobin]

Why did the barbarians pay dearly for their conquest of Rome?

..because they brought their smartphones and were hit by enormous Roman charges !

[zlamaj]

Why did the barbarians pay dearly for their conquest of Rome?

..because they brought their smartphones and were hit by enormous Roman charges !

This is the kind of joke that gets your head kicked in

[Spear Dog]

This guy, pale, sleep deprived and seeming a bit jittery from maybe too much coffee, heads outside for a walk to get some fresh air. He's sort of distracted as he walks along and scuffs through a pile of dry leaves, kicking something solid, metallic sounding. He nudges it out of the leaves and sees that it is a cliched brass lamp straight out of a story. He picks it up and thinks 'what the hell' and gives it a rub, and - you guessed it - out pops a genie; cloud of smoke, fireworks, the lot.

Says the genie "you have one wish".

Our guy is dumbstruck for a moment, staring open mouthed, but collects himself and thinks 'bloody hell' pauses for a few seconds then pulls himself together and resolves to do the right thing. "I want peace for all, regardless of gender, creed or status".

The Genie smiles gently and slowly shakes his head and replies; "I regret to say that is something I cannot do, it is just too complicated. Is there some other wish I could grant you?"

Our man breaks into a big smile and says; "In that case, I want the Total War Rome II game that I so eagerly anticipated, the game I dreamed of and that Creative Assembly promised. A 100% historically accurate simulation of the Roman Empire with a brilliant battle AI that I can still beat and a campaign AI that plays like Kasparov but isn't too frustrating. I want superb graphics that are movie-like on any computer and UI and icons that are aesthetically pleasing to everyone. I want it to have all the features I loved from all the previous Total War games too, but I also want it to be ahead of it's time and different"

The genie knits his brow as he brings his knuckle to his chin and cocking his head slightly to one side he looks at our Total War fan and says; "So, how would define peace?"

[b3an15HLy]

A Roman Consul leading a campaign against the Gauls suspects treachery and turbulence back at Rome, so he leads his legions across the Rubicon, shatters the Republic, initiates a civil war, seizes power and paves the way for an empire. *Boy, that escalated quickly*
In Rome 2 the same Consul dies of old age before he reaches the Rubicon. A random civil war still initiates.

Haha, not my best one.

[Humble Warrior]

Funny! Good stuff.

[Spear Dog]

- A centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The barman says; "I'm sorry sir, I don't think I know that one, how about a martini?" The centurion says; "If I'd wanted a double I would've asked for one."

- Q: How did they split the Roman Empire? A: They used a pair of Caesars.

[Spear Dog]

OK, this is the last one I have for the moment and it is an actual Roman Joke:


- A man from up the country came to the city and was seen out and about in Rome by many who commented that he bore a remarkable resemblance to the Emperor Augustus. The Emperor heard about this man and asked that he be brought before him. When the man was presented, Augustus was amazed at the likeness in their appearance and asked the man; "Tell me, was your mother ever in Rome when she was younger?"

"Never was she in Rome" replied the man, "but my father was here often."



{Think HBO's ROME. Wherein Octavian's (Augustus) mother - Atia, Julius Caesar's niece - was one of the main characters.}

[chris10]

- A man from up the country came to the city and was seen out and about in Rome by many who commented that he bore a remarkable resemblance to the Emperor Augustus. The Emperor heard about this man and asked that he be brought before him. When the man was presented, Augustus was amazed at the likeness in their appearance and asked the man; "Tell me, was your mother ever in Rome when she was younger?"

"Never was she in Rome" replied the man, "but my father was here often."

...funnyasfack

[Spear Dog]

2 Rome II barbarians are walking up a hill when a head rolls past. The first barbarian says; "Hey, wasn't that a roman legionary?" The second barbarian say; "huh, I thought they were taller than that."

[Spear Dog]

A storm came through here yesterday and a downed tree took out the power lines, so we were without power for a few hours. The rain was pretty heavy and hung about for a several hours so I couldn't do anything outside. The worst thing was that the PC was down and I had to stop playing Rome II, so I spent a few hours talking to the wife. She seems like a nice person.