[Randomly generated map for Concentrated Vanilla] Prince Affonso in the land of crazy people

[taw]

This AAR is for random scenario generator I just wrote for Concentrated Vanilla 0.53.

All factions (except Aztecs, Mongols, and Timurids) get a few randomly selected settlements instead of their initial ones. Distance to capital penalties to income and public order are massively reduced, since otherwise the game would probably be completely unplayable.

Difficulty on VH/VH. No plans of using cheats, even the most innocent type like toggle_fow or loading after lost battle, but I might be forced to for the sake of debugging.

I write this AAR mostly for hilarity of random map scenario, don't expect high literary values. As far as I can tell nobody ever made a random map generator for any Total War game, even the very restrictive kind that just randomizes initial locations. Making truly random maps is totally doable, but they'd most likely suck, so I'll stick to this for now.

I plan to write from perspective of Prince Affonso, unless something horrible happens to him.

Since this is the first time ever I play this, the game might crash irrecoverably in the middle of the campaign.

If you have any technical questions, write away. Random map generator could probably be made to work with vanilla or other mods, at least unless they do some heavily scripted area-dependent stuff.

Here's initial map:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[NEXUS12]

This is gonna be interesting!

[taw]

Chapter 1 - setup:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

In the year of our lord 1080, one of the following events happened:

• I became crazy.
• I remained sane, but every single person on the entire continent went completely nuts.

Since is there any other explanation? Just last year, I remember riding in the Iberian sun, and now I'm stuck in deep winter of some place so far North I could probably see the end of the world with great waterfalls dropping off the edge of Earth if I ventured just a bit further.

And except me nobody else seems to have noticed. They act as if the Kingdom of Portugal has always been split into three wildly distant lands. What's worse - they insist this is actually summer.

Oh well, I might as well play along with them for now, maybe the future will reveal the reason for this madness. In my youth I've spent countless hours memorizing geography of distant lands, but it's all for naught now - if I can't even explain why I am where I am, there's even less reason to trust my memories of what lies elsewhere.

For the time being I'll turn this sorry excuse for a city into something presentable, while my dear sister Maria and my trusted agent Lopo Periz will look around, maybe they'll find something which will help me solve the mystery.

My father is stuck in Sardinia with Cardinal Manoel, and I have no idea what their plans are. A much more interesting task fell on general Johao, who ended up governing warm and rich Alexandria. My father wants to marry him with Maria, but to my taste Johao is not really ready for that. Perhaps if he proves himself as governor of Egypt.

[taw]

Chapter 2 - exploration:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

It is amazing how fast a man or a woman can move when not slowed down by entire army with its supply traits and camp followers. Maria writes in her letter that she already managed to arrange trade rights for our merchants in Milanese Hamburg. How do these letters even get through from that far away so reliably?

Meanwhile Lopo Periz and watchtower I established to watch over staits of Skagerrak report that independent Duchy of Sweden is extremely well defended, but tiny Byzantine garrison in Oslo would be easy to overwhelm. Now if only I knew how wise or foolish starting a war against what's left of Roman Empire would be...

And how can tiny Sweden even afford to keep armies that huge from such a tiny village? Surely they must be raiding the coast, and this must be stopped! Well, someday, probably not just yet.



Year 1081 passed uneventfully (I swear, it was so uneventful nobody even got older!) and in winter of 1082 (they were right, what I thought was winter didn't come close to preparing me for the true cold) news arrived that Pope Gregory was dead. I don't understand Papal politics, but apparently Cardinal Manoel supported the right candidate, so that's one good news.



I need to get away from here and somewhere warm before I die of cold.

Agents move very fast in the mod, and build times are 1 turn, so this is probably not going to take long.

[taw]

Chapter 3 - road to Rome:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

This time Maria sent me not just a letter, but a new wife with entire entourage. She was even kind enough to bring maps of Kingdom of Denmark with her, which only served to confirm that I am indeed going crazy. Let's face it - Portugal is a very weak and scattered kingdom, and any ally will be helpful.



Neither me nor Johao seem to have much opportunity for combat any time soon, but my father's spies report that Rome and Genoa are under Muslims yoke, and best of all - very weakly defended, so my father will gladly liberate them. So soon either we'll be in control of Rome, or I'll be the new king.



My father writes that foolish Muslim general sent his entire army away, while our spy infiltrated Rome, and will open the game for us before Muslims have any chance of returning.

