Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 53

Thread: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 17]

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 17]

    Foreword: This will be a story about one of my Nationstates Nations greatest hero, Preamu.
    Nationstates is a forum game, with browser elements, as you create your own nation and dictate
    everyday matters. It also has a strong RP component, as you alone decide how your nation looks,
    feels and what it´s history is. I can only recommend the game and the site.

    My Nation Liugark (http://www.nationstates.net/nation=l...etail=factbook) is a nation of people
    who trace their lineage back to their nomadic beginnings.

    They are of Turkic stock, first occuring in history as a splinter tribe of the mighty Xiong Nu.
    Their home is the Gansu and and at the western banks of the Yellow
    River in Lanzhou. I will write a brief summary about them down.

    Spoiler for Brief History

    The Liugan (or Liu) Ethnicity orginated from Gansu and the Quilian mountains and at the banks of the Yellow River. Many Historians assume that they came from the Quilian Mountains in 800 B.C. and since then roved at the western banks of the Yellow River,Gansu and the Quilian Mountains, which they called home. They get mentioned first in 200 A.D. as a member tribe of the Xiong-Nu (at this time the southern Xiong-Nu). In the same century, they declared independence from the shattering Xiong Nu State. Most historians state that they are of Turk stock being related to the Xiong-Nu.


    Raiding northern Han settlements and Tuyuhun nomadic caravans, they got famed for their skill as typical nomad horse-archers, who also employed a melee cavalry type of fighting. To even pass the Silk Road successfully, Caravans had to pay tribute to the
    lords of the Gansu Valley. Multiple Han armies were defeated, leaving the Han with no control of the Silk Road. Soon enough, the Liu overtook the lands of the Liang to their west, forcing them to migrate westwards.



    The early Liu were a typical steppe people, having no script, history being told by bards and fathers to sons.They placed the skulls of the enemies a man has decapitated in his life before his Kurgan. It was not uncommon for Liu Chieftains and the Khan to drink
    out of the head of his enemy. They were nomads, searching graze able pasture in their lands and sometimes beyond. The tribal warriors were split into regular and heavy cavalry, the latter reserved for nobles or experienced warriors. The regular tribesman was clad in linen with fur, leather boots. He wielded a compact composite bow, additionaly a sword or a mace. Heavier Lancers or even Cataphracts were clad in lamellar or scale armour, laminar armour on their arms. Chainmail was unknown to them at the time. They wielded long lances, a composite bow, small shields, a mace or a sword. The sword of the Liu was clearly influenced by Han technology.


    In 485 A.D., years after the fall of the mighty Xiong-nu, the Liu Khan Bramu extended the rule of the Liu Khanate, raiding Wei Territories and forcing them to pay tribute. Now he settled his eye on the west, on the Tarim Basin, which was populated by the White Huns. Former brothers of the Liu, these men were descendants of the Xiong-nu just as them. Bramu was known as a reformer, envisioning a more settled life for the Liu, even setting up a permanent camp at the banks of the Yellow River (this camp is the place of todays capital Karahitu).

    He also brought in many chinese bureocrats and scriptors, lectoring himself and multiple servants, setting
    the base for a change of vocal to written history. He also modeled a infantry force, consisting of subjugated
    people and mercenaries of the Wei.Because of his revolutionary thinking he got many enemies.



    Please read this little information, as the story will start around this time, first describing the
    early years and upcomings of Preamu.

    For any further questions about Liugark and the Liu, please ask me here or look for yourself
    in my nations factbook.

    Any comments, recommendations or help in general is more than welcome. I hope all of you
    who read this story will enjoy it, and just have a good time. You may be forced to google
    some tribes and nations, as I try to be as historical accurate and authentic, apart from my
    freely made up Liu.

    And without further ado, let´s begin the story !

    Excellent music to listen to while reading ( immersive):

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    or any other Steppe inspired
    music.


    Spoiler for Pictures relevant to the story

    Qilian Mountains, birthplace of Preamu.


    Gansu, home of the Liu.



