Your favorite speeches and quotes

[Roma_Victrix]

I love all the medieval trash-talking in this game. It's excellent. Here's some of my favorites spoken by your battle-map commander:

What's to worry you men? When courage and manliness were handed out by God's angels...our foes were last in line!

Lord preserve us! I do believe the Milanese do no service to the land of Italy. Rarely have I smelt such a rank odor. Surely such a nation of bankers would be able to afford fresh linens!

You have to love the subtle piss-your-pants reference there. Some more:

Zounds! These Frenchmen provoke a wrath in my that I cannot contain! From crown to soles a Frenchman is an abomination. His taste in whores alone is enough to make a man wretch! I am glad that such creatures are our enemies, so that business and pleasure can now mix.

That's the same speech for both southern European factions and the HRE, I've noticed. You get that speech in every battle once your general acquires the "HatesFrench" trait.

Any other gems you guys want to share?

[totalwar_legend]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCR8xV7fb5w

Couldn't resist the opportunity to share this. Some of my favourite speeches edited into a conversation.

[Vissewalde rex de Gerzika]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCR8xV7fb5w

Couldn't resist the opportunity to share this. Some of my favourite speeches edited into a conversation.

That pretty much sums it all up.

[Roma_Victrix]

That pretty much sums it all up.

So what now? Close the thread? It can't get funnier than that? You can still post your favorite lines, bro.

[Cyprian2]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCR8xV7fb5w

Couldn't resist the opportunity to share this. Some of my favourite speeches edited into a conversation.

Brilliant montage, and a good laugh. This has given me some ideas. I know it's possible to cheat generals into having the foulmouthed trait (do you happen to know what it's called?), but I wonder how you go about modding a campaign to have mostly (if not all) foulmouthed generals? That needs looking into, I think.

Anyway, nice vid.

[Drinka of the Rum]

I know it's possible to cheat generals into having the foulmouthed trait (do you happen to know what it's called?)

Hi Cyprian. I think the trait you mean is "Feck" I don't know how many levels there are though...

[Kataphractos]

I've never listened to any of the speeches. Guess I'll have to start doing that...

[Drinka of the Rum]

Trait Feck
Characters family
NoGoingBackLevel 2
AntiTraits Prim, RhetoricSkill, Stoic

Level Strong_Language
Description Strong_Language_desc
EffectsDescription Strong_Language_effects_desc
Threshold 4

Effect Piety -1
Effect Command 1
Effect TroopMorale 1

Level Foul_Mouthed
Description Foul_Mouthed_desc
EffectsDescription Foul_Mouthed_effects_desc
Threshold 8

Effect Chivalry -1
Effect Piety -2
Effect Command 1
Effect TroopMorale 2

Level Spits_Venom
Description Spits_Venom_desc
EffectsDescription Spits_Venom_effects_desc
Threshold 16

Effect Chivalry -2
Effect Piety -3
Effect Loyalty -1
Effect Authority -1
Effect TroopMorale 3

Level Utterly_Profane
Description Utterly_Profane_desc
EffectsDescription Utterly_Profane_effects_desc
GainMessage Utterly_Profane_gain_desc
Epithet Utterly_Profane_epithet_desc
Threshold 32

Effect Chivalry -4
Effect Piety -4
Effect Loyalty -2
Effect Authority -2
Effect TroopMorale 4

[Maklodes]

I like the one where the general loses his train of thought and starts babbling about how he hopes his troops have made sure their families are provided-for in case of any unanticipated deaths, then ends up saying "those banners are very nice, aren't they?"

[Roma_Victrix]

I like the one where the general loses his train of thought and starts babbling about how he hopes his troops have made sure their families are provided-for in case of any unanticipated deaths, then ends up saying "those banners are very nice, aren't they?"

"Because you don't want an issue like that clouding your mind at a time like this when there are battles to be fought...and worlds to conquer...and...those banners look really nice, don't they?" I've heard both the Southern European and German version of that speech. Hilarious. Never the English or French versions, though.

I'm definitely giving one of my generals that "Feck" trait. So what's the epithet they gain at level 4 (the profane)?

[Roma_Victrix]

And at the last...just look at those goat-fondling arse monkeys! Do they deserve to live? Unless I'm a scrofulous molly and jade, I think not!

Arse monkeys. Awesome.

[Sar1n]

Well, a general that inspires his troops by calling the "Arse-pirating weasels" deserves a mention here.

[cretanKoG]

Ahh! Snake!

[Roma_Victrix]

These Hungarians should run back to the stables where they were birthed. We shall shortly harness them, geld them, and break them to our purpose.

I wonder if any particular ethnic group filed an official complaint or lawsuit with CA after this game was released. There's some really strong stuff tossed out there, at times way worse than the quote above. Try these ones below:

These Sicilians are like Englishmen! They come from a nasty little island, enjoy the company of sheep, and need trimming with a broadsword!

These Danes are as cruel and unlovable as the dark seas that surround their wretched homeland. Anyone who falls into their hands can expect but a scant token of God's mercy!

Our Venetian foes are the web-footed sons of poisonous frogs and sea eels...we need not fear them.

The French, it is said, are better lovers than they are fighters. It's true! Ask any pig, goat, or other farmyard animal!

This game is truly legendary.