Strangely it seems that Muslims forgot to tear down Catholic Abbey in Rome, so monks are running the city pretty much disregarding Muslim armies there. If that doesn't confirm that the world is going insane, I don't know what does?

[taw]

Chapter 4 - liberation of Rome:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

This wasn't much of a battle, but my father cares more about winning than showing off.

My father attacked in the middle of the night. Surprised Muslim general didn't even try to defend the walls, he stood idly in town square hoping for his armies to come and rescue him, while our armies approached from three directions.



Deperately he tried to kill my father, but Portuguese knights showed their superiority.



The fight was perhaps more bloody than it should, but the victory was clear, and the prize of Rome was definitely worth it.



The armies were disappointed that my father prevented them from sacking the city, but it's not my place to question his judgment. My father's reputation is so inconsistent - he relies on spies and on the battlefield cares just about winning, and very little about how it's done, but then he forbids good old sacking?

He would probably benefit from sticking to the path of chivalry or the path of dread.



South from Rome are our Danish allies, the way North to Genoa goes through some Hungarian territory, and there are still undefeated Muslim armies on the way.

[taw]

Chapter 5 - liberation of Latium:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

While Captain Shehata was in the countryside, my father, king Henrique of Portugal, liberated Rome and killed Muslims who defiled it.

Now it was time to finish off Muslim armies roaming Latium.



Unfortunately Desert Archers have better range than Peasant Crossbowmen we need to rely on, so instead of a bloody shooting match our heavy cavalry simply charged at them.



Muslim spearmen hidden in the woods managed to ambush our bodyguards, who tried to run after routing archers. In the mess we lost quite a few. Once cavalry disengaged and went to finish off the cowards, our infantry moved forward to finish their spearmen.



The victory was clear. Muslim cowards ran away as is their habit, and their sultan had no interest in paying ransom, so they were all sent to meet their false god.



Our spies report that not only Genoa, but also Marseilles and Toulouse are in Muslim hands (possibly of different Sultan), so we might be able to expand our kingdom there. And what about the new Pope? Would he help and call for pilgrims to join our efforts, or at least help with some coin, since we're not doing all that well financially?

[taw]

I probably made a mistake picking Prince Affonso as main character, since both King Henrique and Johao (and even Maria) are seeing or about to see a ton more action.

I'll continue posting tomorrow. AI is very passive this campaign, I wonder if it's worried about its borders.

[taw]

Chapter 6 - preparation for a three front war (letter from King Henrique to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Everybody wants something! Explorers' guild and - just imagine that - thieves' guild - both requested money for guildhall in Rome, and Pope not only refused our reasonable plans of pushing Muslims back into the sea, he outright asked to get full control over Rome, without even any compensation for our efforts at liberating it! Understandably, I rejected all these requests, and Rome is now our new capital, much more suitable place than tiny Cagliari. I finally agreed to fund theologians' guild in Rome, more to stop all the guilds constantly nagging me with requests than for any real use I'd have of them.

Financial situation of our Kingdom is improving, thanks to ports in all our cities, dear Maria's ongoing trade negotiations, and newly finished silver mines in Cagliari, but we're still far behind major powers and we'll need to expand if we ever want to catch up.

I agree to marriage between Johao and Maria, but only on condition that it takes place in Cairo, which is currently not under our control. I'll leave it up to Johao to figure out how to solve it.



I understand that your situation is much more difficult, since you have no castle to recruit professional troops, nor even proper militia barracks, but you cannot sit there freezing in Arthus forever! Build some ballistas, recruit some spies, get mercenaries, or do it any way you wish, but take one of the castles near Arhus for Portugal, and sooner rather than later.

I cannot currently send you too much money for it, since wedding preparations in Cairo take priority, but as soon as this is done, money should become much less of a problem.



Western coast of Italy and Corsica are both ripe for taking, and I plan to move North as soon as some ballistas are ready, since I don't want to spend too long in sieges.

[taw]

Chapter 7 - battle of Cairo fields (letter from Johao to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

If I knew earlier that the only thing standing between me and Maria were the walls of Cairo, I would have put them down by now. No matter, it will be a quick and simple problem to deal with.



Unfortunately I didn't see most of the battle myself. I had to leave my army fighting garrison of Cairo while I made sure reinforcements didn't get through.



By the time I came back German general was surrounded from all sides and desperately fighting for survival, while my Jinetes were wrecking havoc on helpless German infantry.