    Chapters

    Foreword

    CHAPTER I.: The young Preamu

    1. Those beautiful Mountains

    2. Stream

    3. Bhur

    4. Shadow of the Steppes

    5. Preamu and Numu

    6. The Tiger of Gansu

    7. Exile


    8. A Jewel of the East


    9. Way back Home

    10. Father and Son, Tiger and Eagle

    11. The Calm before the Storm

    12. Leader of Men

    13. Preamu, Warrior


    14. When the Sky crumbles

    15. To hunt a Jackal

    16. A scent of Jasmine

    Last edited by Marvzilla; June 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM.

  2. #2
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story]

    Preamu

    Preamu, son to Bramu, was one of the greatest heros
    this world has ever seen. Or should one call him conqueror ?
    Murderer ? Butcher ? Or even Nemesis of the civilised world ?

    All of this can be debated, but only one thing is for certain:
    Preamu has carved out one of the greatest Empires mankind
    has seen, Eurasia laid to his feet. From the vast steppes
    and mountains of his home in Gansu, to the warm and
    beautiful straits of Constantinople, all the people inbetween,
    poor or rich, noble or scum, warrior or poet called him master,
    lord, Khan....

    The truth is, there is no truth. In one campaign he liberated the
    people, in the next he massacred them to the last child. He was
    as wild as the winds and at the same time spoke like an diplomat
    of the Roman court. He was wise and strong, harsh to traitors but
    forgiving to his true friends. He was not one person, but many,
    caged in the hull of a mere mortal. There can be no truth, as
    there are no lies.

    He was Liu in Gansu, he was Hellen in Bactria, he was Persian in
    Ctesiphon, he was Roman in Constantinople. He loved his women
    and hated them, for they all wanted his wealth, but also him, the
    man. He hated his men, but also loved them, as they never forgot
    his mistakes but loved his victories. He was split, schizophrenic,
    like the earth itself. He was more human than all the people of
    his Empire together. But he was no human, as he was the
    carnage of the Steppes themselves.

    He was Preamu, greatest of the Liu, a friend of mankind, a
    conqueror and lover. He was what the Romans called Basileus,
    the Persians Shah, his people Khan.

    He was Preamu.
    Last edited by Marvzilla; December 21, 2012 at 04:22 PM.

  3. #3
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story]

    Chapter I. : Those beautiful Mountains



    "Only the falcon is truly free, as he can spread his wings and can fly where no man can.
    He sees the petty world from above, and when he has grown old, he doesn´t spread
    his wings anymore. He just falls, and dies. Do you know why he dies ? No, it´s
    not the fall that kills him. He dies of a cold heart. The world he has seen from
    above has filled him with grief. "

    As the sun set it´s first beams of light on the majestic Qilian Mountains, the
    Khan of the Liu people hold his firstborn in his mighty hands. He was strong,
    that could Bramu see. But would he fall like the falcon ?

    "My son, there is still hope. As every man can make this world a better place.
    We just have to try ! "

    He lifted the toddler up in the air, eastwards, the sun shining in his young face.
    A strong wind blew over the plateau and dark clouds where only broken by the
    rising sun. It was truly a sight to behold.

    Bramus eyes were filled with tears. He kissed his son on the forehead and entered with
    him the little decorated tent, where shamans were doing their work. It smelled after
    jasmin, and in a dark corner laid a beautiful woman, sweating, bloodied.

    Bramu stepped over to her, the Shamans barely making place. He hold the little
    something towards her and she took it in her weak arms. She smiled, half crying.

    "Preamu."

    Bramu just nodded, barely able to hold his tears back.

    She grabbed his hand, gazing deep into his black eyes. Motionless both of them
    sat there, only the toddler moving slightly.

    "I can´t lose you ! You are my Queen ! "

    Tears flowed down his cheeks.

    "Don´t cry my man. Look, we have a beautiful son."

    "But you are my sun. Without you there is only rain."

    "And you are my sky. We are together, now or later. It doesn´t
    matter."

    Again she smiled weak. He did too, the tears still flowing.
    They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity.

    Then it rained.



    Bramu stepped out of the tent. Heavy raindrops fell onto him,
    cold and hard. He had his son firm in his arms.

    "Do you see this, son ? Your Mother loved those. They hold the
    sky, and the sky holds the sun. Those beautiful Mountains."

    Last edited by Marvzilla; January 17, 2013 at 05:03 PM.

  4. #4
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story]

    Chapter II. : Stream



    Summer. The season when the mares get their foals and the stallions feed fat on grass.The season where the warm wind blows over the fields,over the streams, trouts and frogs living in it.The season where the young men become unsteady and hunted after every skirt possible.The summer is a good time, a time of prosperty and riches.

    Not for the young boy who just got slapped behind his head.

    "No ! I can´t believe you still don´t get this in your thick head, young one ! "

    Bramu was visibly angered at his son, who tried to hold back the tears of angerand pain.

    "You can´t just target the enemy general. The old ways hold true ! Harass,tire and break your enemy before you charge. If needed, you fake a retreatand fight when your opponent is in unfavorable conditions ! "

    "But Alexander didn´t fight like that ! He charged Darius and nearly killedhim ! "

    Another mighty slap sent the young boy flying. His father got older, but he wasstill a man in his physical peak.

    "Alexander nearly lost that battle ! That´s what you get when you merit heroismabove security. Who leads the men when the General dies ? "

    Preamu laid on the ground, holding his left cheek. He cried, but didn´t wanted to.How often has his father hit him like that and he still cryied ? That had to stop !

    He slowly rose up, with a look of defiance on his face. Bramu sighed and turned,walking towards the camp.

    This was the summer camp of the Khan, the one he set up in the Gansu countryside.It was a small valley, and a little stream found his way through the grass. The forestedhills around were used as camp ground.
    Preamu sat down at the water. He didn´t cry anymore, but was still about to bawlagain. Why did his father only treat him so bad ? He never was as harsh to thechildren of the other tribe members. But he could be, he´s the Khan after all !That´s what Preamu thought atleast. Bramu was very hard to his only son,because he knew he had to toughen him and ready him up for the mightytasks that lay before him. In one year he would visit the Bhur, the militaricschool founded by Bramu, made for the tribal Aristrocracy and their sons.He knew that education was essential and that if Khanat of the Liuever should rose above it´s current
    position, it needed more than merenomads.Those opinions and reforms made him unpopular, as he also broughtthe script and alphabet to the Liu, imported from the late Han.

    Preamu was over it now and tried to grab a small trout with hisbare hands. The stream was not very deep, but deep enough fora six year old to drown in. Cautious and sharp Preamu watched onespecific trout, the one all the others seemed to follow.He concentrated on one particular moment and he sprang forward.This heroic leap didn´t get him a tasty trout, but a mouth full of water.He couldn´t swim, and the stream pulled him underwater.Suddenly a big hand grabbed him by his collar made out of fell.His father lifted him up, high above the ground. Preamu was ready to get the hardest beating his father has in reserve.

    But instead, he sat him down, slowly.

    "You see ? "

    "W-hat ? "

    "You can´t just attack the general. You will slip and drown inhis men. Watch."

    Bramu got to the stream, Preamu close behind him. Bramu goadedthe fish Preamu just targeted with a small piece of bread closer tothe shore. He grabbed after the fish, and when the trout tried to escape
    it was already on dry ground.

    "Goad your enemies into a position that is favorable to you. Don´trun into his arms, or you will perish."

    Preamu was left sitting alone, confused but enlightened.
    Last edited by Marvzilla; February 22, 2013 at 08:43 PM.

  5. #5
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story]

    Chapter III. : Bhur



    Winter.

    The unforgiving season of the frozen water and harsh winds.
    The time when the earth froze. Life got hard in winter.

    And so did the nomads of the Gansu.

    Several Liu tribes started to raid Wei settlements just
    beyond the great Hwang Ho with it´s icy straits.

    This was the natural circle between the nomads and
    sedentary people. In autumn and winter the hordes
    from the endless plains raided the rich and fat farms
    of the settlers, in need of food and loot.

    The Wei, descendants of the formerly nomadic Toba
    were helpless against these attacks from the Liu, with
    their swift horses and retreatment tactics. Many stout
    Wei soldiers have fallen to the arrow and the sword.

    In this bitter time, another chapter of life started for
    Preamu, who know was eight years old. The Bhur,
    the militaric school founded by his father, for the
    sons of the aristocracy. At the age of eight, they
    learned to life as a Warrior, the refined their
    horseman and marksman skills. They learned
    Chinese script, they learned the epics of the Bards.