Everybody advised me to just cut them all on the spot and take Cairo without a fight (sacking whatever was there while at it), but that would be most unchivalrous! I offered prisoners for ransom, and they were released once ransom got delivered.



The fools rallied back to Cairo and prepared for another fight instead of running back to their families. NO matter, I will take it with no trouble whatsoever.

[taw]

Chapter 8 - the wedding (letter from Johao to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

And just as I promised, the assault was nearly bloodless, at least on our side. I did not rush it, I let the ballistas destroy defenses of the South gate, and ordered all the infantry to stay there. Nearly all Germans rushed to its defense, leaving the rest of the city undefended.



Meanwhile I took all cavalry to the West gate, and rushed in as soon as the gate gave in.



By the time the fools realized that city square is under our control, it was too late, and me and my bodyguards blocked their way. They soon surrendered with hardly any fight.



Since bloodshed would be most inappropriate on the day of our wedding, and we're not in desperate need for money, I forbade my troops from looting the city.



Unfortunately many took my leniency the wrong way and started rioting, especially the Muslims. I hope cardinal Manoel arrives here quickly and explains to them what fate awaits them in the next life. If not, I might have to show them a bit of that myself. If you can send any missionaries from Rome, they would be most welcome here.



I had no chance to congratulate you on your daughter Sancha and younger brother Fernam. I wish you and Ingrid many sons, and we'll do our best here to provide you with at least a few nephews.

By the way, please comment on anything, this is my first AAR and in completely different game mode, so I don't really know what I'm doing all that well.

[taw]

Chapter 9 - all is well in Egypt (letter from Johao to King Henrique):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Riots briefly broke up in Alexandria, but I got them quickly under control. Meanwhile I continue building churches, and I'm happy to hear cardinal Manoel, newly appointed cardinal Ayras, and blessed Gill de Paiva are on their way to spread the true word among the unbelievers of Egypt.



I'm happy to hear the news that with conquest of Egypt Portugal is now the most populous of empires. Unfortunately it's largely hostile to us Muslim population, and what little armies we have are too busy keeping order to be able to expand further.



Previous government of Cairo was kind enough to fund catapult builders, who are now working for us. Once I'm confident I can leave Egypt without it turning into a bloody riot I plan to take a lot of these catapults and take all the cities and castles in Palestine and Syria.

Gaza and Damascus are in hands of Muslim rebels, while Antioch and Cyprus are in hands of Germans, so there is no question as to their fate. I must ask you about Jerusalem - it is currently in hands of other Venetians with whom we're at peace, and I do not want to see the holiest of all cities filled with blood of Christians killing other Christians, but if that's your will, or Venetians become hostile towards us, my armies will be ready.



I also must ask you for guidance what to do with Muslim jihad against Constantinople - currently under Papal rule. My faith urges me to rush to defend his excellency the Pope from the infidels, but reason tells me the Pope might me more willing to help our struggles against the infidels in the future, once he faces some of the Muslim armies himself.

And my king, have mercy, please tell me it was just a jest, and Nuno Diaz is not in charge of our kingdom's diplomacy! None can equal talents of my dearest Maria, but Nuno couldn't even get a one night trade agreement with madam of a bordello. With him in charge we'll soon find ourselves at war with the whole Christian world!

[Robin de Bodemloze]

This is so bizarre...yet brilliant at the same time. Keep it up!

[taw]

Chapter 10 - Genoa (letter from King Henrique to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Dread has filled many Christian hearts in Rome as huge armies of infidels led by Turkish Sultan Jalal, filled also with many Christian mercenaries marched through the highway of East Italian coast and towards Constantinople. If all three Sultans and many minor lords join the Jihad, only God himself will be able to save the Pope.

Army I gathered in Rome was not up for the task of stopping Sultan Jalal, so as soon as I've seen them make armies gathered in Rome embark on ships and lay siege to Genoa, at least making sure infidel general Moussa there won't be able to gather any mercenaries and join this horrible expedition.



I first hoped to take Ajaccio on the way to link Genoa with Rome, but Venetians moved first. It's best to wait for Venetians and Corsican rebels to bleed each other, and then move to clean up the leftovers. The only risk is than Venetians might have enough money to upgrade Ajaccio's walls. No matter.

Lopo Periz has been tasked with following Sultan Jalal to Constantinople, and reporting on the developments. Unfortunately without our best spy I had to sit in the field waiting for the siege equipment to come.

Even though army I gathered was far greater than Moussa's, but walls of Genoa are strong, his Desert Archers have far better range than what Crossbow Militia I was able to gather, and my cavalry would not be of much use in city fighting while walls of stone and arrows stood between them and the city.



And then time for attack came. Since Crossbow Militia would be nearly useless in the siege I had them stand near North and South gates with siege equipment and behave threateningly, which worked perfectly at driving the enemy away from the main assault at the West gate.

Then as soon as the fell the cavalry formed into three groups - I cut Desert Archers near North Gate, Mailed Knightes and one unit of Jinetes cut them at South Gate, while two units of Jinetes were meant to kill unbeliever bodyguards with javelins while the infantry moves in as backup.



That didn't work entirely well, the bodyguards attacks the Jinetes and in narrow streets of Genoa they inflicted upon them heavy losses. Archers turned out to be far stronger than I expected, and fought long enough for enemy spearmen to caught up. At one point I was even surrounded by spearmen on all sides, but soon enough Moussa died, and my brave companions routed despairing enemies.



The victory was clear, and other than politely asking all imams to leave the city and never come back, we left it as undisturbed as possible in war. My army suffered moderate casualties, especially the cavalry, but it's ready to finish off what's left over from Egyptians, and then advance to Milan.

[taw]

Chapter 11 - the world in 1110 (letter from King Henrique to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

You've written to me asking for details of the second battle against Egyptians, but it could hardly be even called a battle.



I left all the infantry behind, and only took cavalry with me - knight charging straight while Jinetes attack from the flank and throw javelins at enemy spearmen.



It quickly turned into a rout.



The only consequence of this battle is some small amount of ransom money I got, and delaying taking of Milan by one season.



You truly need to see some real fight yourself - a true man's fate in life is not to freeze his ass in some ice palace on the edge of known world, and it has been so long since I've last seen you. You have my permission to do whatever it takes to connect this distant part of my kingdom you govern with its Italian mainland.

I asked the Pope again to call a Crusade against infidels, but the holy fool sees no reason. Egyptians are sieging Constantinople with massive army of 2200 warriors - mostly rabble but sheer numbers can often do wonders, and Turkish Sultan's army of 2095 much better soldiers is following not much behind. The Pope is nowhere to be seen near Constantinople, its garrison is inadequate, and nobody else came to its defense, so the only thing left is to pray for souls of its Christian inhabitants.

[taw]

Chapter 12 - Milan (letter from King Henrique to Prince Affonso):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

The dreadful Jihad succeeded, and Pope now hides in tiny town of Breslau.



Our armies can't face the power of united Islam, but we can still pick their cities one at a time, so I lead a strike against Milan, under occupation by some rebels infidels.



I offered them a fair fight in the field, and they took it rather than hide behind the walls.



I lead left flank of heavy cavalry to cut their withdrawal, while Jinetes did the same the right flank.



Infidel archers were filled with fear by our cavalry and tried to flee, but cowards behind the gates would rather see their comrades die than open the gates to face us.



Soon despair spread to their infantry - flaming missiles thrown by our ballistas must have reminded the infidels of hell they're about to face - they might not have hit many but fear is the biggest killer.



The only thing left was to charge the cowards who didn't have it in them to join the fair battle.

The only thing left was reestablish Christian rule, and regroup the armies for further campaign.



I'm happy to hear that you've finally moved out of that God-forsaken Arhus, but your choice of destination being equally God-forsaken Stockholm surprises me. Are you trying to find that fabled edge of the world?

Our finances are strong, so if you need to hire any mercenaries to conquer the North, do not hesitate. I asked Johao to send some spies from Cairo - rumor has it they're the best in the world, but perhaps not every rumor is to be trusted.



We might have trouble with Venetians - they conquered Damascus and after their failed assault on Ajaccio their army landed near port of Genoa.

Johao writes to me that he's on the move with the largest force our kingdom ever gathered, with three units of catapults following him closely behind. His target are Gaza and Antioch, but if Venetians don't move away from our lands soon, Christian blood will flow in Jerusalem.

Perhaps we are about to have far too many enemies, and it would be wiser not to start too many new wars at the moment? Be cautious, since our resources might currently be plentiful, but they're still finite, the Pope has not been too friendly with us, and we're too far away from each other to be able to send each other significant reinforcements.

[taw]

Chapter 13 - Holy lands conquered! (letter from Johao to King Henrique):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Castle in Gaza, so far from highlands, somehow got into hands of highland raiders.



They have been honorable enough to accept battle, or at least preferred to die in fresh air rather than be crushed under rain of flaming rocks.