    Bramu also ordered the tutors, who were formed of
    old, experienced Warriors, Bards and Scriptors, to
    teach them the qualities and the commandment of
    Footsoldies, and how a sedentary General thinks
    and acts. They learned more of their own traditions,
    those which they didn´t knew yet. Why the title
    Chanyu was abandoned in favor of the title Khan
    or Khagan.

    They learned of the known world. Of the two
    big Chinese empires in the east, the Wei and
    the Qi. They learned of the nomadic Tuyuhun
    and Hephtalites, cousins of the Liu. They learned
    of the Taklamakan with it´s oasis and their
    city-states. They also learned that the Wei were
    triburaries of the Liu, that they had to pay them
    to keep off their homes, which they refused to do
    this very year. They learned of Bramus vision, to
    attack the Tuyuhun and expand the realm of the
    Liu, so that they could roam freely in the Hexi
    Corridor. They learned of the might Rouran
    Khanat, north of them, the descendants of the
    Hsien-Pi, the people who destroyed the last
    remnants of the Xiong Nu, the forebearers
    of the Liu.

    Preamu excelled in most subjects. Apart from
    those martial practices and lessons he learned
    something far more important : Friendship.

    He and the other boys soon formed a close knit
    group, motivating each other, dreaming of a future
    where Preamu was Khan and they all would sack
    the lands of the Wei and the Qi, just like Modu Chanyu
    did with the Han. They also listened to the imported tales
    of Megas Alexandros, in Preamus eyes the greatest man to
    ever live.

    "Give all you got Numu ! "

    The big, burly Yahzeer was known as a harsh drill-
    master, with a brutal training regimen.

    The daily unit of Wrestling was on, and Numu was
    clearly losing to the superior Preamu.

    "I will get you ! "

    Numu tried to spin out of the tight hold, but it
    didn´t worked. Preamu pinned him down and Yahzeer
    clapped in his hands, ordering the boys to seperate.

    "Good work Preamu. Numu, work on you strenght. Go to
    the lifting stone. "

    Numu was about to complain, but Yahzeer cut him off
    with a deadly gaze. Sighing he walked towards the
    heavy, round stone. Preamu clapped him on the shoulder.

    "Good fight. You nearly got me in the beginning. "

    "You are a good winner, Preamu. I just disrespected you
    with my weak performance."

    "No, you really gave your all."

    Numu slightly smiled, hanging his head in sadness.
    He was the closest friend Preamu got, they spent all their
    time together. Numu admired Preamu, and Preamu loved him
    for his loyality.

    The other boys were Cammuru, a strong and quick Wrestler,
    clearly better than the rest of them. Rudur, a fast learner
    who had great understanding for script and language. Utruru,
    the best horseman of the lot. Zarwu, the most intelligent one,
    with an affinity for logistics and tactics.

    They all were bound together like no one else.
    This close kinship should be tested often in their lifes.

    "But teacher, why do we not just invade the Wei headon,
    if we are so superior to them ? "

    "Well, Cammuru, your thick head again forgets the importance
    of strategy and logistics. The Wei have a clear advantage,
    as we are no adapt at taking their cities, yet. Our advantage
    is our swiftness, and for that to take in effect we need our
    free steppes. Their close and disgusting cities limit their
    and our movements. "

    "But we can just wrestle them down ! "

    "Haha, now you are just stubborn. You won´t wrestle a man
    down if behind him is one waiting to kill you. Overthink
    this."

    "Yes, master."

    "I have another question ! "

    Tarqu sighed. The young utruru was maybe a great rider,
    especially for his age, but he had a maleviolent strain,
    that would make any professional killer proud.

    "Why do we not just torture them ? That would force them
    to subjugation ! "

    "Young Utruru, who has taught you anything about torture ?!"

    "No one, I just thought it would be a...."

    The other boys laughed as he got a light clap with the Bards
    route.

    "That´s not what we do. Overthink your foul words, young man !"

    "Yes, master."

    Utruru looked down with a angered grimasse.

    "Master."

    Preamu stood up. The small learning circle was situated on
    a small hill just at the mighty Hwang Ho. The old Bard loved
    this place, and saw it as the right place to teach.

    "Why do we not just set out to the west ? There are far greater
    riches than in the east. The Wei are weak and poor, but the people
    in the Taklamakan and beyond are riches. We always hear tales
    about the riches of Kashgar and this mighty Bactria, but no
    one tried to reach those places yet !"

    "Thats because we are mouffons !"

    Preamu was one of Tarqus favourite students. The future Khan
    was bright and expandive, a strain every great leader had.

    "We already control the entrance to China, why don´t we tighten
    this grip ? We could take all of the silk rout, but we are
    Mouffons, and thats why we are content with our little Gansu
    Valley and Qilian Mountains. In my opinion, we Liu are destined
    for greatness, we just have to grab it !"

    Preamu loved these lessons. Tarqu was not a typical Bard. He
    was far more open to the rest of the world, and saw beyond
    the great steppes. He had a vision of greatness, just like
    Preamu.

    "But always remember : One single man is easily corrupted.
    One single leader will fell all the greatness he has experienced."

    "Why is that ?"

    "Because might has the habit to devour men. Great success goes
    hand in hand with ones downfall."
    Last edited by Marvzilla; January 05, 2013 at 03:21 PM.

  6. #6
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 3]

    Okay, so I want to hear some feedback on the font. Is it readable ? Is it comfortable to read ?

    If not I am going to change it.

    Also, here is a map so you can orientate a tad better as the story progresses. It shows the
    position of the Liu and their neighbours.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


    Ignore some of the northern Tuyuhun borders, as the Liu were far more widespread south, occupying almost all of the Qilian Mountains.


  7. #7
    Tigellinus's Avatar Citizen
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    New Zealand: Auckland
    Posts
    1,688

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 3]

    Hey. A good story you have here! The font is readable, but as Radzeer has told me sometimes Italics can make a font hard to read!

    Personally I don't mind the Italics. It's your story

    Keep it up! +rep




    Proudly under the patronage of McScottish

  8. #8

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 3]

    Great story--you got me interested. I'm with Tigelinus: italics are not really what I'm used to reading, but like him I say it's your story--it's your choice of font. Italics aren't really that uncomfortable to read--just not usual, that's all. Keep up the great work, friend. Hawooh.

  9. #9
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 3]

    Quote Originally Posted by wumpus View Post
    Great story--you got me interested. I'm with Tigelinus: italics are not really what I'm used to reading, but like him I say it's your story--it's your choice of font. Italics aren't really that uncomfortable to read--just not usual, that's all. Keep up the great work, friend. Hawooh.
    Thanks, and I am glad I got some readers early on. Yeah, it´s my story, but the readers should be
    comfortable reading it. If someone has problems I am more than willing to fix things, so it is as pleasant
    as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tigellinus View Post
    Hey. A good story you have here! The font is readable, but as Radzeer has told me sometimes Italics can make a font hard to read!

    Personally I don't mind the Italics. It's your story

    Keep it up! +rep
    Thank you very much.

    Expect a update today, if nothing comes inbetween. I was busy the last days, Christmas and
    all.

    Thanks for the kind comments.

  10. #10
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 3]

    Chapter 4: Shadow of the Steppes



    It was Spring, the season of the migration from the
    winter quarters to the summer quarters. The Khagan
    and his Tribe were already on the move. Hundreds of
    riders, Wagons and herdes. Whistles and cries of the
    young Warriors filled the mild air of the lower reaches
    of the Qilian Mountains, steep and rocky.

    Preamu was 12 years old now. Only a few years and he
    would be officialy made Yagbu, second ruler of the Liu.
    He was now fully part of the Bhur, his day being made up
    of training, learning and the occasional herding, as even
    the sons of royality and aristocracy of the Liu were not
    excempt from lower work.

    Preamu was a lively boy, a good observer, intelligent and
    physical strong. He already showed signs of a clever leader.
    Numu was as strong, and he was the best friend of Preamu.
    No one was as bound together as this two. They already discussed
    who will get what part of Preamus Empire when he would be
    Khagan and Numu his Yagbu. Some of the older women where
    suspicious that this two spent so much time together, but
    these thoughts were written off as typical gossip.

    The other boys of Preamus Bhur exceded in their favourite
    disciplines. Preamu knew already that he could count on
    them when he would be Khagan, as everyone was loyal to him.