They fought bravely for a time, longer than I would have expected, but they all eventually routed. The enemy inside would not open the gates, but manned the towers and covered our spearmen with rain of arrows. They suffered severe losses waiting for the catapult to be brought forward and tear down the walls, but they could not relent and let the enemy escape.





Once inside, it was just a matter of baiting the enemy away from the inner keep, to spare our spearmen from more arrows. Fortunately catapults have higher range, and even if they rarely hit, few can stand firm while flaming boulders fly through the air at them.

Losses were minor.





The very next season I've noticed that Jerusalem is almost without garrison, and I couldn't miss this opportunity. I ordered one of our trusted spies inside, but he was publicly and very gruesomely executed.

Walls of Jerusalem were all equipped with most powerful ballista towers, but there weren't enough men to handle them. I divided my army into three groups to approach Jerusalem from three directions, each with a unit of catapults.



Seeing how dreadful an army has surrounded him, the Venetian fell on his sword rather than go down in a hopeless fight, and I let all his bodyguards flee in disgrace once their lord was given a hasty burial. It was a death most unfitting for a Christian nobleman, but Jerusalem was taken without any Christians spilling blood of other Christians. Surely this must have been will of the God Almighty, and a sign that our cause is true!



In case that wasn't entirely clear, this means we're at war with Venice now, and the Pope won't be too happy to hear about it. Good luck!

PS: I've heard Nuno Diaz managed to get us a cease fire with the Shi'a Sultan, some trade agreements, and even got his hands on some maps of distant lands. I clearly underappreciated him.

[taw]

Chapter 14 - Stockholm:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Dear father,

In rare moment of agreement my lieutenants were all certain this assault had no chances of succeeding, and urged me to at least hire some mercenaries. If only I could find any mercenary cavalry! The only mercenaries available were spearmen - whom I have plenty, and very expensive crossbowmen who would be of limited use in this battle.

The victory is about God's will, not about numbers of troops!



The battle started at some distance away from Stockholm, and my lack of cavalry prevented me from taking initiative.



Their cavalry charged my left wing first, but spearmen line held steady, and they soon had to face my bodyguards. Once they routed, I had to leave the line of battle and pursue their knights and if possible dispatch their archers and crossbowmen. The fight was all in hand of my troops now.



Thanks to careful maneuvering enemy units were surrounded one at a time while under rain of fire. It soon turned into a rout, but with no cavalry to pursue them, my infantry was forced to run through snow all the way to town square.





I hoped my spearmen would quickly dispatch the remaining enemies, but they were all exhausted, and far too many defenders survived. It would have been foolish to try to break fight at this point, since defenders still had plenty of crossbowmen left. It turned out into a bloody fight, and one of my units routed, probably as a result of friendly fire incident with one of ballistas which was trying to help.



No matter, Stockholm is ready, and it order it turned into a castle - its population is currently far too small for it to be a viable city, and I really need cavalry. I'm on my way towards Hamburg, I expect reinforcements from Arhus to meet me at Milanese border.

[taw]

Chapter 15 - state of the kingdom, 1118:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

My dearest and most loyal Johao,

I'm happy to hear you successfully dispatched remaining Venetians in the Holy Land without trouble. Cavalry charge to run down their catapult crew and crossbowmen, and with rain of bolts to kill their spearmen might not be as heroic as Affonso's notorious assault on Stockholm perhaps, but your results speak for themselves, and results matter more than heroics.








I asked my mapmakers to prepare up to date maps of my kingdom and all its scattered lands. I hope one day they will be united into one true empire. It is not too far from Rome to North Italy, so these two might soon be joined, and God willing troops under my command and Affonso's might one day meet somewhere near Paris, since land of Gauls is mostly under Muslim rule from which it must be freed.

Once you've secured Palestine and Syria, focus on islands of Cyprus, Crete, and Sicily - all three currently under hostile rule. We don't know who currently controls Rhodes, but it's likely they will prove equally hostile.

The campaign got much faster now, after very slow and cautious start it's a true three front war, and I might be overextending quite a bit - so far AI is very passive and doesn't exploit it.

I'm very short on generals, but I'm turning down all adoption requests for roleplaying reasons. There's plenty of children in the family tree, but they're all very young (oldest is 7, so 36 game years from becoming of age).

If you have any comments or recommendations on where I should go with it, ask away!

[taw]

I put technical details on my blog. AAR will continue when I have some free time, probably over the weekend.