    The trek of the Khagan was moving slowly, but steady, to it´s
    location at the lower Hwang Ho. A bard sung a song about the
    divine horses, which were said to roam the plains of the Gansu,
    one of the typical myths of the Liu. He also played on a little
    instrument, similar to a Dombra. The chirping sounds made of it
    were harmonical with his deep voice.

    Some warriors guided the herds to another grazing ground, where
    all the goats and yaks could fill their bellies with hard grass.
    The warriors looked rather disinterested, sitting on their small
    steeds. Bow and quiver at their sides, with a sword or a mace
    hanging at their belt, they were more than ready to route any
    predator, the four legged or two legged one, either.

    The Khagan rode ahead of the trek, with a small band of guards
    and his advisors. Usually it was the task of some other tribe
    members to scout the area, but Bramu rarely missed an opportunity
    to ride out and flee the ceremonies of the shamans or to listen to
    women.

    Preamu would have liked to follow his father, but the Khagan didn´t
    wanted him at his side. He ordered him and the other boys of the
    Bhur to herd the goats. Preamu was already used to the dismissal of
    his father, but it did hurt everytime regardless.

    "This is sooo boring !"

    Utruru was easily bored. If he didn´t raced with another member of
    the Tribe every five minutes he would let out a sigh and complain
    about everything. He was the most energetic of all the boys of the
    Bhur.

    "Does anyone want to do a race ?"

    His eyes filled with excitement.

    "I promise, I won´t make fun of the loser !"

    The other boys just rolled their eyes.

    "You might be the best rider of us, but you won´t accept
    my challenge to a wrestling match to this day !" Cammuru
    said in a amused voice.

    "Oh really ? How about this: First we all do a race, and then
    we two do our little match. Anyways, I am not that keen on
    touching another man all over his body." He smirked.

    "Deal."

    Preamu, Numu, Rudur and Zarwu just sighed, but they knew there
    was no other way around this.

    The boys lined up with their young horses, everyone awaiting
    the whistle which would start the race.

    "Ayyyyyyy !"

    All of them forced their horses forward, the stout animals giving
    their all. Grass and earth fly high behind them, whirled out by
    the hooves of the horses. The slightly steep landside around them
    flew by, their wild hair flying in the air. The finish was set at
    a little wooded area, just out of sight of the trek. Utruru leaded
    the race, but Preamu was just behind him. The young boy looked
    behind, smirking and getting out the rest of his horse. Preamu
    ducked a load of earth flying at him just in time.

    "Chaka !"

    Utruru was whistling and laughing, winning as expected. Suddenly,
    he was thrown off his horse.

    "Take that !"

    Cammuru threw him to the ground. Whistling and chanting the other
    boys rounded up.

    While the others were enjoying the spanking Utruru received, Preamu
    was distracted. Something gained his attention, just behind some
    of the trees. He walked to the little forest, where a little stream
    cleared it´s way through. It ended in a small pool. Grass grew around
    it, and the sound of birds filled the air, a rather rare sound to
    a boy of the steppes. And then, Preamu saw something unbelievable:
    A young horse, black, drinking out of the pool. It was strong, that
    he could see. The muscles defined under it´s fine hairs.

    Preamu carefully came nearer to the animal, carefully setting step
    after step. The atmosphere was electrising, the air seemed hot.
    Suddenly, the horse looked up, bothered by the young mans presence.

    "Don´t worry," Preamu whispered,"I won´t do any harm to you. My name
    is Preamu, son of Bramu. How may I call you ?"

    The young horse looked anxious, watching every move of Preamu, ready
    to gallop away. He now stood next to it, slowly carassing it´s
    fur.

    "I will call you Shanyu, the ruling one."

    The horse became calmer. Preamu got a hold on it, swinging himself
    on the horses back.

    "Let us ride Shanyu, towards the sun, let us ride out of this world !"

    Shanyu galloped forwards, out of the clearance, on to the wide
    plains. The other boys of the Bhur looked up at once, suprised
    to see their friend on such a majestic horse. They whistled and
    called his name.

    "Now Shanyu, give all you got !"

    Shanyu became even faster, racing over the wide plains. Sunbeams
    shined over the hills and mountains, making them appear like
    a Shadow of the Steppes.

    He rode towards a small groupd of people, his father and his
    retinue.

    "Look father ! I am the victor over the sun !"

    The warriors were amazed, and even Bramu had a proud smile on his
    lips.

    "We have escaped our world Shanyu, we made it !"

    This was the happiest day Preamu would ever remember.
    Last edited by Marvzilla; January 05, 2013 at 03:21 PM.

  11. #11
    Rex Anglorvm's Avatar Wrinkly Wordsmith
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Workaholicville
    Posts
    1,467

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 4]

    Nice story, like the others I don't mind the Italics, perhaps a little nore time could have been spent building the supplementary characters, but this has a lot of potential.

    Rex

    Rep+

  12. #12
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Nationstates Story][Chapter 4]

    Quote Originally Posted by Rex Anglorvm View Post
    Nice story, like the others I don't mind the Italics, perhaps a little nore time could have been spent building the supplementary characters, but this has a lot of potential.

    Rex

    Rep+
    Thanks for the kind comment.

    Well, there will be some more chapters on the younger Preamu, so you might expect
    a more deep view on his compagnions.

  13. #13
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    14,835
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    I haven't read it yet, but maybe the text could come across the whole page (or is that just me? ) and whilst I can read the italics it might be easier if they weren't...

    It looks like a great start, and I can't wait to catch up with it.
    THE WRITERS' STUDY | THE TRIBUNAL | THE CURIA | GUIDE FOR NEW MEMBERS



    PROUD PATRON OF JUNAIDI83, VETERAAN & CAILLAGH
    UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF MEGA TORTAS DE BODEMLOZE

  14. #14
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    Quote Originally Posted by Shankbot de Bodemloze View Post
    I haven't read it yet, but maybe the text could come across the whole page (or is that just me? ) and whilst I can read the italics it might be easier if they weren't...

    It looks like a great start, and I can't wait to catch up with it.
    Thanks man.

    Yeah, I think I am going to change it to non-italics, it just seems to be too unusual, and I have
    no actual need for them, just thought it looked more elegant.

    I can´t use MS Word (dont have it) so I have to use a simple text editor. Thats were the
    formation issue stems from.

  15. #15
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    14,835
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    Ah I see, no worries - although you could always type it up on TWC?
    THE WRITERS' STUDY | THE TRIBUNAL | THE CURIA | GUIDE FOR NEW MEMBERS



    PROUD PATRON OF JUNAIDI83, VETERAAN & CAILLAGH
    UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF MEGA TORTAS DE BODEMLOZE

  16. #16
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    Quote Originally Posted by Shankbot de Bodemloze View Post
    Ah I see, no worries - although you could always type it up on TWC?
    Done that in the beginning, then it started to act weird, changing formating after some
    while, different colors etc.

    Very weird.

  17. #17
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    14,835
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    Fear not, I shall not let it stand in my way.

    THE WRITERS' STUDY | THE TRIBUNAL | THE CURIA | GUIDE FOR NEW MEMBERS



    PROUD PATRON OF JUNAIDI83, VETERAAN & CAILLAGH
    UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF MEGA TORTAS DE BODEMLOZE

  18. #18
    Marvzilla's Avatar Senator
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North-Rhine Westphalia,Germany.
    Posts
    1,043

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    Quote Originally Posted by Shankbot de Bodemloze View Post
    Fear not, I shall not let it stand in my way.

    Good to hear and have fun reading.

    Also I changed the italics, so this should be no concern anymore.

  19. #19
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    14,835
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    It is easier to read, although it did look pretty nice in italics.

    Good job.
    THE WRITERS' STUDY | THE TRIBUNAL | THE CURIA | GUIDE FOR NEW MEMBERS



    PROUD PATRON OF JUNAIDI83, VETERAAN & CAILLAGH
    UNDER THE PATRONAGE OF MEGA TORTAS DE BODEMLOZE

  20. #20
    Rex Anglorvm's Avatar Wrinkly Wordsmith
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Workaholicville
    Posts
    1,467

    Default Re: The Epic of Preamu [Chapter 7]

    A very nice last chapter, I like the switch to the different font too, makes it easier to read

    Rep+

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •